The Help

guest column Written by, Rebecca Lubin
This past summer, July 22nd to be exact, (I remember as it was my younger brother’s birthday) I was at the tennis club with my then four year old charge, taking a break while he had his swim lesson, and scrolling through Facebook on my cell phone. There was a contest announcement on the Take Part page that caught my eye. “Win a trip for two to LA to attend the Celebrity premiere of “The Help.”” I glanced over the rules. I would have to submit a home made recipe and the story behind it, and the contest ended that day, at midnight. Now, like so many of us Nannies out there, I was incredible moved by “The Help.” I couldn’t read it fast enough, even though I wanted to read it very very slowly and make it last. I was so touched by the story of these women so in love with their charges, and how Skeeter described her enduring love for her former Nanny/Maid. I have always hoped to have such a lasting influence on my numerous children from over the years, and could really see myself in some of the characters, as a women so very invested in raising children I did not give birth to. I knew immediately what I would write about: My Goat Cheese Lasagna, and Parents Weekend at school with my former charge Sierra.

I had helped raise Sierra from the age of four, and when she was fourteen, her father had passed away, right before she left to attend a boarding school in Santa Barbara for her High School education. I had been driving down twice a year to attend her Parents Weekends over the years so she would feel supported and not as sad at the absence of her Dad. We had, over time, made some very fun rituals out of Parents Weekend. I cooked my Goat Cheese Lasagna, we poured through the old family albums and talked about all the good old days. I thought that my recipe/story could be a good contender in the contest. After work was over, as it was a Friday and I knew that once I arrived at my boyfriend’s house I would forget to write my entry, I quickly wrote it out on my laptop before leaving for the weekend, and submitted it, with fingers crossed. The following Wednesday I received an e-mail from Participant Media, who along with “The Help” also produced “Waiting for Superman”.

“Congratulations!” It began. I had won. I couldn’t believe it. I had never won a contest in my life, and now I was going to be flown to LA, put up in a hotel for two days and get to attend the premiere of the movie adaption of a book that I felt touched me to my very core. And, they wrote, if I received her mother’s permission, I could bring Sierra with me. I didn’t stop jumping up and down for five minutes. I was beyond excited. And the entire trip was only a week away. I stopped jumping. What the hell was I going to wear to a Hollywood premiere?

“Should I wear my prom dress?” Sierra texted me.

“Can I take two and a half days off?” I asked my employers.

The next few days were a flurry of excitement as I overnighted to LA release forms for me and parental consent forms for Sierra so that our names and photographs could be used in promotion of the contest. I tore through my closet looking for a fabulous dress. I bought really expensive shoes. I grew giddy with each update that Jonathan, my contact at Participant Media sent me about the trip. We would be staying at the Thompson Hotel in Beverly Hills. We would be treated to dinner at Spago. We could actually WALK THE RED CARPET at the premiere. It all felt like a fairy tale.

The flight from San Francisco to Los Angels is only an hour, but I had butterflies the entire way. The driver who met me at the airport to take me to the hotel was of course, also an actor. He gave me his business card which actually read, “Voice artist - Driver.” Sierra met me at the hotel, and we checked into an adorable, sleek, cool, modern little room that within minutes we had covered with outfit choices for our big dinner at Spago. We had a little over an hour to groom and change and catch up with each other on all that had happened to each other since our last visit together over Parents Weekend in April. Sierra was just heading into her senior year of high school, and getting ready to apply to colleges. We were still discussing the pros and cons of Bard when we arrived at the restaurant and gave our name to the hostess. She led us to a huge, comfy banquette and smiled warmly at us as she handed us our menus.

“Have a wonderful time,” she said.

I think she knew we were the country bumpkin contest winners. As did our waitress. She poured over our menus with us, suggesting her favorites as well as the signature dishes that Spago was famous for. I ordered the goat cheese and beet cakes (Oh boy!) and the Sonoma Lamb (Oh my God!!) and a sinfully decadent glass of Pinot (Holy Crap!!!) There was no check presented at the end of the meal, only another warm smile and well wishes for us to have fun on the rest of our adventure. I had been briefed by Jonathan that there would be no check and that the gratuity would also be taken care of, but I still slipped two twenties onto the table before we left.

