Tuesday

Nannying for a Sucky Mom...

Received Tuesday, August 12, 2008 - Rant
I'm a first time poster, but have become so fed up with my job that I need to vent, and make sure that I'm not the only one.

First, a little background information. I've been a nanny for this particular family since last September. Everything started out great, and all issues aside I love the family. Mom is a bit of a prima-dona though. She's is a WAHM who works for about 1 hour per day and has a 20 month old and 9 month old. I agree that because of the ages she needs help... occasionally. However I work a 50-60 hour work week, which I don't mind, but also don't think is completely necessary. I was hired as a nanny with light housekeeping duties, but over time I have slowly become a personal assistant and a hired best friend.

Today I came to work to find both babies in soiled diapers. I asked mom if she wanted me to change them, and she informed me that they were out of diapers. She then asked me what I thought we should do.... I just stared at her for a minute, seriously, what should we do. Um, how about go get some darn diapers? For the record, the house is literally 3 blocks away from a 24 hour grocery store. So, I asked mom if she wanted me to go to the store to get the diapers. No, she was going to run errands later today so that wouldn't make any sense. YOUR CHILDREN NEED DIAPERS! Then she told me I should just take the children out (naked) and let them play in the hose. This was at 8 in the morning, it was very chilly out and they are close to the lake which made it very windy. I told her I thought it was too cold for the hose, so she stepped outside fully dressed, and declared that it was not, and insisted that I take them out. I did take them out- wrapped in baby robes and did not turn the hose on. Finally right before lunch she told me that now I should run to the store and get the diapers, but could I take the babies with me? Mom wanted to take a nap. Fine. I get home and open the fridge it's almost bare, I have to search for something for the oldest, there is tons of adult food, or food with labels that say "for dinner." Mom knows specifically what the kids eat, as I log it every day at her request, even though she apparently never looks at it, or the grocery list of things we have run out of, which I forward to her blackberry because it's the only thing she actually looks at.

Babies watch way too much tv and mom and I have talked about it several times. She is always the one who says, there will be no tv today, so I enforce that. So when I say no to tv and little boy runs to mom and cries, she says oh it's ok you can turn it on for him. Um, ok? I start getting baby ready for nap, and go to make a bottle, no formula. Are you kidding me. I know it was on mom's list of IMPORTANT things to get. That's right, she didn't pick up baby formula, no, she went to the mall, and bought $3000 in clothes, because she "has nothing to wear". Mom comes down, and I inform her that we have no formula, she says,"can't you just give her milk"- no I tell her. We don't even have milk. Well, can you just run to the store and get some? I can, even though baby is screaming because she is hungry and tired. Mom tells me to take babies with me because they are being very loud, and she has a migraine. Babies are finally napping. Mom wants my advice on how to decorate the guest room and shows me the ridiculously priced chair she'd love to get. I want to say well you should probably pay me for the 3 weeks you owe me, and then buy the chair. I think she realizes this and says I mean later, when I can afford it. Ok mom.

We go downstairs and hang out, I've finished the laundry and dishes throughout the day and have nothing to do. So mom and I talk. We really do get along fairly well and I think she's a great person, but a sucky mom.

Another issue we have is time-outs. We have decided that it's necessary to start them, as little boy has begun throwing temper tantrums. Today little boy hit baby so mom put him on a time out (good job mom!) Little boy got off, mom didn't put him back, so I did, repeatedly. After the third or fourth time, mom told me to just let him be... okkkk (bad job mom!)

I'm leaving this job in September, mom isn't unhappy with me and says she understands, however when my new employer called to get a reference, mom decided not to call her back. I do everything for her and her kids, I am at their beck and call 24/7 and she can't even give me a reference.

Finally, and this is my favorite. Mom treats me like her servant around her uppity friends. No pleases, or thank yous, just, go get me this, go get me that, and surprise surprise when other mommy friends are around mom become mother of the year! I love the kids, but I just can't wait to leave... and never come back!

