The Grand Finale of a Grandmotherly Nanny
Hi, I have a question about the best time frame to let our nanny know that we are planning to put our son in preschool this summer and thus won't be needing her. How much lead time should be given? Our nanny is older (not sure how old, but very grandmotherly) and she has told me before that she thought her last family would have been her last, but then the economy tanked and she needed more full time work (and came to work for us). She is not on contract.
She has been with us since my son was 18 months old, and he is now 3 years, 2 months. I am expecting our second child in October, and would like to get my son into preschool a few months ahead of that, and also think he would benefit from preschool. The tricky thing is that when we hired our nanny, we told her we planned another baby and that she could watch the second one, which she thought was great. But the second baby took a very long time to conceive, and now the timing is not going to work. The baby will be born in October, and between my maternity leave and my family watching the baby after that, we won't need to hire anyone until the baby is 6 months old, which would be almost a full year after my son goes into preschool. I have not yet told her about the baby or the planning for preschool as I wasn't sure of the timing of entry to preschool, but it looks like June would work with the preschool we want for our son.
We feel that we can't offer the baby position to this nanny when the baby reaches 6 months because although this nanny is very loving, kind, and patient with my son, over the course of time working for us, she has exhibited some traits that make my husband and I nervous about leaving a baby in her care, such as lack of attention to detail (not noticing that a sippy cup that had sat out still had mold in it after cleaning and she gave it to him with new milk in it), not hearing what we say (and we have asked her to get a hearing aid; she has not), not following directions of what I write down (such as how I would like her to set boundaries with my son and be consistent with the way we discipline him), and she is very passive and doesn't ask any questions, at all. Such as: I saw your son was doing X. Would you like me to do X when he does that? Another example: When my son had a fever recently, she called my husband and left a message. He never got the message because he was in training all day and not at his desk. She never called me, not even when he didn't call her back. I got home and asked why she didn't call me, and she had no reply. She appears to be in a fog frequently and will throw things away without checking what they are exactly--she threw away a bag with my son's clothes and toys from the beach (that I had asked her to de-sand, wash, and put away) even after I let her know what I wanted her to do. When asked why, she said that we should have written on the bag not to throw it away! There were numerous instances like that until I told her she was to throw nothing away that was sitting out.
She is great with my son and he cares for her, and she is a very kind person. I want to make sure she has plenty of notice if she plans to look for another job. But what is plenty of notice? One month? Two? That said, I also need to let her know that we won't be hiring her for the baby, but I don't want to go into all the details why if I don't have to. If I have to go into the details, I can, but I don't know how to phrase this to her without being too harsh. We plan to have her over this weekend to tell her about the baby and the preschool situation and have a nice chat. Any insight from you all would be much appreciated.
at 8:37 AM