Too Perfect a Gig Has Nanny Seeing Things

I think I got myself in a sticky situation.
Let's start with the beginning:
Cut to three months ago, it was warm, no leaves were falling and I was at my favorite NYC park with my three year old charge. I met a woman who was super complimentary about my style of nannying. She was accompanying her friend to the park with twins but had no child of her own, yet clearly pregnant.

She asked for my number. The next day she texted me and said she was nervous as a first time mom and wanted to find the right fit for her first child, could she take me to lunch? We ended up having lunch on that Saturday. She schmoozed and charmed me. She offered me a better salary, better hours and a job. On Sunday, I met her husband and saw the apartment.

Trevor Allen Photography

She offered me some exceptional perks to leave my job, including in addition to a salary of $950 for 43 hours, on the books, she offered 1K cash, off the books to help me find an apartment not too far away. I really liked the job I had, although the hours were long, the pay not as good and it was live in, so I did jump, but insisted to give my current employers notice. I thought that would not be an issue since she was not due until Oct. 5.

My previous employers got very angry at me, let me go with no notice. Told me I was causing irreversible psychological damage to their children and I was selfish. With no job, I told the new employer and she said, "no problem, we'll start you now so we can get used to you and you can help me with baby projects".

So only 6 days after meeting her, I went to work for her. She was as nice in person as during the interview. Fairly laid back. She asked for my ideas about setting up things in the nursery, not furniture, but diapers, lotions, special lights, etc. I washed and folded baby clothes. We went shopping for a second and a third stroller. I got the key to their apartment, got to know the doorman, spent a minimal amount of time with the husband. The baby came Sept. 23 which was early. I was with her, I called her husband, he came and got her. It seemed to be very smooth. She was home the next day, and I met the new baby.

The job seems pretty easy and a good fit for the most part. If anything, I do not do much at all except keep bottles cleaned and organized, schlep bottled water from the store, heat things, wash things, change the baby occasionally, I've accompanied her out to one appointment. This lady seems not to care one bit that I read books and magazines all day. The first weekend, she did ask me to work and so I came Saturday. They let me go at 4 and asked me if I could come back for a few hours around noon. I came back at noon. The father went for a run, the mother took a long bath. I straightened up, restocked supplies. Before two, I was dismissed and given $400 cash for the weekend. (Not even 8 hours).

Now that I have settled, I do notice some things that are perplexing, maybe even worrying. First of all, the last thing I do at night is feed the baby between 5-6 while she is making dinner. Her husband comes home, usually takes the baby from me and I am off. She seems like a really good mom, but she'll say something off the wall sometimes, like, ""her diaper was soaked through again in the morning. I think we're feeding her too much at her midnight feeding". I didn't question her, but why would a baby of that age sleep from midnight until 6AM?

She also has a network of mirrors set up off this window by an alcove outside her bedroom and it direct sunlight to a carpeted area. She said she wants to make sure I do tummy time with the baby there. But the baby looks the wrong way, she will get sunlight blasted in her eye. (This has not started yet. This area was set up for the mom who keeps to herself, doesn't go out much and literally lays on the carpet and takes a rest at some point during the day).

Then there are things like tooth brushing. Even though it's gum brushing, the baby is not even a month old. Isn't this too soon? There are some smaller things to, like, they keep a fastidious house and the baby doesn't move much, but she will just set the baby wherever she is on the ground. I am a bit intimidated by her so it is hard to question her, but this I did. She responded that baby seats are entrapment devices and not normal for a child to bind her spine too. She believes that the baby should be able to have free range and move. She has a really awesome hammock swing that the baby swings in, but it is not a baby swing.  And the mom does a lot of physical exercise and yet she keeps the baby with her all the time, so I have seen her literally hold the baby up for stomach crunches. Is she just bonding and fitting her life to the babies? Or is that dangerous for the baby's neck?

The baby seems happy. She rarely cries. My nanny friends tell me to relax and enjoy this because it's a nice gig. Even though it doesn't seem like much, I feel like I don't do enough. For example, if she is looking at recipes online and puts the baby down on the floor, my inclination is to pick the baby up, but she doesn't want me to. She also hinted that she hoped to be pregnant with her next child by New Year's, so that might explain why she wants me around. I feel kind of like an idiot sometimes.  I did suggest she consider baby wearing and she looked at me like I had three heads. She said that was a convenience for moms who werent committed to their children and that she would seek opportunities throughout the day to hold, carry, lay with, the baby. (true).

Poached

By Rebecca Nelson Lubin
ISYN Guest Author

My favorite scene on Bravo’s new original scripted series “Odd Mom Out” is where the Uber Alpha East Side Mom Brooke urged her sister in law Jill to “staff up” and procure a nanny. Jill (the odd mom out of the title) asks what nanny agency she should call. The overly confident and bitchy Brooke laughs off that idea and takes Jill to a popular children’s museum where they can observe the nannies from a high balcony and decide which one to poach, like big game hunters seeking out the best trophy. It is a delicious scene to watch.

So, my fellow nannies, a show of hands, who has been poached on this blog? And let’s not leave the parents out. Who reading this has been guilty of being a big bad poacher? I myself have been poached twice in my nanny career, plucked out of what previously seemed just peachy a position and led towards greener pastures. The first time I was poached, it was by a good friend who offered me a significantly higher salary than I was receiving at the job I have actually loved for a little over a year. How could I say no? Better pay, working with a friend, and the promise of fun travel on the horizon. I jumped ship and never regretted my decision. My friend and I worked together for an agreed upon contacted year, and you know what? It was great. I made more money and received better benefits and travelled with the family to far-flung fun places.

 My second poaching proposal (Several years and another job later) around came my way as a second hand secret. One of the mom’s I was friendly with on the playground had floated my name to her friend who was expecting. Mom A (my friend) had gotten out of me what it would take to leave my job, and had told Mom B. (Her friend.) Mom B had Mom A make me an offer. It was all very mob like. I didn’t even get to meet the Big Lady until it was already agreed via our go between that I could be had for a raise, medical benefits, and paid sick days, paid vacation days and paid bank holidays. And poof – just like that I was plucked off the playground to a new position. Again, I had no regrets and I equally adored my new job along with the perks my old job had not offered.

Now this is not to say that I am the type to jump ship at the drop of a hat, continually seeking out greener pastures. I have been stubbornly loyal to many jobs, no matter how pretty and shiny the poacher might be, and there have been some mighty tasty threads dangled in my face over the years. I have said no to a pitch of “more money and less hours” because truthfully, I just really liked the family I was already with. Starting over with an adorable baby who sleeps all day? No thank you. That 90’s television actress I crossed paths with in my neighborhood Whole Foods who was toting an adorable toddler? Yes, I told her with a smile, I was a Nanny. But no, I said, still smiling, I was not available.

Sometimes we can be so satisfied with what we already have that even the shiniest of stars cannot sway us away. And perhaps that is the real answer with poaching. If your nanny is happy with her job, then nothing and nobody can steal her away.

Rebecca Nelson Lubin is a nanny and writer who resides in Marin County, California. You can follow her writing at rebeccanelsonlubin.wordpress.com. 

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