After a brief hangout at the rooftop pool back at our hotel, with a soda for Sierra and another glass of Pinot for me - not bad, but nothing like the wine at Spago - we crawled into our cozy beds back in our room, falling asleep with visions of hollywood premieres dancing in our heads.

We had an appointment the next morning at Participant Media as we actually going to be interviewed for their online blog about the relationship between the nanny and her charge, just like the relationships in “The Help, ” as we were a nanny and her charge, and we had won the contest to see the movie about the nanny and her charge. Jenny, the staff writer set a tape recorder down on the table between us and asked us questions for over an hour. Seriously, it was like therapy.

“Rebecca, have any of the families you’ve worked for ever been really difficult?”
(Uh, YEAH.)

“Sierra, was it strange for you to have an adult have a hand in raising you who was not a parent?”
(Uh, YEAH.)

Afterwards, we cabbed to Melrose for brunch and reflected that being interviewed was totally cool, and that we should definitely go back to the rooftop pool and hang out in the sun until it was time to go to the premiere. We had been walked through the schedule while at Participant Media. We were to arrive at the theatre no later than six thirty to pick up our tickets at will call, and yes, we could walk the red carpet. And yes, we could bring our cameras and have a picture taken. On the red carpet!

“It’s called step and repeat,” we were told.

“Oh yeah,” I said, “Like on reality TV!”

I planned that once inside the Samuel Goldwyn theatre I was going to become a fly on the wall - literally - I was going to glue myself to one good viewing spot and people watch as if it were an olympic sport. Sierra however, being a typical seventeen year old, was positive I was going to humiliate her, and had her own plan to enter the theatre with her head down and scoot to our seats like she was in witness protection, lest I throw myself at Emma Stone screaming my undying love for her. She also wanted to sneak into the theatre around seven. I showed her the email from Disney that reiterated our schedule and she relented. And off we went.

There was a huge crowd in front of the theatre, simply mayhem, with police barriers set up with the cheering fans and paparazzi on one side and the storied red carpet set up on the other, except it wasn’t all open as I had imagined. It was draped with a huge covering, so it looked like a city block long canvas tent. We picked up our tickets - our seats were assigned - and we were waved towards the opening of the long canvas tent. I don’t know how Sierra was feeling, but I was so excited I was having trouble taking deep breaths. As we walked up to the red carpet, we could see camera flashes, and see incredibly thin women dressed in incredibly amazing outfits posing and smiling. I didn’t recognize one of them. Our toes were practically on the red carpet when we both suddenly glanced at each other and shook our heads no, and veered sharply to our left and bypassed the entire circus. It was the best moment of mental telepathy of my entire life thus far. We were the contest winners. Red Carpet? Who were we kidding? We made our grand entrance via side door, and it felt entirely appropriate. In the lobby we ran into one of the producers from Participant Media who asked us if we were having fun, and offered to take our picture, so Sierra and I posed in front of a huge poster for the movie, and then went upstairs, picked a good people watching spot, and looked for movie stars. We were sorely disappointed. We saw several actresses from television shows that we recognized, (Look - it’s that girl from that thing!) but seriously - not one cast member from the movie! The lights were flickering to let us know it was show time and we had yet to see anyone. I even walked incredibly slowly to the ladies room and back in hopes of a star sighting, but nada. We took our seats and I immediately craned my neck to case out the back of the theatre. (We were seated in the second row, stage right. All the way right.)

“I see Sissy Spacek!” I whispered to Sierra.

“Turn around!” She said in her best you-are-embarrassing-me-seventeen-year-old-tone.

“Bryce Dallas Howard just walked in. And she’s pregnant!”

“Stop staring!”

“Everybody is staring,” I pointed out, and it was true. Everyone in the front rows were watching the back of the theatre.

“Mary Steenburgen!” I hissed.

“Oh, God,” Sierra groaned.

Then the movie started, and I was riveted. I was moved. I was laughing. I was crying. I was.... really really hungry. We had only had brunch earlier in the day and in all the excitement of grooming for the premiere, eating had never crossed my mind. Now, at almost ten pm, as the credits began to roll and the audience cheered for their friends and contemporaries my stomach began to growl like a pissed off tiger. I comforted myself with the thought that judging by the less than zero sizes of the majority of the actresses I had seen as we walked in, most likely everyone in that room was very hungry.

