Tuesday

Do not get snowed by Kelly from Vermont...

Received Tuesday, January 27, 2009
danger 2
Physical description of caregiver: nose ring, dark hair, light skin, light eyes, 5'6ish, approx 160lbs, first name, "Kelly"
Physical description of involved child/children: n/a
Address or venue of observed incident: ongoing
Date and time of incident: January 2009
Detailed description of what you witnessed: We have JUST fired our Nanny. We caught her STEALING from us. My husband has LEGALLY prescribed pain killers. She emptied the entire bottle(leaving just the bottle? odd, I know.) I confronted her and she (finally) admitted it.
Be very careful! This is clearly placing your child in danger!!!

She is from Vermont, (lived in CT in her early years). Her parents still live there. She worked for 2 years for a family in DC/Virginia area. She likes dance/gymnastics, etc... She went to college in DC. Her former employers names were Jen and Steve. She is articulate and well spoken. She will snow you. Feel free to email me. Jane will forward all inquiries to my email address.

61 comments:

CP said...

Your poor hubby - I hope he was able to get his doctor to re-prescribe. Did you file a police report? Often that is necessary for health insurance companies to cover stolen meds. Sorry you had to go through this.

is this common? said...

About 3 yrs ago, I had a nanny (who we checked out thoroughly and seemed perfect in every way!) steal a prescription of vicodin from my husband. (He had surgery and didn't use all of them.)
We kept it in our BR cabinet, away from our childrens reach. The Nanny had no reason to be in there whatsoever. I started noticing it missing over the course of a few days, and really just thought I was mistaken.

Then one morning before we left for work I counted them and when I came back 3 more were missing. She had been the ONLY one in the house (besides our young children.) I told her never to come back or I'd call the police.

She didn't.

Substance Abuse said...

Yes, this is common.

Substance abuse is rampant everywhere. Drug addiction is a huge problem.

It even became a huge issue at real estate open houses that people would tour just to get to the medicine cabinets.

Of course no one wants their nanny using drugs, but I would assume that all controlled substances are at risk of being stolen (even by a familiar guest using the bathroom) and keep them in a locked place.

narcotic nanny said...

well, here's a little anecdote for you.. i was working pt as a nanny at this home and hapenned to find some vicodin after snooping around in one of the parents bedroom drawers. i don't know how they never noticed, but i took half their bottle without them ever noticing. lol, i just took some tylenol 500 mgs., wiped off the red ink on the pill with a damp napkin, and put the in the bottle to replace the ones i took! they look almost like vicodin once you take off their stamp! don't tell me the placebo effect didn't work with them, lol!

the worlds best nanny said...

Hey! I did the same thing! I replaced them with generic Tylenol! Daddy had a tooth pulled and didn't need the "rest" of the vicodin. He only took like 3 of them. Not only that I can't begin to tell you how many times I mixed my self a drink! Whew! It feels good to finally come out with that!

Beezle said...

People become ruthless when it comes to pain killer addiction. I used to be friends with this woman once, and she claimed to have terminal cancer, which, of course evoked sympathy from everyone that knew her...until we all found out she made it up just so she could obtain practically limitless supplies of Vicodin and various other pain killers. It's sad and disgusting what lengths people will go to to feed their addictions.

Glad to hear you caught before something truly terrible happened like her zonking out while watching your children!

Janet English said...

I don't need to read about your drug habits. How lame and pathetic.

Good thing you fired her OP!

CT Mom said...

You should report this to the police. She obviously has a serious problem, and an addiction to pain pills will only get worse without detox/treatment etc. If she stole the medication, I would make sure she did not steal anything else to support her habit. Luckily you fired her before anything happened to your kids!

Define normal please said...

WTF.. this poor woman... and people on here are swapping stories about how they stole drugs from their BOSS!!!! what the hell is wrong with you people!?!?! I hope you get caught..honestly. you can't be mad at me for speaking the truth..you know what you're doing is dishonest and PATHETIC..if you get mad it's only because you don't want to hear the truth!

the world's best nanny said...

Dear Define Normal,

I don't consider them as my BOSSES! Both are younger than me for goodness sakes!

