So your daughter loves her nanny, so what?

Delphina Labedan

I don't know what to do about this situation! I am the nanny for three children, two of them are 12 & 15. They don't need me for much. My job is principally to take care of the three year old girl.

When the other children were younger, their mom spent more time with them, but Mom is now in a very tough spot at work and has no time for her 3 year old (or herself).

Last week, they went away for a family vacation, the first since I have been here. It was only a long weekend. The second day, a Saturday, the teenage girl called me and asked me to talk to the 3 year old because "she is crying for you and Mom doesn't know how to make her stop". She came on the phone and cried, "I want you" 20 times. I distracted her, told her a funny story and made plans to make a fort when I saw her again on Tuesday. The conversation ended on a positive note.

The next night Sunday, I got a text from the mom saying "X is having a hard time without you, will you call her at bed time?". I did. The father answered, acted bothered by me and then got the little girl. The mom came on the phone at the end and said, "thank you, but she actually calmed down earlier." I said to call me if there was any thing I could do or anything I needed and she thanked me.

On Monday night I got a text from the mother saying she wasn't going in Tuesday, she was going to spend some time with the three year old, but I should still come and take care of the older kid's meals and driving.  Just to insert this here, I had no problem with any of this. A mom spending time with her child is good in my book.

On Tuesday the mom slept late, so the 3 year old came out to me and stuck with me. She was super happy to see me. The mother rolled out of bed at 10:30 and called out for her daughter. At that time, we were on the floor in the family room playing with dolls. She looked at me and said, "What are you doing?" I expressed that I was confused. She told me, "I took this day off specifically to have a day off with her." I started to explain she came out originally for breakfast. I apologized (although I wasn;t sure for what) and said -Older Son- didn't need to be picked up until noon. She said to me, "Could you just, GO NOW!", I kept my cool and said, "of course." I had to use the bathroom but I grabbed the keys and headed right to the door, the three year old followed and kept saying she was going with me. I told her she got to have a fun day with her mom. Mom was standing right there. The little girl was crying, "I don't want to, I just want you".

The mom is glaring at me. I felt so uncomfortable. I literally had to unpry the little girl's hands off of me and push her  a little so I could shut the door behind me. I heard her banging on the door and crying immediately. I left and went and waited at the gym for the son to be ready. I took him home and the mom and 3 year old were fortunately gone.

I went about my business as usual. At 5:00, I got a text from the Mom saying she would be home in twenty minutes and that I should let the kids now, but could go ahead and leave. She texted "Don't worry tomorrow will be a regular day".

The next morning the mom was nice, but cold to me. I felt like I couldn't engage the three year old how I normally wanted. I didn't want to read to her or hold her or anything until her mom left. I kept telling her to go play and busied myself chopping vegetables.

So here is my question. No one in this scene is a bad person. The mom is actually usually very nice. The two teens are polite and have been raised well. The husband is a nice guy and I'm a really good nanny. Right now, I feel like I am "in trouble" for loving this little one too much. It doesn't feel good to distance myself from her in anyway because I don't know what that does to her head. I want her to feel loved and secure by everyone in the family. I know she lover her mom very much, but her Mom has just played a different role so far in her young life.

Now that it's Friday, the Mom is back fully immersed in her job. Are there any tips you have that I can use to make the situation better? Like if Mom heard me tell her daughter to give her a kiss goodbye, that would probably be upsetting, but if the daughter did get that part of having this wonderful working mom was great hellos and goodbyes, isn't that a good thing?

In the past few days, I am back to myself with the little girl when Mom isn't around. The little girl has told me at least a hundred times that she loves me every day since coming back. I tell her I love her too, but now I feel like what if the Mom heard that?  I wouldn't want to work for anyone who didn't want me to love and dote on their child. I have no issues with the mom or need to outmom her. I would think that was painfully apparent.

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