Wednesday

Daytime Progress Lost by Evening Transgress

OPINION
I am a nanny and my 1 y/o charge has recently started having tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. I'm talking shaking, biting, hitting tantrums. Now be assured he is never, ever around behavior like this because for the most part it's just the 2 of us every day. So I have no idea where he learned it for one thing. How do I stop it? Do I ignore it in hopes he will eventually stop? It's hard because I feel as though I make tiny strides during the day by ignoring his tantrums, praising him when he uses his manners, and am stern with 'rules' (he's only 1 I know, but I mean the typical safety rules...no playing with cords, pulling on the curtains, etc.) When his parents come home they spoil him rotten...they respond to his tantrums by picking him up and babying him and giving him whatever he wants and it is SO FRUSTRATING because I feel like any progress I might be making during the day is lost in the evening. Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you so much!

80 comments:

BrooklynMomma said...

Th behavior you describe is typical for your charge's age and I think you're handling it perfectly. What is working against you is the parents. By giving in to his tantrums, they are sending the message that this is how you get what you want (by hitting, biting, ect). This is probably why he does it with you because if it works for mom and dad, why not try it on the nanny. I suggest chatting with the parents and proposing that you both come up with a consistent plan on how to help him deal with his emotions.

UmassSlytherin said...

OP,

Temper tantrums are normal for babies and toddlers. And parents like to pick their babies up and give them hugs and kisses. Its their freaking baby, you know?

I think you should find another job. Or even another line of work if you can't handle temper tantrums.

UmassSlytherin said...

also, I'm curious: what do you mean they "give him everything he wants?" Like, they give him food, milk, candy, tv, electrical chords, what?? I want to know what the parents give him that he shouldn't have. If it is a one year old wantin attention, that is normal. many parents hold and spoil their children with affection, especially babies.

Bethany said...

Tantrums like yoou described are completely normal for a child your charge's age.

Do you know the cause of them?

Does he tend to flip out more when tired?

Is he frustrated because he wants or needs something but doesn't have all the words to express it?

Sometimes a child does need a hug when they are having a tantrum.

Giving him what he wants isn't always bad either. If he's screaming because he's having a hard time stacking his legos and could use your help it's better in that type of situation to calm him down and give him the words to express himself not just ignore.

The flipside is some things are not negotiable ie you can't let him pull on cords even if he has a fit or if he's scraming because he wants to eat 20 oreos and icecream on top of his dinner and they give into it that's a problem.

I think your best bet for now is to have a sit down with his parents and the 3 of you come up with a plan for interpreting and handling his tantrums.

Hopefully you all can get on the same page for the sake of the little guy and your sanity.

canadananny said...

I've experienced this before with kids in daycare. I agree with previous posters that this is normal behaviour for a 1 yr old...in my experience even if his parents continue to "give him whatever he wants" he will soon learn the difference in how to behave with them and how to behave with you. He will learn that certain things don't fly with you (even if his parents let him get away with it) and he will behave differently depending on who is looking after him.

kat said...

What's troubling for a one-year-old is he has opinions, needs, and wants and can't yet talk. Have patience my dear...

OP said...

OP here. @UMass: no, I do not think I should find another line of work. It's not that I cannot handle temper tantrums...I deal with them the best way that I can. And I never said the parents couldn't give him hugs and kisses. Of course it's their baby and they miss him all day. What bothers me is that we discuss certain ways to deal with his tantrums and I implement them during the day only to have the parents do the complete opposite when they get home. They respond to his tantrums by yes-giving him whatever he is screaming about...or giving him things to shut him up. Her laptop cord being a good example. I'm not necessarily saying that everything they give him are things he CAN'T have, it's the fact that he is screaming bloody murder and hitting and biting to get things before you even tell him no. THAT is not behavior I want to condone because what will he be like when he gets older? I was never trying to criticize their parents-we get along great. My point was that there can be no improvement if we aren't all on board. I give him lots of love, affection, and attention throughout the day-he is not deprived. UMass I have to wonder because your advice on this blog to any nannies asking for help is often to "find another job". You have no idea what kind of nanny I am, how I engage my charge, and the relationship I have with him and his family. I think I can be a great nanny but still ask for help sometimes.