“Let’s go downstairs and check out the food!” I said to Sierra.

We had been told that there was to be an after film buffet.

We descended the huge staircase back to what had earlier been the lobby, only now it was totally transformed into an epic Hollywood party. The room had quadrupled in size as they had broken down several walls while we watched the movie, and huge buffets dripping with food lined the perimeter with an enormous one stationed smack dab in the middle of the huge space. Music from the movie soundtrack blasted, and the walls were lined with mannequins wearing the actual costumes from the movie. I looked over the buffets, salivating at the spread of the poached salmon, friend chicken, cornbread, salads and desserts. I spied a wine tent with a huge banner that read “Wolfgang Puck” and let out a little sigh, remembering that unbelievable Pinot from the night before. I nudged Sierra towards the closest buffet.

“Let’s get in line!”

She said, “Actually, we could we, uh, like, leave now?”


She said, “It’s just that we don’t know anybody here.”

I said, “of course we don’t know anybody here. It’s a hollywood premiere. Oh look - Jessica Chastian is standing right there!”

And she was. Dressed to the nines with a torso the size of a toddler’s and perfect hair and impeccable makeup. She was a picture of perfect intimidation. I immediately understood exactly why Sierra wanted to leave.

“Twenty minutes.” I said. “One plate of food, I get one glass of wine, we do one lap around the room and then we go. Okay?”

She said, “Can we do that in ten minutes?”

Here’s the thing, I understood exactly how Sierra felt. My teenage intimidation moment was not at a hollywood premiere at seventeen, but at a Long Island Bat Mitzvah at sixteen. I knew very well that adolescent feeling that you just don’t measure up. Of course in my opinion, Sierra at seventeen, almost six feet tall, blonde and a total badass was decades hotter than any size minus starlet could ever hope to be, I could completely comprehend what she was feeling at that moment. So in spite of the fact that Ted Danson was standing right in front of me scoping out the buffet I said, “Let’s go.”

I had won the contest by writing about having Sierra’s best interest in my heart, and I left the party with her best interest in my mind. And I felt totally fine about it, even if I never saw Emma Stone.

Photobucket Photobucket


Jedd Meir said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Welcome Back Rebecca!! :)

MissMannah said...

I have missed your writing--sweet and hilarious. That was awesome. :)

Phoenix said...

Oh I see why Sierra wanted to leave. She is very homey aint she?

Phoenix said...

that wasn't nice but it was honest. That is my new years resolution. I am really going to say what I think. Scary that i was holding back aint it?

MissMannah said...

Did you mean homey or homely? I didn't think either of her, she just looked like any other teenager to me, I can remember being that age and feeling very awkward in social settings when not knowing anybody...and I still do.

Rebecca Lubin said...

Hey Ladies, I've missed you as well.

Here is the link to the article Participant Media wrote about us:

Phoenix, lovely that you made a New Year's resolution to be honest, but are you seriously internet bashing a child? Saying what you think is honorable, but purposely attacking an innocent child is beyond reprehensible. Shame on you.

CaliCo said...

I'm telling the truth, too, and I have to disagree with Phoenix. Sierra is a ringer for a friend of mine that was a model in Hawaii and California.

Phoenix said...

ooops I meant homely. Or it would be better to say, non-Hollywood.

I don't know. I live in AZ. We got gorgeous girls walking around, everywhere! I think ASU was voted as a college with some of the hottest girls. So I am just used to looking at a certain kind of girl.

Phoenix said...

then maybe it was a bad photo. I've been there too. LOL. And she's not a child, she is 17

CaliCo said...

Sierra was a stunning child, too, look at the pic in the contest link.

Phoenix said...

OMG she is so cute! she looks like my childhood friend.

Phoenix said...

One thing that was cool about this though was that it reminded me of my nanny. She would come to parents day at my school too. I mean both my parents were there for me as a kid but my mom would let my former nanny come. It is an interesting bond. And to this day I still care about her, she got MS when I was 9. I still remember crying about that. i was the flower girl in hers and her daughters wedding. Sad to think about the past. But the bond here reminded me of that. It is special

StrawberryShortKakes said...

