Thursday

Towel Foul

OPINION
I have been nannying for this family for about 3 months now. Recently, for the past month, the husband has been having me come in at 8:30am. Not too early and I'm not complaining about the time. Here's what the deal is. He plays his video game for the first 2 hours I am there and the baby is sleeping anyway. I wouldn't have as much of a problem with this if he wasn't in the same room as me, playing the game with his SHIRT OFF. It's awkward to me, especially since I am younger than him at 20 years old. He also comes out of the shower in just a towel wrapped around his waist to get his clothes from the laundry room. Does this strike any of you as inappropriate or am I just being overly sensitive about it? What should I say if I were to bring it up?

33 comments:

la said...

That seems a little weird to me.

Does this guy work?

NannyPants said...

I mean it's weird and awkward I understand, but do you think he is doing it on purpose? It doesn't sound like it...he kinda just sounds clueless to me. Asking you to come early so he can play his game. I wouldn't say anything unless you think he is truly trying to make a pass at you..just go to another room so you don't have to sit near your shirtless DB. Maybe bring a book or your laptop and go sit elsewhere while baby sleeps.

fruitloops said...

this is weird. really weird.

Phoenix said...

uh oh! What do you do at the beach? There are many men in towels with no shirts.

He isn't doing anything wrong. if it offends you, don't look

Sarah said...

I think it's a bit odd, but I'd jus take it as easy money to read or do whatever you want while the baby sleeps. Probably the baby will change sleep habits soon anyway and you'll have something to do. Maybe the dad just wants his guy time to play some video games and doesn't want to have to worry about the bb.

Rocky Mountain Nanny said...

I think it is very inappropriate for your DB to walk around without a shirt while you are there. I would be uncomfortable too! And the towel thing is completely unacceptable. I think you should try to bring it up privately with the MB, she is more likely to understand a why a female would be uncomfortable alone in the house with an older male who is half dressed. Even if DB doesn't know he is being offensive, being half dressed around you shows a huge lack of respect for you and the job you do.

This is just another example of why nannies should never work for a WAHD.

Tessa said...

Yeah...that is super creepy. There is no reason for him to have you come early if he is home and the baby is sleeping. And why does he have to be in the same room as you? Sounds like he is up to something. He might just be clueless, but don't take any chances! I would get out of there ASAP!

BTW, if this dad just "wants some guy time to play video games without worrying about the bb" then he clearly was not ready to become a dad.

OceanBlue said...

The weird thing to me is that he randomly asked you to start in earlier.

Does MB know of the time change?

The shirt & towel thing may be innocent. I can understand why it could make you uncomfortable.

Can you be in another room when he plays games?

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

OP I would most definitely go w/my gut on this one. If you EVER get the feeling that this Father is trying to come on to you in any way, shape or form, I would leave immediately.

The shirt off is not such a big deal to me...I live in Cali where it is really hot most of the time. The towel wrapped around his waist is kinda inappropriate to me, however I wouldn't categorize it as creepy yet.

I wouldn't say anything.

Re: the video games....I think it is just his way of unwinding in order to start his day. Some people drink coffee, some people need to walk the dog while others simply need to do some yoga. He probably just needs to play his video games...typical male for ya!! LOL.

I would just enjoy the downtime in the morning. Perhaps you can bring a book or use your laptop during this time.

SLNanny said...

This whole situation would annoy me. I would agree with above posters that maybe you could hang out elsewhere while he's playing video games. I wouldn't necessarily assume he was hitting on you. He may just be one of those people that walks around in a towel. My MB, I know that's different from a DB, but I've had full on conversations with her in a towel more than once.

Dads are so gross said...

It isn't your job to baby sit a half naked man while he "unwinds to start his day." He became a father, he will just have to step up and face the fact that he needs to give up some of his fun guy stuff, because the baby should be what matters to him now.

And I have to say EW. There is a huge difference between men without shirts playing volleyball or something in public, and one man who is your employer sitting around half naked. The only ONLY time it is ok for an employer to be topless around a nanny is for breastfeeding, so sorry dads, there is NO excuse.

