Saturday

CL - WTF?

Photobucket Saturday, February 7, 2009
.... What?!

1) Seeking full time nanny/housekeeper (Everett)
Seeking nanny/housekeeper/assistant for my husband and I, and two small boys. My husband and I are professionals with high intensity jobs in the adult entertainment business. If this isn’t ok with you, and you would not feel comfortable working with people in this industry, then we aren’t the match for you. My husband and I in a nutshell: We are free thinkers and probably belong in San Francisco or Manhattan. We have one of the most openly affectionate relationships you will probably ever have seen. We swear a lot, we live life to the fullest, and we are each others’ best friends. We are well off, and we don’t feel the need to explain ourselves to others. We aren’t snobby though, and we don’t pretend that our shit doesn’t stink. Disclaimer: We are both extremely sarcastic people. If you don’t get the slight tongue in cheek feel to what you’re about to read, then you can already be assured you probably won’t like working for us. We need someone 4 days per week, 6 to 7 hours per day, at our house, and one weekend day for 6 to 7 hours at your house preferably (this is negotiable). We need someone who will be working only for us, and someone with no children of their own. The housecleaning/assisting duties will include but not be limited to: -CLEANING. I’m not extremely anal, but I expect my house to smell good and look good – please be attentive to detail. -Dishes. I really need the dishes kept up on. We have a dishwasher; I’m not picky as to how you do them, just as long as they’re in the cupboards waiting to be used, and not in the sink. -Laundry. I travel a lot, and we have two kids. You probably will spend a majority of your time washing and folding clothes. My hubby hates laundry even more than I do, so if there are more than 2 loads piling up, expect that he will probably do them himself and be very unhappy about it. -Vacuuming. My Oreck vacuum cleaner has this delicious fragrance release thing, and I think it’s divine. I want to smell it at least 3 times a week. -Organizing kitchen and household. I like organization – again, NOT anal, but I need my house to fit my personality, and I am a very organized person. Also, please don’t be one of those people that organize things their way. My mother in law does that and it drives me to drink. Please take note of how things are already done, and adapt yourself. I will be your biggest fan for it . -Dusting. I don’t like dust bunnies. I prefer having my dog as a pet. -Cooking for children. Please be at least a decent cook – and no I don’t mean a corn dog and a juice box. We don’t let our children eat junk food or fast food or candy, so please be ready and willing to cook healthy things for them. -Filing, errands, and mail. The qualities we are looking for in someone: -Mature and stable. Please do not be “figuring out your life” or still obsessed with getting to Saturday night so you can go out to the club. -PUNCTUAL AND NOT FLAKY. This is the most important thing. We need at least 2 days notice if you are going to not be available, preferably a week. If you have a serious issue or an emergency, of course, please let us know and we’ll try to work around you. We run a very tight schedule though, and need someone who values their job. We will give 3 warnings for tardiness or calling in at the last minute, and after those 3 warnings, we will fire you. -Educated. You don’t have to have a college degree, but please be able to present yourself as an intelligent, classy person and know how to speak for yourself. -Motivated self starter. My husband is the kind of person who will pick up the slack if he sees something that needs done, and this defeats the whole purpose of paying someone. So please for the love of God, know how to put yourself on task and be on the ball! -Experience with children. Like I said – we need someone without kids – but we do need someone who has extensive experience taking care of other peoples’ children. I don’t however need someone who feels the need to impart parenting advice. My husband and I like the way we do things, and it works for us, so please just be able to fit into our lifestyle. -A positive and loving motivator yet strict disciplinarian. If you don’t feel like you’re ready to deal with a 2 and a half year old who will try every trick in the book to bamboozle you into getting his way, then you’re probably not. We need someone who has dealt with small children before and knows how to lay down the law. -Willing to submit to drug test monthly and background check before starting. If you test positive for drugs at any time during your employment, or come to work visibly hung-over, or we smell alcohol on you, you will be dismissed immediately. Period. -Driving record. If your insurance is $300 a month or you have a DUI, don’t bother applying. You can have some tickets and maybe even an accident, but I need to know that my kids are at least as safe driving with you as they are with me. -5 to 10 business and personal references. No, these can’t be your mom or dad, or your “bestie for life”. Please have references from people you have worked for in the past and people that can attest to your character in an unbiased fashion. If you are still reading this, congratulations! I don’t expect to get a whole lot of responses, but hopefully there is someone out there who could really work with us and our little family here. Thank you for your time, and best of luck with your job search!
Original URL: http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/kid/1014135027.html
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23 comments:

Millows said...

holy sh^% on the first one... thats a bit demanding. who would want a nanny that is spending most of her time doing laundry ?!? I love the monthly drug test, way to make your employee feel like they arent trusted and always on edge.

jada said...

