I have a question that is kind of strange. We recently inherited a nanny from a good friend of ours. They were moving from Boston and the nanny has family in CA and did not want to leave. My good friend recommended that she interview with us. She came to our house. We live in one of the developments that you might see on a show like Weeds, perfectly lovely, but our friends live on a hill with 2 acres overlooking everything spectacular. They have a full time housekeeper, we have a housekeeper that comes once every two weeks.The nanny is great with the children. She's a great nanny, but she continually makes references to our lifestyle as if it is beneath her. As I said, our home is perfectly lovely. There are things we don't have that she is accustom to, namely the housekeeper, grocery delivery, a garbage compacter, etc. etc, etc.
The vehicle we provide for our nanny to drive is a 2003 Acura MDX. The nanny had been driving a 2007 Lexus SUV. She keeps complaining that the brakes feel like they are giving out or something is wrong with the steering or that she is afraid something is going to give out. Her other comments lead me to believe she wants a better nanny car. And there are people in our neighborhood who provide better nanny vehicles, but we aren't quite ready to turn it in, yet I cannot help feel like I am being pressured by the nanny.
There are other things she does too. She wants to shop only at stores like whole foods. She eats with the children and she says she doesn't want to eat chicken from a Safeway. Nevermind, I doubt she shops at whole foods for her brood.
If she weren't so consistently reliable and great with our children and I didn't fear how bad a nanny could really be, I would make a change. Has anyone else dealt with a nanny that previously worked for a family with a lot more money? And how did that go for you?
80 comments:
Boy she sounds obnoxious. I hear you though on not wanting to fire her and take your chances on hiring an unknown new nanny who might have more serious issues.
I dunno, I guess if she is great in every other way I'd try to ignore her comments until I could think of a subtle but effective way of neutralizing them and shutting her up. There has to be a way. Perhaps someone here will have the right comeback.
Seriously though, that would really bug me!
Wow, could your nanny feel more entitled?
I know it's best to keep a nanny with this kind of flaw, rather than take a chance on getting someone who could be worse, but this would really grate my nerves!
It just doesn't sound like a good match to me. Trying to force it will not help matters either and you will begin to resent her.
I don't know. My friend just got rid of a nanny like that (she always felt judged and so was on edge in her own home and while caring for her own child in front of nanny because of all nanny's under the breath comments) even though the nanny was good with the baby otherwise. She looks like she is floating off the floor with happiness now that she has a new nanny who is helpful, sweet and good with the baby. As people have been saying all over the place lately...there ARE good nannies out there, and for reasons beyond everybody's control, many of them are going to be looking for work very soon, if they are not already. They deserve to work and you deserve a professional nanny...not a spoiled child.
Get a GOOD nanny for yourself and let this uppity one tell the people down at the unemployment offfice how she's too good to work for people who make her drive a five year old luxury automobile and don't send a personal shopper out to buy her gourmet foods at the high end market.
I am a very private person, and my home is my sanctuary, so if somebody is going to be spending time in my home I HAVE to be comfortable with them or it's no deal. I can tolerate snarky comments out in public any time...but at home, no thank you.
I have a male family member who lives and dies by the label. His sweetheart comes from mega money. And I do mean mega. That is why I absolutely LOVED it when she (I don't know what drove her to do it, but she did it) bought all the meat for a social gathering of family and close friends at Safeway and not at Fresh Market/ Whole Foods. Above said man went on and on about what good cuts of meat they were dining on. No one knew the difference and it was great fun when she announced her little secret at the end of the meal. Of course, it is now all about the spices with the man and the more expensive the spices the better, but it proves one point. A store doesn't make the meal, you do.
As to the car. If you deem the chariot good enough to transport your precious cargo than it should be good enough for her little nanny behind. If she wants a better ride maybe she should purchase one and charge you gas money.
Anonymous said...
I am a nanny and I think this is ridiculous. I have worked for wealthy families, middle classes and poor families and I never tried to belittle anybody while I worked.
I think your nanny should shut her mouth and just do her job. She is getting paid to take care of the children, not to comment on the car and house. She isn't a chef to say where is good to buy this or that and I doubt she is a expert in cars.
You should talk to her and explain to her that she is being rude and that you don't appreciate her commentaries.If she continues, you should look for a polite and also experient nanny somewhere else.
6:53 PM
RE-POST For ANONYMOUS!
You need a MONIKER!
If she complains about the car again, I'd suggest to her she start saving for her own vehicle, and that when she decides she is ready to buy, you will help her pick the appropriate insurance policy that covers her business needs, and reimburse her for it. And that she is welcome to hire a housekeeper to clean her nanny quarters daily, and offer to discuss with yours what her rates for such a contrract might be. You might also let drop a few comments in casual conversation about the high unemployment rate, plummeting stock market and interest rates, and sudden difficulty of qualifying for credit of any kind, and let her know how much you admire her apparent ability to keep her head so much farther above water than the average American worker who has to concern themselves daily with covering their basic needs and keeping their job in this crappy economy. If she does not improve by mid-January, start interviewing for a better one.
She sounds like a real fart-face. Tell her get steppin.
from a nanny's perspective thats just rude!
Can I come work for you? I clean the house and drive my own car....
