Dear mother at the park,Why yes that was my charge whining less then a foot away from me in the sand, while I tried to help the other children (who's parents we're sitting back relaxing) get the water to run into the water table so everyone can play.
Yes, he was upset because I stepped away for less then a mintue so that he could enjoy the water table as well.
There was no reason for you to come up behind me and ask "who's baby is that". You knew exactly who's baby it was, because you we're watching me the entire time I sat in the sand and at the water table playing with him.
Sure I was there sitting in the sand with another nanny playing with our charges and talking about teething *gasp*I never once was ignoring him or talking on my phone so I would really appreciate it if you focused on your own child, Instead of walking all the way across the sand area to make a remark. By the way your daughter was left unattended while you walked over.
And for your information, he is teething and instead of pumping him up with tylenol and oragel his parents and I choose a more natural way of treating it....teething biscuits and distraction. So a little whinning is natural and unharmful.
Thanks for your concern but next time try playing and forcusing on your own child.
Best wishes,
Nanny from the park.
25 comments:
good for you nanny from the park!...you said everything I have always wanted to say! I cannot even tell you how many times this has happened to me. Often times people would treat me wonderfully thinking I was the parent of the kids, then as soon as they found out I was the nanny made snide remarks and mean behavior followed....You sound like a great nanny, as am I, and we just need to believe in our abilities and ignore meddling moms!
I love this post. :)
GO NANNY GO! I think some parents are the type that are never happy, and this parent sounds like one. Since she was so worried about you, I wonder how she would have felt if her child got abducted?
I want to ask some of these parents, who appointed you playground monitor?
The last nanny meetup I went to in my area, we had a couple of misbehavior incidents (pushing, spitting, etc) from the older kids, who got corrected and put in time out. Of course they cried not getting their way.
We are all sitting right there watching when this dad comes over and starts talking to the little girl. Excuse me? She's not hurt and being ignored, she's in time out for shoving other kids! He did the same thing when the second kid got in trouble too. It's time out, we're not exactly being cruel and unusual here. Why does he think it's his business at all?
Nanny, who are you replying to ? What park was this at?
This isn't a sighting anonymous, it's an angry upset post. I'm sick of parents who realize I'm a nanny give me the dirty eye because I don't follow their parenting ways. My charge is a happy social 13 month old, occasionally gets upset. If he gets mad for something he can have or do, I'm not gonna cave and let him do whatever he wants because he's crying in public. He will whine/ cry for a few minutes then realizes it's not gonna happen and moves on. I'm not ignoring him, I'm teaching him and yes even at 13 months he knows the difference. I can see why people may think I'm being mean but they don't know him the way I do. They haven't been with him since he was 3months or know the differences between cries. He can play alone happily for a few minutes, it doesn't mean I don't wanna play with him. He's just learning how to be independent. I'm not gonna give in to tantrums or not punish him if he misbehaves. Lately he's extra irritable because he's teething but I'm not gonna change mine or his parents ways because of that. It just hurts me when people assume I'm not taking good care of him. I love him and I'm doing everything I can to teach him to be independent and know boundaries. Just because people see 10mins of him upset doesn't mean you can judge me and assume I'm neglecting him. I watch everything does and hear everything he screams, speaks and laughs at.
One of my toddlers has a disability, and I try to let her do things on her own before I step in. One day at the park, she was climbing up the steps, went down the slide, and then waited by the steps. I was on the phone with the children's mother. I knew she could climb the stairs, and she didn't ask for help, so I let her be. Some woman comes up to her, picked her up and set her on the top step, all while loudly sating that SHE would help her climb the steps since I wouldn't. I was enraged and got up and told her to mind her own buisness. She wanted the name of my employer and phone number. I happily gave it to her, and that night my boss thanked me for doing my job, and we had a good laugh and the busy body. Sometimes people think they know what's going on, or that the nanny is being neglectful, but most of the time people really do not have a clue! And the lady is lucky I didn't sucker punch her for picking up my child!