I think the first one is one of the best WTF's I've read! Porno parents! LMAO!

And # 4: Bring 'em Young Academy, LOL!!! (Brigham Young Academy) - that's a good one!

Teehehe said...

Lol what I found so ironic is the lady kept saying anal when it was obvious she was a porn star :)

Sorry sick sense of humor this morning

Jacqui said...

I liked the first one. She was upfront and honest. However, I'm not one to judge harshly, but she and her husband are in the porn industry and are making demands for a CLASSY nanny? That's pretty funny.

O my said...

#11 - wow. Just wow.

Maguire Family Blog said...

I just had to calculate these pays and most are between 2.00 and 6.60 and hour...seriously - do these people really actually find someone who works for that?

Lindsey said...

That first one is the best post I have seen. I would totally work for them Lol. I like a person who doesn't beat around the bush (no pun intended) :P

worlds best nanny said...

I could work for number one. I could care less what they do for a living as long as it's enough to pay me. The rest sounds like a regular nanny job. Trying to be bamboozled by a 2 year old is my forte.
I've worked for gay couples, couples that were both cheating on each other, couples with "open" marriages, please, whatever these people got I'm sure it won't surprise me!

seattle said...

im kind of tempted to apply to the first one. its not like anyone else is going to.

TiredMissDeeWithMudOnHerWhitePants said...

So #1 wants to drug test monthly, especially when they probably smoke or snort something to do a particular scene? I can just picture this couple: she has tattoos, multiple piercings in places that people like us would never put them, a rack bigger than a watermelon cart at the farmer's market, and has skin so orange, she looks like a yam with limbs. And he is probably an Adonis type with 10 pack abs, tattoos, similar to the rapper Lil Wayne with the piercings, and probably spends more time and money to get waxed in places men don't normally spend the money to get waxed. I think this ad could be the best WTF ever since the column started. What does everyone think?

Kenyata said...

Sorry I don't really have any sympathy for the parents who can "only afford" to pay C amount of money. I don't think some of them realize that A LOT of us do this for a living and we have bills that need to be paid to. If they are that bad off I think they should apply for govt. assistance so they can at least try to get proper childcare, because for what they are offering, they will get crappy child care which is not fair or good for the kids.

PinkNanny said...

Teehehe you are hilarious! Oh my goodness. Tired Miss Dee I totally agree and that is the funniest description of them ever. Could you imagine? "I don't expect to get a lot of responses..." REALLY?!?!

Marypoppin'pills said...

MissDee
I'm kind of partial to the 1st Ad myself. Kudos to the Reader that found that one... it's definitely one of the best!

worlds best nanny said...

" A Yam with Limbs!" ROFLMBO!

I once knew a yam with limbs, then she turned into a beat up catchers mitt, then she died.

jada said...

Are ya'll drinking something tonight? You're acting crazy as shit! LOL

village - repost said...

Village said...

I'm working for a porn star!!!! They're people too. What a hoot. And they're not anal! That might be the best job offered in this bunch, but no mention of money. Not a good sign.

Is it just me, but is one poster looking for a nanny while she advertises for a babysitter. Did I miss something?

monikerrequireddoesnotallowforanonyminity said...

monikerrequireddoesnotallowforanonyminity said...

I am not seeing a problem with most of them. Am I missing something? Some people need to realize that not everybody can afford to pay $100 a day for daycare, but they are working and trying to make a good life for themselves and children. And please do not insult those of us who charge less than $10 an hour for daycare, we know how hard it is out there and are doing daycare to "supplement" another income, therefore do not need to charge extortive rates to others in need.

Nanny Taxi said...

Nanny Taxi said...

Nope, I know the economy is in a shambles, but I need to be able to pay my bills (electricity, cable, phone, car insurance, gas, 1 credit card, co-pays on medication, rent, heat, student loans, laundry, and food.) I cannot do it with $175 a week! My rent alone is $950 a month, and all I have is a 2 bedroom apartment with central A/C (which I pay for) w.w carpeting, and a dishwasher.
If you want to hire children to watch your children then those wages are fine and dandy, but if you want to hire a woman with experience as a nanny then you are just going to have to pay more! I am sorry.

disturbia said...

I noticed more of the ads this week were humorous. I'd much rather see those than the really sad ones asking for childcare that night, or people only paying $2.50 an hour for a nanny.

Kenyata said...

