Friday

The Rants 2015, #1

   
I've been on this site quite a bit in the last month or so. Although I'm no longer a nanny (I pursued a more satisfying career), I still like to see what other's experiences have been like. I just want to say how incredibly disappointing it is to have people on here that think it would be okay to throw a nanny out just because of a difference in opinions and methods while taking care of your child. If you want someone EXACTLY like you, take care of your children yourself. There are people with their own methods and styles when it comes to caretaking, and I'm sure they do their best to suit what your needs are, but for heaven's sake, give some leeway! Nannies are humans too, are you, as other nannies, or parents, or non parents that are trolling the site always perfect? Do you always have good days? If so, congratulations. You are exempt from the rest of the world, continue on your high horse.

       I just finished reading about a nanny that spends a lot of time with the mother, complained by the mother's sister. Now everyone of the comments says to FIRE THE NANNY. Are you kidding me?? Sounds like the mother wants the nanny there, it's none of your business. Why should the nanny suffer because you're insecure? Do you realize that this is someone's livelihood you're playing with? Nannies put a huge amount of trust in families to work for you. Take that responsibility seriously like they do with your children. If you have an actual bad nanny, one you've given many chances to, go ahead and get rid of her. You have one that is great but did something that kind of bugged you or had a bad day? GIVE THEM A CHANCE. If you can't trust someone to work or live in your house with your family, don't work with them.

      I've worked with Manhattan moms and not only am I taking on the responsibility of their child's life, health, and wellness, but I'm always worried that I'm going to trip up. That the baby will cry for no reason and they'll send nasty messages about me. That's actually happened. I had the responsibility of taking the baby to a school, baby hit someone, I removed baby, sat her in my lap and let her play in another area, and then took her back over after she calmed down to apologize to the other baby. I got in trouble for that. The moms said it was 'aggressive' and 'would hurt the baby's ego' that she 'shouldn't feel badly about herself after a mistake'. Sometimes you moms are insane. If a baby hurts someone else, they should know what they did was wrong and apologize when they realize it. If you coddle your baby too much and worry about their self esteem too much, you're going to raise a sociopath. Give them a chance to learn from their mistakes. Also, kids need some space to play and explore on their own. I'm not saying that you should completely neglect them, but I always felt that the parents that are always hovering over their kids crying over every bump and scrape were obscene. Kids need some independance. Safe independence, but distance yourself a little. It'll help you and the baby. I say baby, because I think kids under 10 are all babies. End rant.

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24 comments:

Me! said...

I find your comment to be very antagonistic. Also, the fact that you "found something more fulfilling" comes across as very condescending. Nannying isn't something I do until something better comes along. I'm a professional nanny and love my job!

I rarely advocate firing a nanny, but there are certainly times when firing the nanny is the only course of action. The nanny who gave Benedryle to her charges deserved firing! Nannies who fall asleep while responsible for young lives, or who let kids soil their clothes -and then humiliate the child- all due to nanny's inattention, ALL deserve firing. When it comes to children, you cannot keep giving chances. Yes, there are times when it's ok to let it go, but some things are serious and possibly damaging to a child. In that case, the nanny should be let go. Also, as a nanny, when I interview with families,I seek families whose disciplinary/parenting style matches mine. It's not just a job. We need to agree on fundamentals. I wish you the best in your new career.

Joy said...

Get over yourself.

I could take you more seriously if the example you used about the post where the sister complained about the nanny spending "too much" time with her sister was accurate.

All the responses DO NOT say fire the nanny.

You don't like what people have to say on this site click the "x" on your browser window, it's that easy.

Anonymous said...

That's your opinion. I loved the kids I worked with, but the parents were (three families) unbearable with their standards. The other two I worked with were amazing. I shouldn't be scorned when a child-one that is very active, gets a scratch here and there, or falls down.

As for the nannies, I'm clearly not talking about the ones that are clearly neglecting the children and abusing the privilege to work with them-I still believe that working with kids is a privilege and not everyone is suited for it.

The only reason I did not like my job eventually was the parents. When I interviewed with them, I thought we were all on the same page and they seemed normal and very loving. Maybe they were deceiving because I was highly recommended with medical experience (went to nursing school) and was young, fit, and energetic. Whatever the reason, eventually their true colors bled through and I eventually had to leave the kids I loved for my own good. So when I say I pursued a more fulfilling career, that's what I'm talking about. I'm very good at my job and I never feel undermined or taken advantage of.