Define normal please said...

oh my..how ignorant,,,so if you're older than someone they can't be your boss?? WOW you better start telling people you theory b/c America is in BIG trouble!... if you go to an interview and are HIRED by someone, get a paycheck, and pay taxes...wake up my dear... THEY ARE YOUR BOSS or call them your supervisor if you want..maybe that word is easier for you to swallow. almost as easy as those vics my dear!

Out in the Open said...

i believe all parents should make their nannies aware of where the painkillers are stored on the very first day.

i don't take the prescription stuff but i have needed advil several times while on the job.

cali mom said...

World's most delusional nanny, so you sign your own paychecks? And you hired yourself?

If you're that much older than the people who have enough disposable income to pay for your services, maybe you need a new profession. If it's not already too late.

NannyInCharge said...

OP - Sorry you had to go through this. I'm sure it feels pretty crappy to be duped like this.

Just watch an episode or two of "Intervention" and you will see how popular prescription pain pills are becoming. It's very sad and I know that millions of parents (and obviously a few employees too) are being jacked for their meds! Not fair. Keep your meds locked up for sure.

I definitely agree with Out in the Open though about letting a (good, trusted) nanny know where the advils or OTC pain meds are. Sometimes unexpected cramps or killer headaches start while on the job and rather than search for 10 minutes to find them, it's way easier to know where one might be. I try to carry some on me just in case, but I don't always replace my emergency stash of Tylenol!

Good luck OP, hope you find someone who doesn't steal from you.

NJ NANNY said...

Yes, until you can totally 100% trust your nanny- all that stuff should be put away behind lock and key. Pain killers, childrens adhd meds (Ever watch desperate housewives. The lady takes her kids adhd meds so she has energy) Well, op..I'm glad you got her out before anything horrible happened to the children.

mom said...

Nose ring? Am I the only person who wouldn't want my nanny adorned in such a way? I don't want my kids to do that, so I wouldn't want to place a trusted role model before them who wore one. I would also cringe at the ptential judgment of somebody who would show up at an interview, or to their job like that.
Most regualr jobs won't allow their employees to come to work like that...so why do nannies (who seem to be want to be taken seriously as professionals)behave so unprofessionally on the job sometimes?

That aside, OP, oyu need to alert the authorities and th eagency where oyu found her. Otherwise somebody else might unwittingly put their kids in the care of somebody who is taking drugs while she is at work! Yikes!

Blythe said...

I don't think a nose piercing is a big deal at all, but I can understand how you wouldn't want a nanny to have something you don't want your children to model. I don't think it's inappropriate to show up for an interview like that, though, and if the parents don't want her to have it in, then they can ask her to live it at home when she comes to work.

I disagree that being "professional" precludes having a nose piercing, but I do agree that being professional means that you adhere to any rules that your employer makes about dresscode. Maybe this family just didn't mind about the nose piercing.

K said...

Surprised at moms comments..
"adonrned that way"
and "cringe at the potential judgenment"

Mom,I wanted to share a few things with you..they are yours to take or leave.

"A nose ring is a long used method of signifying marriage when worn by a Hindu woman-often a gift to the woman from her in-laws"
Even Hindu women who are not married may wear them as a sign of respect for their culture.
It was at one time mandatory for every Muslim Bride.
As an educated society we should be able to recognize that certain elements of pop culture,particularly fashion,have origins in religious practice.
Having said that,I am more than willing to acknowledge that many wear them for their popularity value and do not understand their roots.As I do not know this woman,I cannot comment on the reason she wore hers.

A nose ring does not have to be worn by a dark skinned women wearing a veil to signify a relirious belief. Some women convert or practice other religions or simply admire different cultures and thus the nose ring can signify such.
again some just because it is a popular fashion statement.

To make such broad statements though regarding a nose ring worn by a nanny(just because she is a nanny and you would not want your children to model after her) sends out a message of a seemingly judgemental nature.

Please keep in mind that even women of faith can fall prey to OTC drug addictions and until they get the help they need,they may steal,lie and cheat to obtain those drugs.

The op was right to get rid of her asap.I do not condone theft and the childrens safety is of utmost importance!!
However,Compassion can be a wonderful gift to someone in need. I hope that the OP was able to find a family member or friend(from the references or a phone bill) and let them know that their loved one is in need of serious help!