50 comments:

janes addiction said...

"great person but a sucky mom"?

She is a lazy mom who is nothing more than self absorbed. She is unable to put her childrens needs first and needs to stop having babies.I,personally see nothing great about that. JMO. She also needs to stop buying clothes and furniture and pay her nanny.Kudos to you for staying so long,I would have left after week2.

When you hire on as a nanny you need to be prepared to deal with mom & dad and their rules and way of life.
Thank goodness Sept. is only 3 weeks away.

Remember,working as a nanny is challenging as you are always going to be playing by someone else's rules .There are a lot of selfish and lazy parents in this world. Watching their children suffer,sucks.
There are a lot of wonderful parents too,I hope your next job is for one of them!

Valid rant!

Manhattan nanny said...

She treats you like a servant in front of her friends, doesn't pay you for three weeks, neglects her children, and yet you say she is a "great" person. I think you need a reality check.
Sit down for one of your chats, and tell her unless you have 1, a written letter of reference, and 2, the full salary you are owed on Friday, it will have to be your last day. You have nothing to lose because if you don't get them now, I seriously doubt you will get them when you leave at the end of the month.

kc said...

Yeah, I don't understand where the "great" person thing is coming from, either. Maybe you mean "fun" person, because it sounds like she has all the time in the world for fun but not for the work of raising her children correctly. And I would definitely bug the SHIT out of her until she calls your new employer back. That's just plain rude.

kathleencares said...

First of all, it is great that you are getting out of there and soon!Too bad those kids can't leave with you! She might be a great person, but she sounds like a nightmare to work for. Mostly I feel sorry for the kids because they have to live with her and suffer.

LindaLou said...

ugh. she sounds like a self centered b*tch.

IVF 4 yrs said...

She isn't a mom at all. She sounds like the kind of person I would love to punch and kick.

MissDee said...

Hmmmmmm. Can we say spoiled brat mom who probably got her way through most of her life that she doesn't know how to be a parent or employer?

Regarding the salary, I am wondering if you could call someone to report her? I would start with an attorney that handles employment law. You are the best OP, for staying as long as you have-the new nanny won't stay long, I can see it now. By this time next year, this family will have gone through 12 nannies, due to mother's selfishness and airhead personality. Hopefully she'll gain 50 pounds and her $3,000 wardrobe which is more important than her children and nanny's feelings won't fit her anymore.

Lizzie said...

I say to confront her about the reference avoidance and ask for your money by a certain date because for a nanny, spending all that time with the kids and not seeing any money from it for three weeks is crazy. I'm a nanny and the family I work for pays me weekly and not only that, but has my checks all ready every friday.


I have worked for a family before that would stall on paying me, those are the families that you should stay away from. If they respect you, you'll get paid on time.

lol sorry...just that stuff REALLY bothers me when parents don't realize that their nannies have lives and bills to pay for too. grr

the mrs. said...

Don't be sorry, Lizzie! You have every right to expect to be paid on time. It's disrespectful and I would never dream of doing that to our nanny.
I just think this employer has crossed the line and is taking advantage, and three weeks won't come soon enough. OP needs to get her pay and get out before it ends up being 6 weeks of unpaid work. I'm wondering if she even got the other job because this employer didn't call them back with a reference?
Great post manhattan nanny!

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op said...

OP HERE- When I say she's a great person, I mean that while yes she can be a self-centered b****, she's an easy person to talk to and has been there for me through a couple difficult times. That being said, she was NEVER meant to be a mother, I hope everyone's ready to here the best part... I'll be coming back to the area next year, mom told me that by that time she'd like to be pregnant... I hope she changes her mind and gets her tubes tied (is that too harsh?)

I got paid this morning! I was never worried about her not paying me, just the fact that she could put it off for another week and buy something for her home, instead of paying the person who takes care of her children... and her.

* I re-posted for you because this was your Submission.

op said...

OP Here again- just had to let the mrs. know that I did get the job, but only because I've had some great employers in the past who were able to give me amazing references.

