Her Sister's Keeper

     I wanted to share this with you. I know it's not my problem, oh I have heard that. My sister is 10 years younger than her husband. She is happily married and they have two children. The youngest started an afternoon program in January. Their live-in nanny no doubt is loved by them all, she takes great care of the kids. I see a problem in that she hasn't made any friends and she is always with them. They both do consulting work so they work from home offices. My sister says she can't say anything even if it feels a bit weird because she would never want to hurt the nanny's feelings. I think if she doesn't say anything, it's going to get much worse.
     I'll leave you with a few sister calls me from the car, 'it's gorgeous out, want to have lunch outside at BBs", I agree and arrive only to find she and the nanny sitting together waiting for me, My son, age 5 runs into the nanny in the children's section of the bookstore. She knows him, greets him warmly, I come by and say hello, then my sister and brother in law appear behind her and ask her if she's ready. Who goes to the bookstore on a Tuesday afternoon, with her nanny? Or her husband for that matter. When my brother-in-law took the kids camping earlier this month, my sister had a paint night at her house with friends, wine...and the nanny. I kid you not, I went to my hair dresser on Friday and during talk he started telling me about an experience my sister's nanny had in highschool. (You know hairstylists). I recognized the story and I said, "I know who you're talking about, how do you know her". Well, of course she comes in for cuts with my sister. This is an upscale hair salon. Not too sound rude, but I am surprised a nanny would pay $160 for a cut. I realize this make me seem like a negative person that it bothers me so terribly. One final thought, I only moved to California in November. Is this a Southern California thing? Our nanny from Boston moved with us, and our relationship is nothing like ours. I too am concerned that my nanny, having relocated with us (her choice) might be envious of some of the things my sister and brother in law do for their nanny.
     Email Anytime.


nannyrobot said...

I don't understand where the problem is. The nanny and the family get along well. Everyone is happy. Do you just think household help is too good to hang out with rich people like you? If they get along that well, great! On another note, my boss takes me everywhere. We are not friends, but she likes to drag her daughter around but doesn't want to be responsible for her. So, it would be normal to find me, my boss. And my charges at the bookstore on a Tuesday afternoon. Its unfortunate that you can't see how it would be a good thing to have a good relationship with the person who moved across the country with you and takes care of your children.

Anonymous said...

Agree with nanny robot!!!
What's the beef here?? u might be a bit jealous of nanny perhaps?? get over it and get a life! if the nanny is great, and your sister cannot wipe her own ass without her, what is it to you??

Anonymous said...

Wow. Get off your high horse. They don't seem to have a problem, you do. Maybe you're the one they should be concerned about.

Joy said...

This is not about the nanny being too "low class" to spend time with the nanny. The problem from.the sister'so perspective is that her sister and the nanny aremail practically codependent.

In the example where she met her sister for lunch without the kids there is no real reason for the nanny to attend. Yes, I'm sure the sister invited her, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. We take time away frome our significant others, why shouldn't her sister take time away from the nanny?

I see this as an issue with the sister not the nanny. Nanny is just being a good employee. Even if they get along fabulously, if she'so a live in she probably feels extra pressure to attend events that sister invites her to.

You should talk to your sister about being too involved with the nanny. It's not about class, when you become too involved with people that work for you the lines become blurred and then it's hard to give them constructive feedback.

Digger said...

I think this is creepy. I'd dig for dirt on the nanny and get rid of her

Anonymous said...

i'm with nannyrobot. OP clearly cannot understand why anyone would want to hang out with someone who works in (snif) childcare.

TMT said...

So your nanny moved from across the country for your family and now she has to see how your sister treats her nanny? So that pisses you off because you're cold and ugly and your sister is not? Lady, check yourself. You are transparent.

this_nick said...

I don't think OP is worried because she doesn't treat her nanny as well, but maybe OP is feeling a bit left out since her sister has such a great relationship with the nanny. There's no problem here unless the sister says there is. A lot of people just find it easier to take the kids out with the nanny in tow (of course it is; the kids actually mind the nanny.) As for taking her nanny out to the salon, the sister may just enjoy having the nanny to pal around with. This will literally be the only friend she can have that won't get sick of talking about her kids.

If the sister's family is happy, be happy for her.

Anonymous said...

it is very hard to be invisible and
a real person too.I know my bosses have
taken me with them shopping, to the
Doctor's and just for fun days (to help
with the children) but I have never
bonded with them. being friends is very
helpful but it sounds like the nanny
maybe on the way to burn out. if your
sister wants it this way great but
if you are uneasy there is a reason. could be you, your
sister or the nanny.

Angi said...

I'm friends with all of my charges parents. I'm an equal, a family friend. If I was seen as only the "the help" it wouldn't work for me.

Anonymous said...

Youre pretty rude. Its great your sister isnt :)