I had something similar happen to me
My charge begged and pleaded and threw a fit to go to this water park an hour a way. I finally caved and took her only to have her pretend to be scared of the water because she wanted to play on the playground on the other side of the park. She was 3 and I told her she had two choices, she could play in the water or sit next to me. She sat down and started WAILING and kept it up for a good 15 min. We were there with another nanny friend and her two charges who were enjoying the water and I was not going to cave for a temper tantrum. I get back to my car later that day and there was a note on my car from one of the mothers sitting around us.
She said she hoped I wasn't the mother and that I was just a horrible nanny and that I needed to find another profession if I was indeed a nanny. She went on to say that it was horrible for me to sit there and ignore her while she cried and she hoped this note would make me think about my choices.
TC-
Thats really creepy. How on earth did she know which car was yours?!
What would have been so wrong with letting her have fun on the playground and gently reminding her to go in the water? What would have been so bad about comforting her during her tantrum? Would her parents have wanted you to let her scream for 15 mins? No wonder their is so much childhood depression! No wonder kids are turning to drugs earlier and earlier. We aren't giving them the love they need. I'm glad she wrote you that note. Letting children cry without providing comfort doesn't help them have less tantrums. Positive reinforcement and not punishment works! Read the latest literature and get up to date with childhood development if you are going to make this your career.
I'm sorry anonymous, but obviously you have no experience in dealing with early childhood, nor have litle knowledge in development. When a child is throwing a temper tantrum, they want any attention they can get. Anyone with any experience with children knows not to always allow a child to have their way. There is no way I would comfort my charges if they are screaming because they won't get their way!If you ignore it, eventually they will realize that they are not going to get any attention from it, and stop. Kids need to learn boundaries, rules, and consequences. It's part of growing up. No wonder there is so much disrespect from kids nowadays. My mother wouldn't have allowed me to have a tantrum. I would have gotten my butt beat.
Annoyed Mom-
I am currently studying early childhood development, and just about everything I've ever seen says that children are seeking attention when they throw tantrums. And that if you give them that attention, they learn that the tantrum works. That kind of behavior needs to be ignored/punished. And good behavior needs to be rewarded with positive reinforcement. Why on earth would I reward a temper tantrum with positive reinforcement?
This nanny did exactly the right thing by putting the child in a time out, and staying near by to monitor the situation.
AnnoyedMom,
I think you need to take your own advice!
"Read the latest literature and get up to date with childhood development"
I hope I never have a story to add here.
It's parents like AnnoyedMom who complain when their kids are older that they're disrespectful, spoiled brats and claim they don't know how they got to be that way...
Creepy, we both pulled in at the same time and I had to pay the meter to park and she stood behind me while I did
I was more pissed that she touched my car, lifted my wiper blade to put the note on my car. That is *MY* car, I pay the notes, I put gas in it, I pay the repair bills, I pay for insurance not that lady and I don't appreciate ANYONE touching my car
Annoyed mother maybe you were the one that wrote that note. Did you not see where I said the playground was on the other side of the park? So you wouldn't have had a problem with me allowing her to go to the playground while I sat and helped my friend watch her two charges and all of our belongings? Keep in mind this park is in the middle of downtown Houston, it's not in the middle of no where.
Also I've learned as a nanny and a mother that it's best to ignore temper tantrums. If you coddle them when they throw a fit it usually backfires and they realize pretty quickly that they just have to keep it up until they get what they want and that is not how things work with me.
Busy bodies like you need another hobby
You can set boundaries and be firm and at the same time be loving and kind. Discipline doesn't have to involve punishment. The LATEST research supports positive discipline and not the old style of let them cry it out and put them in the corner. Please read the LATEST research!! And no I'm not the mom who wrote the letter, but I'm glad she did.
I work for a Child Psycologist, who has her doctorate, and she has explicitly told me to act as though the children do not exist through a tantrum. Positive reinforcement tecniques work to a certain point, but once they reach the tantrum stage, it is not appropriate to give them attention. They only feed off of it.
