7 Reasons to Smile

Dear MB, you may not know this yet but today is my last day. I'm so tired of going above and beyond my duties as your nanny. I love your kids - it's YOU I can't stand! When I started 2 years ago it was barely at the going rate for this area but you promised me regular reviews and raises. I've had 2, but I'm still not making the amount I'm worth or for what you ask me to do. You said my foods would be included since my hours are so long but you hardly have enough to eat around here for the kids so I bring my own. Let's not even get into the fact that you never reimburse me when I do go to the store. It didn't used to be this bad so what the hell happened around here?

You leave your clothes scattered all over the house. As soon as you come in from work you toss your shoes into the foyer, leaving a trail of everything you're wearing until your down to your slip when you hit the couch. I feel like a peasant having to pick up after you. You keep tacking on household chores and that's not my job! Does "child-related, light-housekeeping" ring a bell? And by the time I leave, you're on your 3rd glass of wine. Thankfully the kids have had their baths and are in bed by then. You're probably grateful for that though.

By the way, I've heard your husband mumble here and there about you. I wonder how long before you lose him as well? You take him for granted. He is such a great guy but I think he stays out of your way on purpose. Do you know what a cuckold is? I think he does so you better start being more careful. I won't say anything else about that because I'm sure you get my drift.

I feel sorry for the next nanny you hire. I wish there was a way I could warn her about you. Yes, I will miss the kids. They've come to mean a lot to me but it's just not worth it anymore with the way you treat me now. I feel so much better having made this decision that you might actually see me smile when I leave today. - Anonymous


MissMannah said...

I've said it a million times: you set the standard for how others will treat you. Why the heck are you picking up after MB? If it isn't your job, don't do it!

If you've had 2 raises in 2 years, then I think MB has stuck to the "regular raises" part of the agreement. How many raises do you think you need?

Penny said...

OP- I am sorry your work environment was beyond crazy & pushed you to the brink, everyone should be comfortable in their place of business. I do understand your frustration. What some people tend to not grasp or understand is regardless of how professional, how organized, or how well you communicate with your employers it is ultimately up to them to follow through and participate to work together. A nanny can do only so much at the end of the day the parents need to do just that parent, be envolved. I have often said many families want all the perks of having a nanny but want none of the responsibility of employing one which is sad & unfortunate. Another issue most people understand is again regardless of how professional a nanny can be sometimes the stress and chaos of the MB & DB marriage/life can sometimes bleed into your work life causing unnecessary stress, issues, & feeling like you are caught in the middle. I just wish parents understood this and how those issues can lead to nanny burn out. Good luck OP I hope you find a better job with less stress.

RBTC said...

When anyone reaches this level of anger - it's absolutely necessary to get out for your health - let us know what happens

op said...

I'm new so I don't know what you've said before miss mannah but it didn't used to be like this. At first, because I'm just a neat person, I picked up the extra mess to be nice. Then I think I sort of got stuck doing it. As for the reviews, the first one was supposed to be at 6mo but it came 2 months late. I guess that should've been a red flag but at that time all was going so well! Then at a year I got another raise, so yeah, that made me happy (and it made me stick around!) The last review should've been 3 months ago!

Most of the bad stuff has only been the last maybe 3 months. Except for needing more money, everything really was pretty fair.

I walked out tonight without saying a word. I'm just not showing up in the morning. I expect I'll get some frantic calls from her! The good news is I have another job lined up in 2 weeks, with great pay and hours. The bad news? I miss those sweet kids already. :(

MissMannah said...

Hopefully you can take this as a life lesson. You aren't paid to be "nice" you are paid to do only your job. People will take advantage of nice people, because it is very easy. You can't let them.

I'm glad you clarified that the job got worse as it went on--I was under the impression they were horrible to you from the start so I was wondering why you'd put up with it. But quitting without notice is very unprofessional, no matter what circumstances. Since you've got another job lined up in 2 weeks, you should have given standard 2 weeks' notice.

Their Amby said...

Wow, I can't imagine being comfortable enough with myself as a person to leave a person in such a terrible predicament. I don't care how awful your boss is, Unless she is physically or verbally abusing you, everyone deserves AT LEAST a two weeks notice. Also, if you truly cared for those kids, you would have emotionally prepared them for not only your leaving, but also for the ensuing chaos that would follow your quitting. I'm a nanny, and have been in some really tough positions in previous jobs, but there is no way I would ever leave someone in such a terrible predicament. Those poor, poor children. If MB is as bad as you say she is, they deserve to have a little heads up that the only stable person in their life is deserting them. I hope that, in the future, maturity and some sort of conscious stop you from quitting in such an unprofessional way.

Bethany said...

I hope your new job works out well for you.

I also hope you have learned important lessons from this job and won't allow yourself to be taken advantage of in the future.

