Friday

Burned-out Nanny gets Flamed

Received Friday, August 1, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
I did something terrible today. First, I am babysitting for an 8 day period straight. The parents are out of town. I am a good nanny and like the family and they like me. It's a normal situation. It's not horrible, it's not super. Some days I like going to work, some days I hate it. I have lazy days too but I don't ever mistreat or ignore the children.

Today the little boy begged me to take him back to the park. It is the last thing I wanted to do as it has been so hot where we live. He said his pal was going to be there, so I relented. I packed a tote bag with magazines so I could sit and read and I timed the visit so the baby could take her nap at the park. We get to the park, it is crowded, and my little boy (4.5 yrs old) finds his friend and starts playing. They are playing rather wildly, but they are boys. They are being loud and running around and pretend shooting and pretend falling.

I have my foot on the baby's stroller and I am rolling it back and fourth as she drinks her bottle. I am reading with interest the magazines I brought. I look up at my little guy just to get a visual. I am not interested in what he is doing, I have seen it a thousand times before. He isn't looking for me to watch him. He is totally mesmerized by his new pal. The baby falls asleep. She is usually good for an hour, but she is up in 40 minutes. She isn't fully up, so I start rocking her stroller back and fourth with my foot again. I say to her, "I think you're still sleepy, sleep, sleep, sleep". I am using a pleasant tone and halfway kidding. The baby is 13 months old. She has been walking since she was 9.5 months. She is a terror to unleash at the park because she goes everywhere, doesn't listen, gets stepped on, pushed down, etc. In short, I was never planning to have her out of the stroller.

I am reading my magazine and the baby starts to fuss. I am still looking at my magazine and I hand the baby my keys. I know she likes to play with them. Seconds pass and a white woman is looming over me. She says, "You know I watched you sit here for two hours ignoring this baby, you haven't taken your eyes off your book, what kind of babysitter are you?"
I was caught completely off guard. She says, "I was holding back, I didn't want to say anything but when you handed her your filthy keys to pacify her, I just lost it". I look at her puzzled and annoyed, I say, "You lost it". She says, "I can't stand people like you. How much are you making to sit here and ignore this baby?" I say, "I am not answering that." She says, "No I want to know what a lazy slob of a nanny gets paid to sit on her ass and read magazines while one child is not allowed out of her stroller and another child is tearing the playground apart?" I say, "Tearing the playground apart?"
She starts yelling now. Saying, "You know what I mean. He's been pushing around the younger children, and climbing over them, but I bet you didn't notice, since you never looked up." The woman is starting to cause a scene.

I am a good babysitter. I am. I have been working non stop with two children who have no activities and no camp and the parents get home on Sunday, and I have to be back to work Monday morning at 8. I will wholeheartedly admit that I set off to the park with the intent to take a break, but this isn't my usual MO. Of course, I didn't explain any of this to her, I lost it.
I don't think I was wrong for planning to take a break at the park today, the children were not in danger, but I doubt the woman is going to paint the same story I saw. I had to sit down and write this. I'm sorry, I know it is long, I just feel so awful. It's a terrible feeling. I am completely distracted and worried. I do think I should tell my employers what happened first, but even so, I am just worried about the "then what".
Any advice from mothers would be very helpful. What would you do or feel if you were my employer? Thank you for reading and responding.

126 comments:

UmassSlytherin said...

Honestly? If you were my nanny and you came to me with this story? I would first: hug you tightly. Second: offer you a big glass of wine.

Sorry this happened to you! Tomorrow will be better! :)

Marypoppin'pills said...

This is a perfect example of a Nanny being pushed to her limits. I know if this Submission were from the Woman that did the yelling, we wouldn't be hearing this side of the story, and probably thinking, "Bad Nanny".

Phoenix said...

You were not doing anything wrong. don't think you were. I would let the parents know there is a crazy woman at the park who yelled at you and interrupted their daughters nap

melamonk said...

Slow down, OP.

You have a perception problem, the same I have seen man a nanny suffer.

You = the woman in the park
the woman in the park = your employer

you = your employer

You are all equals.
She was rude to you. I think you are having guilt because you took a tough tone with someone 'important'.

Who cares?
She started it.

We all need to stand up for ourselves more. In retrospect, I bet you look back and see a better way to have handled the confrontation. That is because hindsight is 20/20.

Don't lose any sleep over it.

You sound like a good caregiver and a good person.

v said...

I agree with all of the above.
It is a tough thing when strangers approach not knowing what is happening and start ranting and raving...also very annoying.
Good for you , you didn't stoop to her level and answered her questions in a civiized manner (I hope ;)) instead.
As for the mother...you could tell her somebody yelled at you in the park for no apparent reason if it comes up.
If not, just keep it to yourself, don't loose sleep over it.
You sound like a good nanny, hang in there.
Continue to do a good job and try to get some rest this weekend.

V

upstate mom said...

I am sorry you were yelled at, and really have no problem with the napping child, but I can't imagine taking my eyes off of my 4.5 year old son at a park, unless I knew that his playmate's mother/nanny was being eagleyed (and hopefully not resenting you). I agree you needed a break, but he could have been doing exactly what people said.

Appalled said...

This post is fake. Completely fake.
And guess what.. As a mom I watch my dcs for weeks on end. Its your job. You were being lazy if indeed true. I would not want you watching my kids.

UmassSlytherin said...

I don't think this post is fake. Why does it seem fake to you? And just because someone is tired and over-worked does not mean she is lazy. If she were truly lazy she would not have taken them to the park at all. Don't you ever want to sit down and read a magazine when your kids are playing and occupied? when they are napping? sheesh!

cfg said...

I would just approach the parents and tell them that you were at the park today, and you hadn't realized just how tired you were (but they sure as hell better get a clue, 8 days!!) and let them know you were relaxing with the boy playing nearby and some lady chewed you out because the little girl had stayed in the stroller most of the visit (but tell them that she had been sleeping most of the time) and you thought it was important they know that you and the children were accosted by some nut at Bryant park.

I can't imagine the parents saying a word about this against you. I'm sure they'd hate to lose the rarity they have in you, in that you would actually stay with their kids for 8 damn days!

Good luck, but I doubt you'll need it! They'd have some nerve getting upset for anything you did.

gladit'sfriday said...

8:53 I'm sure she wouldn't want to watch YOUR kids if that's your attitude. You ask a person to stay with your children for 8 days and she cannot take a break???? Please. Like moms and dads don't do the same. Everyone needs a kid break or they will go insane. OP no worries. It happens. It was none of this woman's business what you do or how much you make. No one should be aloud to come up to a complete stranger and harangue them in front of everyone, especially children. I'd like to know what your response was. I really hope you let her have it.

jj bloom said...

Why would this be fake?
It isn't sensational or outlandish.
In fact, it is NYC on any given day. Subsitute the child with a car, a way of driving, a way of walking, cell phone. People are always jumping in on someone. Sometimes they chase them in to traffic and they die. That's NYC in a nutshell.

Appalled said...

This nanny is being paid for doing a job. That means watching the children and NOT reading magazines. We all get tired at work but if you are in charge of two small children and are getting paid for it you have to suck it up. OP said herself there was no way she would take the baby out of the stroller because she was tired. Um.. thats your job OP. Thats called NEGLECT. Maybe you should get a new easier job or not agree to work 8 days in a row. Get it? Oh.. and you better beleive people are watching you. Theres a reason for it. 90% of nannies are lazy. If you indeed needed a break.. you can thank your fellow nannies for the reputation you have.