MissMannah said...

I don't know why you guys are down on the dad for wanting to play video games before going to work. Who cares what he does? He wants the nanny there so he doesn't have to be interrupted if the baby wakes up--that makes sense and doesn't make him a bad dad. More often than not, the baby will not wake up and this is easy money. The real problem is that he is half-dressed and OP is uncomfortable with it. So just tell him that, I'm sure he'll have no problem putting something on to make you feel a little more comfortable. I'm sure he didn't even think about it beforehand.

Michelle said...

Many years ago when I was just starting to nanny I was placed with a family where the situation was similar. The towel thing on day 1 struck me as oh maybe he didn't realize I was already here. Days 2-3 it bothered me. When it continued on through the second week even after I mentioned it to the mom I spoke with my agency and said that it was not a good fit. I was getting a strange vibe not to mention that I was very uncomfortable. Speak up if it's bothering you! If you were placed through an agency talk to them. If not and you're uncomfortable speaking to the dad then speak to the mom but don't just roll with it.

MonkeyNanny said...

This is just another example of how parents, dads in particular, disrespect their nannies. Would he be shirtless around his secretary or admin asst? He would be sued for sexual harrassment in one second flat. It is so irritating that dads think they can be half naked, comment on our appearance, ask about our bras, and make suggestive comments(Yep, I have had all of those things happen!)Women already fought for equal respect in the workplace, why are nannies the only ones not getting those benefits?

Susannah said...

The game thing doesn't bother me the random time change does especially if OP is meant to keep it a secret from MB.

Go with your gut always! When something doesn't feel right it usually isn't.

If you have an agency speak with them about it.

Z said...

If the dad really is clueless about this making you uncomfortable, don't we have a responsibily to all women to educate him?

Sarah said...

I agree with Miss Mannah. Why does being a parent mean you have to give up everything you like? My husband and I both enjoy WoWing together, does that make us bad parents? The DB can afford a nanny to care for his child and can do whatever he wants during that time.

binghamtonnanny said...

If he problem is that you don't want to go in early so that db can play video games, I understand. I know how it feels to be asked to come in early or stay late, do it because I think the family really needs my help, and then find out it was so the mom could do yoga or the dad could hit some golf balls around the yard. If something important comes up, like a meeting, a dentist appointment, etc., I am more than willing to help out, but I don't care for overtime. I would prefer to spend the time with my own family, and I now make this clear to my bosses. You have every right to say no to overtime. If you want the overtime and are just uncomfortable with him being half naked, tell him! There is nothing wrong with asking him to put some clothes on.

UmassSlytherin said...

I think it depends on if he is hawt or nawt.

The Honey Bee said...

I would find it uncomfortable, too, OP. However, I don't think it's worth mentioning (unless, of course, there are obvious advances being made). I kind of think he's clueless like the others have said. If I were you, I'd just go to another room and avoid DB for the duration of that time. Should things start getting fishy, then I'd definitely move on to something else. Good luck.

Nashville Nanny said...

LMFAO @ UMASS. Agreed! But if he was "hawt", she wouldn't be on here complaining.

I don't see why it's an issue that he is playing video games before work. I like to facebook before work, does that mean I'm a bad person?

Re: the shirtless thing... is it really that big of a deal? I agree with Phoenix.. do you go to the beach? It's the Summer. There are shirtless men everywhere. It's his house. Is he sitting there in boxers? Then I would see the issue.

Re: the towel thing........ THAT would be an issue for me. What if the towel slipped? You're naked under there. I'm no prude, God knows plenty of MBs have breast fed in front of me.. full on boob out... but I draw the line at the possible sighting of a trouser snake. That isn't my husband's anyway :)

Sam said...

id rather get 2 hours of extra sleep...unless your hourly wage is really good..

turn down the early morning offers from now on

Tessa said...