OP,I am sorry you and your family had to experience this. I am also glad you are an on the ball parent who protected her children from a potetially dangerous situation! I am glad your children are safe and your family is otherwise ok.
Suggestion,if she had a key or knew where a hide a key was..make changes quick. I also hope that a new trustworthy nanny finds her way to you soon.

ATL Nanny said...

OP -- I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you were able to discover this was happening before any harm came to your children. I hope this so-called nanny is unable to find work with children and that she gets the help she obviously needs.

Re the nose ring: I'm so used to seeing nose rings that I often don't even notice them at first, the same way I don't notice pierced ears. I have friends and acquaintances in many different professional fields who wear nose rings to work every day. (Off the top of my head: accountant, journalist at a major daily newspaper, and computer programmer.) I do think parents have the right to reject potential nannies whose values/aesthetics don't match their own, and I do think that parents have the right to set a reasonable dress code for their employees. But just because a nanny with a nose ring is not a good fit for your family, doesn't mean that she is not a professional and doesn't deserve to be treated as such.

K said...

ATL Nanny,now why couldn't I say that as simply as you did!!Graet Post!!

aml said...

Mom,

I usually like and agree with the comments you leave but this one made you sound so uptight.

I had a nose ring up until 2 years ago and I was a nanny. I had blue hair and worked at a preschool when I was in HS and had a lip ring in college.

I saved enough money as a nanny and went to med school and I'm now an ob/gyn. So are you telling me you would trust me to deliver your baby but not to watch him or her?

Do you really think a nose ring on a childhood nanny is going to make them rush to the nearest piercing pagoda when they turn 18?

NannyInCharge said...

Ok, so what about a tattooed nanny?? What do you guys think about that? (Just honestly asking, not judging)

***And keep in mind, one can have a small butterfly tattoo, 30 random tattoos, or anything in between!

aml said...

Nanny in charge-

I have a total of 5 tattoos. One is a rib piece, two on my back, one just for me and one on my wrist.

The wrist one is always visible unless I wear super long sleeves and has never been a problem. Had I been not so young when I got it I would have never gotten a tatoo you couldn't hide.

Some parents have asked to see my tatoos and liked them.

For uptight families I never showed or talked about them.

With my work clothes on you would never think that if you undressed me you'd find tattoos on my torso. That's what I like about it ;)

Some people think only trashy people have tatoos but I am a doctor, have a great family and live in what I consider the best neighborhood in Boston.

mom said...

Nanny in charge...a small discrete tattoo would not bother me. It's not like you have the option of taking that off for an interview...which is why I suggested to my own son, when he wa sof age and didn't need my permission for the tattoo he insisted on getting, that he get it somewhere that will be easily be covered by a shirt (which he did, thankfully) in case he wants to work as a professional one day. I don't know where whoever it is with the nose-ringed accountant lives, but that would be a deal breaker for almost any kind of professional around here.

If a nanny interviewed with me and had large, uncovered tattoos...especially multilples of that variety, I would not consider her for employment whatsoever. I would also not choose a nanny with a lip ring or nose ring. A belly button ring, I don't mind. I suppose I would want the piercing or tattooo to be tasteful is what I'm saying, and I personally don't find fashion based nose rings (reminds me of a bullfight or a luau) or large uncovered tattoos tasteful. And I lived in a neighborhood that over time became predominantly Indian, so I know about their nose rings, thank you..and I'm pretty sure you already knew that's not what I'm talking about.
Judge me if you want...but there are plenty around here who feel just the same...probably the VAST majority in fact. The culture here is more southern in nature and those things will hinder employment to a huge degree around here. I'm just the messenger. Come to texas with a nose ring and try to get a job as a professional and oyu'll be looking longer than the average bear to find an empolyer who isn't put off. You'll find work, but here's what we asked our son, "If you owned a company and had two equally qualified applicants for a job, would you choose the one who had a huge visible tattoo and piercings, or the one who looked clean cut?" He hated to admit it because he was trying to talk us into letting him have a tattoo, but he realized that tattoos and piercings have the potential to send a certain message. While what they may say isn't true of every person who wears them, the potential is there that they do. I have always been extremely careful about who I left my kids with, and "It's probably just fine" has never been an acceptable standard to me.

aml said...

Oops. I meant to say tattoos I COULD hide.