OP said...

Also thank you to the others for your kind words and advice. I think what's most frustrating to me is that the discipline is not consistent so I think he wonders how much he can get away with when his parents are around. They are very "by the book" parents and have always been really big on routine. His mom was very clear on how she wanted me to handle his tantrums during the day and that I should be stern with him when he has them. It just bothers me that she does not follow this so I always feel like the bad guy.

UmassSlytherin said...

OP, that is a supreme fabrication. It is simply not accurate. I certainly do not advice every nanny on this blog to get another job. Come on. Get serious about your life for a second.

You don't like my advice, I'm sorry. But don't get offended when you dump your purse out for everyone to see and then you hear something you don't like.

bostonnanny said...

So your first step is to sit down with his parents and explain how you handle it and explain that by giving him what he wants or trying to comfort him while he throws one is reinforcing the bad behavior. Sympathize with them on how hard it can be to deal with these tantrums but also encourage them to use other methods. You need to teach them other effective methods

Redirection is developmentally appropriate and could help depending on the child's attention span. Let's say he throws a tantrum because he wants to stand on the chair. Calmly take him down and use a catch phrase like chairs are for sitting, not standing. When he throws a fit, take a step back (so he can't hit you) repeat the phrase then let him scream. While he screams grab some bubbles and just quietly blow them near him, don't ask him to join just wait until he notices.
Teaching sign language is also helpful for preverbial children, they get are frustrated because they can't communicate their needs effectively.

OP said...

Great advice, bostonnanny. Loved the bubbles idea. Thank you for your well thought out response!

UmassSlytherin said...

Also, if there is a child of 1 in the home, there should be no exposed electrical chords or outlets. You should not have to say "no" to a baby when they touch the hanging curtains or electrical chords because the house should be babyproofed and should have no exposed chords, outlets, or hanging curtains, blinds or chords.

bostonnanny said...

Your Welcome op. I have tons of advice, I enjoy researching different techniques for discipline. But the best advice I can give is get earplugs. I get stressed when I heard a child scream and it becomes hard for me to stay calm and patient when I hear a piercing screech for 10 mins. I found that popping in earplugs helps me remind calm.

Oh also changing the environment during a terrible tantrum helps. Just dim the lights and put soothing music on.

OP said...

Bostannanny, how old are your charges? I would love (if you want) to keep in touch via e-mail or whatever is easiest for you to talk nanny talk sometime? Would love to hear more of your advice and ideas. All of my nanny friends have much older charges or no experience with the age of my charge. Plus I am from Maine and lived in Boston so I love that there is a north easterner on here! :)

bostonnanny said...

Umass,

I don't agree I have successfully taught toddlers not to touch Dangerous things without ever babyproofing a single room. I actually tell parents not to babyproof because they should be taught what is appropriate and the caregiver should be watched at all times.
Op,

Have we met? Do you work in cambridge and go to the nanny dinners(MAPN)

OP said...

No, I no longer live in Mass--I am in North Carolina now so we probably have not met!

knittynanny said...

I agree with bostonnanny. You only have to teach children to behave and not do dangerous things and they will.

I was talking to a sahm friend of my MB. She brought up a conversation she had with her mom.
she asked her mom how she baby proofed the house when she was younger. And her mom said: "we didn't need to, because we actually watched you".

Handynanny said...

As previous posters have stated, it's typical behavior for a 1year old. I am sure you already know this though, and your concern is that the parents are reinforcing the behavior, contradicting all of your hard work to nip the behavior. I totally understand your concern, it really can be quite frustrating to have to work twice as hard at caring for the child, when they are being reinforced by the parents that tantrums get them results. I think you are right to be concerned. They are making it harder on themselves, the child, and you. Parents naturally want to nurture their children and love on them and make them happy happy happy. The problem is there is a line between nurturing and teaching healthy coping habits. Parents who respond to tantrums with love are reinforcing this negative emotion and the poor kids are actually cheated out of an opportunity to learn to communicate properly. With the proper reaction to te tantrum, the child can learn a more healthy and positive way of Communicating and getting results. I hope you get the courage to sit down and communicate to the parents that you care for the child and while it may be hard to discipline during tantrums, the child will actually be much happier and healthier if they can help follow through and teach the child the positive ways in which to get what they need.

