DB Recoiling over Daughter's Soiling

I need advice. I work for a two parent family, mom works out of the home and dad works in. I've started to notice that dad leaves poopy diapers for me to change in the morning. The first few times i thought it was a fluke, but I'm starting to notice a trend. One of the kids has diaper rash this week and I come in a couple times this morning and find her in a soiled diaper. Dad can't hand her off fast enough. I know this needs to be addressed, but not sure how. I'm fairly new to being a nanny and I hate confrontation.


workingmom said...

No advice, but this does not surprise me.

Is there any way you can increase your hours (with pay) to arrive there earlier, so at least the child isn't sitting in the soiled diaper so long?

blurp said...

Tell the mother, but only tell her the facts. "Each morning when I arrive, I notice Madison has been sitting in a dirty diaper. Now she has a bad diaper rash. You may not realize, but diaper rashes are INCREDIBLY painful, and can actually land a baby in a hospital. It's VERY important that Madison be changed into a clean diaper as soon as one of you notice she's pooped. I just re-stocked the changing table. What kind of diaper creme would you like me to use on her rash?"

That way you're not accusing the dad of being lazy.

NannyPants said...

Yeah I would definitely bring up the diaper rash to your MB. Same think happened to my charge...I made it a point to say to MB "X has has a pretty severe diaper rash these past couple of mornings...I've been treating it during the day but just to be safe let's make sure we're all super careful about leaving X in a dirty diaper...maybe have DH check before I get here?" It was very innocent and worked.

nycmom said...

Just tell the MB as suggested above. FWIW, my husband is a slob and often leaves dishes in the sink (goes to bed after me). I find it embarrassing and know my nanny deals with it in the morning. However, it is not new to me so I did address this in the interview as an expected task. I always apologize nonetheless as it is rude, but he is not going to change so I prefer to be honest and prepare interviewees.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Great advice NannyPants.

I would address the issue of diaper rash instead of confronting the Dad Boss. Hopefully, they will get the hint. If you arrive and the child is frequently in a dirty diaper, you can stress to him directly the importance of keeping the child's diaper clean and see how he reacts. If he continues, then you have no choice but to put up w/it since you cannot force him to change the diaper when you are not around.

Good luck. ☺

Bethany said...

Good advice already.

I would also suggest if you keep a nanny log, to note the changes you make, time , what was in diaper, and how you treated it.

For examle 9am, BM, noticed Baby had rash , applied cream.

CYA and the baby's

Bethany said...

nyc mom did you post in the rwrong post by accident?

I view dirty dishes differently than soiled diapers and diaper rash.

nycmom said...


Lol! No, I did not. But I also did not sleep last night so my mind is making odd connections!

I think my point was that many men are slobs, lazy and not detail oriented (not all of course!). Mom is undoubtedly already aware of this and hoping nanny will just deal with it. I mean, what happens on weekends?

Thus, nanny needs to address the problem directly without being accusatory so MB doesn't feel the automatic impulse to defend DB. Let MB process it and she will likely deal with DB. I try my best to clean up after my husband as much as humanly possible so my nanny doesn't feel she has to (she certainly does not have to, but is kind and does). However, I draw the line at staying up hours later to put his dishes in the dishwasher.

I agree that dishes and diaper rash are quite different, but I find both symptoms of a lazy, disorganized husband. I imagine both would be quite annoying and disrespectful to a nanny.

Enough rambling.

Bethany said...


I understand your point a little better now. Thanks for the explanantion.

Village said...

Blurp at 10:36 has excellent advice. I'd follow it.

RespectYourself said...

When I had an i in home child care a mom started always dropping off her baby in a soiled (crappy) diaper. After I realized this was becoming a pattern, I told her that her daughter needs to be dropped off in a clean diaper each morning. I said I didn't mind her changing her in my home, but that I don't accept babies in soiled diapers, that its a parents job to hand me over a clean child in the morning, just as I would hand them back a clean baby at the end of the day. Would DB want to come home to a baby in a crappy diaper everyday? You deserve the same courtosy. This mom was irritated with me but complied and quickly got over it. Speak up or you're going to become bitter & miserable as ikssues come up that you refuse to deal with. You'll wind up burnt out & losing your job unless you learn how to stand up for yourself. As a nanny, you are going to have to learn this skill. Otherwise, you'll need to find a new career. Nannys afraid to treat heir job as a business never last.

Nanny E said...


Your example sounded very condescending. Op says that, and shes more likely to piss off Mb.than anything else. I would keep it short and sweet: Db, I have been noticing that baby boss has a lot of diaper rash lately. Ill keep her diaper changed while im on kduty, would you mind keeping an eye on it until my shift starts? It looks pretty painful.

Fiona said...

Some combination of what has been suggested by blurp, nanny e, and nanny panys will work for you and get the pint across.

I can't believe some of you are so non chalant about leaving a child in a dirt diaper especially one that suffers from diaper rash.

It's not a goofy male thing. My husband and plenty of fathers I know changed diapers.

Leaving the diaper for someone else to change goes far beyond being lazy. It's downright immature and depending on the frequency of it neglectful.

Brenda K. Starr said...

I agree that the majority of men do not like changing dirty diapers and will do absolutely ANYTHING to get out of it.


Phoenix said...

You can't say anything. You are not the parent police. As long as he isn't harming her you cant do anything.

Plus, I believe you stated you were a nanny. Part of the job description was taking care of the child, bowel movements and all.

The dad works from and hired a nanny, that means he has no intention of taking care of the kids. That is why they hired you. When mom comes home I bet shes the one doing all the work as well.

This is the way their life, don't say anything

Bethany said...

She can and should say something.

Changing diapers during her shift is different than changing a child that has been left to sit in her mess.

Who knows how long the child has been left to sit that way.

It's even more of a concern that the child has a rash.

Bethany said...

It has nothing to do with being the parenting police.

Part of being a nanny is educating, speaking up for, and advocating on behalf of the child.

Phoenix said...

Ok. then the mom should do it.

Or the nanny can give them a dirty diaper when she leaves.

I don't think dad behavior is going to change. he just might not like his kids.

but from a medical point. Tell the parents that the diaper rash is on red alert status and can't be left on for more than 15 min at the max. That gives them time to BS around.

don't expect help from the dad.

Bethany said...

I doubt the dad's behavior will change.

But, at least nanny will have done her part.

Vera Bradley said...

Or the nanny can give them a dirty diaper when she leaves.

Stoop to the Dad's level at the expense of the baby... nice...

Handynanny said...

I Would keep a very detailed log of the diaper rash for a week straight and specifically note that it is at its worst each morning. After a week, let the mother know you've been working on a bad case of diaper rash that seems to flare in the morning and ask if she has noticed the diaper rash. Leave it at that