UmassSlytherin said...

Appalled,
I disagree with you on so many points. Where do I start? Firstly, it is not true that a nanny should never relax. Part of a nanny's job is to have a relationship with the child, and to be a good role model for the kids. A good role model is human: they get tired sometimes and need to sit down. A nanny who runs around like she's on speed every second of the day is just not realistic, nor is a nanny who is wound so tightly that they never feel they can sit down.
Neglect? I don't think so. There is down time at most jobs. You take it when you can get it.
Also, your statement that 90% of nannies are lazy: which scientific journal of statistics did you get that from? What? Oh...you were not reading such a journal? You just...pulled that stat out of your..what...your ass? Oh.
K.

gladit'sfriday said...

9:14 for the life of me I cannot understand what your problem is. I am a nanny and to say 90% of nannies are lazy is absurd. Do you work a job 8 days straight with no personal or free time? Do you work at all? Perhaps a 12+ hour day with NO breaks???? EVERYONE who has a job gets a break be it lunch or just a coffee break so lay the hell off. It's a good thing you don't have a nanny guaranteed she would not work at your house very long. 8 days is a long stretch to look after someone's kids and be away from your home. At the park you never sit? Never talk with other moms? Not ever? You must be freakin super mom.

True Professional said...

You put the child in front of a parent approved movie AND THEN YOU TAKE A BREAK. Christ on a cracker, children are taken everyday in this country! Why would you ever take your eyes off a child at a park?
Yes, the baby sleeping is excusable but the not paying attention to the child was not.

Goodlordjustshutit said...

9:24 Ah right that's how a true professional does things, lets the tv take over. She had them at the park. She said she knew where he was and did look up to find him and this is where he wanted to be. So many high horses around. My my. Super moms, super professionals. Wow.

Appalled said...

No one said that she shouldnt get a break.. but breaks dont happen when you are neglecting a 13mo in a stroller. They need to get out. A break should happen at night when they go to bed or when they nap. Or when you are at home and they can play safely around you. Ok.. op needs a break but again.. dont say yes to working 8 days if you cant handle it. Sahms get no breaks. You are paid, op. I would fire you if you told me this. I would expect you to be smarter.

Appalled said...

Hey Umass..
I see most nannies being lazy. Do youi?

UmassSlytherin said...

hey appalled.

My best friend is a nanny and I was a nanny at one time. Neither of us are lazy. Where I live, the nannies that I see when I am out and about are quite good, actually. Childcare can be an exhausting profession. It is different when it is your own children in your own home. If you are a SAHM, you really cannot compare the two things. Not saying being a SAHM is not hard work, but it is a different kind of work. You are not answering to anyone else, and the stress level is of a different kind. Perhaps if you tried being a nanny you might find yourself sitting occasionally or flipping through a magazine.

With all due respect, you seem very anti-nanny.

Appalled said...

With all due respect...if a person is hired to do a job they should do it. The OP was neglectful of both her charges but justifies that by saying it was ok because she was tired. That's crap, imho.
I know some good nannies but most I see sit on a bench and ignore the kids they are watching.
OP knows this.

I kind of agree with appalled said...

I am a nanny,
sometimes I take little breaks when I am too tired. I let the kids play quietly in the playroom and I sit on the couch and observe. That is what I call a break (or naptime, the best breaks of all). I would NEVER go to the park, sit on the bench, and read a magazine while my 4 year old is running around playing. That is extremely unsafe. Playgrounds are dangerous! Predators can easily be lurking around... and even if they are not jungle gyms are dangerous! I broke my leg on a jungle gym when I was a kid, they are dangerous!

When I take my charges to the park it is ALWAYS during a time when I am feeling up to running around with them and standing right by the play structures in case they need help down or start to fall. I can't even fathom going to the park to take a break.

I also cannot fathom working 8 days in a row.

Appalled- being a nanny is nothing like being a stay at home mother. Mom's get to make executive decisions like whether their kids can watch TV, and what the kids can eat, and it's a lot more relaxed. As a nanny, it is so much higher pressure, and higher stakes, playing by other's rules! and unless you are a single SAHM, you at least have daddy coming home to help you out!

I thought OP was whiny and trying to justify... bad form.

OP said...

Thank you to those who responded. I wasn't planning to go in to extraordinary details about my magazine reading nor am I attempting to justify my relaxing. I don't know where you think I was in relation to the child, but the wall I was sitting on was about two feet from the playground. The entire playground, including the wall where I sat would fit within a basketball court and it is fenced. I am not going to argue any point except to say I know my charge and he was completely fine the whole time. I didn't need to look up because I heard him the whole time.

I am less concerned with whether or not I will be considered lazy or neglectful than I am concerned that I insulted someone who could make this worse, carry a grudge or even suggest to my employers that I be terminated. I don't think they would ever listen, but it's very unnerving to think of all these "what ifs".

UmassSlytherin said...

OP, no worries! You sound awesome to me, and I am a mom who loves my child dearly. I see nothing wrong with anything you did. That woman was rude and nasty and had no right to be so rude to you.

Hugs! :)

Appalled said...

They probably wont listen but it will taint their opinion of you. Will you tell them about this post? will you tell them you were too tired to pick up their 13mo? You can be assured you are safe in your job because they will be too lazy to fire your lazy ass. Im sorry you cant get it in your head that its a job and YOU TOOK ON THE RESPONSIBILITY. Go work at McDonalds and see how they feel when you say you are tired. Poor baby.

Metronanny said...

The other day, I was burnt out from my charges, who are 7 and 9, behaving like beasts all day! Fighting each other, not listening, getting in trouble at the pool with the lifeguards, etc.

In the parking lot, I was gruff with them and got admonished by a woman. Then I thought I should post a sighting here titled "I saw Myself" :)

We all have bad days, OP, kids and nannies included. I will be honest and say I think a 2 hour break is a bit excessive but not overly so. I don't know if the people you work for are easy going or not, but if they are, maybe brief them on the situation. if they are descent people, they will realize that we all get tired and need a break, even nannies! Good Luck!!

BTW Umass, thanks for the advice I'm posting through Firefox! :D

UmassSlytherin said...

appalled, I have to say that you sound really crazy. if you really are "appalled" by OPs behavior, you cannot have had too much experience in the working world. You sound, from your posts, very sheltered and self-righteous, neither a very good thing to be in my opinion. OP was doing her job. She never said she was too tired to pick up the baby: sounds like she would have if it had been necessary. The baby had just woken up. She had already been at the park for the better part of the hour, it probably would have been difficult to take baby out of the stroller and then scoop her up in another few minutes to go home. I would have done the same thing to avoid a fit. Nobody deserves strangers to pass judgment on them.

I am sorry you are such a bitter woman. Perhaps you could give Radio Disney a listen tonight. NKOTB have a kickin' new song called Summertime. Damn, that Joey McIntyre's fine. Hot stuff, that Joey. ;)

cali mom said...

Uh, I have to point out the irony in saying here that "Nobody deserves strangers to pass judgment on them.". That's exactly what this site is essentially for, and that's pretty much what happens when most of the posters here comment. We are passing judgement on someone else, based on their actions, as described by whoever submits a sighting.