And I probably do need a bit of a reality check, there are no perks to my job, they pay is pretty crappy, but like I said, I love the kids and would do anything for them.

ericsmom said...

3:57

Thats terrible, all the happened to you. I would have knocked that kid down, if he bit me in the stomach and made me bleed. Then I would have gone after the mother. She needs to be smacked too.

So you were in the hospital. Did they pay for the bill? I hope you sued them and had them pay for the medical expenses.

ericsmom said...

Why did she keep rewarding his bad behavior?

NVMom said...

OP, this sounds like a 'sucky' Mom as you put it, but what are you thinking?? I have mixed feeling on this posting. You're criticizing the Mom for not following through on time-outs for a 20 month old? The child is obviously responding to his environment. Sounds like you both need parenting classes.

Kids living in a stressful and neglectful situation will act out. Think of things from the kids perspective. If I were in a job like that I would not going along with the neglect and I'd state why. Put the kids first in your next job.

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Theresa said...

So glad to hear you got the other job! Chalk this one up to life experience and look forward to more respect, ontime pay and less servitude in your next job. Good luck to you and take care!

sh said...

OP Here

nvmom- Whether he is responding to his environment or not at 20 months he can and DOES understand that for his negative actions there will be consequences.

While I agree that at this age some children are not ready for timeouts, there are other children who are... the 20 month old speaks in fragmented sentences and can understand directions.

When I follow through on timeouts, and use positive reinforcement, he does not repeat the behavior that puts him on timeout.

Put the kids first in my next job?? ? I hope you're kidding.

bebe said...

Nvmom
This OP sounds like she's doing the best she can. Time-outs for a 20 mo. old? Absolutely. It's a good age to get them started in understanding the difference in what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

This mom does not have her priorities straight. OP is giving it her best shot against a crappy parent and sometimes that's even harder to deal with than a child.

Maybe you need parenting classes!

nannyinmanhattan said...

I had an experience like that a couple of years ago, and although I loved the kids so much and still think of them often, my goodness, their mother was such a b****.
The second I got the opportunity to leave I did. I am now in a wonderful job that I enjoy more than anything in this world.
Remember to be faithful in the little things, only then can you be blessed with greater things.
Don't worry, leave if you have to, ask a close friend or someone else for a reference if you have to,we all have to survive.
You will get what you deserve.

UmassSlytherin said...

NV Mom,
nowhere in OP's post did I see anything to support your opinion that OP does not put the kids first. In fact, I gathered exactly the opposite. I thought her rant was easy to relate to and understand. I did at first sort of raise my eyebrow at the "great person" comment, but OP came back to explain herself and I believe she was just saying that out of politeness and loyalty. Nothing wrong with that. She is leaving this position, and there is no reason to think that she will not do great at her next one, with a more conscientious mother.

Good luck, OP, glad you got the job! :)

maribeth elam said...

She hasn't been there for you during a couple of difficult times. She is a negative person and when you come to her with stories that upset you and bother you, she gets off on it. She is a sicko for sure, I know her type. She loves hearing other people's bad news. Tell her some good news and see what happens. Oh wait, you already did, you told her about a potential new job and she is punishing you like the vindictive bitch she is.

jlc said...

Don't forget to have a friend call for a reference for you, now and periodically. It is better if it is a friend who wants to hire you.

The statute of limitations doesnt run out if the boss keeps badmouthing and slandering the employee. Record these calls. Use them in court. It will be a cut and dry case. I have one friend who is working on an employer who slandered her for a period of years in hopes that no one would want her former nanny to work for them. When that case gets to trial, you will read about in the news...

Believe, you me!
And I have a feeling it will be covered on this blog! Make that more than a feeling.

UmassSlytherin said...

I don't think you are allowed to record phone calls.

Mimi in my Mumu said...

