Saturday

No Words...(I have)

Comic Alliance
     I'm kind of concerned what to do. First, I went snooping in my nanny's room. She had not done anything on the job to cause me curiosity, I just wondered where she went at night. She seemed to talk to a lot of different males and have a lot of time specific plans. Don't slam me, I know I shouldn't have went in her room. For the record, she has been our live-in nanny since January 17.
      Well to make a long story short, I found fetish porn that has to do with breast feeding, two breast pumps, nipple clamps and breast bondage video and porn. It was very hardcore stuff. I am uncomfortable having ANY porn in the house. I am specifically uncomfortable with this sort of fetish porn, perhaps even more so since I am still nursing my 7 month old.
     I don't know what to do but I know I want her out of my house. I know you might find this inexcusable, but doesn't this justify why we should snoop...it is MY house. I don't even know how to fire her. My husband thinks we should say the three year old went in her room looking for her, we went after the three year old and she had pulled open a drawer (revealing a trough of fetish materials).
Somebody please help. We reside in a right to work state, so I believe we can fire her at will.

isynblog@gmail.com

29 comments:

formerRHAlex said...

Yeah...could you let us know how that turns out for you. I mean what people do behind closed doors is their business, but she's in your house!
Eek!

Nan said...

You should NOT have snooped! That is a gross violation of her expectation of privacy. UNLESS she had been informed PRIOR to moving in that you would go through her things AND she agreed to such an invasion of privacy you opened yourself up to unlawful dismissal. That being said: she does need to go. How you do it should be decided by your lawyer.

Alice said...

Tell her what you did and give her 6 weeks paid termination.

You're an asshole. Someone's personal sex fetishes are none of your business. Some people are into tit play.

Don't get another live in, for the love of god.

Anonymous said...

Gosh your such a bitch !! Employers like you are exactly the reason why even if I get a live in position, I will always keep my own place to go to when i don't work and keep my privacy. As long as she can keep your children safe and happy , it's not your fuxling buisness what she does privately. How would you react if someone else was spying on you ? You are an asshole, it's not because we are nannies that we have to be asexual , we are people too ...Please never hire a live in nanny again because you made it clear that you won't give a fuck about her privacy.

Oh! THAT Nanny said...

I don't think that she is being unreasonable at all! She shouldn't have snooped in the nannies room, but even she said that she knows she shouldn't have. BUT due to the nature of the the things she found (why does the nanny need a breast pump or nursing porn?? (Or ANY porn)) I would #1 Fire the nanny. #2 When hiring the next nanny make it clear that any manner of pornography or inappropriate materials are NOT allowed on the premises and that having such items are grounds for being fired.

And, YES, I AM a nanny. And I would not CONSIDER bringing any manner of pornographic item into the house that I work in, live in or not.

Anonymous said...

All feelings aside, im pretty sure you broke the law...Even though it is YOUR house, she has an expectation of privacy. Just as if she was renting a room for you. So she can sue your ass if you fire her over this, ,as she should. I dont claim to understand that kind of sexual ..whatever it is, but you broke the law...how would you feel? Is it the type of porn that bothers you so much?

Anonymous said...

Fire her. Don't even tell her why. Once you fire her she has to leave right away. Give her as much severance as you can. Just say you can't afford her any more or what ever story you come up with.

OMG! said...

I don't believe this employer has the cojones to be up front with her nanny as to why she's being fired. This is someone who should never have had a live-in. Surprise: nannies have lives, partners, interests etc... The room a nanny gets is remuneration for services rendered. For all intents and purposes, the live-in area belongs to the nanny for the duration of her/his stay. The gall of not only going in and snooping but also posting online with a half hearted 'I know I shouldn't have' is astounding! Imagine another breaking of the law followed by 'I shouldn't have'. I am not defending the nanny. She doesn't need a defense for things in her own private space. Pay her a generous severance and pray she doesn't sue the pants off you!

Lacy said...

Live in nannies become tenants. Legally. For a landlord (you the employer) to enter her room and "snoop" is illegal. For you to enter her room, you should have given her 24 hour notice to enter. Yes its your house, congratulations, but that's now officially her her and she has the right to privacy in there. People like all kinds of different sex, its nothing to judge about, her things were in her room and I bet not laying out in the open. You had to DIG in her drawers to find her "fetish" things. When a Land-lord gives 24 hour notice to enter, they CAN'T snoop, they can only move things to check for damage to walls, windows, bathroom, ect, or things against the lease in plain sight. Land lords and employers can't tell people how they can have or watch sex during their private time.

If your actions are ever found out, you MB, are on grounds for a loosing lawsuit and will be out lots of money. You will face a discrimination lawsuit, employers can't fire someone based on sexual preferences. You will face a lawsuit for illegally evicting a tenant over a lack of 24 hour notice to enter. You will face a lawsuit for illegally going through her shit. And she can sue you over evasion of privacy

One last thing, I hope your nanny is smart and knows the rental law in your area. You can be in for a very long removal process.

Anonymous said...

Fire that crazy BITCH! I don't care if you feel your privacy violated or wtf, its my house, my property and your degenerate ass has no place under my roof! that is what I would tell her if she fights back which I seriously doubt it, because I will make sure every one I know knows who you really are and will see then who won't find a job for a very very long time.

lucinda deveraux said...