I've never understood the fancy nanny car. With the exception of an ancient Lexus that I got new and drove into the ground, I've always had pretty normal nanny cars. I now have a minivan or an American SUV. My favorite car was probably an old Mercedes diesel wagon in one of my first positions. I was so sad when they traded it in for a new Range Rover that I hated to drive.
Nanny car? Wait a gosh darn minute.. I have to drive my own car. I want a nanny car! I wanna work for you PLEASE!
Ha my nanny car is an 02 ford explorer...a car I bought 4 years ago and I pay the insurance and car payments on.
They provide the carseat and gas occasionally.
My boss shops at Heb and *gasp* walmart and even buys walmart brands on things.
Your nanny should be grateful for what she has. I would offer to trade her jobs but I love mine :)
In regards to the car, the next time she mentions something, I'd be curious as to what her solution would be. "What do you suggest we do to make you feel more comfortable with the car you are driving?" I'd love to hear her answer.
All in all, you are the boss. Sit her down and let her know that you realize she came from a previous family with some rather nice perks. While you have it somewhat good, you aren't them and will never be. While you don't want her to feel uncomfortable, your life is what it is and won't be changing. Call her on it and see what happens.
I would NEVER be as rude as she is being. If you are a professional, act like one. If she's into all the material things, I am sure she could find a family to suit her needs. It's sad that she can't see that she has a good family to work for and THAT is what is important.
Wow, after reading this I just started shaking my head in disbelief. I'm a nanny in Chicago and have worked on the North Shore for many years. I've worked with families who have money and they still choose not to shop at Whole Foods. The nanny car issue is absurd. I have nanny friends who would give their left arm to just have a nanny car to use at their disposal. My nanny car started out as a minivan that was ancient but I was so thrilled that I didn't have to drive my car around for this job I didn't think twice. They upgraded a few years down the road to an american suv and *gasp* not a mercedes.
Although your nanny seems like she could be a good nanny those issues would bug me greatly. I think you could do better! You shouldn't have to have someone in YOUR home who makes you feel this way.
As a nanny with ten years experience, I am the cream of the crop. I won't work for a family that cannot afford me certain luxuries. Stop judging, there is nothing wrong with a nanny cherry picking her work environment. I would never work in a home where there was not a full time housekeeper. Never! I have other requirements, but I don't want to bore you. With all the crap nannies out there, you bet your bottom we with the top notch references and 4 year degrees have every right to ask for more.
I think you should have a plain, open talk with her. Tell her that you feel that she is not happy with your lifestyle. Make a thorough review of all the points she has raised and give a specific rebuttal for each of them. Maybe she doesn't mean to be snarky, she just needs some time to adjust to the situation and the comments will die down especially if you explicitly tell her that they irritate you. Now, she could also be a constant complainer, in which case, if she keeps making you feel uncomfortable, she will have to go.
S, the problem is, Sweetie, that this snot of a nanny HAS already accepted the position. If she's unhappy, she needs to give herself the boot before her boss does.
I own a nanny agency and would never recommend that a family hire a nanny with a bad attitude which in fact is what you are dealing with. Despite being a 'good nanny' to your children, she is also the person that spends most time with them and her attitude will eventually rub off onto your children. There are lots of good nannies out there and next time I suggest you do your own thorough search with an established nanny agency who can help to find someone that you can work with.
Good luck - your perfect nanny is out there somewhere but this girl is not the one I'm afraid.
Schedule a meeting with her when you can talk privately without the kids around. Start the meeting by thanking her for the great job she is doing with your kids, then...
"I feel that you are not satisfied with the lifestyle we provide to our children. I know our economic situation is different from your previous employers, and I feel that you would prefer to find a position with a much wealthier family. If that is the case, let's agree to a 4 week notice now, and we will both begin looking for new situations that suit us both better.
If that is not the case, I want to ask you to please tone down the complaining about the car we provide, the food we provide, and the housekeeping we pay for. I feel very pressured by your complaints, and I don't appreciate that. If the complaining does not cease, I will have no choice but to find a new nanny ASAP."
I am sure she'll have some sort of response, and you can gauge what you want to do from what she says.
I'm usually a big proponent of tact, but if nanny is really as disgruntled as she comes across in your post, she needs a slap of reality. Leave or deal and hush, KWIM?
And I bet with careful screening and interviewing, you can find a nanny who will be good with your kids AND be polite to you about your lifestyle.
How dare she? How can you even tolerate that kind of behavior? I suggest you tell her to go find another job. What a snob. If she can find a "better" job I guess you encourage her to.
I would honestly tell her as sternly as possible: I know you might recently be used to more costly grocery stores and cars- just to name a few- but we want to teach our children to be grateful and tactful- not to turn their noses up at food or cars and clothes without a big name brand associated with it.
You can also add in: If you don't like the car we provided you are welcome to purchase your own and if you don't like our food providers feel free to bring your own with to work at your expense.
I would replace her in an eye wink.
