The Logistics of Nanny's Selfless Gesture to A Friend

Alice Neel

My Lesbian nanny had a child with her partner two years ago. We gave her six weeks paid maternity leave. I have also let her bring the baby with her when childcare falls through.

She comes to me on Monday and tells me that she is pregnant, with twins. She is carrying the twins for a third party. They aren't even hers. I was first upset that she didn't tell me she was planning this in advance. She has been with us four years. I was secondly upset that her carrying twins could literally jeopardize my job. I need her to be reliably here.

I did ask her what she intended to do following the birth. She told me that she plans to turn the babies over to the adoptive parent immediately, and would only be out as long as it take her to recover from the birth. If she has a C section, I feel I am still looking at six weeks. I feel really angry towards her over this. I am sure what she is doing is based on kindness but what about my family? After this long, has she no loyalty to us? She only told me after she passed the 12 week mark, so I feel I don't have much time to make plans.

She is paid on the books. How do I work out her time off and the cost of her replacement? We are not wealthy and it was a real stretch to pay her and pay someone to work in her place during her pregnancy the first time around.

Facing Burnout

   

 For the sake of being low key I'm going to just use X to represent the # of vacation days I'm referring to.

      I'm early into my nanny contract at less than a year but have a review coming up in a couple of months. I watch two children under 12 months and am really feeling the burn lately.

     The families I work for are pretty understanding and we have a contract for the share that we've all abided by and that I truly agreed with at the start.

     My issue... There are X paid vacation days BUT half of those are picked by my employers and the other half by me. It leaves me with less than a week that I pick myself. At the time this felt fair because I saw it as vacation days either way, but now I really don't. I want/need some time off because I can tell I'm getting moody and less motivated but I only have so many days I can pick for the whole year. *side note* I do try to incorporate things into the days they pick to feel like they're my own but my body/mind doesn't tire when they decide to go visit family.

     How can I explain to them that the days they choose aren't really my days too? In the past if a parent decides to stay home or not take part in the share I've always been paid... I just feel like they tried to trick me into thinking I had more days than I do.

     At my past childcare position (non nanny) I had 11 days. I switched to nannying thinking I would have more peace in my work but am learning I still need those breaks to manage the stress.

     Am I wrong to bring this up before the review? Or at all? I did sign the contract :/

What's happening? Email ISYN with your thoughts.

Germs and Nanny Illness...

   

     I started out with the intent to be a great employer. But to be an employer, I need to have a job. And I didn't rise in the ranks of my field by missing important meetings and failing to show up for work. I am on third nanny in three years. This time, I went with a live-in, just so I could be sure that I would not be late or missing meetings. I also imagined that I would see less sick days. I know that working with two small children who do play groups with many other children does bring my nanny in to contact with lots of germs. What I want to know is how healthy does the average nanny feel she needs to be to work? I understand that the nanny may not feel well, but I don't understand her calling in from her bedroom or leaving a note on my kitchen counter saying that she is too ill to work. Most of the time, she will cite that she picked up something from one of the kids. I do not doubt that but neither child has had to go to the doctor for any illness all winter.
     I live in New Jersey and I don't have any prospects for emergency child care. My nanny started work on 9/29. She missed one day in October, two days in December, 1 day in January, day, plus 1/2 day in February; when she called me and said she wasn't going to "make it" through the afternoon. On Friday, I came out to the kitchen at 6 in the morning and she had left a note. "I was up all night with chills and can't work today. I feel rotten and am going to try to get in to my own Dr." All of these sick days are paid. I am a single mother, wholly supporting my children and our lifestyle. I want to address this in the firmest of ways and may even let her go, but how do I make sure that I don't run in to this situation again? I take the train to work every day. That means, if my nanny is late, I miss a train and am delayed 40 minutes or more. I need a nanny who is punctual and who will work through a cold, chills, even a bout of diarrhea or a slight fever. Does this seem unreasonable? How do other mother's handle this?

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