K said...

mom I could not agree more with you when you say"piercings and tatoos have the potential to send a certain message". Just as does judging someone based on their physical appearance instead of judging them for who they are.
Never judge a book by it's cover is a wonderful and insightful saying.
I am proud to say I have not passed on to my children to judge others by a tattoo or peircing but rather getting to know them and then making that call.
Here in Ca it is a new trend to tattoo pictures of children or spouses who have passed away ...and they are rarely hidden but displayed proudly,even by professionals.

Needs a consistent moniker said...

Eh, in my opinion, Mom gets it right about 75% of the time, making her (in my opinion), the wisest consistent poster here. That said, I'm with K on this one.

I was raised in a very conservative family, so I do understand your adherence to all that's proper and professional. During my own life, I've come into contact with many people who couldn't care less about conventional standards and adorned themselves however they wanted - blue hair, black fingernails, multiple piercings and a whole portfolio of tattoos. I'd have missed out on some of my most significant and meanigful relationships if I'd counted those people out based on their body art. I'm grateful that I live in a very open-minded part of California and do not have to tolerate your intolerance on a daily basis.

mom said...

Not the same thing at all. Physical appearance we are born with. Tattoos and piercings are a choice.
And teaching your children not to make any assessments of the strangers they may encounter based on anything they choose to wear or do to their bodies might be a bit of a mistake. They choices we make absoulutely are indications of our personalities, lifestyles, beliefs and tastes...and yes, often their ability to make sound judgments and decisions. Often choices in how we choose to present ourselve are the first, most obvious indicator that we have a chance to observe.

So are you saying that if a multitattooed, pierced guy with a bleached and shorn haircut, dressed in clothes commonly worn by gang members, and standing next to a car that was spontaneously rising and lowering while the horn blared out a full song asked you for assistance in a parking lot late one night, you would approach him with the same trust and lack of aprehension that you would a grandma type in a wool coat and a scarf asking the same thing?

It may all be a nice idea in theory, but in practice, it is dangerous to ignore all of the choices people make.

Marypoppin'pills said...

Maybe I've just been lucky, or maybe because it's a very tiny diamond which makes it less noticeable, but I've had a pierced nose most of my adult life and it has never hindered me in any way. :)

mom said...

But MPP, that's not a nose ring...unless I'm getting the definition wrong. I'm talking literally about the rings that hang down between the nostrils (like a bull in a bullfight), not the tiny diamonds that go on the side of one nostril. Even kids at our church wear what you're talking about. I consider that akin to a belly button ring...which I have admitted to even my kids that I would have if I were younger....and probably a tiny ankle tattoo as well....but something done in good taste...

the worlds best nanny said...

What a bunch of uptight, holier than Thou bitches! I've seen so many comments on here about race, sex (poor mannys!)sexual orientation, and size! Now we're going off on people with tats and piercing?!? You will never be happy with your nannies if you are always expecting Mary Poppins! Meaning: White, Female, Straight, and Thin with no obvious tats, piercings or scars.

Nose Piercings said...

Mom
The post doesn't specify whether or not the Nanny wore that kind of nose ring, but typically, the one you describe is called a "septum ring".

~ MPP

mom said...

Well then, I object specifically to septum rings instead of nose rings. But I heartily object to septum rings and everybody here can yell at me all day long and it won't change my mind.

I then must retract and say that a nose ring (not a septum ring) may be acceptable in several of the professions where a septum ring would never fly around here. Nose rings of the small "diamond" variety are quite common among the teens around here, as are belly button piercings and tiny ankle tattoos of a non offensive nature (ladybug, fairy, cross, etc.) The people with septum rings, tongue rings. multiple lip rings and multiple heavy tattoos are generally the rebellious, anti-social types...at least around here. Those things will hinder employment here, except at places like the mall.

worlds best nanny said...

Ok I will admit those septum rings are pretty gross, all I can think of is somebody being lead around by that thing! I don't know why anyone would think it's attractive.

mom said...

Thanks worlds best. Mom is 46...apparently I don't have all my terms straight!

mom said...

and worlds' best...yeah, the first thing I usually think is, "I hope you never have an abusive or controlling husband or boyfriend" because I picture them getting yanked around by it too.