Well, S, the nanny, aren't you special. I bet you are a gem and I am glad with your experience that you can hold yourslef in high esteem and earn the big nanny bucks. In another 10 years you can still be the highest paid nanny with a college degree. Brava. Keep those high standards, girlfriend.
gosh she just sounds spoiled. I mean a 2003 car, whats wrong with that? Some nannies are not even provided cars and use their own cars! I think she is being ridiculous and maybe you should nicely tell her that you live differently than your friends. Some people can have all the money in the world and still don't use a housekeeper- it is just a matter of what you want. She needs to realize that not everyone lives the same way and get over it!
Um yeah, if this nanny is so used to living like a queen all the time, I assume she has great personal wealth and does not need to nanny at all. Explain to her that, while she is used to brand name everything, you are not impressed by, or interested in spending your discretionary income on, such things....but you certainly understand if she wants to use some of her own vast personal fortune to bring her own gourmet foods to work with her if she can't stomach what you have to offer. And tell her that if she chooses to use her own brand new luxury SUV to transport the children, you will be more than willing to pay her a per mile stipend when she uses the car to transport your children.
Say this in a deadly serious tone next time she is snotty to you. That ought to shut her up.
She's smart enough (I hope...otherwise she should not be alone with your children) to see that your income is not what her previous employer's was without you having to point it out to her. She's just being incredibly rude and snotty...on purpose.
Nahhh there really are not that many good nannies out there. that's why I put up with a nanny who cooks pigs feet in my kitchen twice a month and spits the toenails in the sink!@!!!
i'll always have more than you,
why so angry?
because i made 120 thousand a year NANNYING? Or because my employer is paying for my niece to go to the same private school their children go to? Or is it because I received 10,000 shares of Johnson and Johnson on my fifth anniversary and J&J is still doing okay in the market?
S
Spoiled Rotten! I drive my own car and charge gas money and "wear and tear" money as well. I would LOVE to work for someone who provided a car for me!
Next time she makes any kind of smart remark about your Acura, ask her seriously, "Oh okay, since it's not up to your standards, would you rather drive your own car?"
I would honestly just be upfront and let her know how you do things in your home, is how you do things. Part of being a nanny is adapting to the family you are working for... not comparing your current job to previous jobs (at least out loud!) I hope you can find some kind of resolution, she sounds like a pain.
S, I'm jealous because I want to live in the fantasy world you occupy.
"Nannying?" Four year degree? really?
Mmmmm pigs feet. Mmmmm toenails. I wish I had your nanny...
Is your nanny Anette from the eating and leaving baby in crib post?
Get a puppy for xmas and make her clean up its business.
You could say something like, "I can't afford both your salary and a better car and food from Whole Foods. Maybe I should lower your salary and put that money towards leasing a Lexus SUV and buying artichoke salads from a gourmet specialty shop."
Wow!
'S' good for you. I don't make as much as you but I make enough.
Few things here that I find troubling with the majority of the other posters.
Yes, there are nannies with 4 year degrees. I am one of them. It's funny the condescension I hear about this, as if it can't be possible; as for the person who said that 'S' would be nannying in 10 years...sarcasm anyone? why don't you all just admit you have little respect for this profession, because in your eye, it is a menial domestic job, go ahead admit it, because that was the way nannying was viewed many years ago, and I see that sentiment is still very much alive.
Why can't you accept that some people choose to take care of kids, degree or not. Also accept that nannying can come with a lot of perks that make it attractive to some people.
Good thing it doesn't mater much what you think.
Now on to the Whole Foods issue; this I found pretty interesting/appalling?
My diet and personal hygiene products are 95% from Whole Foods, and apparently that's a problem because I'm a nanny?
What! I should eat from Safeway because 'the family' chooses to eat there? You are kidding, aren't you?
So... let me get this right, a nanny should never have any of the finer things in life, is that right?
I am so perplexed with this mindset here.
I have always eaten at Whole Foods, and I would not change that just because I work for people who don't see the value in eating the most healthful foods available. I see the value, and I don't trade my views for others---even (laugh) if I'm just the nanny. I'm not even sure exactly what that phrase means. Is that like 'just the secretary, or just the assistant, or can you be 'just the boss' I mean, do you all feel the same way about yourselves on your jobs (if you are not your own bosses)
My employers can choose to not provide me with foods from Whole Foods, but that's not going to stop me from eating there. They consider it their 'duty' to feed me, and so I use their money to shop at Whole Foods, whilst they shop at Safeway, they can shop at Whole Foods if they choose, or not. I will shop at Whole Foods regardless.
I will say that I use a certain limited amount from my allowance and subsidize it whenever necessary (they don't know this), but I do have a conscience and I do not believe in exploiting people. That being said, I will always shop at Whole Foods or any other health food store. Ok, now that I got that out of the way...
Lets move on to the issue of the (gasp) 'nanny car'.
Again, I found the comments slightly jarring. I can't quite figure out all the reasons for the various reactions, but I must say some (not all) sounds like it stems from jealousy (that a measly nanny job has a car allowance)
Can we just accept that as many different nannies as there are there are as many different employment situations.
Some nannies demand more than others, and yes I did use the word 'demand'. I think anybody can and should demand what they believe they deserve- period!
One thing that has always baffled me as a nanny is the fact that some people actually use their own cars on their jobs.
Though I find it appalling, and I personally would never take a job like that (just as you non-nannies pick and choose where you work) I do understand there are nannies out there who work for people who in all probability cannot afford nannies.