I thought this posting was nice! I think it's great that you were able to bring Sierra along and I'm not surprised that she didn't feel very comfortable there. I for one would not fit in with the Hollywood scene at all! I would enjoy it for 5 minutes then want to leave LOL. Anyway, congrats on winning the contest and getting to experience something once-in-a-lifetime!

Nanny E said...


You are so random sometimes! First you say the girl is homely, then you say oh her childhood picture is so cute, then you go into some story about a nanny of yours! I honestly don't understand your logic sometimes! The girl is adorable, I don't know what you are talking about!

Also-glass houses, Phoenix, glass houses.

unicornsparkleprincess said...

am i the only one who thought the help was an awful, awful movie??

Phoenix said...

yes, I even said the glass houses comment to myself. duh. I know what I do. I'm actually not that random and that girl was cute when she was little. And yes, the story did make me think of my nanny. I actually went and found her last night on face book. It makes me sad, she is so old looking and tired from the MS. If this story hadn't have posted I probably wouldn't have done that. So good things came out of it for me.

I never saw the movie the help. What was that one movie about the nanny in NY? I think the actress was Scarlett Johanseon (spelling-not willing to spend time looking it up) Was that called The Nanny? I saw that the other day about how she found the nanny cam and freaked out. How true to life was that movie?

CaliCo said...

Phoenix, I think you are referring to "The Nanny Diaries."

Nanny E said...

Well as long as bringing down others made your life better, that's what's important!

Phoenix said...

Ah yes the Nanny Diaries that was it! Very odd, I really hope people don't acutally meet to bash their nannies like that. I mean I see some moms being so mean to their nannies. Why hire one if you are going to abuse her? I never got that.

And Nanny E. I didn't insult anyone. Don't know why you are trying to pick a fight with me. It won't end well for you. And you can't say anything to me that I already don't know about myself. shoo fly

Nanny E said...

Umm...pretty sure you said this:

"Oh I see why Sierra wanted to leave. She is very homey aint she?"

And this:

"that wasn't nice but it was honest. That is my new years resolution. I am really going to say what I think. Scary that i was holding back aint it?"

Oh, and this:

"ooops I meant homely. Or it would be better to say, non-Hollywood.

I don't know. I live in AZ. We got gorgeous girls walking around, everywhere! I think ASU was voted as a college with some of the hottest girls. So I am just used to looking at a certain kind of girl."

Not sure if you are trolling, or if you have legitimate reading comprehension issues.

Phoenix said...

And how does that insult you? I don't know what you look like.

Phoenix said...

and then i said. Well maybe she just had a bad picture, that I am guilty of myself. And I did admit she was a very attractive girl

So.... I don't get what your issue is? You only like to look at the bad side of the coin? Or you can't understand that I actually have a few good bones in my body. LOL

Nanny E said...

When did I say it insulted me??!! Where are you even getting that?

And just because you go back and say oh, she was cute as a child and maybe she was just having a bad day, doesn't make your earlier statement shouldn't have even brought something so mean and hateful up, especially against a kid.

Rebecca Lubin said...

Phoenix, it is obvious that you insulted these other ladies by insulting a kid. And I do consider 17 to be a kid, and beyond that, I also consider her to be my kid, so I am insulted as well. It is generally considered a taboo in our society to go after someone younger than yourself, and with a sense of glee and entitlement. AND based on a lousy, grainy cell phone picture to boot? Go ahead and make fun of my looks Phoenix. I'm older than you and I can take it, but leave the kids out of it please.
One another note, I think it's totally cool that you looked up your old Nanny. I hope that you two reconnect as I can see that you have had an amazingly, close relationship. I adore staying in touch with all of my "kids". It really makes me feel like I have made a difference.

Phoenix said...

17 years old is not a kid. I would have been pissed if someone called me that at 17. I had already moved out and had a career going at 17. If you murder someone you are charged as an adult. 17 is not a kid. Legally you can't punch one in the face but some mentally are not children. And if you say she is as smart as you say, then she is well beyond being a kid. Her aura does not say child to me. In fact she is 3 round soul. She is smart and you should know that.

