We have a live-in nanny for the first time ever. She has been with us two months. There are some issues that we need to work on, but one that I don't know how to address is with food. As a live-in, she eats her meals here. She grocery shops for me, which is helpful. The problem I see is with her meal times. The children are on a regular schedule so they eat their meals as breakfast when they get up, lunch mid day and dinner around 6. The nanny has breakfast at 10, lunch around 3 and dinner at around 8 or 9. I didn't think to address this in the beginning because it never occurred to me. There are a couple of problems with this. The first is that she cooks her meals during what I would think would be working time. When she schedules a play date or appointment, it is either around her meal schedule or at our house and during. The second problem is that my children, 2 and almost 4, sample in her meals. If they eat breakfast at 8, I don't like this habbit of the second breakfast followed by lunch followed by a second lunch. The third problem is that when I have suggested that she makes her meals in advance, she got upset and asked "Why don't I deserve fresh food". When I followed up with a suggestion that the warm weather would make it ideal for her to pack lunches for all three and go to the playground, she asked me, "Where would I eat?" I suggested she eat on a picnic blanket with the children or a picnic table. She replied that it was bad for digestion to eat on the run and made me feel like I was suggesting something outlandish. She's worked as a nanny before. She takes the children to the park, I know she sees other nannies lunch with their charges. It has been two months and she seems very rigid in her eating routine. The last problem is that she cooks her main meal at around 8. She gets off at 7 when my husband and I come home. This is causing my husband and I to fall into a pattern of taking the children upstairs, putting them to bed and staying upstairs until she is done. I have no problem with the expense of the food, but I can't live like this.
10 comments:
As a Nanny that is a tough one. I'm not a live in and could never be one as I would have this problem. I like to eat at weird times. Sometimes I'll eat with my charge at 1230 and sometimes when he's napping. I think main issue is her eating habits shouldn't interfere with her work. She should have to eat out at playground. Bad for digestion? Page very me a break. If she's on the clock she should follow your rules. She should definitely cook in advance. She can eat fresh food cooked on weekends. If she's off clock at 7 she should go to her room or just get out of your space. It's not right. It's your house. She's an employee. Have a meeting and tell her how you feel and what needs to change.
I agree with bridget except for the last part.. "When she's off the clock she should go to her room and get out of your space." She's a live in nanny... That means this is her home too. If you don't want to see your nanny after 7, don't have a live in. I think its perfectly acceptable for her to cook her dinner after you get home at 7. For breakfast and lunch though, she should cook ahead of time or eat when the kids eat because those are working hours. But its definitely not fair at all to make her go to her room after hours. When you hire a live in nanny, you need to be willing to let her feel at home too.
OK I agree but that doesn't mean the family needs to go upstairs when the nanny us cooking dinner. .
Definitely agree with you on that. In a situation with a live-in nanny, everyone should feel comfortable being around each other.
Why did you hire a live in? She obviously has different meal times then you do, so what? I can understand the lunch one and her allowing the children to eat with her and eat their regular schedule, but her dinner one shouldn't affect you so badly that you can't watch tv or something with the family while she cooks for herself. As long as she's cleaning up after herself, I don't see the issue.
It sounds like you don't like having a live-in.I don't like living in for precisely this reason. I need my space. It doesn't seem like what she's doing is that terrible. I assume your kids have snacks between meals. As long as she's cleaning up after herself, she should feel free to cook and eat.
I'm a year and a half into my second live-in position (my first was 3+ years.) At 9 this morning I had a few bites of my leftover entree from eating out last night. Because toddlers notice a few bites in that you're eating something, and little mouths somehow commandeer your breakfast even though they just finished theirs. That was fine, because at 12:30 I took them out for lunch after their music class, ordering enough food for us to share - which I soon found was only enough food for *them* to share. The two bites I had were delicious, though.
Dinner rolled around and needed too much assistance (rice is hard to maneuver when you're little) so I didn't eat then. After baths, pjs, and bottles, my tykes went to bed at 7, and after crashing in a chair to rest for awhile, I walked to a restaurant a few blocks away and had a delicious meal -- at 9 p.m.
I say this not to complain or impress, but to simply point out *that* is a typical nanny day. You pay a nanny to act as the substitute parental figure when you're not there, and how many parents of young children get long spans of time to make themselves meals and eat them throughout the day? Nannying is not a 9-5 job complete with paid lunch breaks (though if it was, your nanny would even be abusing those breaks.)
A) Your nanny likely doesn't eat the same things as your children. If her food takes longer to cook, but she cooks at the same time as she cooks their food, are you still going to be upset? I suspect yes, because it sounds like a bit of nit-picking.
B) Your children are old enough to fend for themselves for the 20 minutes it takes her to cook food, yes? If not, they're likely so little they're either napping, batting a toy that's dangling above them, etc? ..
C) If you feel so uncomfortable with your nanny that you don't want to be downstairs at the same time as her, it's time to hire a LIVE-OUT nanny, which is what most families should be hiring anyhow.
I am such an anti-live-in person. I literally flat-out refuse live-in positions on a daily basis because I hate them that much. :D
I am a live out nanny and always have been thank goodness!
It sounds like you both need to be a little flexible about these meals. You shouldn't have a problem being downstairs while she is cooking and let her enjoy some downtime once YOUR children are asleep that she has been caring for all day. She needs to be flexible during the day and eat with the kids at the park. Just remember that sometimes nannies can't always eat when the children do. Things happen and we get to busy caring for them that we just don't have a second to relax and eat then. Speak to her about how you feel when the children eat more then one meal. The kids I nanny are just about the same ages as yours and the little one started throwing tantrums wanting what I had even after just eating his food. We put a stop to that and he now knows unless he hasn't eaten or it's a treat then my food is mine and he can not always have it.
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