The idea of using my own vehicle is almost ludicrous to me, but to each his own, I don't knock a nanny who is comfortable with such an arrangement.
Here is another shocker...I hate the minivan; though I have no problems driving it during working hours, I seriously dislike driving it on the weekends.
Are you gasping yet, that I dare have preferences? What, I am supposed to 'like' everything, or is it because 'I'm just a nanny' I should be happy to just have a car to drive.
Well I'm sorry, but being a nanny does not mean I don't have likes and dislikes.
I own my own car (which is kinda ridiculous when you think about it) I only get to drive that when I go home, so when I'm on the job, I'd appreciate driving at least a car, and you bet I expressed that.
I am a nanny, and while I'm respectful, I do have an opinion and preferences.
Though I'm not into cars in the way that some people are, for example, it doesn't have to be new or be a 4 by 4, it just needs to be decent and match the car that I own.
If I can own a decent car, I think they can certainly afford to have one available on the weekends (which they do) though I do drive the minivan (not happily) on occasion. (If I hadn't expressed my displeasure I would have it every weekend)
All of that being said, I think it's natural to feel disgruntled about our jobs at times (and I have worked professionally in another field) everybody gets disgruntled no matter where on the social ladder you fall.
If you are leaving a great job to a not so great job with less perks, you will think about it; what is not ok, is to grumble to your employer (especially constantly) about the standard of living the have chosen.
In all fairness, I spoke about my dislike for my mode of transportation once, and I was done. If I don't make my feelimgs known about something I feel strongly about then how will anybody ever know what I feel.
I find myself comparing my previous nanny jobs, and there's always something that I miss, whether its my employers personality, my living space, you name it, but these are largely silent musings.
By the way 'nanny quarters', why, I haven't heard that term in a while. It sure does conjure up dreadful images.
I am thankful I don't have quarters. I have a living space that includes a living area, room, bathroom, and kitchenette.
Here's my wish, that nannies would start feeling better about themselves. To know that they have a voice. To understand that nannying is not an extension of slavery, and that they deserve the best, and if they don't demand it, sometimes they simply don't get it, and by the way, don't let anyone tell you that you are out of place to ask for what you want.
I can't tell you how much it irks me seeing the mentality of folks here parents, and nannies alike.
If you want to eat at Whole Foods gosh darn it then that's exact;y where you should eat. remember, it's your health, never compromise because somebody, employer or not believes you should.
Here's also hoping that for the New Year you will all change your mindset. It really has gotten tired. Whether you believe it or not, this profession is changing, and there's nothing you can do about it, so you can either join, or you can let it pass you by, oh yes, and by the way,
just because the car is good enough for your employers kids doesn't necessarily mean it's good enough for you, what the heck!
Nuts! grow some self esteem nannies, since when does the standards of others become your own.
I'm just shaking my head in disbelief!
I am a nanny.
I have health insurance,
I drive a nice car.
I have a housekeeper.
I own my own house.
My children go to private school.
I make an enviable salary.
If I'm lucky, I'll be doing this in ten years. You bet your ass!
Em, I don't know what they've been slipping into your organic artichoke salads, but try to breathe deep and let go of your stresses. You're about to slide right into the deep end.
The only thing I put in my organic artichoke salads is bacon. And on top, blue cheese and sunflower seeds.
Calimom, I'm sorry, but that did not make any sense.
Are you on drugs?
Are you angry that I eat organically?
Why?
I really don't get it.
Are you one of those who consider nannies to be second class citizens by virtue of what they do?
I am really baffled why this bothers you so.
I also dress very well, sometimes better than my employers, will that bother you too?
Em, I'm not as obsessed as you are with what you wear, what you eat or how you earn your paycheck. But you should probably get some help for your anger management issues and your reading comprehension. Not to mention that collosal chip on your shoulder.
What? Oh forget it. Idiot!
Sooner rather than later would behoove you.
I have to wonder how you manage from day to day in your constant state of befuddlement. It must be extremely difficult for you.
CaliMom, I honestly think you've got a little chip on your shoulder as well; could it be that some of the things Em said hit a little close to home? Do you really think your comments were constructive in any way? I'm not seeing how your snark contributed to the overall conversation in any meaningful way.
LOL
Hmm, " a little close to home"? Why would I be bothered that she likes to eat organic and buy expensive clothes? That's what plenty of new age yippies do these days where I live, and it's up to her how she decides to spend her hard earned money. I don't employ a nanny, did for a while and I think he was pretty into organic stuff but not expensive clothes, so not sure what her self-image has to do with me or nanny employers.
My point, as many have also said, is that it's tacky and unprofessional to accept a job, then grumble about the realities of the job. Take it and do it well or leave it, if you feel it's beneath you. Em's point seems to be that the nanny should be recognized as queen of the household and of COURSE the employers should supply her with daily housekeeping and organic caviar, and if they can't provide her a lifestyle that is several notches above their own, they don't deserve her services in return for their money.
Speaking of "hitting close to home", I find it very funny how Em is frothing at the mouth and going on for paragraph after paragraph after paragraph about shopping at Whole Foods.
