Special Ringtone Causes Flinching

Has anyone ever worked for a set of parents who you absolutely cannot stand? My MB is one of the most horrible people I have ever dealt with in my life. Several months ago I had to give her her own ringtone on my phone because I was starting to flinch every time the phone rang, thinking it was her. Now I just flinch when her special ringtone plays. (And that's often. I had to increase my phone plan because of her.)

DB is useless as a parent. Having either of them home just makes the staff's collective life so much harder. Days when they stay out of the house until dinnertime (or better yet, until after the kids are asleep!) are cause for celebration. I want to cry as I watch them daily ruin their children. I can't really go into detail because #1, I still work here, #2, if I start typing stories I don't think I'll ever be able to stop, and #3, the stories are so unbelievable that I'm pretty sure people will think I'm lying. I have plans to quit in the very near future, but until I do, there has to be someone else out there who can commiserate with me. Have you ever worked for people who are just downright awful?


NannyPants said...

I had previous employers I dreaded interacting with. They seemed too good to be true upon hiring me but it only took a few weeks for their true colors to show. It was a SAHM made tons of $$ so she didn't have to work, instead spent her days at the spa, shopping w/ friends or golfing. I stayed with them just for the childs' sake..the girl was 4 years old and I was her 12th nanny. 12TH. Eventually I had to do what was best for me and leave because it was not healthy. Like you, I won't go into specifics but it really was just a bad, bad, bad employment situation.
Good luck...I can absolutely sympathize with you. It's not easy but you need to do what is best for you. Hugs!

oh well said...

I am not a nanny, but I have had to deal with pretty toxic work environments, so you have all my sympathy. I hope you find another job as soon as possible.

Phoenix said...

I think you let people get to you. Also if your phone plan increased because of the times she calls you tell her she needs to reimburse you for the phone bill or tell her to stop calling so much.

Your assumption that they are bad parents could be one-sided. Meaning you are only looking at it from your point of view, which tainted because you don't like them. The best way to judge someone is to have a 3rd party observe whats going on. There is possibility that there is nothing wrong with the parents. There is something wrong with you

Phoenix said...

what i also don't understand is that i read comments where a nanny will say they hate their job, hate their bosses, hate the pay and yet they stay because of the kids.

These kids are not yours to worry about. You are not a parent. People do this when they are getting a divorce too. They say we stayed married because of the kids. Well self sacrafice is not beneficial to the kids at all. So any nanny who is staying with a job merely for the kids is really doing a bad thing. Those kids will eventually pick up that you don't like the parents and that isn't fair to them

NannyPants said...

Phoenix, I'm not trying to start trouble but I am honestly just responding to your post in the most honest way I can without being a bitch. You have never been a nanny, correct? You don't know how hard it is to leave a job when you are all the kids have. Not all nanny jobs are like this, but you get attached as it is and even more so when the parents are never around and you are raising that child or those children. You have a hard time leaving the job because it's just plain HARD. It hurts. And the child may not understand what he/she did wrong to make you leave when it was never their fault in the first place. Don't write condescending things when you just don't know what it's like!!

Confused said...

Wait, what? Phoenix has never been a nanny? Then why does she act like the police of these boards and constantly leave rude comments?

Nan said...

*sigh* it's not something you could ever possibly understand, Phoenix because you lack the key thing you need in order to feel things: emotion. How many times have you read of nannies not being able to leave because of the kids? Many times, right? That's because we all know we shouldn't get do involved with what is our job, but the reality is that it's easier said than done and you end up loving these children as if they were your own. No, they are not "ours" to worry about, but we still worry. You have a son or step son, correct? You'd think you could understand a little but you are just so clueless and it's so frustrating. This is why people get so angry at your jut have no idea what you are taking about and you just constantly need to stir the pot and put in your two cents on a subject you know nothing about.

Nan said...

@confused nope Phoenix is not not has she ever been a nanny....and she doesn't employ one either.

Confused said...

...then why does she constantly post in a nanny message board?

I think I might start putting my unwanted two cents on a marathoners board since I don't run. Seems appropriate.

Tamm said...

Phoenix likes attention. But if you want serious nanny advice, it is best to ignore her, since she is basically talking out of her rear end.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I have worked for horrible parents too. I agree that MB needs to reimburse you for your phone plan, and if you aren't comfortable asking her for that, just tell hor you had to switch to a less expensive plan and have fewer minutes.

Another good way to avoid phone calls from MBs is, don't answer the phone, but text her back right away and tell her your reception is bad, or it's noisy where you are, or you are out of minutes or something. That might urge her to text instead of call, which might minimize the flinching at the ringtone.