Now, the Indian women I am used to seeing (since that got brought up)wear tiny, thin, gold septum rings, and they do no evoke the same thought. You actually have to get pretty close to even see most of them.

K said...

mom,what is tasteful to you and what is tasteful to others will always be in the eye of the beholder. What you are clearly saying,(or sure appear to be saying)is that as long as YOU approve and consider it tasteful,then it is okay. And to answer your question. In 2006 I had a tattooed,pierced man pull me out of a totalled car.I later came to find out he was a member of the Surenos. The 64 yr old woman that hit me and pushed me under a semi was high out of her mind from snorting coke 15 minutes earlier.
Yes, I would help the man if he asked.
And from the way you describe it,sounds like Jesus would have a hell of a time getting a job or the time of day in your town!
I am sad that places like that still exist!
I respectfully have disagreed with you on most posts today. I mean no harm ,I just disagree.

cali mom said...

Well, I just have to point out that if it's ok to judge people's character because of an unusual hairstyle ("bleached and spiked") and some visible tattoos, it should also be fine to judge people's character based on plain old ugly styles like bad dye jobs on bouffant or beehive hairdos, polyester stretch pants, velour jogging suits worn with high heels, or makeup that is not within the correct color family for the wearer's skin. I mean, I wouldn't want my children to develop a hideous fashion sense because they were exposed to the irresponsible and questionable fashion choices of a nanny.

Mom, I do see what you are saying, that it's important to develop a good sense of trust of people or lack thereof based on your first impression, BUT it's equally important to remember NOT to judge a book by its cover because looks CAN be deceiving. Your judgements would likely mean that no artists or dancers would ever be trustworthy caregivers for children. I don't think that's true though.

aml said...

Mom-

Why the association of tattoos to low riders and gang wear?

I have tattoos and I wear pant suits and a doctors coat most days.

There is way too much generalization in this thread... On this whole board actually.

I thank K for being a voice of reason.

mom said...

K,

Please excuse me for being skeptical of your scenario. Really, a 64 year old coke snorting Grandma plowed you under a truck and a guy coincidentally looking just like the one I described in my hypothetical happened to save your life...and turned out to be a surgeon? Please give the link to that newspaper article.

And yes, what is tasteful to me and who is allowed in my home is at my sole discretion..which is why I would get to choose my own nanny based on my own criteria.

And what's with all the weird Jesus stuff all the time? I can't even answer most of your hypotheticals because i cannot presume to know what He would do in every single ISYN scenario. Or who would hire Him. How does He fit into a tattoo and piercing discussion? From what I can tell He dressed conservatively for his time anyway. And he was honest beyond reproach and believed in working a hard day for a fair wage. So, what's the problem exactly?

shuckers said...

That link had videos showing each of the peircings and evrrything! ouch!

Baker said...

Good Lord, THANK YOU MOM! My thoughts exactly!

Needs a Consistent Moniker said...

Well, Mom, your standard of "good taste" may be very different than someone else's. I DO know what you're saying. I was raised as an Emily Post kind of gal too. However, I also understand that stereotypes of those who do not conform to Emily Post standards are often very wrong. Just as assuming that those who conform to your standards are often very different than what they appear to be.

mom said...

ami,
I was not an association, but an illustration of a whole bunch of different personal choices one might make that have an outward visibility and may create certain impression, consciously or unconscioulsy...whether we think we are judging people or not.

Sometimse certain choices have perceived "messages" to or about society (or the person wearing them) attached to them. That's just a fact I was trying to illustrate.

I am a conservative person. I know the liberal view is not to "notice" (read JUDGE) anybody based on absolutely anything at all...but the fact is that it does occur, consciously or unconsciously.

Ever notice on here how many people feel free to go nuts with the insults directed at "rich" people? That is somehow "socially acceptable", but nevertheless a stereotype that is just as silly and unfounded as any other. Still, many people hold that perception. Wear a big diamond or pull up in an expensive car and some noses turn up...just as some people have negative feelings about prolific body art, "gang" style clothing, or brightly colored hair. You can yell at me, but it doesn't make it true that certaing types of piercings and a lot of tattoos cause a lot of people to make snap judgments. Just like wearing expensive things does.

cali mom said...