Em - Are you serious? Your post had me cracking up!! There is so much more to life than Whole Foods and worrying about which car you are driving. YOU GET A CAR TO DRIVE. How about being thankful instead of complaining?
Nanny in Charge, I have a car!
OP, just curious if you've spoken to your friends (the nanny's former employers) about this. Curious to see if they had similar problems with her. I would think she would be really grateful to you for giving her a job so she didn't have to go through the hassle of interviewing with agencies and new families. Weird
I have to say, I am really amused by the Whole Foods zealots out there. I have been shopping pretty exclusively at health food stores since I was 16.
And for the most part, my fellow shoppers were pleasant hippies and health conscious folks. Then about 7 years ago, the collective collective consciousness changed and people suddenly started treating those who didn't shop at Whole Foods as some kind of ignorant barbarians and negligent parents.
I find it really tiresome. Many of the people crowing the loudest don't really understand the basics of nutrition and buy "healthy" snack bars & yogurts loaded with refined sugar and questionable products like agave and canola oil.
I feel great about my diet but I don't snark at people who like cheetos, what the hell do I care what they eat?
People who don't buy healthful foods, be it Whole Foods or any other health food store are ignorant.
They are ignorant about what constitutes a healthy body.
I am not appalled that people are not aware of the unhealthful nature of most foods in a regular supermarket, I am just blown away by the school of thought that suggests that if a nanny works with a family that shops at Safeway, then that's what their diet should include.
This spells ignorance to me, that people believe that if you've made the conscious choice to shop at a health food store, that you'd be willing to just ignore that in light of your employment situation.
Seriously people, for some people there is no alternative, no matter how 'tasty' 'regular' food seems.
Soooo, if that makes me a hippie, so be it. It certainly means that hippies are smart people, who understand the value of food.
Some of us are label reading people, who understand that you can't put your health in the hands of the FDA.
I'm not sure who Austin Nanny was referring to, but I know much much more than the basics of Nutrition.
EM said..."I am not appalled that people are not aware of the unhealthful nature of most foods in a regular supermarket, I am just blown away by the school of thought that suggests that if a nanny works with a family that shops at Safeway, then that's what their diet should include."
I may have missed the post that said any nanny would somehow not be more than free to spend HER money on whatever SHE wished to eat. If you expect your employers to pay for your specialized nutrient rich diet, you are as entitled as the nanny in the OP.
EM said..."This spells ignorance to me, that people believe that if you've made the conscious choice to shop at a health food store, that you'd be willing to just ignore that in light of your employment situation."
No need to ignore your desires, just pay for your food yourself, rather than expecting an employer to do so.
EM..."Soooo, if that makes me a hippie, so be it. It certainly means that hippies are smart people, who understand the value of food."
If you want to eat food that meets your specific definition of healthy, more power to you. Just don't act like a spoiled brat if your employers decline to provide your special food. OP's nanny is likely perfectly capable of buying and bringing her own special food to work, as, I am sure, are you.
Em, I know you won't care what I have to say because you are so above anyone else, but you really do come off as some kind of bratty elitist know-it-all.
Ok, so I'm bratty and elitist, sue me.
...and yes Chick, you missed a lot of things, why don't you try reading the entire thread before passing judgments.
...and what if the parents provide my food? they do and they should, and I eat wholesomely so sue me.
They have a choice, they can decide I'm not worth it,and then find a new nanny in short order, but they haven't have they, so perhaps you should mind your own business, and stop griping about things you can't have.
Additionally, you need a little dose of self worth.
Anybody who feels the way I do knows how ridiculous you sound. Which employer out there does not ask for a grocery list from their employee? and for those like myself who get a card, don't they buy what they eat? why would anyone try to buy things they won't eat? don't be ridiculous.
Lol, this is soo funny, the fact that real food is called 'special' food, and toxins are called regular food. Regular supermarket food is for the uninformed my dear, people who are 'informed' eat healthfully, no matter the cost.
Here's a thought: to me it just called food. There is nothing 'special' about it.
You really are just showing your ignorance.
'specialized nutrient rich diet' lol, you are right about nutrient rich, so I guess you are satisfied eating crapola then...enough said, next!
em said..."...and yes Chick, you missed a lot of things, why don't you try reading the entire thread before passing judgments."
I read all of the posts, and your stuck out as entitled and snobby sounding. Hence my responses.
em said..."...and what if the parents provide my food? they do and they should, and I eat wholesomely so sue me.
They have a choice, they can decide I'm not worth it,and then find a new nanny in short order, but they haven't have they, so perhaps you should mind your own business, and stop griping about things you can't have.
Additionally, you need a little dose of self worth."
To expect employers to pay for nanny to eat more expensive food than nanny buys for the the family reeks of an inflated sense of self worth and very few manners. If you have found employers who thinki so much of you that they are willing to foot the bill for your Whole Foods habit, more power to you. It's not something many employers OR nannies would do.
If you don't want comments on your lifestyle, don't yak about it online. FYI, if I chose to be selfish and self-centered, I would be more than able to buy my work food wherever I chose, but I choose, instead, to be respectful of my employers, and not use their money to support MY choices.
em said..."Anybody who feels the way I do knows how ridiculous you sound. Which employer out there does not ask for a grocery list from their employee? and for those like myself who get a card, don't they buy what they eat? why would anyone try to buy things they won't eat? don't be ridiculous."
