Wednesday

Struggling for Spontaneity, Creativity and Authority

OPINION
I am struggling with this same issue right now: "Input on at-home Parents. I am a first time nanny and only knew part of what to expect with this title, but was not prepared for what I have encountered over the past year. I worked previously in daycare and wanted to switch, but now I miss my job as a teacher. I had more freedom in the classroom, not only in terms of not having the feeling of someone hovering over me, but also the freedom to be creative with the child. The family that I work for now, the mom is ALWAYS home (working in her office) and the dad works, but with his schedule it seems like he's ALWAYS home too. They are two of the nicest ppl you could ever work for, but I constantly feel like I'm under the microscope. Mom questions everything I do and I have to run everything by her before I do ANYTHING with the child. I can't even have play dates, if she doesn't personally know the families. I feel like if I'm not trusted to do my job then I shouldn't be the one doing it.

The little girl I care for is a little over 1 year old and has begun throwing lots of tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. I feel as if when I'm trying to correct her, I feel like I'm being watched. The child does not at all listen to me or look to me as an authority figure, but more like an extra set of hands or a playmate (its been like this since I started). By the way she is still nursing and prefers to have her mother most of the time. I need to feel useful, but how can I when mom and dad are SO hands on even when I'm there. I feel, at this point, I'm not needed and should look for other work. What do you guys think? Please, I would love to hear your suggestions.

14 comments:

bostonnanny said...

It's time to find a new position with parents that work outside the home, you will be much happier. I personally could never work for wahp or be a live in, I like to have complete control over every aspect of the day. I would get a written reference before you quit and give them enough notice once you find a job. The position you have now will never change. They are very involved parents and sounds like they will always want total control. It will only get harder as the child gets older and your constantly underminded. Find a job with an infant and mold that child from the start.

UmassSlytherin said...

You sound so unhappy there. You should do something that makes you happy. I think you could find many families who would appreciate your desire to step it up with creativity, etc. And I think you can find some parents who are not home full time.

I personally would never work for a WAHM or SAHM. And I wouldn't want a nanny around my house if I was one.

Bethany said...

I think you will probably be happier in a situation where the parents work out of the home.

You've put in a year of work and that's good. It sounds like you've given it your best and you're no longer happy.


But if you truly can't take it any longer and really feel there is no solution, find another job first. Have the contract signed, and then tell your current family giving them as much notice as you can 2-4 weeks is good.



Wishing you the best.

BrooklynMomma said...

In situations like these, I never understand why the parents hire a nanny. Obviously they don't have full trust in the nanny and obviously they still want to be the primary caregivers during the day. In that case, why drag someone into this situation and make them miserable??

UmassSlytherin said...

They want that sense of control. Even if the child would be better off and more intellectually and socially stimulated in a chidlcare setting, the parents don't want to give up that control. Daycare centers and preschools have rules that the parents have to follow. The parents don't hand pick the daycare teachers. parents must follow the rules of the daycare. They must make thier own schedule and stick to it. They must pay late fees. They are not in charge in that instance: the daycare is. So that is why these moms have nannies and hover over them: control.

canadananny said...

That really sucks, I would find another job...I couldn't handle being micro-managed like that! I work for a SAHD (mom works out of the home). They give me complete control: I can take my 11 month old charge where I want, when I want with no questions asked. They trust me completely. It sounds like you're MB and DB aren't ready to have some one else look after their child!

knittynanny said...

My mb Mb and DB are awesome. They give me suggestions on where my charge might like to go, or what he might like to do, but ultimately, it's my decision. We go somewhere exciting and fun everyday. we have a lot of freedom. The only thing they want me to do is keep a log of our activities.

Wendi said...

In my opinion, working for a family where at least ONE parent is in the home is simply a recipe for disaster. Really.

The Nanny has no autonomy, she feels like she is being watched and listened to constantly (which most likely she is!) plus she is micromanaged by her boss. Also, the child knows the other parent is in the home and acts completely different knowing if they act up, Mommy or Daddy will come down and see them.

I have worked about 15 positions where one of the parents worked from home and they have ALL ended w/me leaving in a huff w/no notice after something happened where I just could not stand another day.