This message wasn't meant for the parents that are nothing like that, it's for the parents that feel entitled to a great nanny, but treat them badly. It isn't meant for the nanny that doesn't like children and not suited for them, it's meant for the nanny that does the best she/he can do and wants to please the kids and the parents because they love working with them.

I think you took it in the opposite direction. Please maintain a level head when you read about someone else's experience. Don't assume the worst case scenario. I even mentioned that a bad nanny deserved to be fired, I don't think they're infallible. But I don't think parents should fire them over ridiculous things like spending too much time with the family-did you read that? Those are the situations I find offensive. There are too many I've heard like that to not speak up.

I just don't think some of these parents or standerby's can appreciate that sometimes nannies also have bad days, just like them. That was the point.

Beth Bartylla said...

I don't think the users commenting only negative responses really took anything from this and there was definitely pieces to take.

I'm working for a family now that is difficult to work for, I love their son, so I continue to stay and work for them. Would they do the same for me? No, I don't believe they would.

In all my jobs as a nanny I have continually felt an enormous amount of disrespect when compared to my jobs working in customer service and even retail. That's something I hope changes as nannying becomes more and more popular but as for me and my families, it never happened, which is why I left them.

As far as her getting a more fufilling career, that's her opinion, and she's entitled to one. She isn't putting nannying down, she is saying with her experience that her present position is better for her. That's a good thing.

I usually don't comment on posts, because internet arguing is pointless and irrelevant.. No one is going to go home today and say "a user on isyn really influenced me today" but in this case I felt the need to comment as the only comments displayed were tearing the article apart.

I get it. It was written with a sharp edge, but I agree with a lot of what was written, and I too hope that the parents using hired help expand their thinking, if, they hired me. Otherwise it doesn't work out.

Joy said...

Are you a mind reader as well as nanny Beth?

As typical on many Internet sites, people always want to claim that others didn't "get it" when they disagree with them.

Maybe we don't need to expand our thinking and we did see the (minor) points made amongst the weeds of the original poster's negativity. That is possible you know.

Tired of the nannies overrunning this site.

Anonymous said...

You didn't disagree though. You were just as negative, if not more than the original author. You didn't have any valid points of concern from the article, you just criticized. Parents can be just as bad, if not worse, than the nannies that work for them and it is only fair to have the perspective of both sides. If you don't like it, perhaps you should take your own advice and get off the site. To quote you, "Get over yourself"

Anonymous said...

Maybe if you think that the treatment of others, (Joy) especially employees in charge of the safety and health of your child, is a "minor point", you are one of the parents the author was referring to. Wow.

Anonymous said...

Nannies over running the site? Get a grip. This site is for whoever wants to be on here and nannies have just as much right as you. I think we are sick of you over running your mouth.

Anonymous said...

Gosh I'm so glad I am working for Awsome bosses now :D ! It took me time to find them.
Before i always had parents taking advantage of me , undermining me, micromanaging me, didn't cover any holidays and leaving me with no incomes for weeks and the list goes on!! I used to stay before because I was taking in consideration that I loved the children I was caring for. And then I realised that even If I get attached to my charges , at the end , I have to do what's best for me and not looking back !

Some parents(a lot actually!) are specialised in hiring young and naive(or from poor countries)nannies because they know they'll get away with underpaying them and treating them like crap ( until they realise it's not the norm like I did).

To families: if you want to keep your nanny in the long run for the sake of your children's stability , you really should think about treating her well. Once I did a massive cleaning with the kind of employer I wanted to work with, i finally found 2 amazing employers that make feel very appreciated , I love they children , the children love me and the family values me, and remind me regularly how grateful they are to have someone making their lives easier on daily basis. As a result of that, I am in for the long term with them ! Probably until they won't longer need a nanny.

Lacy said...

I too am a nanny until a more "satisfying career" comes along. I love children don't get me wrong. I take this job seriously. I enjoy working with children, I have a way with connecting with children; in all my 10 years I have meet only one child I didn't like (visa versa too). I come from a family without money, so college has been a slow process; I'm near the end. What I can say is my years working with children has helped re-shape my future goals to include something with children.