And whoosh, the point goes over your head. NO ONE here seems to support your position, or hadn't you noticed?
em said..."Lol, this is soo funny, the fact that real food is called 'special' food, and toxins are called regular food. Regular supermarket food is for the uninformed my dear, people who are 'informed' eat healthfully, no matter the cost."
Is it just me, or do you have a real fixation with food? And a lack of real knowledge of how life works? Do you buy expensive food and ignore your other bills, or do you live in and therefore HAVE no actual bills for housing, power, etc.? What if your employer had a financial issue and could not support your WF habit? Would you quit and find another sucker...um...FAMILY to work for?
em said..."Here's a thought: to me it just called food. There is nothing 'special' about it.
You really are just showing your ignorance. 'specialized nutrient rich diet' lol, you are right about nutrient rich, so I guess you are satisfied eating crapola then...enough said, next!"
I am amused that you think you have somehow proven your point. All you have proven is that your OPINION is that of someone who sounds completely self-centered and entitled.
Hi,
I am a mother and a first time commentator. I have to agree with Em on this thread. We hired a nanny and during the interview, she told us that she was a Vegan and did not eat X,Y and Z but did eat D, E and F. I told her that we did eat X, Y and Z and didn't want to go cross town to shop for her, but would leave her money so she could get the food she preferred to eat. It has never caused us any consequence, except that our oldest daughter has picked up many of the nanny's eating habbits and prefers X, Y and Z to D, E and F. The nanny's choices are by far healthier, so who am I to complain?
She enjoys cooking healthy things. There is always organic fruit or vegetables chopped up in the refrigerator for any of us to grab.
Does the food cost more than our regular food? It must but we had realistic expectations of having a live-in nanny. We fully understood that one adult living in the house and eating seven days a week would inflate our grocery bill. My thoughts on this are, if paying for groceries, even organic groceries for an extra person is going to tax you that much, perhaps your children are better off in daycare and the perks of having a live-in are not yours to enjoy.
It goes both ways.
Chick, bingo! LOL. Em sounds like my psychotic 300lb sister who cannot distinguish her own opinons from actual proven FACTS, and seems convinced she is healthier than the average normal weight person because she eats expensive organic everything. An then complains about how broke they are and acts as if the world owes her something.
Marsha, being a vegetarian is, IMO, at least slightly different from being a Whole Foods disciple.
There are foods one simply doesn't eat at all as a vegetarian, and to insist that your nanny ate such food would be rude.
One can find healthy choices in a wide variety of stores, and for nanny to insist that she will ONLY eat from Whole Foods is rude.
Or maybe I just find Em's tone and attitude presumptuous and entitled.
If I were a nanny employer, I would gladly offer up the contents of my refrigerator to nanny, and I would happily pay for other foods from "my" grocery store that she wanted to eat. If nanny were a vegetarian, I would offer her extra to buy alternatives she would need. I would not offer to buy higher end groceries for nanny than I bought for my family. If nanny wanted to purchase her food exclusively at WF, I would offer a small food alowance, and she would be free to make up the difference in her grocery bill out of her own pocket.
If a nanny turned down a job with me because I wouldn't fully subsidize her food habits, I would consider myself to have escaped life with a demanding and spoiled nanny, and I would move on to someone with a lower sense of entitlement.
Chick,
I have thought the same thing exactly. Give her an allowance that is what you might normally expect to spend on groceries for one person at an ordinary grocery store, and if she wants to spend more, let her pay the difference. Oh, and I would also allow her the privelege of doing her own grocery shopping on her own time if she wanted her groceries to come from other than my normal store. No need for the employer to turn herself into the nanny's errand girl. And yes, it is far more expensive to shop for individual portions of food from the high end store than it is to serve up one extra helping of your family's salad or spaghetti to one more person.
Mom, Chick and the inevitable Calimom,
you are all going around in circles here.
I do not see eating at Whole Foods OR ANY OTHER HEALTH FOOD STORE, to be a privilege. It is normal for me,and I'm not sure why it is deemed 'special', and I had to laugh, so you would buy her groceries if she were vegetarian, but you wouldn't if she just preferred better food.
A little self esteem would do wonders for you Chick, because apparently, you think your employers are better than you.
What I find interesting in these recent posts is the three of you coming full circle? If you read a much earlier post of mine, you would see where I clearly said. My employers insist (strong word) on buying my food, and that I do in fact have an allowance, after I suggested that I'd prefer to buy my own food, and that I use only a small amount that I thought was reasonable and supplemented it with my own money. I also stated that they don't know that I do.
In fact I used to regularly buy my own gas on the weekends, but they made it clear to me that I am to use their card. This is not something that I was comfortable doing, as I believe I can buy my own gas on the weekend. To them this makes no sense.
I ended up many times spending a lot, but I really don't have to. I have the kind of job that allows me these perks.
I jumped on the Whole Health food issue because of the earlier posts. I do not believe any nanny should eat supermarket food just because the family does. That makes little sense, and finally Marsha has come on here as the voice of reason.
Some nannies are put off by employers who only have health food in their cupboards, and some nannies are put off when only junk is available, Don't you three get it?
