Darling Diva is a Monster in the Making
I currently have two part time nanny jobs. One is perfect. The other I have struggled with for months. (It’s been a more difficult situation since the beginning (3 years ago) but the last few months have left me dreading the days I’m there.) The family pays well, returns on time, is respectful to me in that degree expects no housekeeping, except for cleaning after the kids.
Where things are quickly becoming impossible is discipline with one of their two children. They have a 2.5 year old son C and a 5 year old daughter M. M is a pageant participant and if you’ve seen toddlers in tiara’s…well the show is no exaggeration. I think they discipline their son fine, but it appears harsh when they don’t discipline their daughter at all. This is none of my business really. When it becomes my business is what happened this past Monday when mom (who works night shift at a second job to help pay for the pageants) went to leave. C said goodbye mommy and ran off to play as he normally does. M, who has for months been upping the drama anytime mommy leaves went into overdrive. Mom played right into her lap giving her 13 goodbye hugs and kisses all while saying mommy is going to be late (yes, I counted) meanwhile M hangs off mom and cries and screams and acts obnoxious.
In the past I have tried to take the child away from the situation with disapproval glances from mom. I feel its best on everyone to do one quick goodbye I love you and out you go. This hanging around stuff is for the birds. The mother has bribed her with money before JUST to allow her to get out the door. It’s crazy. This particular session was going nowhere fast and I was going to have to deal with the back lash so I picked M up and said say goodbye to mom we’re going to go play and went towards their play room. The mom said thanks and rushed out the door. Where in All Hell Broke Loose. M slapped me in the face, kicked my shins when I put her down, punched me in the stomach. I told her very sternly that we do not hit or hurt other people and she was going to need to go to her room to calm down. She continued screaming with this demon possessed look on her face so I picked her up taking more abuse and took her to her room. Surprisingly she didn’t come out of her room, instead she trashed the thing throwing everything she could on the floor, and continued screaming for perhaps 5 minutes, and then silence. I thought she’d exhausted herself into sleep.
I was finishing up dinner, and preparing plates and so I let her “rest” for a few minutes. No more than 10 minutes after the screaming ceased but the child’s mother called me on my cell phone. M had apparently called her from her phone (yes, she has a phone) told her I was mean to her, I don’t know what all. All I know is that Mom called in for the night, came home consoled her daughter, while reminding me that I had no right to discipline her child and had the audacity to tell me to clean up her room. I told her I did not get paid enough for M’s abuse and walked out. The father called the next day trying to smooth things over. Told me his wife wanted to apologize for the way she spoke to me but was afraid I wouldn’t answer the phone for her. (So she didn’t even TRY to call?) He said he knew I was a great nanny and that C and M love me and want me to come back. I told him I cannot work under those circumstances. It is DANGEROUS for that child to believe I hold no authority in their home when the parents are gone. And that also, I was hurt that after all the years (and I have sat for them for years) that she’d immediately believe the lies M told her verses the side I gave the Mom. He apologized profusely, said we’d discuss accessible forms of discipline together as a front in front of both children. All that sounds good and all, but secretly I think DB knows that his daughter is a monster and no one else will stay with her in this condition and they need a sitter and MB is truly not on board and the misery will continue.
Would you stick it out and see what happens after this sit down we’re going to have Monday? The kids have been staying with their grandmother the days I normally have them this week, but DB said that his mother cannot keep them on a long term basis and they really need me to return. I include this because they do have some form of back up should I decide I just can’t do it. Though, I’m not sure who in their right mind would deal with that little girl very long. She’s BEAUTIFUL, and TALENTED, and can be so darn pleasant, but her other side is Diva Monster all the way. (One day she asked me if I did pageants when I was a little girl and I said no and she said “why, because you are too ugly to win?” WHAT?) Does anyone have any experience with this? I’ve worked with a family who simply didn’t know how to discipline and once we were all on the same board the kids turned around in a quick amount of time and it turned out to be a delightful position. I’m just not sure THIS situation will be like that.
I can leave. I love the kids but I learned long ago you love them all, and you miss them for a while but it goes away. I feel sorry for C but he isn’t my kid to save. The biggest problem with leaving is this job works perfectly with my other part time nanny position and I think it might be hard to fill in the blanks. I LOVE my other job, and know that there is no opportunity for more hours there, at least not anytime soon. Does anyone have any advice for me?
at 9:07 AM