I never would have thought to snoop in my nanny's room. But, now I will. I don't care what rights she thinks she has or you think she has, she is taking care of MY CHILDREN!

this_nick said...

You're upset because you snooped in her room to find out how she gets her freak on, and decided her freak was too freakish for you. I'm more freaked out by your pervy snooping than by what you discovered.

By your own admission, your nanny has done nothing that warrants her firing. She's being fired because of your actions, not hers. If you wanted a virginal flower with no sex drive, you shoulda put that in the ad.

Never, never, EVER hire a live-in nanny again. You are not qualified to employ one, since you have no respect for the privacy of the most intimate parts of her life. Anyone siding with the employer here is just as hypocritical as her.

EVERYBODY has some freaky in their freak, you included. It's none of your business what someone else's is; would you want people invading your privacy to figure out yours? I'm thankful to have employers who understand I'm not just a nanny but a person. I feel sorry for the nanny of this employer.

this_nick said...

Children who are going to have a very deficient grasp of right and wrong with parenting like that. My condolences.

nannyrobot said...

^^what she said. Nobody could say it better than she did

Anonymous said...

Some parents REAAALLLYYY shouldn't have nannies and take care of their own children themselves...

Ali said...

I have a feeling OP is a "lay under and endure it" type.

this_nick said...

That thought had crossed my mind, too.

angi said...

Lucinda - its not about "what rights she thinks she has or you think she has" - its AGAINST THE LAW - period! A live-in falls under the roommate category and thus the TENANT statutes. By entering her room without her permission, you are breaking the law. By going through her stuff, which you will never get permission, you are breaking the law. Great example you are setting for your children. You are despicable.

Outraged said...

How is this nanny different from any other nanny who has sex, watches porn or otherwise engages in mutually consensual activities with another adult? That's right. She's not! You have no idea what your nanny engages in on her own time! And you shouldn't! I hope to God your nanny finds out you're a dirty, despicable, sneaky sneak who snoops! I hope she sues the @#$@ off you!!!

Lacy said...

Snooping through anyone's things is called invasion of privacy. Its one thing us nannies would never want to do to our employers. I don't want to find their "toys" or their "freak" stash. If this nanny was a live out, you would have never been able to snoop, you would have never been able to find out. I'm assuming she cares for your child well, I'm assuming she does a good job, and I'm assuming like any good nanny keeps her "freaky" business private. By keeping her "freaky" business private you would have never-ever, in a million years expected that, let alone she has sex.

This is illegal on so many levels. To any parent who does this, I hope you get caught. I hope you face lawsuits and loose. I hope the nanny wins, I hope you get the maximum punishment. I hope on the day you kick her out and fire her, she becomes mad and you loose your cool and hit her. Because if you hit her, things just got easier for the nanny and you fall deeper into the criminal, bad-guy world.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I can't believe this invasion of privacy. I feel so bad for the nanny. :(

celebananny said...

You don't think the snooping goes the other way too? I once hid a nanny camera in my boss's changing area so I could see his legendary weiner. Well, it didn't look so legendary to me. Now that is footage that I could sell.

Anonymous said...

BS! No one believes you celebnanny. Nice try.

Anonymous said...

You are a piece of shit employer. You have no business even having a nanny if this is how you treat them. Her fetishes have nothing to do with you, and unless she used them to hurt your child or your family, I'm not sure why you care. I hope she sues your ass. You're far more disturbing than what she has in her private room.

TM* said...

how would it be different if she was a live out nanny ? she would still be into the same sexual activities, you just wouldn't k now and still wouldn't if you didn't look through her personal property

Anonymous said...

This is NOT about the employer snooping.

Fire her if you're no longer comfortable with her caring for your children.

BUT do NOT tell the nanny you snooped. Just let her go for another reason. Do not ever mention the porn.

We never really know anyone - and there are lots of disturbed, freaks out there.

I wouldn't want someone like that caring for my child either. But don't give her any ammunition to make your life difficult.

Just tell her your situation changed and you don't need her services. Give her 3 months wages and be done with her and be glad you found this out.

Good luck!



this_nick said...

Someone like what? I'd hire that girl in a second over judgmental prudes.

ToniGurl said...

I'm knew here, just going through the posts as I'm also a nanny of o e year and I have to say what h,you've done is z HUGE invasion of privacy. Coming from a person who did a live in position last year the mother had the housekeeper loom through my rooms. That being said I learned oretty quickly not to leave anything out,but I was uncomfortable in a place where I should have felt at home like I was told.

You are wrong for this, what she does on her own time is her business. They are right you aren't ready for a live in at all. The nanny is not your child and while that may be your home it doesnt give you the right to search her rooms and her personal things. We all have skeltons in the closet and as she hasn't let that intefer with her work you shouldn't either. There is a saying about snoops and you fall right into that catergory. You don't deserve that Nanny. Shame on you

Anonymous said...

People should 'slam you' because what you did was wrong, both morally and legally. You can't invade someone's privacy like that. You didn't snope either since you deliberately opened drawers and looked around to try to find out what she was doing on her own time. You intentionally violated someone's rights for no reason. That makes you terrible. And what she had doesn't make her some kind of freak. It makes her a human with sexual urges. Since none of them were directed at children or non-consenting people, there is no problem. I hope you know every nanny you could hire could have those and 'worse'. Maybe you shouldn't hire people if it bothers you so much.