And I already said it was the photo. For gods sakes woman. I already said that. You can go back and re-read it if you'd like to. I said it must have been a bad photo, just like I have had. I don't get what your deal is? I can tell she was a cute little kid so then I realized that it was the photo that didn't turn out well cuz the kid she was would grow into a nice looking woman. For the love of god. get over it. i already stated that. I didn't see the younger photo until another poster told me it was there. And I don't say things like that to make me feel better about myself. I already feel good about myself I don't need to put others down on purpose. I was being honest and then I honestly retracted my first opinion. If you don't understand that now, I can't help you

Phoenix said...

And it is neat how the nanny does think of them as her kids. She started watching me when I was 2 months old. I just grew up with her and her other charge. Who I remain friends with and oddly her other charge's mom works at the same company I do. She has "cookie" listed as one of her kids on her face book. The last time I saw her was at a memorial for her granddaughter. Her daughters husband came home one day and started rampaging the house. He got a gun and found his 6 year old in the hall and shot her point blank in the head, then he was trying to find his 2month old son and his wife. Luckily his wife ran out with the baby, then he shot himself. it was one of the worst stories I've ever heard. You only see that crap on TV and there it was so close to home. I was still young when all that happened and after that was when my former nanny moved away and I lost touch. She did think of me as her kid. My mom always thought she would kidnap me. Life is crazy sometimes.

Nanny E said...

I understand you.. I just think your logic is completely idiotic and nonsensical.

Phoenix said...

my husband says the same thing

MissMannah said...

Getting back on topic...

Unicorn, I loved the movie The Help and I also loved the book. Did you read the book? But then I've noticed some people love it and some hate it. My mom absolutely loved the book and hated the movie so much because it was "soooo different" even though I didn't think the changes made that big of a difference.

As for The Nanny Diaries, I really loved that book because I think it was supposed to be written satirical but the movie was just plain awful. Maybe because the nanny character was so inexperienced and she just kind of made nannies look dumb. Though I really hated how Nan always rolled over and took so much crap from Mrs X in the book too. She was way too much of a doormat and always complained about her job, rather than try to fix it. I'm sure my view of Nan comes as no surprise to people here, considering I say the same thing about people who post questions.

StrawberryShortKakes said...

I read the book and I also saw the movie. I absolutely loved the book, I read it in a few days when I was on vacation, before the movie came out. I also loved the movie, although I would have made a few changes. A lot of people say that a book is better than the movie because the book can go into much greater detail. I think that definitely applies here.

Phoenix said...

I actually didn't know it was a book. I like books better than most movies. I typically read things like vampire novels. The Blackdagger Brotherhood is the best thing I've ever read! But I will have to get these books to read them. I didn't enjoy the movies so heopfully I will like the book. I love to read and I need something new.

LynT said...

I love when women who feel insecure about their looks (and rightly so in P's case) call out younger, more beautiful women to try and make themselves feel better. Shame on you Phoenix. She is a beautiful girl! Maybe your New Years resolution should have been to try your hardest to be beautiful on the inside, a know, since that whole outside thing isnt happening for ya.

MommaT said...

Rebecca, NannyE and Lyn T have my vote. Phoenix, you were completely out of line. I really can't believe you said that about a child. However, it is Phoenix we're talking about, so I shouldn't be so surprised. To put it another way- this was bad, even for you.

longtimelurker said...

I'm a former regular (from years and years back) who stopped posting for various reasons. I've been lurking the comments off and on for a few months now.

Thus far I've kept my mouth shut because it just didn't seem like fighting with Phoenix would be worth it. I generally try to stay out of trailer park territory. However after criticizing a minor about her (perfectly adorable) looks, I can't stay quiet. Phoenix in general is a bully and a freaking idiot. Yes- you are allowed to have your opinion and you can shout it from the damn rooftops if you want to. Do note, though, that it shows you are classless and tacky when most of what you offer are superficial verbal beat downs. Also, how about taking some English comp. classes at ASU rather than staring at the girls that go there?

And Nanny E. is correct- the way you write makes my head spin. Pick a topic and stay on it, or make seamless transitions from paragraph to paragraph.

Or better yet, disappear.

ericsmom said...