Good luck! I hope you find another job soon that has wonderful kids and wonderful parents!

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

I have worked for parents I couldn't stand...many a time..and I have always had to quit because of it. But it seems your dislike runs deeper.

I would LOVE to hear some stories, but I truly understand why you cannot share them.

Hopefully you can quit sooner rather than later since sooner or later the kids will sense something between you and his or her folks and it won't be a good environment for any of you.

Re: Phoenix, I think it is weird that she comes on a Nanny blog when she isn't a Nanny nor employs one. It's like me trolling a blog about people who play golf when I don't play golf.

Phoenix said...

it doesn't take a nanny to understand the dynamics of an employee/employer relationship. The key ingredients are still the same. If you have a boss that micromanages and complains that is not just in the nanny world.

And i never said I was the "nanny police" nor did i say I was right. i offered my opinion. You don't have to like my opinion and I can't force you to like my opinion so why the fuck do you care?

I can't stand my boss. But should it be that i am required to stand my boss because I'm not a nanny. Is that sector of experience only for nannies to gripe about? Is that no other nanny can get advice from someone who isn't a nanny because they obviously don't understand?

Think of it this way. i am not a nanny. I would employ one is I had kids. But having someone who is outside of the sphere tell you what they see is beneficial. All it takes is one person to understand and think and stop freaking out

And I wouldn't be able to determine if this MB was being bad based on OP's statements. Maybe MB has problems with the nanny and that is why she treats OP the way she does. There are a whole bunch of what-ifs. And just because someone is the nanny in situation doesn't mean they are right

They are your employers and at the moment there is nothing you can do about it. So stop complaining

Nan said...

Phoenix you misunderstood...I was not saying you didn't understand the employee/employer relationship, I was saying you couldn't possibly understand why nannies stay for the kids. You said yourself your don't understand. And you don't...because you're not a nanny. Yes it does take a nanny or someone with any type of compassion to understand.
And we all think you're a fucking lunatic who litters this blog with your nonsense made up bullshit life.

MissMannah said...

The problem here is that Phoenix is right and none of yall want to admit it. It is bad for the nanny and charges when she stays only for them. Every one of you know it. Of course she can't fully understand the situation that she has never been in and I highly doubt she needs you to point that out...over and over. However, I have been a nanny/daycare worker for going on 12 years now and I don't understand why people stay in bad situations either. Not one person has ever been able to explain it better than "I love the children." So what? I loved all my former charges dearly and cried when I left them but I know I'm certainly better off working for my kind employers than some of the whackjobs I've worked for in the past.

Phoenix said...

thank you Mannah!

people (mostly women) need to understand that if they themselves are not happy they will project their bad energy outward and it can effect the kids. Just like two parents going through a divorce. if the parents stay together and they are not happy how in the world are they going to make their kids happy?

If someone stays in a bad situation for the kids sake that is wrong. What if a mother was a victim of domestic violence but her husband was a great father and the kids loved him. Would it be wise for her to sacrafice her own happiness for the kids? The children would even benefit from a break of this type of cycle.

i think its cruel to base someones sole existence and happiness on one being. A child is a child. You can love them and have fun with them. But they are NOT the center of the universe. Kids are intended to help you make your universe a better place to live but they can't replace what you are missing.

OP said...

Oh dear.
Let me just start out by saying that I am NOT staying just for the kids. I never said that, and I wouldn't claim that to be the case.
I love the kids. Especially the little one. I will be very sad to leave her when the time comes, because we've developed a close relationship. And I do worry about her future. But that is not why I'm still here. The kids will be fine. Their parents love them, and they love their parents. And the fact that they are becoming spoiled, rude, entitled people who take no responsibility for their actions and expect the world to bow to them does not change the fact that they will be fine, just as they were fine before me.

I am staying because this job pays very well, and I am contracted until the fall and I'd like to stick it out for a year because that's what I agreed to.

I don't live in a fantasy world. And I appreciate you, Phoenix, pointing out that it may not be all my employers, because it's always good to have a reality check if needed. But, and you're going to have to trust me on this, I don't need one. This woman lives in a world where she is the queen and everyone else must jump at her every command. She is demanding, and demeaning, and acts as though her staff have been born to do nothing else but serve her.

And yes, it's only in my opinion that she and her husband are not good parents. But I think my opinion is a relatively sound one since I live in the house and see the results of their "parenting". And I won't get into the reasons, because frankly it's exhausting just thinking about it.

