Sunday

The Middle Child

   
Hello ISYN. I was so excited to take my first nanny job in New York. I interviewed with families in the city and just outside. I selected a family just outside with three kids and a beautiful house, a housekeeper. I get a Jeep Cherokee to drive. I get one Friday off per month plus weekends. Things are pretty good, except for a very small problem, which shouldn't be a problem at all.

     The middle child is 8 years old and his parents live in fear that he is a homosexual. They didn't talk about this in the interview, only later on, when I had moved in and was taken to task for letting him play Barbies with his sister.

     The parents both work on Wall Street. They aren't unkind. I don't even think they have anything against gay people, except that they don't want their son to "behave gay". This, I am told is out of fear that he will be bullied, stigmatized and picked on. Believe me, I get that. But I don't know how to preserve my job without coming out very strongly against some of their tactics.

     The boy has no interest in Sports. That isn't unusual. I drive him to soccer twice a week for practice. He is such a good kid too, he tries. He plays mine craft, he likes Nerf Guns, he likes to build Legos. He has diverse interests. He also likes to bake cakes. I was told not to encourage him to bake cakes. This after we made a really cute Valentine Cake together that he decorated really well. I was told, "See, now you have me against the wall where I have to praise my son for his cake decorating skills.". And the parents did compliment him. They aren't cruel or unkind, but they want me to steer him towards less stereotypical activities and away from those that are stereotypical.  I'm also concerned that at almost 9 years old, the kid is going to sense what is going on. The parents don't speak in front of him, but he has an older sister who has been in trouble before for including him in her girl play. What is blocking these people from seeing that this is NORMAL?

     The family has a playroom in the attic. The oldest child is a girl. The 8 year old boy loves to dress up barbies. I don't think that is abnormal. I have cared for boys who played barbies before. Well, when I say good night on Friday they asked me to clear out the playroom. They specifically said that Daughter doesn't play with X, Y and Z anymore, so I could have an agency come and pick up the toys or pass them on to someone I know who would like them. I know someone. He is your son. How do I handle this without losing my job and without being a part of wrecking this boy.

16 comments:

Angi, 30yr nanny said...

The parents need an intervention! They are going to hurt their son more than any person outside of their household. I work as a specialist... I take on all sorts of families that had special situations or trauma. This behavior on their part will damage this child amd live with him forever. A parent is supposed to love and support, instead they are hurting his spirit. Seek a support group for "Parents of the GLBT Community", talk to the leader and see if you can set up a meeti g over coffee with the parents. This childs future is at risk!

Angi said...

By the way, all of those behaviors he is displaying doesnt mean shit....especially the cake decorating....seriously? Um HELLO Cake Boss, Duff and many more kn he food network. The parents are CLEARLY homophobe and are perpetuating the very response behavior they fear. So angry! Wish I could shake them out of their ignorancd.

Anonymous said...

So what!! At this age having fun with what they like to do means the most to them. Don't worry nanny you are doing the right thing...

Anonymous said...

Stay OUT of it - encourage the kid to engage in MALE activities assure him that everything is ok but when he's with you he can not play with dolls, dress up or bake cakes - Follow he parents approach or they will male you pay - He's not your kid and never will be -Sorry.

Angi said...

"Male activities"?! This is whats wrong with society. You have no buisiness caring for children. Your behavior prepetuates stareotype and homophobe thinking.

Anonymous said...

Angie,
Maybe YOU have no business caring for kids, having no respect for parents direction I would not be surprised if this nanny gets the sack following your "LALALA" advice - Im the parent, he's my kid, I DECIDE-

Angi said...

I have respect for the children. Reread what I said originally. Did I say ANYTHING about implementing the opposite of the parents request? No! I discussed searching for an option to have a resource help EDUCATE the parents. The parents actions are abusive and crushing. This should NEVER be condoned.

Anonymous said...

Do as the parents say. There are ways for him enjoy what he likes. Just be creative about it so the parents are happy. Overtime you can mention how there truly is a zero tolerance rule for bullying in schools nowadays and I have seen this with many kids that I work with in the city. Also, it's new York. There are 3rd graders with dyed pink or teal hair and other parents letting kids dress themselves. It is pretty hard to stand out. The kids that have the worst time are the self conscious ones, which I can let you already know he is at risk for becoming. You can focus on his self esteem while still being the parent's proxy.

Anonymous said...

Well said Anonymous !
Always listen to parents - don't take it upon yourself to "correct" "educate" or "advice" the parents specially in such a delicate matter - if you do you will only get yourself fired and what is that going to accomplish? Zero.

Diedre said...

Wow, so if the parents told you to call him "Gayboy" and thump him on the head every time he hummed a showtune, I guess you would?

Asshole.

Anonymous said...

Hey Diedre-
Did Mamma and Dadda thump on your head too hard too often?? this conversation has no place for people like you - go back to your room and play with your video game - oh and yeah listen to mamma and dadda! OR NO MORE BARBIES AND SKIRTS for Diedre or is it Donald?? hahahahahaha

Anonymous said...

OMG !
do we even know if the child is gay for sure??
or is it just the nanny maybe exaggerating a little bit?
i would love for a nanny to tell me if my son is gay and how i need to 'educate' myself,
trust me honey you will be out the foyer before you can say "GAY PARADE"

Angi said...

You didnt read the OP did you? The PARENTS are concerned their child ia gay and instructing the nanny to perpetuate their homophobe attitude on the child.

this_nick said...

Doing the right thing isn't only necessary when it's easy, but most especially when it's hard. You have got to stand up for this kid even if it means your job. If you don't, you're enabling these attitudes towards this boy, which will absolutely damage him.

Alice said...

This just makes me sad all around.

I'm sorry you'll probably lose your job for this, but I'd say something. And then I'd educate the public about these parents. :(

How cruel people can be. 'My child doesn't fit my perfect standards. Don't let them do what they enjoy doing until they fit the standards.' .. Lame parents for a lame world.

Anonymous said...

"Train up a child in the way he SHOULD go". Teach children at an early age who God has called them to be. Parents are right