Handynanny said...

Love was the wrong word choice for my perspective, I meant more along the lines of giving in and answering to their tantrums.

UmassSlytherin said...

You should always babyproof a home. There are millions of other opportunities to teach children rules regarding safety. You should not have exposed chords or outlets, in my opinion. It only takes a second for a baby to get electrocuted. If it were not important, it would not be in licensing regs for schools and daycares. Ask any pediatrician and they will tell you that you must baby proof a home to some extent, especially with infants and toddlers. That is just common sense.

Wendi said...

I am a mother of three grown children and none of them EVER hit or bit me when they threw tantrums.

I think throwing tantrums in general is quite normal for this age range, yet I have to disagree that biting and hitting an adult are typical.

It is not.

Wendi said...

As for the parents, I can understand after a long day @ work, they do not want to spend their time w/their child being strict, however they are just enabling the poor guy!

Shame on them!!

MissMannah said...

OP, how long have you been working in childcare? I'm asking this because you sound rather inexperienced, with toddlers at least. What you've described is completely typical and it certainly isn't a "learned" behavior. Your charge doesn't need to pick it up anywhere--kiddos just throw temper tantrums out of the blue. It is because he doesn't have the verbal skills to express himself and because he doesn't know how to handle his extreme emotions. If you want to continue with this job, I would suggest taking some child development classes or doing some other kind of outside learning so you can become familiar with toddler behavior patterns.

Re: childproofing. I am middle-of-the-road when it comes to it. I don't think parents should upheave their entire house to make it baby proof, just the areas the baby (or toddler) plays in. This is called preventative discipline: if the window cords are well out of reach, you don't have to constantly be saying "No, don't touch that" and he won't be constantly tempted by them.

Bethany said...

The bubble idea works great for redirection.

I've also done things like start playing with a different toy, or singing a song, not to the child, but they generally get curious and stop the tantrum.

Aries said...

He is only 1 year of age an this is how alot of children that age express there emotions because it's the only way they no how. They're babying him because he's a baby. I think if they're still doing it in a year or two then it will be a problem but as of right now, I wouldn't personally mention anything. If you can't handle it then find a different job with children who are older.

I understand your frustrations, little children have a way of tugging on the frustrato-meter *lol*. I think in a few months (5-6 months) you should start using warnings an timeouts. That's my opinion.

Lyn said...

Ohhhh, how sucky is it when this happens? One of my 2 charges just turned 1 a couple of months ago and I totally get what you are saying. I'm surprised you aren't getting a little more sympathy and understanding from other Nannies. I thought this was a situation we have all experienced at one time or another. It's a pain when you take the time to think up, discuss and implement a plan of action for your reactions to their tantrums and then MB or DB come home and ignore the plan that was agreed upon by all. I don't really have anything else to add. Just a sympathizing voice and hope that sitting MB and DB down and discussing once more the need for consistency before this just becomes learned behavior to get what is wanted.

L2spell said...

Umass...please learn to spell. "Chords" and "Cords" are two different words. Look them up.

ex L.A. nanny said...

OMG people, I am watching Bever Hills Nannies... Geeezzz, the show is b-a-d!!

I just wonder if the families there really pay $30/$40h, since I've worked in L.A. area and the people in BH were actually quite cheap.

shocked said...

Stern with a one year old baby, why???? This is a mess. Remove things he shouldn't have. Or remove him. I can't believe this. Everyone involved, the nanny, the parents.... you all desperately need to learn about children & how they learn, think, grow....please load up on ece books. This just sounds so crazy to me. He is a BABY. If he is upset, don't be stern, comfort him. I repeat...comfort him!!!

in.my.day.......yeah, riiiigght said...