When my year is up (or before, if I can't take it any longer) I will leave this house and be thankful that I was able to keep my sanity. I appreciate all of the understanding comments and commiserations. Sometimes it's just feels better to vent.

And frankly, Phoenix, though I do appreciate the fact that you offer a different perspective that might make me look at a situation another way, your comment "so stop complaining" was kind of a jerk thing to say. I enjoy reading rants on this blog. I like knowing that other people are going through tough times in their job, just like me. Everyone needs to vent once in a while, especially to other people who get it. If you don't like my "complaining", don't read it.

Susannah said...

Yes I have worked for some awful people.

Yep, some people do suck. Some parent suck. You won't get any argument from me.

I understand the need to vent from time to time.

I hope you enjoy your next job much better.

Phoenix said...

ah thanks for clariying OP. I didn't interpret your post as saying that the kids were the ONLY reason you were staying even though you were miserable. But if its money related. I can totally understand that. That was why i was questioning whether or not they were as bas as you said because I assumed you thought one way when you were actually being logical. I'm sorry if I insuled you. That was not my inention if i did.

and the stop complaining comment was about my assumption in thinking that you were staying just for the kids thus you would putting yourself in a miserable situation for nothing. It's like if I chose to go to swim class and then decided I hate it, but i kept going then I would have no reason to complain becauase it was my silly choice to be in that situation in the first place.

If that makes sense

I hope you find a family that treats you good.

Phoenix said...

oooppppps sorry

i meant i DID interpret your post as saying you were there for just the kids. My bad

OP said...

@ Phoenix- No hard feelings :) I get what you're saying about the swimming lessons thing. I sometimes even get mad at myself for being so upset about it, since it is still my choice to stay. I'm just trying to do the responsible thing both for myself financially, and for the family, since I made a year long commitment.
Thanks for the support!

Still confused said...

Phoenix - What is your interest in a nanny board if you aren't a nanny or don't employ a nanny? It just doesn't make sense to me. What is the appeal for you to even check this site each day, much less tell us how to do a job you know nothing about?

Phoenix said...

Yes I will support you full on. I've stayed working in jobs (cough cough Antichrist CPA) way past the point where i should have because i needed the money. I was only 16 and living on my own. Well not entirely I was supporting my now husband. The day i left that place was the day he was sitting in his office and I was in reception. He got mad because he thought I was the one who lost one of his files to he started throwing encyclopedias out of his office directed at me telling me that if i'm so worthless I don't need to be in his sight and go home.

That was a wake up call for a little girl my age. His wife would get mad at me because my bosses kids would come in and I would let them use my highlighters to draw with and this little boy who was 4 drew a picture while me and his mom wathced him. He held up the picture and said "see this my daddy, and bruvr, and slesie (me), i didn't have red marker so yr hair is orange." not my name that's how he said it. His mom looked at me and then asked "hunter are you forgetting someone one?" He got so excited yes I did! He later comes back "see this is my dog simon."

i thought it was funny. she didn't and those kids never came back to the office.

I kind of took that off track. But yes i sympathize with you on needing money. Especially in this economy.

Do they offer you health insurance too?

OP said...

Yup I've got health and dental. This is my first job out of college.
Your boss sounded like a piece of work too :/

Phoenix said...


I will say it again. the question comes up so every couple of months. I believe it was maybe 5 or 6 years ago I was pregnant with my second pregnancy. I was researching online about miscarriages and how to avoid them because it runs in my family and that is how I lost my first one. Well the research didn't help I lost the 2nd one, got prego again and lost that one and then had a hysterectomy.

One day I found an add type thing that was for ISYN. So I went to the sight, read the stories and liked talking about the topics that are discussed here.

So even though I don't need to give anyone a reason why I'm here I will do it again one last time. Next time I’m just doing to ignore the question. The only real thing that I can offer nanny wise is that I had a nanny growing up. My friend also had a very bad nanny. There were 6 kids the oldest being 14. Well the nanny dropped the kids off at the movie theater and she went to the bar next door. She was so drunk that she had to have this little itty bitty 14 year old girl drive a suburban. Awful!

But yeah no more explanations. I'ts a free country and not everyone hates me. i have some haters but all the cool kids do.LOL No JK.

Phoenix said...

oh wow! that is really good girl. not many nannies get that. i can see your reluctance in leaving.

what was your degree in if i may ask?

Yes my old boss was a tool. The crappy thing is he is still friends with my step-dad and he still does our taxes. He's the typical accounant who thinks thet are a lawyer too. Incredibly smart man, just a royal dick

SLNanny said...

