Wait, what is this about?

     Your nanny is raising your child and turning him into a public urinator. A reckless public urinator. During the time I was at the park, 65 minutes, he relieved himself three times. Three times that I saw and mind you I was doing other things besides watching your helian throw a pee party in the middle of the park. Three times. Who has to pee three times? Nevermind, he whipped out his willy at warp speed and without any regard to who was around him. There are perverts who stroll by the playground all day long just hoping to get a glance of a diaper change in progress or a mother's nipple. This is New York.. This is not your toilet. Please teach your nanny to supervise her charge. If he must out of emergency pee in public, please shield his willy from public. Also, please pick an appropriate target for his pee stream. He was trying to urinate on my child's stroller wheel. I put a stop to that. I gave him the look of death and he stopped midstream and ran towards the water well, willy still in hand.

     If you aren't familiar with Zucker playground, the trees are there to PLAY on, not to pee on. This did not stop Dirty Harry from firing right on to the stump that was later climbed upon by Korean twins, fortunately, well padded in denim. I just don't know what to say. I sit there and read my book and check my phone, but I am still able to toilet my child, to prepare a beverage. to pop open some sesame butter and spread it on a pretzel, but what of you and your hire? This same nanny gave her child a peanut butter sandwich on mangled bread....that he ran through the playground with. Smearing peanut butter on his face, elbow and playground apparatus. Why do you think I bring sesame butter to the playground? Because I am sensitive to children with nut allergies.

    Not to nitpick, but how I wish upon wish that I had a picture of this bent and broken shell of a squished sandwich so I could side by side compare it to nanny's tripple decker delight on some fancy roll, wrapped in tin foil. I don't know what was on it, but I positioned myself at the ready to perform the heimlich because she had no manners at all. The bites she took were enormous, huge, scary. But, at least she wasn't moving around, which is pretty impressive because this playground is one that encourages a nanny or parent to move around with her kid. Nope, she was sitting on her orange blanket. She had orange died hair, very pale, wearing a peach short skirt and purple cardigan with military style boots and knee socks.

      I think you should also know that teenagers flock to this area at certain times and I wouldn't suggest you have a kid flashing his willy around likely deviant teenagers. It's not just NY, it's Brooklyn, and hardly the best area.

     So to recap, if you aren't going to raise your own child but choose instead to outsource the childraising to some neo nazi punk:
1) No peanut butter or products on equipment where a child could get seriously ill
2) Willy should be secured at all times.  Unholster in public restroom only, or in densely, naturally wooded areas while providing security and protection.
3) Children should be supervised. Unless you like a kid needing up or over and relying on some would be pervert offering him a lift or a hoist.



tugg harbor said...

I'm going to suggest that you get a nanny for your child. You are out of your mind and terrified of strangers, weiners and nipples. NOT NOT NOT NORMAL!

nannyrobot said...

I just couldn't stop laughing. She seems way too concerned about his willy. And wtf? Sesame butter sounds nasty. I appreciate the concern for allergies but come on... you can't expect other people's children to eat sesame butter. By the way, it is common for people with nut allergies to also be allergic to sesame. Anyway, stop worrying about the kids willy. Maybe he has autism or something. I had an autistic charge who would just undress without warning anywhere. I don't know what kind of weirdo you are, but I've never spotted a nipple at the playground. And PBJ sandwiches get mangled. That's life. The kid doesn't care. Why do you? It tastes the same. Should the nanny squish hers just because he squished his? This was just too funny. I've never heard of someone who was so concerned about willies.

this_nick said...

One day this kid will be CEO of everything.

Anonymous said...

OP you are so petty! Seriously, get a life and pay attention to your own children or charges.

Angi said...

The OP sounds like the Snob Queen! Wow lady, find a hobby, go take a zen class

jen the hen said...

I honestly feel sorry for the OP - she seems super super preoccupied with perverts and child molesters and the like. Living in fear like that isn't healthy for you or your child!

That being said, I agree that peeing all over the place is pretty gross and the nanny shouldn't have let her charge do that. Yikes!

Deborah said...

HAHA...This is like Jerry Seinfeld taking his kids to the park...AHHHH there was pee and weiners...I gotta take a shower!I cant eat hot dogs now.

RBTC said...

OP - you are completely right to be concerned, not petty at all - you may need to take your child somewhere else because as you can see from the responses here - some other people do not sgree with your view of responsibility and cleanliness - good luck