I also have to agree with Apalled, at least to the extent that I cannot imagine trying to read magazines for 2 hours at a playground without even being aware from one moment to the next where 2 4 1/2 year olds are and what they are doing. Predators aside, I've seen plenty of 4 1/2 yr olds go from sweet to brat in the blink of an eye, and act innapropriately (aggressively) with smaller children, and generally make themselves unwelcome with all the other parents and nannies. It's just as important to make sure they are behaving appropriately as it is to make sure they are safe, and trying to do so while devoting your full attention to a stack of magazines would be impossible. It doesn't mean you have to shadow them like you would a toddler, but to say it's fine to not even glance at the child for 2 hours? Hello???

cali mom said...

Forgot to add, there is a mom I have seen around who does every time I see her just that and I want to smack ker whenever I see her. She sits 100 yards away from the child with her nose buried in magazines, while he takes other kids' toys, runs amok, acts obnopxious and rude, and is generally a pain in the ass, while all the OTHER parents are left to intervene every time he acts like a brat, which is constantly.

UmassSlytherin said...

cali mom,
I understand your point. let me clarify: nobody deserves to have strangers pass judgment on them when they are obviously not abusing or neglecting their children. Nobody deserves to be UNFAIRLY judged. That is what I should have said.

OP is getting flamed and judged on things that are being made up and embellished. Cali mom it is simply not true that OP didn't look at her charge for two hours. Where did that come from? OP has already stated that she was just a couple of feet from the boy and the park area was enclosed and that she was looking up at him to keep track of him.

I don't think strangers should judge you unless there is a good reason. I definitely do not think there is a good reason here to flame OP. Just my opinion. Something, to me, in her story rings true of someone who was unfairly accosted.

Emily said...

OP, I can imagine you care a great deal for the kids you take care of an you'd feel incredibly guilty if something happened to one of them while you were engrossed in a magazine. Kids that age need active watching in the park, and if your mind is preoccupied by an article, it cannot be on the child much at all. Of course you deserved a break, but I don't think the child deserved to be taken into a public place with all it's various dangers and then not watched. I agree with the poster above who reccomended putting the older child in front of a movie during the baby's nap so that you could really zone out for an hour. It's not the greatest thing to use the TV as a babysitter, but in your case, being so overworked, there clearly needs to be a compromise. I just don't think it should be with the child's saftey.

UmassSlytherin said...

emily,

have you been experiencing the problem with internet explorer? just curious.

Emily said...

Umass,

I'm an Apple girl, so no Internet Explorer for me. Why do you ask?

Joanna said...

In the OP, doesn't it say that the baby only slept 40 minutes? I thought that the lady saying 2 hours was mistaken. Letting a little boy run around for 40 minutes while you look at a magazine doesn't seem so horrible to me...

Marypoppin'pills said...

Emily
Anyone with IE has been locked out from the site. I had to go through Firefox myself.

Hart said...

For ever "lazy" nanny I see 20 lazy parents. Matter a fact, it is RARE that I see a parent actively engaged with their child at the park much less extremely focused on supervising.

I went to the park this week with my charge and myself and an adorable grandpa were the ONLY adults pushing kids on swings and keeping our eyes on the kids in our care. I estimate there were a few dozen kids there that day. It is a HUGE playground with no fence- you simply cannot keep your eye on any kid without moving to different locations.

Several adults in a shady gazebo, 2 on a bench engrossed in books, one off picking up trash(?), Someone actually sitting in the car, a large mother's meet-up group on blankets under a tree (in an area they can only see about 1/5 of playground) in deep conversation, some adults WAY far off at picnic tables, 2 on cell phones completely ignoring the kids.

I DO my job! You "parents" need to do YOURS! If I chose to nark on every lazy adult I came across in a day I would be typing until my fingers fell off.

JerseyXJacqui said...

Umm....I don't even know what to say. 8 days in a row...I sympathize with that...but OP sounds very flippant about her job AND her charges. As I was reading this, I was kind of embarassed for all good nannies...but then again, how can I judge? I have never had 2children in my charge for 24 hours a day, 8 days in a row...Sounds like...motherhood! :-)

I'll take OP's word for it though and assume she doesn't usually take park bench magazine breaks while she's working...

UmassSlytherin said...

jj, where ya been girlfriend???
:)

It's All Good said...

OP,

what exactly did you do that was terrible? i was reading your post thinking, "oh my goodness, she is going to punch a park mom!" but i never got to that park. (which is good.)

here's the thing: we all need our down time during the day. no one ever said we need to be interacting with the children every moment they are awake. actually, there are times when it is appropriate to sit back and supervise. for instance, on a hot day when you don't feel like running around or standing in the sun. you are a person too and your feelings matter too. my rule is this: if we go to the park on a hot day, the children play with themselves and the other children while i sit back and watch.

if you still don't believe me, reach the first chapter of Redirecting Children's Behavior. It explains that if you want to be a good caregiver, you have to take care of yourself and your needs first, and be honest about what they are.

JerseyXJacqui said...

The beach :-)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
UmassSlytherin said...

oops: this is my response to the anon who got removed...oh well. here it is anyway.

This just seems to me to be a mountain made out of a molehill. So she wanted the child to doze a bit longer. Big deal. And as far as the child hurting himself, she told us the distance between the bench and the child. Did anyone read that in her update? It was close enough to tell if the child was hurt/how he had gotten hurt. Explain it to the parents? That would be pretty easy: "Little Johnnny fell off the climber/swing/seesaw." He is a Pre-schooler, not a todd. It is fine to not be all over him and on top of him. She was perfectly within her right to be sitting on a bench. So she was flipping through a magazine, big deal. Geez. She probably was going to leave soon after the baby woke up, it's just that she was delayed by Sahmzilla harrassing her.

Just my opinion.

Marypoppin'pills said...

"Sahmzilla"? LOL
Umass, I think you may have just coined a new phrase! I love it!

UmassSlytherin said...

thanks mpp: does it even rival "asshat?" :)

Marypoppin'pills said...

I absolutely prefer it over "asshat". :)

Appalled said...

I still can't believe anyone would support this obviously neglectful nanny. Its completely apparent that shes trying to cover her tracks because she was busted not paying attention. She admitted she had no plans to take an awake 13mo out of a stroller at a playground. Again.. this is neglect. This nanny is not smart and simply put.. a bad one.

stillappalled said...

Have I mentioned that if this were my nanny and I read this post I would fire her immediately? I'm so very shocked.

getoveryourself said...

GOD Appalled just stuff it. No one would ever be your nanny you sound like a psycho. And YOU work at McDonalds. DO you even have a job? You're just as appalling as anything I've seen here. Such an ignorant individual I'm amazed you can form words and sentences. Get over it. Read the rest of the blog, there are MUCH more appalling things here. Like a MOTHER saying a babysitter kidnapped her child when in fact she probably killed the little girl herself. THAT is appalling, but I'm a rational person....

DowntoEarth said...

Apalled is not a mother nor a nanny. She is just someone that has a bad attitude and wants to trash someone.
For someone who was not there she cetainly joined the band wagon for trashing.
I see nannies all the time flipping thru a magazine at the parks. Rocking a carriage with their foot, looking at the others playing inthe park and flipping thru a book or magazine. I too would want the baby to take he full nap as they get cranky when they do not sleep at the same time or for the full length of the nap.
OP just ignore the nay sayers.
As for the big mouth bully at the park just ignore it. There is always some busy body somehwere that wants to scream at someone. She was probably mad because she had a child at the park on a hot day lol
Appalled, you do not call children brats. That says a lot about you.

cfg said...