Um, who said the tattooed guy turned out to be a surgeon? She said he was a member of the surenos (SureƱos), a well known gang. Yet he saved her life after the coke snorting grandma endangered it. Years ago, I had my car totaled (and was VERY thankful that my husband and I were unhurt) after a shnockered, zoned out, diamond studded, elegantly coiffed, stylishly dressed, tastefully made up woman of around 60 (I saw her drivers license but don't remember her exact age) ran a red light and plowed straight into us on her way to the freeway onramp on the other side of the intersection. Wht would such a sceanrio be so unfathomable?

mom said...

That's a gang? I need to come back to California for a while...I'm getting waaaay behind!

I just find the whole story oddly coincidental..not impossible...but I remain a tad skeptical.

Consistent Monker said...

Actually, it sounds like you're just very unwilling to let go of your preconceived notion.

K said...

mom,I am sorry you doubt my story. Why not just come out and call me a liar? Because that is basically what you did??!
I guess only tattooed,peirced,gang members are responsible for horrible car accidents where you live? In relity,that is not the case at all. And yes,as sad as it is many 50,60 and 70 yr old "grandparents" drink and drug themselves right to their graves.
While I would love to give you a link showing you the front end of my car completly under the back-end of a semi,I cannot do so without revealing my identity or location which I would rather not do.
I am not trying to convince you nor am I "yelling at you".
Since you don't believe my story anyhow,I'll make it even better for you..my angel,as I call him,had to struggle with me a bit to get me out of the car. I was wedged in tight and on top of that scared as hell as I was still trying to figure out what happened.I did not know if he was the one who hit me or really did not even realize I had been in a car wreck at that point either.I was pretty out of it. When he finally got me loose and convinced me to grab hold of him allowing him to pull me from the car he then sat with me until the ambulance and police arrived all the while knowing he was subjecting himself to trouble once the police arrived...why?? Because I was 8 months pregnant!
Weather you believe it or not,mom,is your choice,but it is the Gods honest truth.
As for the "Weird
Jesus stuff". Jesus was anything but "clean cut",nor did he fit the typical business man/farmer stereo type that most would have considererd the "norm" back then. He hung around and ministered to the most unsavory people,societies outcasts..whores and publicans. According to your own post,he would have a hell of a time working or fitting in in your town.That to me is sad.
I think you doubt my story because none of us wants to admit we might be a bit more judgemental than we realize. We are all human and capable of making judgment calls that are at times unfair.All of us!That is however just my own opinion.
I really liked what Calimom had to say about the Artists and Dancers..it was a wonderful example! Thanks for the good discussion!

Best Seller said...

K
I don't understand why your being 8mo preggers would get your "Angel" in trouble? Once he explained to the Police that he wasn't the one that hit you (and his ID and unbanged car on the side of the road would prove that instantly) - why do you think he should have been worried? I fully expected you to say something like he had warrants out on him or something but he didn't care because he wanted to be a "good samaritan".

BTW, your not supposed to EVER move somebody after an accident, unless the vehicle is on fire or leaking gasoline.

mom said...

K,

Good point about keeping your identity a secret. I didn't come out and call you a liar because I wasn't sure you were lying. But it just sounded quite convenient so I became suspicious that you might be. Please accept my apologies if my doubts were unfounded. I have also been accused of lying on here when I didn't. I'm sorry. I hope your baby was OK.

And no, I don't think for a moment that elderly drivers are saintly by virtue of their age. My own father in law drinks and drives so regualrly that I have never left my kids there alone and do not let them ride in the car with him when I am there.

As for Jesus...He could be my nanny any time...except I am a SAHM, so I would have preferred to do the job myself if at all possible...even though I realize He could have done a better job than me, so that makes me sort of selfish.

WTF? said...

LMAO. Mom, you always end up looking like a self righteous snot when you attempt to discuss social issues. Stick to what you know.

K said...

mom,my baby was fine.Thank Goodness.Though she moved for the following 24 hrs non-stop!Yes,The story is true and your comment about Jesus being your nanny was adorable.We both agree on that one.
Selfish-NO. A loving mom-Yes

Best Seller
My Angel was a gang member. ( I found this out many months later when trying to locate "The Man" who freed me from the car and sat with me until help arrived.)My husband & I wanted to thank him. By staying with me,He risked trouble with the cops although he had nothing to do with the accident.
The only reason he moved me was because the force of the impact jammed my belly into the stearing wheel (my wheels were literally on the front hood of grannies car,touching her windsheild) and I was sandwiched in so tight,I could hardly breathe. He did the right thing and I am forever grateful.

