The Vermont House

My employers that I have worked for 4 years have a small house in Vermont that they use when they go skiing, rarely. They bought it years and years ago and have moved on to bigger things, so I think they used it once last year.

They have let me go skiing on a weekend there with a girlfriend known to them. We have used the house without problem. The house is a small three bedroom with bunk beds in two of the three rooms, very rugged, nothing fragile, etc.

In October of last year, I began dating a divorced guy who works as an electrician. He has a nice, small house in Tarrytown, drives a decent car and has two children that he has 1/2 custody of.  Since my family knows him, I thought it would be okay to ask if we could go away for one of my weeks off in August to the Vermont house with his kids.

Keep in mind, I have worked here for 4 years. I only have these three weeks in August off now because the kids are old enough not to need a nanny on vacation. 

I almost got tears in my eyes when I saw MB's reaction to my request. She looked put upon and then cross. She quickly covered and than said, that she would have to talk to DB. She never plays the "I have to talk to DB" card.

The next day she told me that they didn't think that was a good idea and that the kids would be a liability. My boyfriend having heard this thinks that they have no regard for me or him and thinks I should quit. I have to admit I was taken aback.  I don't ask my boss for things on any regular basis and this is a very rugged house, not fancy at all, it's more like a cabin and it's only worth about 90K!.

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melissa said...

Yeah, they might be more concerned that something could happen to the kids while you're there, and since they don't know your boyfriend, they don't know if he's he type to sue or not. Maybe that's not the case, but I don't know of any other reason I'd be concerned if it were me. I wouldn't quit a good job over this.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm.... Technically it's a bonus , she doesn't HAVE to. Did she meet your boyfriend ? Did she like him?

I have to say it is HER house after all.

If she doesn't pay you enough to go on vacations on your own, then that's another story.

First of all are you getting paid well? Do you have any other perks? If both answers are no, 4 years in the same family s EXELLENT on a C.V

If this is your carrear and that you currently don't have any perks or the pay is bad, even if you love the kids, you should think about you first.

With your experience, you will find multiple families willing to hire you and offer you perks such as a gym membership, great pay, bonuses and all that jazz.

Now the trick is to get their reference BEFORE you give notice. Anyway any sane family will know that to stay somewhere for 4 years in a raw, you were good at some point.

However once again, this is HER house and if the perks offered aren't worthy, it's time to move on !

Selena said...

I'm on your NF's side on this. Your request is inappropriate and entitled. Would you ask your boss -if you worked in an office- to use her vacation home? No. Most people wouldn't. Being a nanny in someone's home doesn't give you carte blanche to overstep and cross boundaries.

They don't know your bf. He could be litigious. He could be hurt. His kids can get injured. He could do any number of things. As it is he's already influenced you against a family YOU have known for four yrs!

Your family doesn't have to contribute to your vacation. As loaning you the house would save you from paying for a rental.

OTNanny said...

I disagree that the OP sounds "entitled" by asking about using the vacation house, when her employer has given her permission to use it before with friends, they already know the boyfriend at least in passing (the post mentions they do, but not to what extent), and after 4 years of loyal service, they probably know that she is a trustworthy individual. However, I do think that she shouldn't have automatically expected a "yes", given that the stakes were upped by adding a boyfriend and children. I am more appalled by her boyfriend's knee-jerk response that they don't value her and that she should quit her job - he was about to get a reduced-price vacation out of the deal if the MB had said yes, so beggers can't be choosers!

OTNanny said...

And to add, I ultimately side with the family on this since it's their property, and ultimately their decision. I'd have the same concerns about safety with children involved.

Kate said...

It is entitlement to ASSume that someone will allow you access to/use of his possessions. One time access doesn't grant access in perpetuity.

For whatever reason, this fam doesn't want nanny using their vacation home. It doesn't make them a bad family.

Corina Yildiz said...

Bad sign when your bf tells you to up and quit. This is such a minor issue, not a reason to quit. Is he going to support you? Sounds like he has problems with commitment just with that statement.
I agree with most. It is not your house. They are not your family members. They do not owe you anything.
Tell your boyfriend rent a place on your own for a week.

Anonymous said...

He sounds like he's manipulating you to get a free vacation. You should dump him before your family.

Lizzie said...

Yep this and what Corina said. You have a boyfriend problem. His first instinct when faced with opposition /conflict is to walk away. Good luck with that!

Anonymous said...

I have been with my current family longer then you have with yours. I am also married and my husband would NEVER tell me to quit over them telling me no to using a vacation home. But more importantly I as a professional nanny would NEVER assume it okay to ask my boss to use something like that and get upset to boot by being told no. It doesn't matter how much THEIR house costs it's theirs. If it was offered to you great if not save and pay for your own place. It is a liability for them to allow you to use their place esp with children who could get hurt. Then seeing how your BF is telling you to quit over something your not even entitled to you could turn around and sue them. Please get over yourself and seriously maybe you shouldn't be a nanny if this is how your going to act. How can you teach the children when you throw a tantrum when being told No on something that's not even yours?

Anonymous said...

What does the cost of their house have to do with anything??? If they spent $20 bucks on it and don't want to let you vacation there...that's their business. You pretty much have some nerve even allowing yourself to entertain the thoughts of this new bf...smh

Anonymous said...

You had ZERO right to ask to use their vacation property!!!!!! WOW! Talk about obnoxious and entitled.

Just b/c they've offered it -- for your use with another adult woman -- does NOT mean they want YOU to think of it as a perk of being their nanny -- anytime you want to use it.

I would think that they're now reevaluating who YOU are b/c of this inappropriate question.

Clearly you have never been a property owner or you WOULD understand that children present much more risk & more complicated risk is involved when children are concerned. AND you asked if you could bring another person's WHOLE family with you to THEIR vacation home!!!

As to your BF... he's insane and insecure. His little feelings got hurt so he tells you to QUIT your job??? Seriously. This is NOT a man who cares about you at all. You need to realize this ASAP.

He actually told you to quit a job you've had for 4 YEARS only b/c they don't want HIS family to use THEIR vacation home!

And you may have just destroyed your relationship with this VERY nice, generous family beyond repair. Trust me, you won't be getting anymore offers to use that vacation house with anyone ever again -- nor anything else special from now on b/c you've revealed such POOR judgement and that you're a greedy pig.

I'd say they're reevaluating if they want you to continue as their nanny -- so you might want to brush up your resume -- and believe me -- they will not give you a glowing rec -- they'll find a coded way to tell every future employer how piggy you are.

Stupid girl...all for a man.

Aria Bubbles said...

I want the update please!