The nanny however has given the children more in depth answers, such as "they are not doing wrong, they are doing the only thing they can to express themselves and they can't stop until the police stop killing black men." I am not getting in to the opinions of the rioting, because as stated, my children are 6 & 8. Believe me when I say I am raising my children to be respectful of all cultures and people, but I don't want her to continue on with this banter. It has been going on for over a week.
My 8 year old told me, "Bunny told me that cops don't kill bad guys, they like to hurt black people because nobody cares," and "Bunny said it doesn't matter if I am polite to an police officer or not or rob a bank, he doesn't want to kill me because I am white."
After I attempted to address this with the nanny this morning, she became verbally aggressive and told me, "you can't have the news on and not give your children the facts." I suggested in a calm voice, "We don't have the facts yet." She responded, also in a raised voice, "What more facts do you need, another black man is dead". After that, I tried to change the conversation completely to the day's schedule. When I was going over things with her, she would only say, "uh hum" in an obviously perturbed way. She wouldn't even look at me. What did I do wrong here? Don't most families have the news on television? Don't most parents break the news down for their children in the most age appropriate ways? I am really upset that she yelled in front of my children and that she cannot put her feelings for the situation aside for the time she is at work, in rural suburbia enough for my children to feel safe, but I feel like she wants to hold all of us responsible.
I am a single mother and our nanny has been with us for 14 months.
Email isynblog@gmail.com
9 comments:
Obviously she is very strong about her opinion. Not something you want around your children. Talk too her again. Now she has had time to settle down. Tell her diectly how you feel and how you want her to talk to your children. If she continues ; let her go.
I totally agree with the individual above. They are your children and she need to respect what you want. Shame on her for being like that. Cops get killed and people don't make such a stink. It's not right what has happened but not all police are like that. Lay the law down at your house before she goes to far!
I agree that you should talk to her again. It's your house, and your children. It's not her place to decide how you want to raise them, and whether she agrees or not, she needs to ultimately respect what you decide is best for your children. Honestly, she's making a pretty big generalization about police force. In the adult world we know that some individuals are good, and some individuals are bad. I would be concerned that my children are now afraid of those who are supposed to help keep them safe in bad situations. Who can they turn to when something bad is happening and mom isn't there, if not the police? She's also implying a variety of things- one of those being that the only way to express yourself is to create riots (which now may be creating fear in your household). I would then be concerned that my child may start imitating that behavior in my house in order to express their desires. I could go on about all of the things that I feel is wrong with this discussion, but what it really boils down to is what you said in the beginning- children don't fully understand. Subjects like this are too complex for children, and while the nanny is trying to make it "simple," it's just not for the fragile mind of a child. Try not to get into a debate about anything. It's not about anyone's views, it's about children needing to feel safe. In many work places, talking about politics is taboo. Why should it be any different in her line of work?
She was very disrespectful. It wouldn't fly with me. And so inappropriate to talk to the children and lecture you. I'd find someone new.
I would let her go. She's clearly stepped over boundaries and any conscientious nanny would know it's a conversation that's best discussed with the parents on how to handle first. She's also disrespectful to you. And what is she teaching the kids? Hate? And not even all the facts are out yet. And the fact that she's so emotional makes me question her stability in the face of stress. Get rid of her.
Any person who thinks it is ok to express that to children who are that age and not yours has extremely bad judgement. I would begin searching for someone else.
I am an AA woman who has lived a rough life and seen the damaging effects of racism. I would NEVER introduce anything to these children above what they need to hear to make a basic truthful sense of their specific concern and feel safe.
Shame on the nanny. This is just one issue, but if you have a nanny who is that opinionated and with a chip on her shoulder, I would be really concerned about what other lessons my children might learn from her.
She is so out of line, and I think you know this but are understandably reluctant to face the fact you need to search for a new nanny. Even conceding that what happened in Baltimore was murder (and I do), she is speaking in generalizations to negatively portray an entire group of people. This is wrong whether it be police or black citizens being talked about. Trying to indoctrinate your children with her extremist views you don't share and being unwilling to stop when you address it with her shows she puts her beliefs over your authority to give your children a balanced view. If she's not going to stop you have to let her go.
Unlike all the FIRE HER RIGHT NOW brigade, I think you should just talk to her like a person, because she is, and has had vastly different life experiences than you, and just explain to her that though you respect her opinion, she needs to respect how you want the situation handled. Just because someone holds a strong opinion, and maybe crosses the line, children are resilient, and it probably won't affect them if it's just now happening. If you're so concerned on this issue and you want to shelter them, then turn off the news when they're around and wait until they're older to be able to form their own opinions and world views. I hate when everyone on here immediately goes for firing a nanny when something goes wrong. People aren't trash to be thrown away. Do you buy a new house when your sink breaks? If anything, this type of treatment of your employees will teach your kids how to treat others (disposable). Be aware of your behavior just as much.
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