I did not mean to suggest that he totally give up video games. I love video games, and I know many parents who play. However, none of these parents has a full two hours every single day to devote to video games. If they have extra leisure time, they want to spend most of it with their children.

The video game thing isn't really what matters here. The important thing is that OP is in an uncomfortable and potentially very nasty situation. RUN!

A Nanny said...

My DB walks around in boxers. Extremely awkward at first!!! MB kept correcting him. (He does it while she's here, or not!) I had to walk around the house with my eyes half shut every morning! Now, almost 2 yrs later, I still shield my eyes from time to time, but I'm less offended by it. I start pretty early in the morning and it is his house, after all. A pretty small house at that. I'm not saying its ok, I wish he didn't do it, I'm just saying I guess I somehow got use to it. Unfortunately.

Nanny Brooklyn said...

Yes, when if that towel slipped off...can anyone say "AWKWARD???"

To keep things safe, he should at least wear short or pants. Shirtless is acceptable, but not a towel around the waist.

melissa said...

It would make me uncomfortable too. And really, if he wants to play video games, "unwind" at night. Don't bring a nanny in so you don't have to care for your child. Give me a break. I know plenty of parents who still play video games, but they don't pay someone to sit there while they do it. The towel thing? Ugh. That's only acceptable on the beach. Say something to your MB. Do it sooner rather than later though, because otherwise they'll wonder why it took you so long to be bothered.

The Noble Nanny said...

Completely inappropriate! He lost his right to walk around in a towel and half dressed the minute he hired a nanny!
If you want a funny way to bring this up and hopefully give him a clue, casually mention that you'd be happy to have him deduct $20 from your paycheck so that he can go buy himself a bathrobe.

Vanessa said...

Psh, I've seen my bosses in their underwear (no shirt), and one of my other male bosses also walked around in a towel after he took a bath and had to fetch clothes. They never paraded themselves around the house like that to seduce me (to me it isn't a big deal to see men in their boxers or in a towel, tbh); they were just comfortable with me. That being said, I had been working for them more than 3 months so at least there was a relatively close relationship.

I don't think he's trying to seduce you, so I wouldn't do much about it. Unless, of course, he tries to make a pass.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

I remember one Dad Boss was in his boxers and I thought that was weird. But his wife was there too and she didn't seem to mind so I didn't either. I guess it is because growing up, my parents were ALWAYS in their underwear in the house and it was just the norm for me.

LOL.

Bethany said...

Well if it bothers you it bothers you. Go with your gut.

I think I would be most bothered by the towel thing.

As far as the video games, go to another room. There's got to be some place else in the house you can hang for two hours.

Now if he starts following you around or being flirty there might be an issue.

repost for anon said...

Anonymous said...

Of course it is inappropriate. I am sure your boss would not parade around in his underwear or towel in front of a non-domestic employee, but simply put, he doesn't think of you as a real person who might possibly be uncomfortable. This is the mentality that most people who hire nannies in this city have. I am a parent in Park Slope and you should hear the way these people talk about the women they have caring for their kids. It's unbelievable. They really think they are doing you huge a favor and you should worship the ground they walk on for giving you a job. I would be hesitant to confront him about it because it may mean your job. I would carry mace.

MonkeyNanny said...

Z said...
"If the dad really is clueless about this making you uncomfortable, don't we have a responsibily to all women to educate him?"

So true!! I think most dads who do this kind of thing have no evil intentions and no clue they are being offensive. But in the past, men thought nothing of slapping a female employee on the butt. We women have to stand up and let men know what is acceptable and what is not, becuase lets face it, they aren't going to figure it out on their own.

Kel said...

It is pretty common place, but I do think it's inappropriate. It amazes me sometimes how comfortable parents get in front of their nanny. I've seen dads scratch their crotch, flirt heavily with other women, in their underwear, the works. I've seen moms waxing their face in nothing but a robe, saw one eat a whole chocolate cake, sobbing, all kinds of stuff. Bad fights between parents, ugh. Its just ridiculous.