Bravo Nanny Taxi!! People don't seem to realize that having a nanny is a privileged not something that you absolutely need. If they are only able to pay $175 a week, then they need to go hire that pregnant high school drop out next door, because there is no way that a good quality nanny is going to accept that crap. The first thing out of everyone's mouth is ohhhh it's the economy. Well oooo looks like you need to put your kid in a cheap day care center....what? I'm not dead inside lol.

NannyInCharge said...

This porn family was my favorite WTF ever!!!

NannyTaxi - You said it girl!! There is a reason minimum wage is not $3 an hour... it's because NOBODY can live off of it! Unless like you said they are a teenager and already living off of their parents.

Nanny Taxi said...

I forgot some other things to mention. When I food shop it's at a discount grocery store and I eat mostly house brand items. No Whole Foods here. I've never been in a Star Bucks. Hair and nails? I do them myself. No magazine subscriptions. Clothes? They are only bought as a necessity, bra strap breaks, poster paint incident, and even then I am heading to Walmart, or a consignment shop to buy the items I need.
My car is paid for. I don't drink, I don't smoke, the only vice I seem to have is handbags! I get a little nutty with them, even so I am usually found at the Coach Outlet Store, or the Kate Spade Outlet Store, retail is for suckers. Sometimes my employer will buy me one as a gift.
I very rarely eat out and when I do it's usually at a chinese buffet.
I have no gym memberships, I just walk. I rarely use cosmetics, and when I do it's Maybelline or Cover Girl. My wedding band is gold, my engagement ring is a 3/4 carat diamond, my cross around my neck is gold, and my earrings are gold. These are the only jewelry items I own.
So, no moms I am not a spoiled nanny living off of your "generosity" I require a paycheck to pay for the basics.

Catnip said...

Look, I understand that it costs a lot of money to hire a nanny but this is what I don't understand. Parents can and are willing to pay only a certain amount - maybe because that's all they can afford. That's fine. But nannies are also professionals and need to support themselves and their families. But parents insist that "nannies" must have a valid drivers license and "nannies" must have a car, as if you could afford to buy a car on a "nanny's" salary. Not to mention insurance gas etc.

I've worked with children for more than 10 years and have a level 1 in ECE. Not once have I had the need to use a car. It's called the transit system; it's pretty reliable so if you don't trust people driving your kids around for safety issues, use the bus. It's much safer and more reliable in some cases.

Then they want "nannies" to clean the house to our specific directions. "Nannies" must wash our stinky soiled underwear and sheets. "Nannies" must clean our toilets. And yes, we're too lazy to sweep the floor after supper when "nanny's" not around and finish the dishes but we're very quick to notice a tiny amount of dirt on the floor that "nanny" accidentally missed and confront her about it because we pay "nanny" so much.

Often parents say their first priority is the care of their kids then cleaning if there's time, but that's often not what they mean. I worked for a family who said that in the job interview. However, at the end of the day, when I didn't finish all of the chores and I explained that I didn't have time as I was "entertaining" the kids, I expected "Oh I understand." But no, I got a nasty note reaming me out.

Look, as a nanny I don't mind cleaning up after the kids and helping them learn to clean up after themselves. I don't mind cooking. I don't even mind helping clean once in a while. And I don't mind doing the children's laundry.

But what I do mind is being taken advantage of and the attitude that parents have towards their nannies. Guess what? My name is not "nanny." At least respect me enough to refer to me by my real name. How would you like us to call you "teacher," "lawyer," "accountant," or "porn star." Would you like that? At least pretend to care and show an interest in your "nannies" lives.

Please, if you don't want fatty meat because your kids are too fussy to eat it, don't buy it. It's okay taking the main fatty parts off but when you're so fussy that you have to remove every little fatty thread, either do it yourself or buy non-fatty meat.

If you're going to be so fussy with your children and not trust anyone with them and set us up to fail, might I suggest you stay at home with them and raise your own children?

How can we as nannies provide quality care for your children when you give us so much cleaning that we hardly have any time to entertain your children?
Be reasonable - keep it to cleaning directly related to the children. I don't see how cleaning someone's toilet is related to child care. Do that when you have time after work. Because we nannies also have our own houses to clean and we don't have slaves cleaning up after us.

Don't complain about paying us our deserved salary/paychecks then treat us like we're slaves and less than humans. If you think that lowly of us, why would you trust us with the most valuable possession you'll ever have in life?

Remember, we are people too with feelings. We're not slaves. If you want us to be slaves pay us more or do your own housework. We are professionals. Our profession is child care, not housekeeping. If you want a housekeeper, get a housekeeper. If you want an entertainer, get Ronald freakin' McDonald. It's a pity in today's society we are quick to equate the raising of our children with the most menial of duties. It's a canary in a coalmine of where we're headed.