As for appropriate notice, I think that depends on the situation.

In situations of abuse I believe the nanny is within her rights to leave immediately.

Two weeks for normal situations

Four weeks for the best of circumstances.

socksandmittens said...

We all quit on the spot at one point or another. Obviously, you're at that point. I don't read anything in your post that would push me to that point. Maybe you just needed a break? Could taking a week off give you the perspective you need to make a permanent decision? Maybe. Few days? It's helpful to have a break between jobs, so I understand where you're coming from there. Obviously, you won't need a reference from this job (because otherwise you won't get one). I think you're burnt out to say the least.

Manhattan Nanny said...

What Amby said. I could see leaving without notice if they owed you back salary, or were abusive in some way. In your case, just not showing up is childish and inexcusable. Please do the right thing. Give 2 weeks notice, and think of a good excuse to explain to the children why you will be leaving.

Lyn said...

I really hope you did quit! When a Nanny gets to this level of frustration there is nothing that can be done to repair the work relationship.

I hope your next position is better op!

Nanny c said...

I walked out on a job once. I had already given 4 weeks notice and a week into it mb became even more crazy and was doing things like telling the 4 year old to hit me. Unprofessional maybe but sometimes a person just can't take any more.

Nay The Nanny said...

I have to agree with Their Amby, I was thinking the same thing but didn't want to seem like I was attacking the OP. OP, I realize your situation was bad, your MB was terrible and you were unhappy. Its great that you realized that and found a new job. Good for you, you made the right decision for sure. But if your new position doesn't begin for another 2 weeks, what purpose did leaving with no notice the way you did serve? Was it purely out of spite? You seem so proud of your actions. Considering that children are involved, that is pretty petty and immature, not to mention cruel. Don't be surprised if something similar happens to you one day, though I hope it doesn't of course. What goes around comes could have been the bigger person here. You did the right thing by leaving, but there is really no excuse for the way you did it.

op said...

I was so upset yesterday and writing a letter helped me to vent a little. I decided to go in today, as hard as it was. Some of the comments I read kind of put things into perspective and I realized that although I feel I've got good reason to leave I shouldn't do it this way and not to those kids. I will have a talk with MB when she gets home and see what happens. I'm a bit nervous about giving 2 wks notice and hope this doesn't come back to bite me. Especially since I would like to say goodbye the right way to the kids. Thanks to all that left advice for me, I think it helped to put me in the right direction.

Beezus said...

Life is way too short to be miserable at work.
We have all quit a job without notice-anyone who says they haven't has not worked many jobs.

Good luck OP! Hope the new job is awesome :)

MissMannah said...

Good for you, OP! It is always better to take the high road.

Nanny C, in that circumstance I would say you did the right thing. You should never have to put up with abusive work circumstances.

I walked out on a job once. It was only 6 or 7 weeks into the job and the parents and children were just horrible to me the whole time. They had the "you're the help, do what I say" kind of attitude. So I didn't feel guilty for leaving.

Sarah NY said...

Keep us updated OP. The last job I gave 2 weeks notice to used me for one and discontinued my employment with one day notice to me after week one. So be prepared for her to just tell you to get out and not come back at ANY point!

Nay The Nanny said...

Good for you, OP! So glad you changed your mind. :) It speaks volumes and needing to vent is totally understandable but in the end you did the right thing. Good luck with your current situation and with your new job!

nycmom said...

You did the right thing.

Though absolutely if the parents or children start becoming verbally or physically abusive, that is reason to leave immediately.

When nannies give notice, parents usually want to end the situation as quickly as feasible too. No one wants an unhappy nanny with their kids.

But at least you know you did the right thing, and be confident you still have the (absolutely morally right) option to leave asap if things deteriorate.

Their Amby said...

I'm really glad you reconsidered. I do agree at some point in our lives we all say, "That's it I've had it!" and absolutely must vent how we feel. I'm glad a good vent, and a little cool down allowed you to make the right decision, Especially after 2 years with the children. I too have come home and told my husband, "I quite! I'm never going back, and they can figure out what to do without me!" BUT I always went in the next day.. (this is in reference to a waitressing job, not a nanny position) I'm sorry if my original post sounded harsh, but I really hope everything works out.

ericsmom said...

I wish employers would give us notice. NOt just the nanny world this happens in. In the past I worked at PWC and they didn't even give notice. They just laid us off. I didn't have any benefits because after all it was a temporary position. With the promises of turning into a regular permanent position. After being at a place for almost two years it kinda of hurt.

So I wouldn't feel bad OP to quit. If you are miserable why drag it out.

Also, Do not purchase anymore items at the store for them. Let them buy their own stuff. I see that you mentioned buying items and not getting paid. I am assuming probably small things like milk or bread. Hey that stuff adds up aftertime.