What an obnoxious answer. That implies parents who babyproof DON'T watch their kids.

mommabear said...

Exactly. A toddler should have a safe place to play without constant redirection from cords, outlets, sharp corners, etc. Not babyproofing is just setting everyone up for unneeded stress.

Tina Marie said...

Damn it, I accidentally fell asleep and missed the show, "Beverly Hills Nannies."

I heard that some of these Nannies make $85/Hr. For that amount of money, I wouldn't mind doing everything they have to do.

i_missed_it_too said...

Tina Marie, it will be on again Thursday @ 6PM on ABCFamily.

PS: are u Tina Marie from the forum called pafo? :)

OP said...

Amazing. THIS is why MPP gets e-mails from nannies saying they are too scared to post here.
@shocked-No, this is not a mess. Your response is. What exactly are you so appalled at? There is NOTHING wrong with being stern with a 1 year old. They need to learn the meaning of the word "no". As long as it is not overused, you allowed to say it and any pediatrician will tell you the same thing. They can have rules. They are old enough. Heck some pediatricians tell you this is the age to start time-outs. There is nothing wrong with being stern! Being stern does not mean yelling at the child or verbally abusing them! This post has been picked apart for the wrong reasons. My frustrations were more that the parents and I are not on the same page when it comes to dealing with his tantrums. They tell me do do one thing, then do the complete opposite. It's frustrating. He is acting in way that if we condone it, it will only get worse. Believe it or not, I do know a thing or two about children and how they develop...but as nannies, don't we all get a little overwhelmed at times? Don't try saying that it's always rainbows and smiles because ANY GOOD NANNY will tell you that we all get stressed. One poster said she uses earplugs...I think that's a brilliant idea. Does that make her or I bad nannies? No. If you can tell me that you don't mind listening to shrieking for hours of a day all because your charge doesn't get what he wants, then great. I bow down to you.
For those of you who will come back with saying "Don't post here if you don't like what you hear." You know what, you're right. I absolutely will not be posting in here any longer. While I received some great advice from some of the posters, I am just so sick of being called a bad nanny or being told to get a new job because I asked for some advice.
Thanks, but no thanks. Have a fantastic day everyone. MPP you've lost yet another regular.

Bethany said...

I don't think you're a bad nanny.

A bad nanny would be one that never asked for advice or tips on how to deal with a new or stressful situation.

I think asking for help is a sign of a good caregiver.

Don't stop asking even if you go to another website.
It'll take sometime, but I hope things work out for you and you aren't stuck in tantrum town for too long.

UmassSlytherin said...

L2Spell,

I apologize, I am a really bad speller. I have always been. And you, obviously, are awesome. Go, L2Spell!!!!! Cus correcting someone's spelling on blogs totally makes you look fabulous.

Miss Mannah: thank you, I couldn't have said it better myself. Great point: an environment in which a baby is constantly being told "no no no" doesn't work. Not covering up electrical CORDS and outlets is simply foolish in my opinion.

Nan said...

Umass, you call OP a drama queen yet you seem to the the only one who keeps returning here to argue. I don't even think OP addressed you in her farewell comment so you didn't have to read it if you thought it was a mile long and unnecessary. :) I think the only person that likes drama here is in fact...you! And I can promise you will be back on here commenting to this comment in a rude/obnoxious manner slinging out insults because that is how you carry yourself here. I remember you hating on Phoenix for a while for the nature of her comments but I believe we have a new bully here and she goes by the name of UmassSlytherin!

UmassSlytherin said...

You're a wacko. I'm no bully. You take this way too personally. That much is clear.

UmassSlytherin said...

oh, and yes. I am the only one who "keeps coming here to argue." lol
I am totally the only poster on this blog. Just me. Because nobody else comes back.

lol said...

and there she is again!

Nan said...

I meant coming back to this thread you fucking moron.

UmassSlytherin said...

you kiss your mother with that mouth? nice communication. you're wicked smart.

princess said...