Nannies are people just as employers are people. I can't believe I have to explain this.
I do not feel my employer is more important than me, nor am I more important than her. We both need each other, and both should be respected.
Lets do a little Chick here:
'There are foods one simply doesn't eat at all as a vegetarian, and to insist that your nanny ate such food would be rude'.
There are some foods that I simply don't eat as a health conscious person, and to insist that I eat such foods would be rude...enough said
'One can find healthy choices in a wide variety of stores, and for nanny to insist that she will ONLY eat from Whole Foods is rude'
It is extremely hard to find healthful foods in regular supermarkets, though it is certainly possible, but do you have a problem with the store Whole Foods?
Um, and when did nanny Em insist on eating at ONLY WHOLE FOODS?
You know you can't just lie to make your point, I can see right through it.
'Or maybe I just find Em's tone and attitude presumptuous and entitled.'
Now this is more like it; you just don't like me. Now would you kindly stick to the facts that you have, so far it is the FACT that you don't like me. Quit making other things up.
'If a nanny turned down a job with me because I wouldn't fully subsidize her food habits, I would consider myself to have escaped life with a demanding and spoiled nanny, and I would move on to someone with a lower sense of entitlement.'
Again with the lies. When did I ever say I wanted FULL subsidy, even though I could get it.
You are agreeing and disagreeing with me at the same time. don't let your hatred for me, make you sound like a silly goose.
Calimom, I'm going to suggest that you are the 300lb sister, who is always complaining about lack of money. Perhaps if you ate healthfully you wouldn't be so darned fat.
And to the MOM, sure it's more expensive for the nanny to purchase real food than it is to eat from your pot, but why would someone for whom health is important do that??? no matter how cheap it is.
I tip my hat to Marsha for coming to this blog, and shedding a little light on this area, and in her words I say:
'we had realistic expectations of having a live-in nanny. We fully understood that one adult living in the house and eating seven days a week would inflate our grocery bill. My thoughts on this are, if paying for groceries, even organic groceries for an extra person is going to tax you that much, perhaps your children are better off in daycare and the perks of having a live-in are not yours to enjoy'.
I could not have said it better myself!
Em, your delusions, mental disturbances, fantasies or "suggestions", as you euphamistically refer to them, are your right. (As are your obsession with self-humiliation and organic gourmet items). But conving yourself of an alternate reality does NOT, in fact, make it ACTUAL reality. Nor does it convince anyone of your opinions.
I know, you'll declare yet again that you don't understand what I just said. So read slowly: My sister and I are 2 separate people.
Convincing, not conving.
Self humiliation, items for the gourmet, alternate reality?
Whatever are you referring to this time, lol, you poor soul.
I suppose YOU would know what my reality is oh clairvoyant one.
It's funny how when you are cornered you don't respond to what make sense, you instead say my life is not real or some such garbage. Why I would use euphemisms is beyond me. Have I not been speaking my mind loudly and clearly?
I think so
You should probably stop writing now and stop showing your ignorance.
I'm slmost sure that you went and reread my post (which is what an intelligent person who wanted to respond to my post would do) and you realized what I had said earlier refutes the claims being made here. Instead of accepting that you were wrong, you have decided that I don't know my own life.
I read what you said about your sister, but I really think you are that fat slob of 300 pounds that you mention. Imagine talking about one's sister like that, no, it must be you. I do now understand why the notion of healthful eating bothers you so.
I can almost picture you at the drive through ordering 3 burgers and extra extra large fries and a superdooper coke. Ugh! the imagery.
Oh Em, sweetie. It's a good thing you are so convinced that Jesus loves you, because even your own mother must regret having birthed you. With such a snotty, entitled, smug attitude, a state of perpetual dimwittedness, and a tenuous grasp on reality, I'm willing the people at your church don't even like you. They're only polite to you because they are better Christians than you. You clearly can NOT convince anyone of anything you are trying to argue, so your predictable response is to a)toss out insults, b)announce that once again you are having trouble understanding what's going on around you, c)toss out more insults d)pull lies out of your ass, e)toss out some more insults, f)babble senselessly, and g)pat yourself on the back for your "Christian" values and h)toss out some more insults.
Were you actually trying to tell me that I am wrong about myself and my sister being 2 different people? You need help.
And please, sweetie, try HARD to understand: I don't care what you eat. I just wouldn't humor your food fetish if I had made the mistake of employing you. And this snotty nanny that OP wrote about needs to find herself a new job if she regrets having accepted this one. I wonder if OP has decided to fire her yet.
Willing to bet, that is.
Exhibit #2.
Now this is to clarify who is stalking whom.
See Exhibit A in "Somewhere over the rainbow" post. It doesn't say exhibit one, but it is.
First, calimom responds to OP, and other posters twice, then I responded to Op and other posters
Em
Wow!
'S' good for you. I don't make as much as you but I make enough.
Calimom (addressing me)
Em, I don't know what they've been slipping into your organic artichoke salads, but try to breathe deep and let go of your stresses. You're about to slide right into the deep end.
Em
Calimom, I'm sorry, but that did not make any sense.
Calimom
Em, I'm not as obsessed as you are with what you wear, what you eat or how you earn your paycheck.