Appalled
For someone that originally said this post was fake:

"This post is fake. Completely fake." - 8:53pm

You sure seem obsessed with judging the OP so harshly.
What gives?

Besides, she's a nanny. NOT a mom. She didn't sign on to take this job 24/7 like a mom would.
I think these parents have a lot of chutzpah to dump their kids on her for 8 days straight.
Have a little heart, will ya?

UmassSlytherin said...

I don't know, downtoearth: appalled may be a mom. She has said that she is in earlier posts. I don't want to knock SAHMs because I was raised by one and she worked her butt off. But it IS a different situation to be a childcare provider than be with your own kids. When you are raising your own kids, of course you are working hard, but you are not working for anyone else. Totally different story and different kind of pressure. If "appalled" has never really had to work long hours, perhaps she doesn't understand what it is all about. That is really all I can think to say to defend her stinky attitude towards nannies.

Marissa M. said...

I have not read any comments so excuse me if I'm repeating stuff other people might of had said.

This is a good example of what can sometimes be considered "a bad nanny" for being over worked and needing a break. 8 days straight with a baby and 4.5 year old? yikes. sound like my previous job.

the park was always my break time at 65-70h a week. if you consider running behind a 1.5 year old that cant sit on picnic blanket for more than 2 min, a break.

i would not say anything to my employers. If they somehow find out and address you i would say, i work long hours without any break days, or at least that week i did. i needed a break. and i thought to do so while the baby sleeping.

if she has a problem with that, get a new job.

no mom is all oer a kid 24/day and no nanny should be expected to be either with such hours.

goodluck

Appalled said...

Im a sahm with 3 kids and work my ass off. I find it terrible that someone who is paid to be a caregiver and who has agreed to watch 2 dcs for 8 days cant do the job without feeling that neglect is appropriate.
I see a lot of bad nannies at the playgrounds and on the streets. Im not blind. Im a mom who works her ass off and nannies dont get off the hook because they are tired.

cfg said...

Hi DowntoEarth & Umass
Um, I actually have one little thing to say in defense of "Miss stinky attitude" -- I don't see where she called any kids a "brat".

Just wanted to toss that one in there with Umass.

And if I'm wrong, I must be blind. So maybe you could give the time of the post where it was said.


Hi, Marissa! :) How ya doin'?

dkny said...

appalled
i know dc=darling children.
what is dcs?

nannynomore said...

From what you described it sounded just like you needed a break. That is ok. As a mom you do need that sometimes when you are on ful time and that is what this week has been for you. Nothing wrong with letting kids play with each other and alone for a while. Guess you have to ignore the big bullies on the playground too. Just because she is a grown up does not meatn she has outgrown the bully phase.

UmassSlytherin said...

cfg,
please don't throw it at me: I never said she called children brats, that was someone else. hehe! :)
I can't see where she said that. I think she has a stinky attitude, though. sorry but I do. It is very judgemental.

cfg said...

Umass
NO! no, no, no!
I never meant to include you in that. That part of my comment was to DowntoEarth. Sorry!

However, like you, I was trying to find a redeeming quality in Appalled's comments.
And I was lazy when I addressed both of you like I did. lol

I'm sure you know what I mean, but I will put this one out there for everyone else.

UmassSlytherin said...

s'ok cfg, no worries! *hugs*

I think her redeeming quality is that she is a SAHM to 3 kids, but her attitude towards nannies sucks, imho. To say 90% of all nannies are lazy is just silly. And I don't see op as neglectful.

cfg said...

Umass
((hugs)) back at ya!

And... agreed on the rest.

LindaLou said...

well, i haven't been around for a bit, but i'm really shocked that so many people are defending this nanny. sorry, but you don't read magazines when you're supposed to be watching a preschooler. it sounds like the other party got angry because the poster's charge was acting up and disturbing the other children due to lack of supervision. oh, and the poster should have gotten the baby out of the stroller when she woke up and followed her around the playground. that's her JOB.

UmassSlytherin said...

LL,
glad to see you! :)

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

After 8 days this nanny is no longer just a nanny" being paid to do her job". She has temporarily coverted into a parential figure.

For all of you attacking the OP..let me just ask..does your husband come home in the evening to lend a hand?
Does grandma help out at all?
Have a you pd a sitter to sneak off to the movies or shopping this week?
Had a friend stop over to visit who kept an eye on your child while you peed by yourself?

Yes, nannies are paid to do a job. And shame on any 9-5 nanny who lvs a 13 month old child sitting in a stroller for 2 hrs.(even then their may be circumstances we are unaware of)

This is NOT that situation. This is a nanny who is literally playing mommy for 8 days by herself.

If you are a super , ubermommy who can do it all and then some..well howdy do and more power to you. I know a few who exist..a few!

Let me just tell you as a mommy of a 2 yr old (25 months) and an 11 month old,I am dead ass tired after a ten hr day and I have a husband who occassionally helps out after he gets home from work.In my opinion, this particular nanny is playing the same role that any SAHM fills .

BTW,Children this age are left in strollers all the time for hours at a time..when mom goes shopping at the mall or to the fair or to walk along the beachpath. I see it all the time at special events (street festivels)with vendors and none of these children suffer from any lasting trauma from sitting in their stroller out in the fresh air!

To all you SAHM and others making this OP feel bad **shame on you..tell me you never slacked off a little..left your child in the High chair or swing just because you could..let them nap longer than usual just because you were tired or worn out.

If you are a mommy, alone with your kids for 8 days and are not worn out by day four or five, you need to get off your ass,stop watching the soaps, get your kid out of that god for saken playpen and get outdoors..then, perhaps you will find yourself qualified to judge this OP!

BTW, at the park, I can tell you exactly where my child is, what she is doing and if she is being angelic or has a 5 yr old in a headlock while blindfolded..all I have to do is listen for her, Just like any mommy or nanny who's got game can!

cfg said...

Damn, does this moniker.... once again, excellent comment! You really blow me away sometimes- you know that?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Manhattan Nanny said...

oops, didn't get my moniker in!

Appalled:
"As a mom I watch my dcs for weeks on end."
There is a huge difference between caring for your own children in the comfort and convenience of your own home, and being away from your home, cut off from your family and friends for 8 days, caring for children around the clock that are not yours.
OP, I can sympathize with how tired and burned out you were feeling. I have to agree with those who questioned taking a break in the playground, and reading a magazine however. It does sound like your older charge was being a pita with others, and your younger charge could have used some running around time. Next time use nap time at home to chill........and maybe don't agree to do such a long stretch again!

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

Thanks cfg, I have not been able to post much lately. The weekends keep me very busy!Funny how you can come to miss it all after a while!
Hope you are well and enjoying your weekend!

I know the OP is looking forward to tomorrow..I bet she sleeps great tomorrow night!

nyc mom said...

