Feeling Guilty

opinion 1
Does anyone else feel guilty turning a family down when interviewing? I mean, this is such a personal job... how do you not expect a family to take it personally when you choose not to work for them? I always have such a hard time, especially when they want me to do a "working interview"... telling them that I don't think that they are the right fit for me. I have been a professional nanny for over a decade, and it never seems to get any easier.


Truth Seeker said...

OP I most recently started a new job and I don't think it is a good fit. I don't know how to approach the woman I work for and tell her without things getting kinda awkward.

I really need this job and would like to perhaps work things out if possible. So I was thinking of addressing certain issues after work one day when things are relaxed and we can talk. Then if she gets mad or I don't think things can be worked out, then at least I gave it a fair shot and I can give my notice.

Manhattan Nanny said...

They probably are interviewing several nannies, and should expect that you are interviewing with several families.
The simplest way is to send an e-mail saying you have decided to accept another offer, and wish them luck in finding a wonderful nanny. Even if you don't have another offer yet, it is what you intend to do. you don't need to explain your reasons.

If you are going through an agency however, you will have to explain your reasons to them. Be very clear and specific. It will help them make a better match for both you and the family.

MissMannah said...

I always do it through email as well. During the first interview, if the family wants to set up a working interview, I'll always go ahead and schedule it, even if I'm feeling a bit iffy about them. Then I'll go home and mull it over for a day or so. If I decide I really can't work for them, I'll email the next day to cancel the second interview and say something generic like "I feel I would be a better fit with another family and I wish you luck as you continue your search."

Phoenix said...

Guilt is an emotion that you can do without. A good quality nanny will be someone who has empathy, love, devotion, loyalty, and dedication. If you feel bad for turning down a family you are a sensetive person and you love people and want whats best. If you feel guilty when you turn down a family tell them that you have already taken a job with another family but if they want you would be more than happy to keep in contact with them in case they need advice when hiring someone new or if they would need special occasion help on weekends. Whether you actaully intend do this or not, doesn't matter. It will make the sting a lot less painful.

Don't tell them they are not the right fit. just make something up where you don't hurt feelings.

Personally I don't ever feel guilty over anything. Life just takes everyone in different directions and if my path isn't meant to be with others it just isn't meant to be.

MonkeyNanny said...

Don't feel guilty at all. Just make sure they know up front that you are interviewing with more than just one family. Once after the first interview the mom called to hire me and said they just fired their current nanny! It was awkward, but they never actually offered me the job, they just assumed I wanted it. I hope they learned to actually confirm a new nanny before firing their old one!

Ugh. I hate working interviews. I never do them for a first interview, if they really want one I'll do it on the second interview. That way if you don't have a good feeling after the first interview, just send them an email saying you went with someone else. No need to feel guilty, and besides, you will probably never see them again.

MissMannah said...

MonkeyNanny: On never seeing someone again, I made the mistake of assuming that once. I cancelled a working interview with a family by saying I had decided to go with someone else, even though I hadn't made any final decisions yet. And I saw the mother that very afternoon in a store, she came right up to me and said she was really disappointed because I was their first choice but wished me well with my new job. My husband raised his eyebrows at me and I had to do some quick explaining as soon as we left. It was really embarrassing but I was glad the mom was at least nice about it!

MonkeyNanny said...

Yeah, that would be embarrassing! I guess I should have said you really HOPE you never see them again!

Bethany said...

I'm not sure I feel guilty but it's not my favorite thing to do.
A few months ago I had to turn a family down after a working interview. Something just din't feel right to me so I needed to go with my gut.
Anyway the mom flipped out on me calling me unprofessional and such.

Good times!

SongnDance said...

I have no guilt ever about it - if I know in my gut that a family's expectations are WAY different than the job description I'm looking for (and I'm very clear about what I do, don't do as a nanny, etc), then I just say, "Sorry, I don't think I'm a good fit for your family, but I'm sure you will find the perfect match for your family soon - good luck, blah blah blah..." It's like dating. If you just aren't a good fit with a guy, do you keep going out with him after two dates not to "hurt his feelings"? :)

SA said...

Think of it as a learning experience for the parents. Thoe more times they get turned down by a potential nanny, the more they will realize that good child care is hard to find. This will make them more likely to treat their nanny very well, since they won't want to go through the hiring process again.