Wow, I think Calimom is back!! I was wondering what happened to you! : )

Susie said...

I know this is oldish, but Jesus Christ. OP can't tell a (really awesome and interesting) story without having her adorable charge insulted???? WHO DOES THAT??

Whatever. Obviously, Phoenix is an attention seeking just all around mean person. Mean people suck.

Anyway, OP, you were a lot more unselfish than I would have been. I would have been all like, "Shut up. We're at the event of a lifetime. Enjoy it."

You are a great writer, and I freelance/fiction write. Have you ever thought of doing something with your awesome talent?

Oh and we NEED the recipe for goat cheese lasagna :P

phoenixisnotattractive said...


You say you had a career at 17-honey, stripping isnt a career!
Also, you are not cute or attractive at all so you should not talk about a 17 year old CHILD being homely. I think you are beyond busted.
Thats all.

Rebecca lubin said...

Susie - the receipe can be found in the article that Participant Media wrote about us. I put the link in my original comment up above.
I love that you are a writer! I will have an essay published in a book coming out next year about positive relationships between women, and I am working on a memoir about becoming infertile as an 8 year old and coming to terms with the concept of never being able to have my own children. I would really love to discuss writing and putting ones work out there with you. Would you email me? My email address is
And many thanks to all of you for sticking up for Sierra. She has read my piece and all of the comments. Your kind words meant a lot to her.

Phoenix said...

LOL. If only I could be a stripper. They make a lot of money. Nope sorry, I started my career at 17. I was an office manager for a small CPA firm. That is why I went on to receive a masters in accounting. I know plenty of strippers. They make loads of cash, I'm talking loads. I think my friend was pulling in 1,500 a night. Wow, I seriously did the wrong career. LOL. And you can't strip at 17. The dancer's license requires you to be 18. The nastier clubs will allow some girls under age because they don't check the Id. I've researched this a lot cuz I wanted to open up a strip club. Some girls feel more comfortable with women management, they don't feel as taken advantage of. But I don't know how that could be, I would exploit them just as much as a man would.

And you are the only person who doesn't think I'm attractive. Well actually I think there are a few others on here. But the rest of the world does. So I take your issue as jealousy. And you also can't read. I've already retracted my statement and said it was the picture quality, not the girl. You moron. But if you feel the need to always be stupid, I can't stop you.

Rebecca, how did you become infertile at 8? I am curious. My friend got cervical cancer at 13. She was treated, then it came back at 19. She had a full hysterectomy. I had really bad endo and I got my hysterectomy literally 1 year ago. But 8 is young. Especially if you don't know at that age whether you really want children or not. Hmmm... my friend struggled with it for a while and she was really embarrassed. It was really sad. I think she was more embarrassed about having cancer as a child. But one thing she never did was blame anyone and she was never mean to anyone. I am amazed at how wonderful and kind she is. Truly amazing to me.

Also, who is your publisher? I write I guess what would be called "Gothic Poetry" and I have tons and tons and tons of it. I'm looking to get some published. I would like to share it. Not on open blog here of course because not many people are smart here and they wouldn't quite get it. I think you, MissMannah and a few other's would. But the latter wouldn't. It is different than what most are used to.

And I don't understand why people can't read. I already said Sierra was beautiful and said that it was the picture quality. I would sign it for you in blood but that is not possible over the internet. Freakin get over it. AND it is useless to fight with me. I don't make my opinions from other people, they are my own observations. And for others who don't get it, homely is not an insult. At least not to me. It is more like a geographical notice. I look Irish, I have a cowboy accent. Homely is like humble, genuine, real, fresh, organic. Take your pick. Its a reflection of self. Not Hollywood fake, plastic, shiney, and loud. I guess that would be why I didn't understand why people were getting so bent out of shape. I was calling the girl ugly. And the picture quality wasn't good, as I have been a victim of as well. She may very well be flashy, loud, and shiney. But I can't see it. To me she looks original and different than most women. I think that's good. She's like me and my sister, we don't look the same as everyone else. But I had my friend read about the homely comment and she said that it was an insult. I didn't see it that way. So my bad.

Phoenix said...

sorry. I meant to say ***wasn't calling her ugly*** I proof read after I post if that makes any sense

Rebecca lubin said...