I empathize with OP being tired and needing a break. I see nothing wrong with structuring her long days with the kids to include some downtime. However, I have to agree with Calimom, Lindalou, Emily and a few others who have said that the way OP chose to do this was poor judgment. I would never read a magazine or book while at the park with my kids. It is simply not safe. I actually wouldn't mind if OP had been sitting on a bench and talking on the phone because at least she could be watching the 4yo the whole time. But kids that age can and do put themselves at risk in the blink of an eye, not to mention that they might be misbehaving toward other kids (which it sounds like this young charge was). I don't mind her having the 1yo in the stroller so much, as long as the baby was truly occupied with keys or toys and not screaming in frustration. Again, at least she is safe and that is my primary concern. I just do not think reading at the park is a good choice with a 4yo to watch. Yes, I agree that watching two young children alone for 8 days straight is excessive. I'm shocked the parents thought this was okay and chose not to provide OP with some relief care during that time. I've even more shocked that OP agree to do this. If she were staring to feel overwhelmed, as an employer, I would much prefer she call me and tell me this honestly. At least then I could hire an agency, or have a friend or family member come by for a few hours a day. I would take this choice and pay for it without hesitation rather than have OP with my kids at a park in a poorly supervised situation.

Appalled said...

does this moniker make my butt look big:
The nanny admitted neglect. She agreed to and was being paid to do a job. She is not the parent but was trusted with an important roll. After the 8 days with the kids she will go home at night. 8 days is not a lot of time.
She should be ashamed for her attitude and her blatent disrespect for her responsibilities. We all get tired but she was getting paid to keep those children safe and well cared for.. not ignored.

As a SAHM I go for weeks on end taking care of my kids while dh works long hours. Do I get tired? of course.. but I figure out ways I can rest and I have a strict schedule so I can chill out during nap time. Ignoring children is unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE.Especially at a playground.

cfg said...

I hear you, Does.
Hopefully OP tells these parents she ain't doing this again, and makes up for lost time with her pillow! It was a ridiculous feat to try and pull off.
Have a great day tomorrow! Hopefully we'll 'run into' each other, lol.

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

Appalled, You are right, she was paid to keep the children safe and keep them well cared for. Unless you have heard something I did not, I am guessing they are at home tucked in safe and sound in bed. I would also be willing to take bets as to who is more excited to see mom & dad..the kids or our sweet tired OP!

dkny said...

does this moniker make my butt look big
i love your way of thinking, you always pick apart and scrutinize everything.

LindaLou said...

buttlooksbig, there is nothing wrong with the nanny taking a breather. it's just not appropriate to do so at the park where her charge was bothering other children. and i do think it's wrong to leave any toddler in a stroller for hours unless the child is clearly HAPPY being in the stroller. i'm quite bothered by toddlers crying to get out of strollers and their parents ignoring them completely. it's a mean thing to do to the toddler and an inconsiderate thing thing to do to everyone else around you who would rather not hear your child carrying on.

does this opinion (whoops, moniker) make my butt look big said...

dkny, I guess you are right. I never realized it until you just pointed it out. I am the first to admit, I am opinionated, I come from a long line of opinionated women and they too all have opinionated opinions!

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

LL, I hear ya, I just truly think that every situation is different and ,IMO, this was one of those times.

dkny said...

does this moniker make my butt look big (i love that!)
you are too funny! and i like that you take apart these comments. sometimes you put them in a light i might not have seen them in.

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

thanks dkny, You sound a little like me in the sense that I think it is cool that every once in a while something I originally thought was a sqaure, another poster will see as a circle.. and that really gets me to thinking. This site is good for diversity that is for sure!!

happy posting!

Are You For Real? said...

Wow Appalled, are you seriously this hard on people? I don't know if you hold your own kids, husband, parents, friends, coworkers, gardner, accountant, seamstress, esthetician, personal trainer and dentist to these high and mighty standards. But if you do, you are going to have a lot of disappointment in life.

Appalled said...

I hold nannies to higher standards because they are in charge of what we most hold dear when we can't be there. I have children. Not a garden, or a cook or anyone else. I find it scary that so many people here find ignoring children completely fine. It's not. It's a symptom of a bigger problem. Don't you realize that??
Nannies should not have an "excuse" for not doing their job. No one else has that luxury. Seriously.. who does? I, as a mom certainly dont. When I had a f/t job I didn't. THESE ARE OUR CHILDREN. REMEMBER THAT THEY MATTER.
If they don't then leave them with a nanny who cant handle it for 8 days. Ok? If they do.. then make them a part of your family.

cfg said...

Appalled
I understand you think what this nanny did was neglectful, and I don't completely disagree with you.
But you know that although these kids didn't get the full-on attention that they should've, that she still "watched" them.
She glanced up from her magazine for the boy, but maybe didn't bother to go over and reprimand him for any bad behavior. O.k., that's lazy, but remember, she's been on 8 days straight.
And the little girl was in her stroller, safe. She wasn't having a fit, so I don't think she should be an issue. She slept most of the time, and when she awoke, she gave her keys to play with.

Think of it this way... why did it take this nanny giving the little girl a set of "dirty" keys for the crazy woman to come over and scream at her? Why not before then? Why not while the little boy was being "ignored"? Because I don't think the little boy was ignored. There's no way this woman would've came over just for dirty keys, and not if she thought this boy was in any kind of danger whatsoever.

Of course she looked up from time to time, if anything from natural instinct, or at the very worst, to stretch her neck from reading... and I'm sure she saw the kid nearby.

Yes, she could have played with him. Or taken the little girl out of her stroller. But I think your making this out to be much worse than it actually was. She doesn't sound like a bad person at all, and I don't think she has it in her hurt these kids in any way... I mean, she felt bad about mouthing off to a woman that was screeching at her, and wrote here to tell us about it - and also to find out the best way to approach the parents with it.

Bottom line, if she didn't know before, she does now... don't ever obligate yourself to so many days without any relief, and next time you find yourself burning out, try to make it until the kids go down for a nap or bed, or if you have to, stick in a DVD and veg out on the couch.

lauren said...

Wait..
What?
We dont know what town this was in or what park. I know some parks where this would be okay, even with a three year old. And some that would not be okay, even with an 8 year old.

Some of the people on here need to relax. I feel the OP was honest.

And if she goes home Sunday night after working 8 days in a row and has to be back early Monday morning, what kind of break is that?
Maybe the baby doesnt nap or sleep well at night. I dont know this nanny but I would only ever employ a nanny who's judgement I trusted implicitly. If she told me she took magazines to read at a park, I would know that my children were being safely occupied.

Kelly said...

OP,
I think you are a terrific nanny and I would leave my kids with you any day.
8 days is a LONG time to go watching kids that aren't even yours in the first place. When you're not a parent and someone dumps their kids on you for a long period of time it's hard. Sure you may work with them all the time, but it's not without a break at least at home.
To all the people that's questioning OP, why shouldn't she take a break!? Appalled, who apparently is a "mom of three and works her ass off" even YOU are taking a break, by going on the internet and reading and posting on this website. Obviously you aren't THAT busy to be commenting on here back and forth so many times.
They were at a park in NYC, sure there are a ton of people around, but does OP really need to be watching a 4 year old at ALL times?! no..she can glance up and down every few minutes because the kid is right there and she can hear him! The baby is sleeping, in her stroller and then she woke up and wanted something to do, that didn't mean she wanted to get down.
Seriously some people are making such a big deal out of nothing. Keep doing what you're doing OP and good luck on those 8 days!!!

cc said...

Wow. Thanks Kelly. I feel a big Duh! coming on! I didn't even think about what you said, the thought never crossed my mind:

"Appalled, who apparently is a "mom of three and works her ass off" even YOU are taking a break, by going on the internet and reading and posting on this website. Obviously you aren't THAT busy to be commenting on here back and forth so many times."