I totally agree with you! Ive only been reading for about a month but geez some of these ppl are so negative and harsh and nasty!! Its ridiculous. And yes tone of voice is important for children to learn! Its not all sunshine and roses. Sweetly using a singsong voice to tell them something is dangerous is reallllly gonna get the point across. Ha!

knittynanny said...

How am I obnoxious? I'm not the one who made that statement. I was simply relating what someone else said to me.

SFC said...

Umass,

Just as an example, you don't think your comment "get serious about your life for a second" was a bit dramatic considering the circumstances? No, of course you don't because you're a bully and a drama queen. The OP came here looking for advice from fellow child care professionals about temper tantrums, not to be belittled by some Internet random with a Harry Potter obsession.

nan said...

knittynanny you're not. OP was responding to umasslytherin's ignorance. you're not obnoxious.

Nashville Nanny said...

(sigh) Play nice, children.

.dot. said...

She has also been extremely rude to me, too. For absolutely no reason. I pretty much just ignore anything she says.

five.seconds said...

Who cares if some whackadoodle doctor advises putting a baby on a time out?! That's absurd!!! Your virtual fit & refusal to listen to our advice(you desperately need ece) just proves what umass said...you need a new career. I don't even like her, but she was spot on from the go. You're too immature & you clearly do not understand why a child gets upset & how to comfort them. You think a baby needs to be exposed to "shaking, hitting & bitting" in order to do so???? Well, they don't. I've already advised you start taking some ece courses or buy some ece books, you need to become educated.

object.permanence said...

A one year old can learn the word no, if that's important to you. Why be stern? What's the point? This is a baby were talking about. What on earth is this baby doing that he needs to be treated sternly & learn the word no? Teach them that bitting hurts so that they won't want to bite. Give the person who got bite a ton of sympathy, don't give the bitter attention. If this poor guy is so miserable that he is "throwing fits" its up to you, his caregiver, to figure out why & prevent them. If you find you can't prevent them, then you'll need to comfort & distract him. He doesn't need to be punished because he isn't old anywhere near enough to know right from wrong. If this child is shrieking all day for hours, its your job to figure out why. Preverbal children have few ways of communicating & shrieking is one of them. Additionally, if you would like to remain a nanny, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with others without feeling so defensive. The parents & you desperately
could benifit from some basic early childhood education. A child doesn't need to be exposed to a behavior to exhibit it, its completely normal & natural. You're going to have to get creative. I like bostonnannys bubble idea. Some other ideas are: giving a bath, setting the child in his high chair with water in small containers, babies love that! Also, going outside, playing music or playing with different textiles. Being stern with a baby or putting them on a time out is just plain pointless. Good luck.

MaryPoppin'Pills said...

OP is right and I hope she won't leave... some of you may not care but I do. The serious amount of complaints I am getting is going to hurt the Submissions. Without those, there is no Blog.

If you want to argue among yourselves, go for it... but I am asking all Readers to please be more respectful toward the OP's.

hesjustababy said...

He is a one year old baby. What kind of discipline do YOU think he needs? Honestly, I can't imagine what you're thinking. If he is upset (tantrum) what do you have against comforting him? IME, that's what nearly all parents would do. But I only have twenty years of experience working with children, what do I know? Lol

knittynanny said...

When my charge is throwing a tantrum, I set him down on a carpeted area, and let him kick and scream as long as he wants. I pretend to ignore him (obviously I can still see him). After about 30 seconds, he gets up and wants to be held. I then hold him and comfort him. Sometimes he starts slapping me and pulling my earrings, at which point I put him down again. I also distract him. I start reciting the first few lines of his favorite book (which is called Baby Pie, and is sort off frightening) and he calms down.

Lyn said...

This is absolutely ridiculous behavior! ALL Nannies have experienced trying to nip a problem in the bud and having mb or db stray from the agreed upon plan. CLEARLY OP wasn't talking about punishing the toddler or doubting the normalcy of a tantrum in his age group. She merely was looking for advice on how others handle this type of situation.
And fyi, using multiple monikers to agree with yourself because no one else is, that's disturbing.
OP, I sincerly hope you don't leave our group because of a few wackos. If the normal ones disapear I'm scared to see what we'll be left with here.