Phoenix - I had two ovarian cysts - one at age six and one at age eight. They had encapsulated and killed the ovaries before they could be removed. The first time it happened my doctor said the chances of it happening again would be like lightning striking the same pin point twice. Well, so much for that!
I don't know who the publisher for the book is as I submitted my essay for consideration for a larger project. I am totally thrilled to be included however.
I know you have retracted your earlier comment and I personally am cool that. In retrospect, sometimes we say things we end up not meaning. I remember when people made cruel remarks about your profile picture and I was one of the ones who stuck up for you. I can't stand that type of bullying, especially against someone I consider my child. The claws come out. I'm sure you know exactly what that is like as I recall you have a stepson.
So suffice to say, you and I are cool. I have accepted your apology and let's all move on.
You should really read the book "The Help". It was a very moving story and one we all can relate to. I found the movie to be an excellent adaptation as well and will definitely watch it again.

NannyKatherine said...


I too am a long time lurker, but have very rarely posted or commented. Phoenix-I'm not even going to comment on the fact that you called an innocent child ugly, because it looks like everyone else here already told you how wrong it is.

What I do want to ask though, is are you a nanny? If not, I can't understand why you would be participating in this blog. You have stated that you do not like children, that you write gothic poetry, and that you would have liked to have become a stripper. If you are a nanny, I feel extremely sorry for both your charge's and their parents. I would never want someone like you taking care of my children.

Phoenix said...

OMG Rebecca those hurt! I can't imagine having that happen to me as a child. I was on the floor when they started happening at 15! I was lucky to be able to keep one ovary but I still went through menopause so it was really stupid to leave it in because now that is causing more pain. But it's better than it was before. Did they have any idea why that was happening?

Yes, I do say things that I should explain in more detail. Sometimes I use words that others find insulting and I have other meanings for them aparently. I think it's because someone called me that once and they explained that's what they thought it meant so I just grew up with it being a different definition. My friend said I sounded like a jerk. LOL. That I do, that I do. I really wasn't trying to be insulting. If I was I would have flat out said it.

That is really neat about your essay. You have a good writing prospective. It flows really well, which is why it is enjoyable. I've always been jealous of people who have the ability to write like that. I don't have the patience for such detail that is why I write poetry. I have this really cool one I wrote when I was 15 that has the same rythem of "The Raven" We had to choose a poet in school and use their influence to re-create a piece of our own. It is everyone's favorite. I could send it to you if you wanted.

And NannyKatherine, I don't really care about your opinion. So I won't answer you.

Nanny E said...

Ugh. It makes me so sad that Sierra actually had to read the ugly comment Phoenix made about her. I hope she knows that it's not true in the slightest.

And Phoenix, you said the girl was homely. You didn't mean it in a nice way, as directly after you said how what you said was mean, and that you are trying to be as honest as possible now. Now that you are catching heat, you are trying to backtrack and change your story. Just own up to what you did already.

And I'm sorry if anyone else is annoyed I keep bringing it up, it just really bothers me! Kids her age have enough of their own self made insecurities, and are very sensitive. I've known some teenagers (myself included) who have felt deep pain from things that others have said, and they were much less harsh than Phoenixs' words.

Nanny E said...

Sorry for my horrifying grammar, I am on my phone!

Rebecca Lubin said...

P- the first time the cyst happened I don't remember feeling any pain until the damn thing burst and then I got deathly I'll with peritonitis. I don't know if if was stoic as a child or if it didn't really hurt as it grew. I understand ovarian cancer has very few symptoms so perhaps it is the same with a benign cyst. The second time, at eight, I felt the discomfort and actually told my teenaged babysitter to call my mom "because I have an ovarian cyst."
Are you in the same boat as me? Infertile and shot into an early menopause because of ovarian cysts? It can be a very emotional road. My first guest column for ISYN was about that, but feeling as if I had not missed out because of my work as a nanny.
I would love to read your poetry. Email me!

MissMannah said...