Kudos to you! Go Kelly.

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

Kelly very valid points! You rock!

cfg said...

No chit, kelly! What a great post!

What are you still doing up, Does?
Go to bed!
hee-hee

chick said...

As a nanny who's been left solo, no back-up with 2 kids for 9 days, days that were sandwiched between 2 normal M - F workweeks (yes, that's 19 straight days of work, TYVM!), I think I might have a fresh perspective here.

First, I have no idea if OP was actually at the park for 2 hours with toddler in the stroller drinking a bottle, napping, and resisting continuing to nap. I would bet the sanctimonious woman who ranted at her was overestimating the time, but who knows.

Second, if the playground was as small as OP says here:

"I don't know where you think I was in relation to the child, but the wall I was sitting on was about two feet from the playground. The entire playground, including the wall where I sat would fit within a basketball court and it is fenced."

and the toddler is as she describes here:

"The baby is 13 months old. She has been walking since she was 9.5 months. She is a terror to unleash at the park because she goes everywhere, doesn't listen, gets stepped on, pushed down, etc."

the little one might very well have been better off in her stroller, especially if she had just woken from a nap. It's not what I would have done, but I likely would have been horrid and not gone to the darn park, so....

Third, the magazines. I don't read while on "active duty", because I am one of those people who gets DEEP into whatever I am reading, and I don't pay attention to other stuff around me. I have to say, I think reading while at the playground isn't all that smart, but I see a lot of parents doing that and worse. You'd think that PARENTS, even though they aren't paid, would be more careful with their kids, wouldn't you?

Fourth, nannies are human. I think the OP made a small judgment error by reading, but I bet everyone who's posted here has made a small judgment eror this week.

Fifth, OP, I would just say that when you went to the park a strange woman began scolding you for not racing around with your 2 charges. Say that you were sitting and trying to relax a little, because you were so tired, and remind them this is not your normal MO.

Sixth, appalled, I think you have extremely high standards, and I find it hard to believe that you NEVER feel so tired that you don't hover over your child(ren) at the park.

So, overall, the nanny mainly did the best she could. Took the kids out when she wanted to stay in. Was at least in the same AREA as the kids at the park. Did not ignore the baby completely, or scold her for waking up. Did not bit<# slap interferring woman. Plans to let employers know she made a poor judgement call and was then yelled at by some woman.

Eh. Not exactly earth shattering news. Not what I would do, but not neglectful, IMO.

does this moniker make my butt look sleepy said...

cfg, when 6am comes around and I hear that sweet angelic voice calling"maaw-mee" "I up".. I will be thinking, " why on earth did I stay up so late" tee-hee!
But I am glad I did, cause I got to say "hi" to you and got to read Kelly's post which was so simple..she stated the obvious and was right on..I love that kind of thinking!!

I hope our dear sweet OP is sleeping well and both she and the kids are dreaming of mom and dad pulling into the driveway...ZZZZZ

cfg said...

You are too sweet! Hi! back to you!
Too bad we don't know each other in real life cuz you'd so be my bestest friend!

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

chick, you are so funny.."didn't bit!@ slap the interferring woman"
That's classic. I don't know about you but I am not nearly as nice as the op when it comes to nosey parkers out in public!
I never could have been as calm as she was!! Good job OP!

does this moniker make my but look friendly said...

cfg..remember, someday at the get together we will meet..friends on ISYN is a great way to start..tee-hee..and I agree we already are great friends!!

I will save the rest of my comment for the welcome thread tomorrow...

sweet dreams..ISYN posters

Marissa M. said...

CFG, almost great thanks.

Look how nice you girls are playing when I'm gone. All huggs and stuff! I'm impressed.

Fact of the matter is, if you are working for someone who expects you to be the energy bunny for straight 8 days then you need a new family who appreciates the fact that you are human and that it is exhausting to take care of 2 kids. They should be more leniant if you are helping them out extra. There is just no way I would do 8 days straight without needing a break.

Parents know this, after all that's why they get nannies! To lesson the burden of a full time job and being parents. We try to be superparents. We don't have to be! Whats wrong with sticking your ownchild in a sandbox for 2 hours to selfplay while you put your feet up and take care of yourself?

Anonymous said...
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firsttimecaller said...

"The baby is 13 months old. She has been walking since she was 9.5 months. She is a terror to unleash at the park because she goes everywhere, doesn't listen, gets stepped on, pushed down, etc. In short, I was never planning to have her out of the stroller."

Doesn't this strike anyone as an odd comment to make about a 13mo? This is what they do. If the nanny can't handle that then she isn't the good nanny she says. Also.. if she would let the little girl run around and burn some energy perhaps bedtime could be a little earlier.

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

firsttimecaller, It is by no means an odd comment to make. Parents and nannies grimmace/make comments all the time when talking about there newly walking infants.(OMG they are into everything) Trying to keep up with them can be quite a challenge, especially if they have siblings that need to be cared for.

firsttimecaller said...

Right.. but according to her she didnt really need to keep an eye on the other child. That's all Im saying. I have a 13mo. All I have to do is follow behind. Not hard.

Manhattan Nanny said...

Appalled.
"Nannies should not have an "excuse" for not doing their job. No one else has that luxury. Seriously.. who does? "

Please tell us the location of this utopia you live in where no one ever slacks off on the job. It must be a heavenly place where everything operates perfectly and the service is always fabulous. I want to move there.

Appalled said...

Manhattan Nanny:

Good to hear you think its ok to slack on your job. You speak for every nanny out there. thanks for proving my point.

Manhattan nanny said...

Appalled:
I just said I wanted to move to the place where no one slacks, ergo I am not a slacker. Take your bias glasses off and read it again.

"Please tell us the location of this utopia you live in where no one ever slacks off on the job. It must be a heavenly place where everything operates perfectly and the service is always fabulous. I want to move there."

chick said...

Appalled, if you are a sahm, your job is motherhood. So let's see where you would be called a slacker on the job by many people:

Did you breastfeed?

Did you BF until your child was at least 2?

Did you replace any bottles and sippies with BPA free stuff as soon as you heard rumors about BPA being hazardous?

Did you co-sleep?

Did you CIO?

Did you make sure your child watched NO TV for at least his/her first 2 years?

Did you do all you could to make sure there are NO commercially exploitative toys in your home?

Do you buy only organic food?

Did you make your own baby food from organics?

Do you use only green cleaning products and pesticides?

Do you have your child on a schedule?

Do you allow your child to live according to his/her own body rhythms? IOW, is your child not forced into a schedule?

Do you make sure to keep one eye on your child at ALL times, even when you are exhausted, in need of a shower, or possibly hungry?

Do you live for your child's comfort and make sure he/she comes first at ALL times?

Are your needs completely ignored in favor of your child's needs at all times?

Obviously, a mom should be BETTER than any nanny - are you BETTER, appalled?

bebe said...

Chick,
You're killing me with your abbr., LOL, what the hell is CIO?

chick said...

Heh...Cry It Out, also known as "Ferberizing", based on the methods Dr. Richard Ferber outlines in his book _Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems_.

As you might guess, CIO is a practice which people either despise or swear by. Those on the "HATE IT!" side would call any mom who did CIO everything but a child of God. They definitely would see that mom as a slacker.

cali mom said...

So, I'm curious now as to how the mom or nanny of the 4 1/2 year old charge felt about OP taking a break while THEY kept THEIR eyes on BOTH 4 1/2 year olds this whole time. Or were they busy reading magazines too?

cali mom said...