Perpetrator said...

Mom,
Child molesters and child murderers count on people like you teaching their children that clean cut and respectable looking = safe. That's why they always look like the last person you'd suspect.

concernedmom said...

My posting was about the fact my Nanny stole. My Nanny also has a drug problem. THAT is the issue. It saddens me that my posting got spun into "judgement." I was amazed at people commenting on the exterior and moveable objects that adorned my nanny. Moms-please lets keep it real and get to the basics. If you choose to comment, can we discuss the severity of this or spread the word so other Moms can be aware? Thanks

mom said...

WTF,
I'm beginning to think that must be your real-life name.

Perpetrator,
You make an excellent point...one that I hope everybody takes to heart. That's why we played a game when my kids were small where we guessed about what a "naughty stranger" might look like." (That's what we called them, so as not to be excessively frightening to the small ones but still get the point across.) Anyway, I would give descriptions of different people and the point was that they were supposed to say "Yes" to every description (including such people as a beautiful princess or a handsome prince), so they would have the idea that they were to speak to NOBODY that we didn't know in public.
Some of you with small ones might want to try it. They had fun and I felt a little better knowing they had been at least as prepared as little ones can be for a variety of situations.
Molestation and kidnapping were among my greatest mommy fears for them.

BTW K, I am now remembering a story my mom told me about my escaping from our house as an infant before daylight (my parents were teenagers)and nobody even realizing I was missing until a knock came at the door and a rough looking truck driver stood there with me in his arms. he told her he had found this baby wandering on the highway and wondered if she knew whose it was!

I am sitting here wondering if my extra concern about people with extra body art and what I would consider piercings with an "antisocial message" comes from the fact that I was in the generation where that type of behavior/look first emerged as an anti-society trend. Punk Rockers. I was in high school when punk rockers first emerged as a force with their dyed black hair, multiple piercings, dark clothing, truly frightening attitude, and violent behavior. The city next to mine was known to have great numbers of punk rockers, who were identifiable on sight, and they were very scary, not to mention known for their crimes against people. Adults and children were frightened of them. On my graduation night there were three incidents in my city involving punk rockers that had come over from the neighboring city...two of which I was there to see, and one directly involving me. This is how it went: My dumbass of a boyfriend at the time was crossing the street, apparently too slowly for the liking of some punk rockers who were stopped at the crosswalk. Words were exchanged and they started jumping out of their truck an attacked him. At one point they had him backed up to the truck and were circled around him. I thought he was going to be killed for sure. It was like watching hyenas trying to devour a gazelle. Fortunately he was very large and managed to just barrel through the group of them (There were four of them....maybe five.) I watched this all from the driver's seat of my car. One of them pulled out some nunchucks (sp?) and started swinging them over his head as they tried to corner him again. He started running and the nunchucks were thrown at him as he escaped, but fortunately only hit him in the leg, as they left a huge bump even there. Then they turned to my brand new car...which they believed to be his...and started kicking the doors in and jumping on the hood, etc. I was sitting inside! Something...somethig stupid...came over me as I saw my car being destroyed and so I rolled down my window and screamed at them that this was MY car, not his, and to get off! They actually stopped! (I heard one of them tell the others to stop because it was my car. They seemed in that one moment to have some compassion to them.) But then they turned to trying to get my boyfriend again, who had come back to help me and was screaming frantically for me to just start driving...which I had not wanted to do with somebody on my hood or in front of the car, and I also didn't want to leave him behind for them to get. I kept screaming for him ot get in. But he was screaming so frantically for me to get away, and I saw that they were not going to let him get back into the car and were starting to surround him again. So I wrote down the license number of the truck and took off for an area where we had seen many police cars a few minutes earlier. (We had assumed they were breaking up a party...which is the most excitement the police typically found in my town.)When I got there I could not drive close to where I saw the officers gathered because there was now police tape all around the area. But believeing I had only moments to get them to save my boyfriends life, I got out of my car, crossed the police tape and ran toward the officers, screaming for their help. I saw somebody lying on the ground where they were. They rushed toward me and demanded that I leave the scene, until I told them that punk rockers with weapons were trying to kill my boyfriend...at which point several of them jumped into police cars and followed me to the scene. When we got there the punk rockers were gone but my boyfriend was still there and, thank goodness, only mildly injured. It was then that the police told us that the scene they had just been at was a stabbing, which had been done by punk rockers. I gave them the license number I had written down and they called it in and asked us to wait in case we needed to identify them. Sure enough, they soon received a call that the car had been picked up and we needed to go identify them. The police took us to the scene and I was terrified...didn't want to get out of the car to identify them because I didn't want them to see me and maybe come after me later. The officers assured me that with the lights they had shining in their faces they could not see us, so I identified each of them and told them specifically what each had done. They confiscated multiple knives from the car they were riding in...big scary knives...at least five, and I'm almost positive there were more like 6 or 7. I never did find out if they were the ones who stabbed the limo driver. But the next day there was an article in the paper that told of the three incidents and showed a picture of the knives splayed out in a fan pattern on the seat of the police car. (In the third incident,a police car that was chasing some punk rockers who had committed some other more petty crime, had run off the road and been seriously damaged.) After that night they actually instituted a ban on punk rockers in our city. I don't know if it was legal to do that, but they did...and the police set out to run them back to their own town whenever they were spotted in ours. Every time I saw a punk rocker after that I was really scared. I never sought damages for my car form them because, again, I was hoping they would never find out who I was...so I just took care of the car myself. So anyway, maybe that has something to do with my immediate negative reaction to certain piercings...those I associate with being "antisocial"...which are typically those of the huge silver variety and done in odd places,like the tongue, eyebrow, cheek, center of the nose (I already forgot what those are called), etc. Maybe if I had been saved by somebody who looked like that instead of attacked I might feel differently...but my luck apparently wasn't that good.

