Thursday

When "I love You" Makes you cringe

Pierre August Renoire - Child with Toys
Hi.Quick poll.question. I am on my third nanny and my children are now 3 & 4. I find it weird and it makes me cringe when she says "I love you" to them. Does anyone else feel this way? She lives out, works 30-35 hours a week. She's only been with us 7 months.

9 comments:

Oh! THAT Nanny said...

WOW! Seven months is a LONG time! I've been with three families previously, and I'm pretty sure that I've told all 7 previous children that I love them. Because it's a special bond that forms between a child and a nanny. I work very closely with your children and often for long periods of time, so of course I love them. I've been with my current nanny family for just under five months and I've told my current babies that I love them. Love is a healthy and normal emotion, so what's the problem?

RBTC said...

you're really in trouble if your nanny does NOT love your kids lol. But - i will say when i work with kids i don't know too well or on a weekly basis i may say " you are a lovebug!" or " i LOVE your hairband you look so pretty!"

the kids MUST feel loved, it's better to err on the side of affection imo ;)

thirty something said...

i'd be far more concerned if someone who worked that closely with my kids didn't say it every so often! i only have casual regular babysitters (about 6 hours per week) and they all say 'i love you' to my kids and kiss them, cuddle them etc. It makes me happy. I want my kids caregivers to love my children and for my children to feel loved.

Taleia said...

I've told all my charges "I love you!" (I always meant it) and my boss-parents have always made a point of thanking me for loving their kids. If a parent was uncomfortable with it, I'd completely support that decision, and I'd show my love in other ways (I like RBTC's ideas!).

My current MB told me (about six weeks after I came to them), "I can pay anyone to change diapers, get them dressed, and play with them, but I can't pay someone to love them, and I can see that you do." I've been with them for eighteen months and we have a fantastic relationship!

RBTC said...

Taleia like a couple of ideas so here is one - works pretty good - usually as a"bedtime poem"

{ How much does everybody love YOU?
Let us count the ways}

Your mommy and daddy and grannies and gramps and teachers and doggie and cat and parakeet and mailman..take breath..and fishies and me! etc love you - to the DEPTH and BREADTH and HEIGHT our souls can reach !

(yes they look a little confused but they are listening!)

"depth means as LOW as you can go, (sstomp ground and point to ground) down down down to the other side of the world - i think CHINA is there - we love you all the way to China"

"breadth means WIDE (hands as far as they can go, over to one wall back over to the other wall) as far as EAST is from WEST and east never meets West so -- FOREVER!!

"Height means (pointing) up to the ceiling and PAST the ceiling to the clouds - and then what comes after clouds? the space station? the sun? Jupiter? pluto?" etc

So - how long will everyone love you? yes forever - what is another word for that? always

get tricky: forever and ever until the 12th of never

they go: huh?

me: that is a famous song from the past - there IS no 12th of never - that means there will never be a time where you will not have love

get silly: forever and ever until the 12th of never and then---one more day...and then one more hour..and then one more second.. and then one more microsecond.. and then 1000th of a second -- and then.....zzzzzzzzzzz

( i've heard their parents laugh when they hear this on the intercom)

Miss Dani The Nanny said...

I work in a preschool, and I tell every child in my class I love them at least once a week. Just the other day, I had a patent tell me that as soon as his daughter got out of the car, she said, "I love Miss Dani".

Whether you are a nanny or teacher, it never hurts to tell a child you love them, especially those with special needs. We can't help but love our charges, no matter if we are nannies, teachers or babysit the family down the street. Oh that nanny said it best: bonds between children and caregivers form. That's one reason why we love our charges and students in our classes.

OP, if you seriously have a problem with your nanny only being there for a short time and telling the kids she loves them, either A. You don't understand the emotional side of early childhood education, and B. You should be thankful you have a nanny who loves your kids. You could have a "fauxanny", a fake nanny who puts on a front in front of you but sits on a park bench too busy with herself to care for her charges.

If I was your nanny, I would tell your kids I loved them too, and I wouldn't care how upset you were about it.

this_nick said...

I'm trying to be less of an asshole on some of these wtf posts (yes, I'm self-aware at least and realize tact is not my forte). So I'm approaching this as, why would a parent be uncomfortable with the nanny's affection? The only thing I can think of is, perhaps the OP comes from an upbringing where such things weren't said with frequency.

Perhaps that results in the parent not saying "I love you" as much, and as such is worried the kids will think the nanny loves them more because the nanny is comfortable verbally expressing it. OP, there are plenty of ways kids recognize your affection. Don't sweat it that the nanny's more verbally mushy than you; just keep loving your kids and showing them in whatever ways are most comfortable for you. They'll know.

Anonymous said...

This sounds so incredibly wrong. Don't you want all the love in the world for your precious babies? Children can never have too much love. The more the better.
I would hate to work for someone like you. Obviously some serious jealousy issues going on.

RBTC said...

the question from the OP is a reasonable one - my grandmother was not demonstrative but my g-father was - my mother came out kind of in the middle - she was VERY demonstrative with her own kids but not others - she changed when my friend debbie just kept hugging her whenever i did. These days - it's not a bad idea to teach kids caution - even with people they know. And i have discovered every child has their own comfort zone - some say ilove you and want lot's of hugs, others are more cautious yet not less affectionate - no one is wrong to ask the right questions ;) ;)