Sorry, meant the mom or nanny of the charge's FRIEND that he was playing with.

tx mom said...

I find it intersting also that no one has mentioned that a stay at home, unlike a nanny, isn't expected nor will she pay attention non stop to the child at all times. My mom was a SAHM and she crafted and cleaned and ran errands, and had a life that didn't include catering to our every whim 24/7 and so do I. If those chldren's parents had been home all that time, the parents would have been doing adult thing sometimes. The children were NOT being ignored.

Denver Nanny said...

appalled:
for someone who insists she's "on" 24/7 and never leaves her children unattended, you sure do spend a lot of time posting...
maybe you should remember that nannies run around all day taking care of someone else's kids and home, then leave exhausted only to have to face their own laundry/dishes/meals... a sahm is only taking care of her own family!!
btw--very VERY few nannies get benefits, much less overtime or breaks of any sort! At my last position (arranged through a reputable nanny agency and legal in every sense) I was lucky if I had a chance to eat or even pee!

Lizzie said...

I don't think you're ignoring the children at all, this lady was out of line and didn't know what she was talking about.

However, if you needed a break like that, don't go to a park to get it, you might be needed, I'm a nanny and I know that when I take the kids I nanny for to the park, i'm helping them on playground equipment, pushing them on the swings and if I am not, then I do sit and maybe do some hw (cuz i'm still in school), but making sure to glance up every now and then to make sure everything is okay, but at the park, the kids have have have to come first, after all...that is the job you chose.

if you want a break in your day, have the kids nap at the same time. Works well, but make sure its okay with their parents. The kids I nanny for nap at the same time and it gives me a nice break, ya know...instead of the park, which is a noisy place to take a nap anyway. Don't take your break when you're supposed to be watching someone elses children...if something were to happen to them...it would be YOUR fault.

Nanny Advice from a Nanny said...

it might have just been a better idea to stay home if it were baby's naptime.

Its okay to say no to a child, especially if you're a nanny. kids know how to get what they want from grown ups. So be firm and you say that the little baby gets horrid on the playgroud and that lady said that the boy was wrecking havoc...well do you think their behaivor comes from their knowledge of what they can get away with? Don't be afraid to say no, and if you are watching the kids, they will sense that and see that and they will behave the best they can if they respect you, but know that kids will be kids, but some behaivor isn't acceptable, even if the parents are okay with their kids wrecking havoc on the park, doesn't mean you have to be.

Do your job, watch the kids. and maybe your "average normal" job will become a "super amazing" job that you'll look forward to every day.

Appalled said...

This nanny is lazy and a whiner. Whine Whine Whine. Im so tired I cant do my job. She was caught being lazy.. like she probably is more often than not and now is trying to protect her job. In addition being not very bright, she is not good at her job if she won't let a child out of a stroller because she doesnt feel like it. Good for everyone who would get this nanny a glass of wine!! I bet you wouldnt if she was watching your children.

nycnanny said...

The point is "appalled" is that these kids are not hers, she is the nanny. As a parent --they brought these kids into the world and should deal with them . For a nanny it is too much. On top of a nanny dealing with children they also have their own lives to deal with as well. OP-its ok that you felt overwhelmed and tired--ignore the idiots. It is only normal. I would also question your employers that they would leave you alone for a week alone with their kids! Get some rest and feel better

UmassSlytherin said...

Appalled,
I would give her a glass of wine and a shot of vodka too. And I would buy her a pizza and maybe also give her a gift card to Old Navy.

I really would. But I would drive her home cus I don't think people should drive drunk.

chick said...

Appalled, will you answer my questions? I'd really like to know if you "slack" in your SAHM job.

Did you breastfeed?

Did you BF until your child was at least 2?

Did you replace any bottles and sippies with BPA free stuff as soon as you heard rumors about BPA being hazardous?

Did you co-sleep?

Did you CIO?

Did you make sure your child watched NO TV for at least his/her first 2 years?

Did you do all you could to make sure there are NO commercially exploitative toys in your home?

Do you buy only organic food?

Did you make your own baby food from organics?

Do you use only green cleaning products and pesticides?

Do you have your child on a schedule?

Do you allow your child to live according to his/her own body rhythms? IOW, is your child not forced into a schedule?

Do you make sure to keep one eye on your child at ALL times, even when you are exhausted, in need of a shower, or possibly hungry?

Do you live for your child's comfort and make sure he/she comes first at ALL times?

Are your needs completely ignored in favor of your child's needs at all times?

Obviously, a mom should be BETTER than any nanny - are you BETTER, appalled?

Appalled said...

First of all.. Im not a PAID employee entrusted with the care of children... remember that.

Appalled, will you answer my questions? I'd really like to know if you "slack" in your SAHM job.

Did you breastfeed?
Yes. All three until 9 months

Did you BF until your child was at least 2?
fuck that

Did you replace any bottles and sippies with BPA free stuff as soon as you heard rumors about BPA being hazardous? I did my research and no.

Did you co-sleep?
No. I need my sleep (so Im not tired!!!!)

Did you CIO?
No.. thats cruel. I took the time to get my kids to sleep in a good way.

Did you make sure your child watched NO TV for at least his/her first 2 years? Yes. They still done

Did you do all you could to make sure there are NO commercially exploitative toys in your home?
Give it up.


Do you buy only organic food?
Yes and no HFCS.

Did you make your own baby food from organics? Blink.


Do you use only green cleaning products and pesticides? Doesnt apply

Do you have your child on a schedule? All three dol

Do you allow your child to live according to his/her own body rhythms? IOW, is your child not forced into a schedule? No.. I am in charge of my children. They are on a schedule which they need. but they also need exercise

Do you make sure to keep one eye on your child at ALL times, even when you are exhausted, in need of a shower, or possibly hungry?
Hell yeah. All the time.


Do you live for your child's comfort and make sure he/she comes first at ALL times? N/A.. Im a mom.. not a paid nanny

Are your needs completely ignored in favor of your child's needs at all times? Again..mom.. not a nanny

Obviously, a mom should be BETTER than any nanny - are you BETTER, appalled? Of course I am. I take our 13mo out of the stroller when I am dead tired and walk him around.


By the way.. you need a reality check. It sounds like you've been reading UB a little too much.

Appalled said...

To answer another poster who said the kids are the parents responsibility because they brought them into the world...

hello.. the lazy lazy nanny wouldnt have a job. Get real.

bebe said...

chick
I think miss perfect is too busy posting on the rest of the blog (and tending to her children, lol) to take the time out to answer your questions. So maybe we should take a stab at it for her, huh?

Did you breastfeed? No. she wouldn't dare take a chance messing up her perfect boobs.

Did you BF until your child was at least 2? *see previous answer.

Did you replace any bottles and sippies with BPA free stuff as soon as you heard rumors about BPA being hazardous? she's too busy to keep up on such information, don't ya know?

Did you co-sleep? well, she had to spend quality time with her kids somehow.

Did you CIO? yep. those headphones came in handy.

Did you make sure your child watched NO TV for at least his/her first 2 years? no. how else would she have time to be on ISYN? she's gotta keep them busy somehow.


Did you do all you could to make sure there are NO commercially exploitative toys in your home?
would this include the cap guns and barbie dolls the kids got for christmas?

Do you buy only organic food?
what's the difference?