One mother yelled at me for cutting the vegetables the wrong shape (child didn't mind...he was munching away on them as she criticized me.) Another mother stood over me while instructing me how to hold the bottle while I fed her son.

I am at a point now where I prefer to be jobless than work for a parent who is in the home. It is unbearable at best and I do not have the personality or patience to deal w/it.

Sounds like you are a lot like me in that respect, so I advise you to leave this job and only accept positions where the parents work outside the home. Usually work-at-home parents will let you know in their childcare ads, if not...always ask on the phone prior to an interview. I always ask, "So...where do you work at?" If they respond, "Oh....I work from home...but I have my own office upstairs, etc." I kindly let them know I do not work for parents who telecommute and hang up.

Lyn said...

Yuck! Tricky situation!
Obviously you are going to want to find a new family if at all possible. This sounds like something a High school girl on summer break or a college girl home for the summer would be okay with but I cannot imagine being happy with this situation myself. And if they are so hands on then they probably will not be well receptive of a sit down discussion about your frustrations with the job and needing to be on your own a little more.

nannytothree said...

My first nanny job was for a wah mom, and I was there for a little over a year. I honestly can't figure out when she ever got any work done though, as she was so busy hovering over me. The kids were 6 and 14 months old. She would actually time me when I walked the 6 year old to school, and quiz me as to what took so long. I was not allowed to drive the kids anywhere so our only escape was to walk to the park. Even then, she would call constantly, sometimes she'd even show up to check on me. The kids would be excited to see her, but she'd only stay for five or ten minutes, tell them she had to get back to work, and leave me there with them crying. As soon as I'd get them started on an activity she'd decide she wanted us to do something else. She picked out everything from their clothes to their lunches, and god forbid one of them get messy and had to change their shirt. For some reason, my outfits were never good enough....you know, cuz a matching outfit is super important for a 14 month old to play around the house in. The final straw was when their new baby was born. The second he cried, she'd run downstairs and grab him. Then the 14 month old would scream and have a tantrum because she wanted mom's attention too. This would happen about every hour, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I've never worked for a sah parent again, and I never will! Believe me, nannying can be AMAZING once you find the right family!

Take your time said...

So tough! So many parents work from home nowadays even if it's a few hours once a week it can still through a perfectly good routine into a tailspin. My DB lost his job two weeks ago and I'm wondering his long I will stay if he stays out of work too long for my liking. He's nice enough, but hovers like a mother sometimes, it's annoying. Too many cooks in the kitchen ring true here. Alas, nanny jobs are tough to find so I'd play your cards right. Look at preschool jobs and find an agency that is clear that you want to work for a family that works out of the home. take your time to find the next perfect job. The family you work for now will cut your hours when they find the perfect preschool. It happens, most gigs last two years these days. You can tell the parents that you feel second guessed a lot and it's frustrating, maybe a simple conversation about your feelings might lead them to trust you more and give you more freedom with the child. Take your time and make sure to get a good reference before you move on.

knitty nanny said...

Sometimes my DB has a couple days before holidays off, but I still come in. At first I was worried he'd hover, but he usually leaves for most of the day. When MB stays home for whatever reason, she locks herself up in her room and watches Netflix. She always comes out to chat during nap time though. It doesn't stress me out too much.

Princess said...

I'm fuming over an issue with a wahm right now. I was planning special activities for the kids and I get a text this morning, less than an hr before I have to be at work, informing me that the kids want to do it today. When mom works from home. I was planning a whole huge pajama themed day for them but wasn't planning on doing it til next week so I'm not prepared. We could still do my day but it loses the fun if pj day is a regular thing. I guess. I don't know. I'm mostly rubbed wrong about the text I got telling me the kids want pj day and I need to wear pjs, oh but maybe I should bring regular clothes for the park too.

NannyTo3 said...

Leave! It's time to move on! No matter how persevering you are in this position, you will never change the parents job, personality, or opinions. I can't believe you lasted that long!! I was in the exact position and it lasted 2 months. After I broke the news to MB that I was moving on, she let me have it how I was "breaking her kids heart." (yeah right... Kid wants you and stays on your lap all day everyday!!) I swear they hired me just to be the "bad guy" so kid would behave and want mummy all day!