My larger point is not that every person who looks like that is bad or dangerous...but SOMETIMES they are...and that sacres me when it comes to leaving kids. Some of them just like looking like that as a fashion statement, but some are truly making an antisocial statement and are using that way of looking to express their disdain for society, or their inner anger....and how do you know for sure who is who? I may be old and wise enough to get to know somebody personally and learn to make a distinction based on other factors, but kids are not. So, given the fact that there are lots of nannys out there looking for jobs, I would opt for the one that I didn't have anything I needed to learn ot overlook. You're right, I could also get totally snowed by a person who looked the good part on the outside but was a monster on the inside (I actually have stories to go with that too. I had so many bad, scary things happen to me as a kid. I believe I have already written here about our horrific night of being babysat by the daughter of the chief of police?)...which is why I was probably the most paranoid person ever when it came to who I left my kids with. It was unpleasant for me as a mom being that scared for them, but its the way I was and I couldn't help my feelings. And when the feelings come from terrifying personal experiences they are all the more impossible to escape.

mom said...

sorry so hideously loooong!!!!!

aml said...

Sounds like a bad lifetime movie.

K said...

mom,I am sorry that happened to you and your boyfriend.

It probably did have alot to do with the way you perceive people as an adult. I am glad you are ok though!

OP.Concerned mom,sorry we derailed. Sometimes this blog and the threads do take a turn in a different direction. I am glad though that you posted and will all be on the lookout for Kelly from Vermont.I am also,as I said in an earlier post,glad you were so on the ball and caught this so quickly..glad the kids are safe too!
BTW, were you ever able to reach any of her family members to let them know she needs help? Just curious.

Anonymous said...

Yes. I had her Aunt arrive during the "firing" to hear her co9nfess and admit she not only stole the drugs, but also has a drug problem. Her Mother phoned the next day to apologize.

We dont believe, however, that Kelly had ANY remorse. She was< clearly, high when I confronted her.

mom said...

Good job OP...very smart to have family members present!

I'm with K...sorry to derail. It happens from time to time...really almost every time on any thread thst goes for any length of time. Thanks for the update!

K said...

OP,Though she showed no remorse, you probably helped save her life. I am sorry you had to go though this. keep in mind..though you do not understand it now,she came into your lives for a reason. Perhaps until now,no one cared enough to contact her family,who,just might help her.
You did a good thing.