It was not a punishment. I told her she had two choices she could either play in the water or sit next to me, she wasn't in time out and I gave her the option of what she wanted to do. At anytime she was free to play in the water. She was NOT allowed to play on the playground. That is not why we were there.
I will not coddle her, or comfort her when she throws a temper tanturm. I will echo what the other people have said, the latest research says you are supposed to ignore a tantrum not reward it. But honestly I don't care what the latest research says, I do what *I* feel is right and in that instance what was right was to ignore her inappropriate behavior.
How about you tend to your own children and leave the ones I take care of alone. And to answer your question yes her parents are perfectly fine with ignoring temper tantrums and I had in fact texted her mother on that day. She sent me one asking me how the munchkin was liking the water and I told her she was sitting next to me screaming at the top of her lungs because she wanted to play on the playground instead.
You can continue to try to hurt my feelings but it's not going to work. If you read what I wrote I said I was more pissed that the lady touched my car, not by the note. I couldn't care less about the note because *I* know I'm a great nanny and *I* know I was doing what was right in that situation.
Annoyed Mom is the mother you see at the park with her children hitting her and screaming at her while she tries to explain the boundaries but then after a minute of being abused my her own children, she caves and allows them to do whatever they want.
example "no amy you can't go on the monkey bars because you might fall"
Amy " I want to do it I WANT TO DO IT I WANT TO IT"
Amy then smacks mom in the face and chest out of angry.
Mom "Amy I dont like it when you do that, its not nice"
"your not allowed on the monkey bars and peace dont hit me"
Amy "I WANT TO DO IT I WANT TO IT NOW"
Amy then smacks mom in the face and chest out of anger then throws herself on the floor"
Mom " okay amy you can go the monkey bars...but only this once.
Moral of the story-Amy wins battle and will eventually learn if she has a fit mom will give in.
12 years later Amy is sneaking out of the house having sex and doing drugs.
Yes, Bostonnanny, I just saw what you are describing today at the grocery store. I feel horrible when I see a two-year old smack his mom and yell at her in public places. It's just crazy.
AnnoyedMom,
I agree with TC (Did I just say that? lol!)
You can spout off all the "Newest studies" to me all day long. Fact is, if you reward a tantrum by giving in (And yes, it is REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOR) Then all you are doing is hurting the child. Yep, I said you're hurting the child because kids have to have limits and boundries and consequences if they don't listen. You can call me a terrible mother all you want (I'm not a Nanny) but I have let my kids scream and cry and ignored them when they're having a tantrum. And guess what? They stopped.
Positive discipline is bogus, no discipline is positive because kids HATE to be disciplined even when they know they deserve it.
Softer approaches to parenting is the reason a lot of kids today act like they do. When I was a kid, in the 90's we NEVER talked back to teachers, or someone in authority unless we had a DARNED good reason to. My philosophy on parenting is that you can't be your child's friend. They have enough friends, they need you to be mom (or dad).
That isn't to say you can't talk to your kids, or that they can't talk to you about any and everything but they have to know that mom/dad is mom/dad and not their friend.
And back to the topic, I would never go up to a stranger about a child unless that child was obviously being neglected or abused. You go Nanny!
reposted for anonymous:
Dear TC,
Wasn't the point of driving to this water park for your charge to have a great time? If she was distracted by a playground vs. a pool, who cares!!! What is the harm of saying "10 mins in the playground, but than we need to get in the pool"? Haven't you ever gone somewhere for something but been sidetracked by another attraction? Who cares that she wanted to play in the playground! Lighten up! Playing in the playground isn't going to turn her into a spoiled brat. Put yourself in a child's shoes before you let her scream and cry!
repost for anonymous:
I guess you missed the part where she said that her charge begged and pitched a hissy fit because she wanted to go to the "water park". I'm sure this nanny knows her charge well enough to know when she is being manipulated, and it happened to backfire on this little girl. The nanny caved and took her to the park to begin with, and then her charge refused to play in the water. Lesson learned for this little girl, hopefully. Children are clever little beings and when you are off your game and let things slide, you are in for a world of tantrums. Nip it in the bud.
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