Are you on drugs? 3:13 pm
Em
What? Oh forget it. Idiot!
3:20 PM
Calimom
Sooner rather than later would behoove you.
I have to wonder how you manage from day to day in your constant state of befuddlement. It must be extremely difficult for you.
3:53 PM
The peanut gallery then steps in and I 'lol' the situation, and then I respond to a few posters, then, see for yourself...
5t seems to me, that calimom is the one doing the stalking, but you be the judge.
Wow, em, lmao! You sure went through a LOT of trouble there, on two different posts no less. I'm impressed! But it seems to me cali mom was answering your last comment.
Well Crazy, if you think I am the 'stalker' so be it. I can't show you anymore proof, well I can't find the third blog anyway
By the way, I did notice she posted again here. I haven't read it.
Goodbye Calimom
Em, I don't think anyone else here is having trouble following the threads as much as you keep saying YOU are, but I'm glad your new hobby of C&P'ing threads keeps you from thinking about your REAL troubles.
Claiming that I am "stalking" you is just a fancier way of telling me to shut up. Now insult me and others some more, remind us that you are a Christian, and declare your confusion again. Maybe people will finally start to see things your way.
Em, Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. I'd hate for anyone to get a splinter.
curiosity got the better of me and I opened this, lol. Did not read it but I saw the commenter.
what will she do now that Im gone...
Bye now Calimom, from now on you are talking to yourself
Cali mom won't be talking to herself. Because you'll do what you do best, Em. You'll hide for a short while and then come back under another moniker and harass her some more.
OK Em,
I stayed out of this one because I was trying to be nice to you...but yeah, you sound entitled.
And the stuff about overweight people...not cool. Not cool at all. Do you imagine that there is nobody here that your comments were hurtful to?
As for the employer who readily serves her nanny anything she wants to eat...good for her. That is her perogative and her nanny is lucky. But I don't see anywhere in her post where her nanny demands these things as a condition of her employment. There is a big difference, and I can only guess that even that really nice poster might feel a little differently if she had to do it on demand as opposed to how she now does it, which sounds to be as a kindness that she chooses to perform. It feels good to do nice things for people of your own free will. It feels entirely different to have those same things taken for granted or demanded of you. YOu are entirely missing what everybdy else is trying to point out.
Hey Em, next time you are at Whole Foods, you should probably pick up some kava kava. Man, for someone who eats so healthy, you're awfully angry.
Think about a liver cleanse to release some of that pent up anger. Gaia makes a good one.
My point was that my nanny went to Organic stores to get the best, most healthy produce she could get. Yes, it cost more. No, it didn't break us, nor should it break you.
Otherwise- daycare.
And why are you slamming Em so hard? I don't see what it is she said that set you all off!
Marsha, the point that I and many were arguing is that if the nanny has a certain set of requirements for her to be happy in a job, she needs to discuss them BEFORE accepting the job. If she has already accepted a job and then realizes she has a laundry list of things she wants to change AFTER taking the position, the professional thing to do would be to call a meeting with her employers, itemize her requests (organic foods delivered daily to her quarters, newer nanny car, more frequent housekeeping services, etc), and if her wish list cannot be grsnted fully, she is then free to find a new position that meets her needs better. Unlesss she made the mistake of signing a contract to stay for a certain period without discussing all of her needs beforehand, in which case the only professional thing for her to do would be to suck it up until her term is fulfilled, and handle her next interview better to make sure the family can keep her in the style to which she would like to become accustomed.
If the nanny didn't do her homework before accepting the job, it's her own fault if she's unhappy, and from what OP says, this nanny just mumbles snide comments under her breath about things she feels should be different, which no reasonable adult can argue is a responsible way to behave on the job, or an effective way of solving problems.
old regular,I hate to burst your bubble but EM is NOT Butt Looks Big. (It was obvious you implied such in your post)
BTW, why not use your real moniker? Are you that worried about what people would think if you were to make a wrong assumption?Who really cares? It's all good.
It's ok to be wrong ..it simply makes you human.
A sad woman
I did NOT imply that Em was BLB!!!!! I know who Em is. She's been around the block here a few times, believe me. BLB's writing style is completely different.
Next time, please don't make assumptions.
Oh,Okay Old regular.
Um, excuse me, Old regular, I didn't say that I would not be back to post here. I was simply saying that I was finished with those two, and quite frankly I have scrolled over their posts.
There's no need for me to come back with another moniker. my absence in the past and resurfacing just reflects that I have quite a few other things to do that demands my time.
I've always been Em, and I will continue to be Em. I have absolutely no reason to hide.
Anyway, I found the exchange between you and A Sad Woman, quite funny, and you're right I'm definitely not BLB!
What? Nutty. The chicken from Safeway is delicious, although I've always preferred the Costco chicken.
It costs a little less, tends to be a tad bigger and is a bit juicier, how can you go wrong? I'd recommend it.
I'm sorry, to the topic at hand.
Dump her. Done.
I mean seriously, do you want your children to act like her?
That's the end all, be all question of the situation and I would imagine the answer is no.
* Beyond good pay and reasonable benefits, a glass of water is all I ever ask of my employers. I don't even bother tracking mileage with my car. :)
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