Does WSM mean she's widowed? If that's the case, she may be just trying to hold it together and doing the best she can. If I (god forbid) lost my husband, who knows what the grief would do to me. Maybe she thinks she's acting "normal". Just something to think about.

lovesthegirls said...

Okay, I am going to pay a little devil's advocate here; but she sounds almost ill to me-- menatlly, I mean. I mean really??? Offering an infant milk? And the other shenannigans? I agree get out now, but on your way out talk to the dad, becasue she honest-to-God sounds a little of to me, and not just in the spoiled rotten stuck up rich people kind of way....

lovesthegirls said...

that was PLAY a little devil's advocate and sounds OFF to me.... sorry for the typos gang :)

NVMom said...

NVMom, here. OP, what I was saying is, your post seemed to weigh both her treatment of the children and her treatment of you. Had she treated you better, would you have stayed. Maybe I just misread it.
As for put the kids first, I'm saying that I'd be more upfront to her about her neglect, rather than try to work around it. However, overall you were certainly right to get out and I hope your next position is better!

mom said...

She sounds unbalanced and unfit. And did you have to take the kids to the store with you to buy diapers with bare bottoms? Because surely they didn't sit in soiled diapers until after noon?
And how did nobody manage to notice the formula was low, or gone, before the afternoon shopping trip? And no food for the toddler? And she wants another baby? This is beyond neglectful of her. Where is dad? He must be even less involved than mom. Ugh!

And she is demeaning to you in front of her friends? How incredibly pretentious and abnoxious. I don't know how you could call her a nice person, easy to get along with, or a friend.

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mom said...

Ha devil's advocate! And here I thought you were telling us that you had hired a ghost writer to express your dissenting opnion. Thanks for the clarification...hehehehe.

TC said...

I would consider what she's doing as abuse. Diapers are a necessity and leaving a child is a soiled diaper and not wanting to buy more diapers is a form of neglect along with not having enough formula for the children.

Neglect IS abuse.

What is going to happen to the children when you leave? Is she hiring another nanny or taking care of them herself?

Either way I think you might want to get CPS involved.

mom said...

oops. I meant to direct that to lovesthegirls!

sydney white said...

TC ..whoa,slow down there tiger. I agree with you that this mom is doing an injustice to her children and making her nanny's life a living hell. I do not however think that being a lazy sloth and buying diapers at the last minute is worthy of a phone call to CPS.(They would laugh us right off the phone)
She is simply self absorbed and narcissistic. A phone call to a grandma or grandpa or perhaps a siter or brother or even a close friend would be much more appropriate at this time.
(they may even laugh at us) She is not being abusive to her children.
Running around without a diaper while the nanny runs to get them at the store is lazy, at best. And milk for an infant? Many babies are fed breastmilk,whole milk or goatsmilk from day one. Not everybody follows the same feeding guidelines. An occasional bottle of whole milk for an infant is not harmful...not reccomended but by no means abuse.(At 9 months a baby could be fed a scrambled egg or toast,yogurt or oatmeal until formula arrives)
Let me assure you TC, I do not condone her behavior but calling it abuse is overreacting.
She is lazy and does not have her priorities straight.
The nicest thing this OP/Nanny could do is talk to "the prima-Donna's" mom or such as suggested above. If that does not work, she could always resort to getting the MIL involved..we all know that would take care of things right then and there.

FrmrNannyNowAMom said...

This is very sad.
I do have to agree that it sounds like a situation on the borderline of abuse. From what I gathered, the two children were in dirty diapers for hours, (think about the condition their bottoms were in after that, most kids will get a rash after ten minutes or so of sitting in a dirty diaper) wanted them to be hosed down in the driveway in the cold and left naked rather than buy diapers, not only did she not have formula in the house for the baby, but was not even aware that milk can not be used as a substitute at that age. That may not be abuse, but Id rather say, thats not abuse, yet.
OP, i dont blame you for getting out, but if you have a way to do so, find out who is taking your place!!! You said she's a stay at home mom, there are some who will just do what she says and could endanger the children.

mom said...

sydney white,
your post reminds me of something. my mom used to always like to imply that I was not a very good mom...so every time she would come over, she would immediately go to my refrigerator,assess the milk situation, and virtually always deemed it insufficient, no matter how much I had. (If I had lots, she thought I needed new, fresher milk, despite the not yet reached expiration date.)If I had half a carton left, she would say, in a whiny, desperate voice, as thought they hadn't eaten a bite for three days..."Pleeeeease, let me go to the store and buy you some milk for these children!"