Her paragraph about the baby hitting another then returning to apologies is so true. I have worked for mothers who don't want their child "forced" to say sorry, thank-you, your-welcome, ect; its annoying. I enjoyed this article.

While I think nannies are their to be "mom" when mom isn't there in terms of parenting; I think its unrealistic for a nanny to think they should do things her way. Children need consistency. If a mother wanted to pay well below the going rate, then the nanny should have freedom to parent as she see's fit.

Beth Bartylla said...

No kidding, what an improper name for you "joy" .. What a troll.

Anonymous said...

Newsflash: Nannies are EMPLOYEES.

And thus, their bosses... the parents DO get to make the rules and it is the employees job to follow those rules.

Nannies do NOT get to decide anything regarding rearing a child. That is the parents job ... not the nannies.

It's clear being a nanny wasn't the right job for you and hopefully you've found a job where you're the boss and don't have to follow anyone else's dictates...ever.

Me! said...

I don't know about anyone else, but I make many decisions regarding the kids I am in charge of. I interview parents just as much as they interview me. I expect and do get parents whose ideas/philosophies mesh with my own. It's a team effort. If a parent didn't trust me to make decisions though out the day, they shouldn't hire me.

Anonymous said...

I don't think the point of the article was for the orders that a parent gives a nanny, I don't know why it's so hard for some to understand that. It's the TREATMENT of the nanny that the author is talking about. If you treat your EMPLOYEES like they are disposable, don't expect them to respect you, you clearly don't respect that they are CHOOSING to work with you. Some parents aren't deserving of an awesome nanny and can't see that they have one. Parents can be so ungrateful for the work of a nanny, I've had a few myself. The parents that are being defensive obviously are guilty of this. Some of the stories with the moms describing their nannies (like the one referenced-she didn't get why a nanny would want to pamper herself w/an expensive haircut, really?? Stuck up, obviously.) Stop taking it as an attack, and maybe put some thought into the treatment of the people that work with your CHILD. They don't have to work with you, having a nanny is a privilege.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone read the author's response?! I thought it was well thought out and concise. You're doing nothing but proving her right.

Anonymous said...

Author here: thanks for the support/feedback from some of the other nannies in the same position. As for the person that obviously is a terrible person to work for and probably has miserable employees, or employees that are revolving; You are the person this article is about. People that are taking care of your children are so important to their development. Newsflash, they won't stick around with the way you view them in such a narrow and disrespectful light.

I had a very successful career as a nanny and I'm still in contact with many of the families I worked with and as for now, I am in a very fulfilling career where my input and work is appreciated and rewarded.

I work very closely with my boss, but they don't just bark orders at me to take like an obedient dog. I'm a person with a brain.

this_nick said...

I'm not sure why this it's own post. Why not address the things you disagree with where they're posted? This is kinda all over the place, so it makes it tough to dig out the valid points from the inexplicable ones (i.e. most told the poster to keep her nose out of her sister's business, not fire the nanny.) Rants can be useful but they should be on point.

this_nick said...

*its. GAH, autocorrect!

this_nick said...

IS its. I give up!

Anonymous said...

I personally am offended by the comment, "Tired of the nannies overrunning this site."

Heidi said...

A nanny might be an employee, but a job as a nanny is much different than other jobs. We are tasked with shaping these young children into responsible, loving adults. As a nanny, with all of the families I have worked for, I have spent more time with the kids per week than the parents. Therefore, most of the time I know the kids better. I parent the children I watch in the same way I would parent my own kids. We are not robots that you can just train to cater to your needs. Of course I always ask for feedback from the parents, and I know they will tell me if they don't like how I am handling things. But they trust me to make the decisions and the rules. Of course there is always necessary respect and adherence to rules for my bosses, but I am not just some "hired help" that the parents can throw away for no reason.

Also, reading what another parent (I assume she is a parent) wrote on here made me so thankful for my bosses! I feel bad for nannies who are taken advantage of. Raising kids is no easy job! Unfortunately a lot of the parents who hire nannies don't even realize how much they do and how hard they work.

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Anonymous said...

Wtf...

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