Phoenix- I agree you don't have to explain but I was always curious too. I often disagree with you but it is nice to have an adult who had a nanny as a child. If you feel comfortable, I'd like to hear more about that. Like many nannies, I wonder how the kids view the role of a nanny. And you've had that experience.

Also, I am sad to hear of your pregnancy losses. Miscarriages are devastating.

SLNanny said...

Oops. Meant to add thank you for the explanation.

Huh? said...

Phoenix said...
"i am not a nanny. I would employ one if I had kids."

Didn't she say before that she had a son/stepson and had employed a nanny?

Crazy nanny said...

The worst bosses are the micromanagers. I've had a couple myself. I had a SAHM that was so bad... She would send me texts DAILY reminding me what time the kids were done with school (they got out at the same time every day!), She would text me telling me to grab a jacket for them before going to the park (duh... It's cold outside!!), wrote out exactly what she wanted them to have for lunch, etc. It wasn't just me, either.. I was her third nanny in a month!!! That should have been my first clue. Anyways I left within a couple months. Good riddens. The good news is I now compare all other families to her and I've been pretty happy in all my work environments ever since! Good luck!! My only advice is to keep strengthening the kids relationship with their parents.. The parents will be around long after you're gone.

nannyb said...

If you are not a nanny @phoenix and you don't have kids then why are you on here? Don't you have better things to do then care about a profession that you are not even close to being involved in? how can anyone take advice from a source that isn't even reputable?
Nanny / parent relationships are complex and you having never been a nanny could not possibly understand
I know this has nothing to do with the ops post and I apologize. But this has been on my mind for sometime

ericsmom said...

Phoenix has every right to be here. She adds spice to this website. You may not agree with what she has to say. I think we are all entitled to our own opinions.

Confused said...

I just think it's lame that she's constantly posting negative/rude things about a profession she has no experience with. I don't go on an accounting website and tell all of them how to do their job. My real issue is that her negativity alienates real nannies from posting in this board, myself included. I don't feel like having every post/comment be critiqued by a condescending narcissist that has nothing better to do than hang out on a nanny site. It bothers me that other nannies are probably not getting involved with this site because they fear being ostracized by someone who ISN'T EVEN A NANNY. I realize she's not going away. Obviously that ship has sailed

MissMannah said...

If someone feels they cannot post because of another person, that is their own problem they need to deal with. Phoenix posted nothing wrong on this thread, some people are way too sensitive. If she was truly being negative and alienating people, the OP wouldn't have come back and said no hard feelings.

la said...

Can you all please leave Phoenix alone?! there have been times when I haven't agreed with her, but even though she is not an MB or a nanny, she offers GREAT advice sometimes. She commented on a post I had submitted a while ago, and I am so grateful for her guidance. If you've decided you don't like what she has to say, don't read it. No one is forcing you.

Lay off poor Phoenix said...

Poor poor Phoenix. I feel so sorry for her. Have you ever known people who would rather be hated than ignored? Phoenix probably has spent a good deal of her life being ignored, and now here is a place she can get tons of attention. She doesn't care if it's good or bad. I have met tons of toddlers who are the same way!! It is sad when anyone feels they don't get enough attention. Just let the poor girl rant. It is probably therapeutic for her in some way.

Phoenix said...

LMFAO. I don't log on to the computer on the weekends. but it seems that even when I don't log on I still have people talking.

Really? Can you guys be done now?

For the poster who said that i have a step-son and about me hiring a nanny if I had kids. Now if I have my own kids I would hire a nanny. My stepson has a mom that he can go to. Why would I need a nanny when he has 6 parents?

And I don't mind sharing stories about my nanny I had. In fact if you are a good nanny and you stay with your charge it is a lasting impression. I was a flower girl in my nanny's wedding, I was also a flower girl in her daughters wedding. I actually still talk to her on facebook. If is a different relationship but it is one that I remember well. Even when I was older and didn't need a nanny I would go over to her house every Christmas and help her decorate. She got MS when I was 9 so she needed extra help at times. I was always invited to big family events. It is kinda nice. I never thought of her in the same catagory as my parents. She never replaced them and I was always happy to see her but I was just as happy to see my parents at the end of the day. I think moms and nannies get things twisted a lot and they have jealousy and competition where it doesn't need to be. The kids perspective is totally different than what the adutls think it is. As the kid sees it there is only one mom and one nanny. Not one or the other replaces eachother and the kids are happy when BOTH people love them. the whole mom being sad the nanny is taking her place is honestly just bullshit that the mom is making up. The kids don't think that at all. I've been through it as a kid. it is absolutely pretend hurt the mom makes up in her own mind.