OK, I can officially say yall have scared me to death. I have PCOS and while I have it under control right now, infertility is my biggest fear. I was diagnosed at 23, but I never felt the cysts until 25 when one did burst and oh my god that hurt like nobody's business. I can't even imagine going through that at age 6 or 8. Right now I'm on the birth control pill which supposedly represses the cysts but my husband and I would like to try to get pregnant this year. I've heard of other women with PCOS getting pregnant so I'm just hoping it will work out for us without any medical intervention. I am so sorry you both had to go through that.

PS: Phoenix, while I do consider myself intelligent and I appreciate literature, I can honestly say I probably would not like your poetry because I can't stand reading any poetry. Never been a fan of it, but not sure why. Sorry, just wanted to let you know, and it is nothing personal.

Nanny E said...


I'm not sure if this will help you feel any better, but I also have PCOS, and I had my daughter completely by accident, not trying at all.I was diagnosed when I was 17,and got pregnant with her when I was 20. I was on the pill at the time, too!

Anyway, I thought I would share and show that natural pregnancy with PCOS can happen. So much good luck to you!

MissMannah said...

Thanks E, that does give me a bit of peace of mind. A woman's body certainly can be strange, right? Two factors that were supposed to stop you from ovulating and yet you did anyway. Thanks for the well wishes, I'm sure if I do conceive naturally, I'll be so thrilled I'll probably share my news on here.

Theresa said...

Phoenix should get a bike that only goes in reverse, as much as she backpedals. I've read this site for a while and have the personal opinion that, yes, Phoenix really is narcissistic, which is excessive preoccupation with prestige, power and personal vanity. Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to egocentrism. *Disclaimer - I am not a Psychologist, but my Mama taught me that if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck. I truly am disgusted with Ms. Narcissism.

Karen W. said...

If you are going to call a beautiful adolescent girl "homely", you might want to remove your pastey white dough boy photo, ugh.

MissMannah said...

I just love the hypocrisy from some people on here. For some reason, it is perfectly fine to insult one person's looks but it is not ok to insult someone else's? In my book, it is never ok to insult anybody's looks. It is petty and wrong, no matter whom you are addressing.

Theresa said...

I just love how many, many people on here came to the defense of an INNOCENT CHILD being internet bashed. It's unacceptable. Period.

MissMannah said...

Yeah, you need to reread what I just said. And after that, you need to reeelax.

Theresa said...


Phoenix said...

MissMannah - I would love to change your mind. I'm not a big poetry reader either. I think its sappy. That is why I write ones that are a little more dark I would say. But everyone has their likes and dislikes. I would never take that as a personal offense.

Rebecca - Yup I had memopause when I had the surgery. I take Estratest now though. Menopause is just ugly and horrible. My husband didn't much like it either. One day I broke down into tears because I thought he wasn't going to cook me enchiladas if I ever got cancer. I was in hysterics! He just sat there with his mouth open and his eyes were wide as plates. Poor guy, he's been through a lot with me. I will for sure email some to you.

And for people that don't know what a redhead is... I physically can't be in the sun. That would cause skin cancer. And for some reason the US is really the only place obssessed with tans. Yucky. If your skin isn't naturally a beautiful brown don't try to make it that way. I love my skin, as it comes with my hair. You can't have one without the other. If you do find a natural redhead that can tan its usually because the mutation didn't affect the melanin and their hair is usually a darker shade of red. So pasty white dough boy, not likely. It is who I am and I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

MissMannah said...

Is it really horrible of me that the crying-enchilada-cancer thing made me LOL? I couldn't help myself!

So true about the skin cancer. My husband is blond and he has "pasty white dough boy" skin which turns tomato-red as soon as summer hits. I, on the other hand, am part-Indian and tanned all year round. One is not better than the other and I think our colors look beautiful together!

Phoenix said...

Yes MissMannah, the skin together is very pretty. My husband is Mexcian. I love the difference in our skin. I honestly think that is why we are attracted to eachother. We are like the look of our opposite. I love his creamy brown skin and jet black hair. He is what they call a more Spanish look. He doesn't have much of the Atzec traits in him. He is also a lot taller than most Mexicans. He has been mistaken for middle eastern a few times, and Italian some as well. But I love it. I understand where you are coming from.

Don't worry, I laughed at myself too for crying about not making me food when I have cancer. Sadly, that wasn't my nuttiest momment :/