Great with children but lacks tact....

Received Wednesday, June 4, 2008 - Rant
My nanny nightmare. This is a rant. Written in short hand. Please don't check my grammatical errors. Don't judge me that my head is full of rage and my heart full of hate. It's my nanny. I need her. I am a stay at home mother of four children, all under 8 years of age. I previously had a mother's helper work twice a week to help with driving. My husband is in Geneva until July 2. Three weeks ago, the nanny started. She is in addition to the mother's helper I have. The reason for this is that I am going to need the mother's helper again when this temp nanny goes away. I took time to show her around our town, from the coffee shop to the grocery store. I showed her where the children are dropped off and picked up, in rain and on regular days. I verified her references twice. She has terrific references. She is good with the children, sometimes too good. Almost, in your face good. I am counting the days until she is gone. I need her. So, I keep her. I can't stand the sight of her. She is living here. In the morning, I have asked her to start at 8:30. She rolls out of bed and comes to the kitchen as early as 7 or 7:30. She sleeps in boyshorts and tanktops and weighs about 175 pounds. Her face is mushed in the morning, almost contorted. And her breath? It reaches me from across the kitchen. I have suggested that she go back to sleep. I suggested that she go relax for an hour. She hangs out with us. She is helpful in the kitchen, bounding around in her boyshorts with her gut hanging out. She has bought with her own money things like flax seed which she works in to the pancakes. Whole grain pancakes. When she saw me making my instant pancakes, she made a shocked face and said, "white flour, no no no. She doesn't even use a box mix for pancakes. She makes it herself. We have a small dog that is well fed, but nanny likes to top off the dog's morning dish with a fried egg. Nanny has even asked to bring the dog to her room to sleep with her. What could I say? As she is cooking or mixing ingredients, she spells everything. She talks in a slow, pointed way. "Let's use the black pan today, not the blue one. This is blue b-l-u-e and this is b-l-a-c-k, what else is black" My oldest child is 8 years old. When my oldest comes home from school, she has a snack. I have tried not to make food an issue. I keep the house full of fruit, but we have a fairly well stocked pantry too. Before the eight year old can eat her fig newtons, the nanny has her read out loud the serving size, calorie content, fat grams. Then nanny offers her ideas for other foods she could eat. And not just one. Seven or so options. Is she done? No, she is still talking. Then she starts offering fruit paired with one newton. 4 carrot sticks and one fig newton, one half orange and one fig newton. Nanny doesn't get dressed until after 8:30 and she changes her outfit at least twice during the day. If she is playing outside with the children or going to the park, she will put on athletic wear. Full athletic wear, shiny, spandex pants with a zipper, running shoes, and an athletic top. If she is taking a child out, she will dress in jeans and loafers. She is always changing, in and out of clothes. When the phone rings, she always reaches it before me. In 3 weeks, she has made herself my mother's best friend. My mother always asks politely, "how are you". Her answer? "I'm great, great. We're having a great day now. J and I are working on his motor skills right now and I have D reading out loud to K. " And more. She gives out a lot of information. When other mothers come by to visit, she asks questions that are over the top. Where do you live is fine. How many square feet is your home? Not fine. Who makes more money, your husband or "Joan's" husband? Not fine. The nanny has also informed me she doesn't feel she can get clean in a shower, so could she use a bathtub in one of the rooms. What could I say? I suggested that she use the bathtub of my youngest child who isn't old enough to use his bathroom yet. Fine? No. The housekeeper hadn't been cleaning it and it had a ring of a 'powdery' substance in it, so she used another child's bathroom. When did she do this? At about 7 at night, right before bedtime for the children. It felt very invasive. She brings in my mail and sorts it for me. She asks me who this is from or what that bill was for. She wants to know how much my wedding ring costs. I tell her I don't know. She tells me I must have some idea. She tells the housekeeper she is damaging the children's lungs by using such harsh cleaners. She takes me to a website that backs up her claim and urges me to read while she stands over me. The children love her. They don't act up in front of her. They listen to her ideas. They implement her suggestions. They are getting a long better with each other. So, I stay quiet. She looks at a couples picture of my husband and I. She tells me, "that must be so weird for you". I ask her what she means. She tells me, "you and your husband look like brother and sister. Almost identical". She talks about her eyebrows and how she knows a woman who sculpts celebrity eyebrows and she wants to make an appointment with her. I smile. She looks at my eyebrows and says, "yours are so thin, you do know thick eyebrows are in". I smile. She tells me about the previous families she has worked for. They all seem to be thinner, richer and better mothers and wives than me. All of them, super women to hear her talk. Yet she is always preventing me from doing irreparable harm to my own children. Allowing a 4 year old to suck on a lemon will immediately decay all of her teeth beyond repair, washing the children's in Tide will cause eczema, this window should have a window guard (second floor of private residence). She eats dinner with us every night. She isn't from this area, so she spends all of her time with us. When she was speaking with her mom on the phone this weekend, she said "hold on" and then handed the phone to me. I didn't know what to say. She talks more than any person I have ever met. And she'll talk about anything. Her favorite subject is money and how much people have. The gardeners were here this morning and she claims she recognized one from America's Most Wanted. "You should go call" I say. "Go call". I've never run so many errands in my life. I've compiled things to do lists and am doing everything in advance. I think I will start Christmas shopping. And wrapping. I feel a bit better now. -ES