Too.old.to.play.games. said...

Wrong, Lyn. I'm agreeing with someone else. I wouldn't waste my own time "agreeing with myself" umass isn't me, so there are at least three of us who think OP needs a new career or needs educated, etc.

okay,got,it,great... said...

I said, "what an obnoxious answer." I didn't say that YOU or anyone else was obnoxious.

MaryPoppin'Pills said...

Thank you, Lyn.

Last week, a Poster wrote in wanting advice but was concerned about bashing, so I left a footnote at the bottom of her Submission. It seemed to help.

For those wanting me to do the same for them, just let me know. Then the ones leaving comments know if they get nasty towards the OP, they will get deleted in that particular thread.

It is the only way I can think to appease everyone at this point.

MissMannah said...

Lyn, I think you are mistaken when you said "CLEARLY OP wasn't talking about punishing the toddler or doubting the normalcy of a tantrum in his age group." The reason I think this is because in her first post she listed the behaviors and then said she has no idea where the child picked it up. Any nanny with toddler experience should know that he doesn't have to "pick up" inappropriate behavior anywhere because it is just part of natural toddler development. This is why many of us are encouraging her to do some outside self-education on toddler development. Not only for this situation, but it will help her out in her job immensely.

MissJen said...

Yes, this!!

...and no, Lyn. I am not MissMannah using another moniker to "agree with myself." @@

Katie said...

It goes both ways. I was truly shocked @ this question & gave OP viable options that would help everyone. But she blew up @ me. Whatever. Some posters just can't accept advice maturely. They'll take everything personally & be defensive. I think its an impossible task for you to try to please us all. I do believe that you do a good job of being diplomatic. I don't think I could it as well. ;-)

Katie K. said...

I've noticed some responders being rude for no reason.

But I've also noticed an influx of original posters that seem to be looking for a fight or to stir up drama.

Katie said...

In this particular post, OP was given some great advice.

Now I don't think it was fair to tell her she was a bad nanny or shouldn't be in child care. That was mean and without cause.

But some coursework in child dvelopment specific to infants and toddlers would be helpful to her situation as would a number of ideas suggested in this thread.

I take classes in child development from time to time because I believe it's important. Doctors have to keep up on current methods and ideology. Why shouldn't we nannies?

Perhaps it would be good to have an option for posters to choose if the want to receive comments or advice in their questions.

work_it_out said...

I guess you're also a Katie. Ill use another name. :-)

knittynanny said...

: D im also Katie!

MaryPoppin'Pills said...

Thank you, Katie. It stings a little when a Reader gets upset and wants to leave... every opinion matters to me. I wish there were a way for everyone to be happy but I know that is an impossible task.

When I first started posting I admit I was a bit thin-skinned myself but it is true that after awhile, you lose your sensitivity. You have to realize that for the most part everyone here, specifically the OP's, are anonymous, so I would hope they wouldn't let a few nasty comments get to them. There are way too many wonderful people here to make up for the few that might upset you.

Katydid said...

Yes I normally post as Katie and I did Katie K just now because of the pp.

Guess I can go by childhood bickname

Reminds me of grade school again when I was always 1 of 5 or more Katies.

just curious said...

Whose the original Katie then? I don't want to lose following her comments.

katydid said...

I don't know if there was a Katie before me, but I've been here as Katie the last few months. The Katie that usually posts about balance , and not being afraid to let kids feel their emotions

From now on I'll be katydid if you want to follow my comments. If not

Not.Katie.LOL said...

I'm sorry. I just love the name Katie & used it (once) bc I looked over & my 26 yo cabbage patchs name is Katie! LOL I promise not to use it. Sorry again. :-)

China said...

Wow...I am ashamed to see such pettiness on here...and a NANNY website at that.