Did you make your own baby food from organics? yeah, right. like I have the time!

Do you use only green cleaning products and pesticides?
does "mean green" count?

Do you have your child on a schedule?
of course I do. I'm perfect, remember?

Do you allow your child to live according to his/her own body rhythms? IOW, is your child not forced into a schedule?
forced into a schedule? hell no, my kids stay up all night!


Do you make sure to keep one eye on your child at ALL times, even when you are exhausted, in need of a shower, or possibly hungry?
Ha! Isn't this what started this whole arguement to begin with!

Do you live for your child's comfort and make sure he/she comes first at ALL times? Of course! Except when I have a hair appt.!


Are your needs completely ignored in favor of your child's needs at all times? Pshhh, I'm always ignored. wonder why?

Obviously, a mom should be BETTER than any nanny - are you BETTER, appalled? hmmm. let me get back to you on that.

bebe said...

Haha! looks like she did have the time. (like I should be surprised, where are those kids at??)
Um, who's answers do you like better? OR, who's answers sound MORE truthful?!

chick said...

Appalled, I think your values are seriously screwy. Who expects a nanny to be MORE perfect than a mom????

If you seriously believe that, then you should be searching for a nanny, because the nanny would be BETTER for your kids than you are, right? That doesn't quite jibe with your anti-nanny rants, does it?

No one is perfect. Most people can accept that they will screw up, and that others will screw up. The OP screwed up, and she seems to have admitted that. Not perfect does not = horrible slacker. Not perfect = human. Moms, Nannies, Dads, none of us are perfect, and tearing each other down does nothing but damage.

Read what I said below about your choices, and see how crappy you feel after being raked across the coals for "good enough" choices. TBecause frankly, I am not all that concerned about your choices, since I feel I can likely assume they are "good enough" for you. The OP made a "good enough" choice, like moms do all the time, and your holier than thou attitide is alienating and, frankly it makes no sense.

BTW, what the heck is UB?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First of all.. Im not a PAID employee entrusted with the care of children... remember that.

****See my points above.

Appalled, will you answer my questions? I'd really like to know if you "slack" in your SAHM job.

Did you breastfeed?
Yes. All three until 9 months

****Slacker in the POV of BF proponents

Did you BF until your child was at least 2?
fuck that

****Slacker, see above

Did you replace any bottles and sippies with BPA free stuff as soon as you heard rumors about BPA being hazardous? I did my research and no.

****Slacker - why not err on the side of caution, as the enviromental moms would say?

Did you co-sleep?
No. I need my sleep (so Im not tired!!!!)

****selfish slacker, as AP moms would say

Did you CIO?
No.. thats cruel. I took the time to get my kids to sleep in a good way.

****silly slacker, as the independence focused moms would say

Did you make sure your child watched NO TV for at least his/her first 2 years? Yes. They still done

****Anti-educational TV slacker, as the baby einstein moms would say

Did you do all you could to make sure there are NO commercially exploitative toys in your home?
Give it up.

****Exploitative commercial slacker, as the anti-commercialism moms would say

Do you buy only organic food?
Yes and no HFCS.

****Foolish spendthrift slacker, as the "we ate the stuff and we're fine" moms would say

Did you make your own baby food from organics? Blink.

****LAZY slacker, as the organics only no jarred foods moms would say

Do you use only green cleaning products and pesticides? Doesnt apply

****Filthy slacker, as the clean home = healthy home moms would say

Do you have your child on a schedule? All three dol

Do you allow your child to live according to his/her own body rhythms? IOW, is your child not forced into a schedule? No.. I am in charge of my children. They are on a schedule which they need. but they also need exercise

****Suppressive authoritarian selfish mom, as the "child led scheduling" moms would say

Do you make sure to keep one eye on your child at ALL times, even when you are exhausted, in need of a shower, or possibly hungry?
Hell yeah. All the time.

****Lying slacker, as any mom in this reality would say

Do you live for your child's comfort and make sure he/she comes first at ALL times? N/A.. Im a mom.. not a paid nanny

****contradictory and ridiculous slacker, as those moms on this thread would say

Are your needs completely ignored in favor of your child's needs at all times? Again..mom.. not a nanny

***unrealistic and foolish slacker

Obviously, a mom should be BETTER than any nanny - are you BETTER, appalled? Of course I am. I take our 13mo out of the stroller when I am dead tired and walk him around.

****So to be a non-slacker nanny that meets your standards, all I have to do is take a charge to the playground and run around with them? That's idiotic

chick said...

bebe, her answers and rants are so completely contradictory and convoluted that I wasn't expecting her to make sense. I just wanted to use the "good enough" argument.

Because that's what I happen to believe. Well intentioned people, will, generally, make the "good enough" choice when it comes to their kids/charges. No one is perfect - it's too stressful and exhausting!

bebe said...

Chick
UB = urban baby


BTW chick, did I ever tell you that I think you're a genius?
I loved your post!!!!!

Appalled said...

Just for your information...
My kids go to sleep at 8pm. Not something lazy nannies can handle without being cruel. Now.. go take your horrible nanny lazy selves and do something respectable. oh. and lose some weight. oh. and guess what. the world doesnt owe your fat asses anything.

bebe said...

Lmao! Who said anything about being overweight?!
Lady, are you off your rocker, or what?
And if you're trying to insult someone, maybe you should come up with something a little better.

Guess your kinda missing that college degree right about now, huh?

anonymouse said...

Shooooooot..

Appalled, what's up boo? You seem uptight. Maybe a glass of wine before bed tonight?

chick said...

Ummmm....what?

Seriously, appalled, relax. Take a break, do something fun for yourself, and then come back and respond to posts when you are able to do so coherently, ok?

No one here is out to get you personally. Well, at least *I* am not out to get you. Haven't insulted you, called you names, or otherwise been overtly nasty. You, on the other hand are getting way too wound up.

Let perfection go before you strain something important.

chick said...

Thanks for the compliment bebe. I am no genius, but I can write semi-coherently most times, lol!

Manhattan Nanny said...

Well, this thread has been quite entertaining. I have been pondering what could be the source of Appalled's vitriol toward nannies. Could it be insecurity about her own parenting? If nannies are all incompetent and lazy, she can feel good about her own less than perfect performance. As she said, after all, she is not being paid!

LindaLou said...

this is a total tangent, but i wanted to point out that people co-sleep because it helps everyone in the family get MORE sleep, not less. co-sleeping especially makes snese if you are breastfeeding as you can latch the baby on and go back to sleep. i did not co-sleep with my first two, but did with my third, and i was much better rested not having to get all the way up all night long.

chick said...

Quite true, LL. I know many nannies who weren't co-sleep fans until they became moms. Heck, I am not a big co-sleeping fan, but I am sure that at 2 am with a baby things change, lol!

Whee said...

Enclosed area + nearby + glancing up / knowing where the child is or what he is doing at all times + being aware of baby's status = no fault.

The icky keys matter is nonsense too. As big a fan of OCD-like hand washing as I am, a bottle of Purell in my coat pocket, hand wipes in my backpack and diaper bag, a bottle of Purell in my car, etc. recent research suggests that some level of exposure is required for a healthy immune system.

Of course, I typically go with a cell phone. People think you're crazy if you let a baby play with your cell / won't comment.

* Side Note: This once landed a RAZR into a cup of apple juice (and yet I still do it), so be forewarned.