I'd say, "No. We're fine."

She'd say, "What will they have for breakfast tomorrow?

I'd say, "The milk in the refirgerator."

She'd say, "Well then, what will they drink before bedtime?"

I'd say, "There's plenty for both times."

She'd whimper painfully and say,
"I'll pay for it." (This was a clear dig because I have plenty of money and she does not...and I was never cheap about food for my kids.)

I'd say, "No. We can handle our own kids."

She'd scowl disapprovingly at me...almost with the degree of scorn one would expect to find from a preson who suddenly found themselves face to face with Alolph Hitler...I'm not kidding.

Once, God forbid, I really was out of milk (It having happened just that day, and I planned to shop the next day anyway.) She completely freaked out. (Imagine the validation to find my milk supply actually gone! Christmas for Mom in July!)

She comepetely freaked out and demanded in a loud wail, "What will these chiiiillllldddrrreeeennnn eat for breakfast tomorrow!!!?"

I said, "Eggs, toast and juice, probably."

She begged umpteen times to let her go buy milk...offering to pay for it herself...as usual.

I declined.

So she left, and about an hour later my phone rang and it was my mom. She said, "There is a gallon of milk on your front doorstep. I couldn't sleep thinking of those childreeeeennnnnn without milk."

notimpressedwithmomsornannies said...

I just cannot believe that any of this is real. I sounds like someone who was bored and had nothing to post. If it is real, you should have quit long ago, or called CPS, either is acceptable.

UmassSlytherin said...

notimpressedwithmomsornannies:

Yes. You're right: you do "sounds like that."

:)hehe.

hehe

hehehehehehe.

cc said...

Huh?? Umass?

Kelsey said...

She sounds like one of those awful moms you hear about that live on Park Ave in NYC.
Actually when I was reading this, my mind kept saying "Britney Spears, Britney Spears" even though I know that it couldn't have been her, but it sounds like her.
I feel bad for you OP, good job on quitting!

mom said...

Umass...I got ya! hehehehe

Marypoppin'pills said...

Good catch, Umass!! LOL

inthesky said...

notimpressedwitmomsornannies,
THIS IS NOTHING compared to some of the stories I have seen and been a part of FIRST HAND. If you doubt this, then you don't know the half of how awful these enitled bitches are who have children as accessories, and never ever spend one night up with a crying baby (baby nurse) never potty train, teach a child to walk, switch to a botal or feed the child her first solids (nanny).

You have NO idea!

Fo Rilly Real? said...

did she really ask you to feed the nine month old milk? i don't believe that because everyone knows not to give milk to babies under one year old.

sh said...

op here

to frmrnanny, I am working with mom to find my replacement, not that I wish this job on any other nanny, but I love the babies and want to make sure someone responsible is there for them.

to notimpressed: you're absolutely right, I have nothing better to do with my time off then make up fake rants.

to fo rilly real: believe what you want.

bananaphone said...

Be strong OP. You are doing your best!

ptnannytoo said...

The pay doesn't surprise me... often the mom is just too busy to get cash, and then it builds and builds until she never has enough cash to pay you all at once, but its nothing to get legal over, because they usually pay eventually.
And call authorities? Record phone calls? Take her to court? I would guess that the people making these suggestions have never been a nanny. You form a bond with the family and you're not going to do any of that, unless its really bad.
And its also hard to confront her directly, because she might just become offended that you're telling her how to raise her children, and not take any of it at all! Much better to be subtle and hope she learns from your actions.