What kind of example are we showing by all this mudslinging online? If I were a parent, all of this child fighting would make me second guess hiring a nanny to watch my precious child.

We should all be a team here. We are all in the same boat. Parents should be able to get advice about how to treat their nannies and nannies should be able to get support/advice on any challenges they may face in their jobs.

Right?

just curious said...

Ok, KATYDID, lol. You're the one I follow. ;-) I have a few favs, you're one of 'em!

Smile said...

@ knittynanny and Lyn - great advice!!
@ all the negative bashers telling this poor OP to "get a new career" blah blah blah - wow, didn't ur mothers ever teach u "if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all...."

@ OP - You sound like an amazing nanny, if I were your boss, I'd feel lucky to have you! Don't worry about the people debating babyproofing and how strict you should be with the tantrums - one of the nice things about your situation is that all those decisions are the PARENT's to make, whether THEY want it babyproofed, and how they want tantrums handled, all you, the employee, need to worry about is doing your best, and I can tell you are doing great! I totally understand how annoying it is when they say, "do this", but they don't do it :P
I agree w the poster that said eventually, hopefully, the kiddo will respect you, regardless of whether they respect mom n dad.
Another tactful way to approach the parents is to just ask in the morning, "So, how did he do last night/over the weekend with tantrums, and what methods did you try?" Then, you can sound innocent, and they may feel shamed about not keeping up their end of their own rules! In the end, though, they are the ones who will benefit or suffer the most from their choices.
Hang in there! :)

Kelly said...

OP, if I can be nosy, where in North Carolina are you from? I'm in the Charlotte area so I was just curious! :)

Kelly said...

Aaand that's what I get for commenting before I'm finished reading the whole thread. I just got excited seeing someone from my neck of the woods and had to say something right then. Oh well. :P

serious.Question said...

You haven't clarified what he gets, when he is upset? Hugs? Kisses? Attention? A knife? Jack n coke?

safe & sane said...

That's just creating a less safe environment & unneeded danger. You can cover outlets, trim blind cords, lock up poisons & medications, put glass trinkets out of reach & still have a million opportunities to teach a child what is appropriate. It,s inevitable that a child will be left unattended for a few minutes @ a time(caregiver has to use the restroom, fetch mail, cook, fetch supplies, etc,). They deserve a safe home. I usually think you have great advice, but not this time, imo.

UmassSlytherin said...

"They deserve a safe home."

Well said.

Aries said...

His parents do it, he is use to get attention when throwing them. So i think ignoring is your best bet. If however, he hits you then you should put him in timeout and don't acknowledge him in timeout an if he gets off before his time, place him back. He might get off many times but you need to be consistent, he will eventually stop getting off the timeout spot.

timeouts-for-a-baby? said...

I'm sorry but this is terrible advice. At 12 months he won't have a clue as to why yore forcing him to sit down.

Why not actually teach him that when you hit, it makes someone sad. He is only a baby, he will not benefit from a time out. He will not make the connect from hitting to being forced to sit somewhee & ignoring him. He will probably just think its play time. This idea is just awful.

fed up said...

What is up with all the rude, petty, hypocritical bashing on here? She is asking how to be a better nanny. That is a great thing. And I guess so many of you are perfect and make no mistakes and always know what to do and never get frustrated.<<< I was trying to use that humorless sarcasm so many of you are fond of.

A child does need consistency and having the parents do one thing while you have another approach can be very difficult and strenuous. I don't think time out for a child that young is beneficial, so I would not take that route since they lack the understanding of what it is. Is this the family's first kid? Because it sounds like it. Parents come home and they want to spend time with their kid and they want them to be happy. I would see them giving the child candy or the cord that was mentioned, as a way to just give him what he wants so he can stop crying and they wont feel bad about anything. It is alright to say no. That is not being abusive or neglecting the child. The parents need to get on board with you and the same discipline should be happening from you and the rents. Let them know that it affects you and your ability to care for him negatively and also hinders the child. You want to make things consistent as I mentioned before so the child will understand in time that his behavior is not the way get attention or things he wants.