Wednesday

Great with children but lacks tact....

Received Wednesday, June 4, 2008 - Rant
My nanny nightmare. This is a rant. Written in short hand. Please don't check my grammatical errors. Don't judge me that my head is full of rage and my heart full of hate. It's my nanny. I need her. I am a stay at home mother of four children, all under 8 years of age. I previously had a mother's helper work twice a week to help with driving. My husband is in Geneva until July 2. Three weeks ago, the nanny started. She is in addition to the mother's helper I have. The reason for this is that I am going to need the mother's helper again when this temp nanny goes away. I took time to show her around our town, from the coffee shop to the grocery store. I showed her where the children are dropped off and picked up, in rain and on regular days. I verified her references twice. She has terrific references. She is good with the children, sometimes too good. Almost, in your face good. I am counting the days until she is gone. I need her. So, I keep her. I can't stand the sight of her. She is living here. In the morning, I have asked her to start at 8:30. She rolls out of bed and comes to the kitchen as early as 7 or 7:30. She sleeps in boyshorts and tanktops and weighs about 175 pounds. Her face is mushed in the morning, almost contorted. And her breath? It reaches me from across the kitchen. I have suggested that she go back to sleep. I suggested that she go relax for an hour. She hangs out with us. She is helpful in the kitchen, bounding around in her boyshorts with her gut hanging out. She has bought with her own money things like flax seed which she works in to the pancakes. Whole grain pancakes. When she saw me making my instant pancakes, she made a shocked face and said, "white flour, no no no. She doesn't even use a box mix for pancakes. She makes it herself. We have a small dog that is well fed, but nanny likes to top off the dog's morning dish with a fried egg. Nanny has even asked to bring the dog to her room to sleep with her. What could I say? As she is cooking or mixing ingredients, she spells everything. She talks in a slow, pointed way. "Let's use the black pan today, not the blue one. This is blue b-l-u-e and this is b-l-a-c-k, what else is black" My oldest child is 8 years old. When my oldest comes home from school, she has a snack. I have tried not to make food an issue. I keep the house full of fruit, but we have a fairly well stocked pantry too. Before the eight year old can eat her fig newtons, the nanny has her read out loud the serving size, calorie content, fat grams. Then nanny offers her ideas for other foods she could eat. And not just one. Seven or so options. Is she done? No, she is still talking. Then she starts offering fruit paired with one newton. 4 carrot sticks and one fig newton, one half orange and one fig newton. Nanny doesn't get dressed until after 8:30 and she changes her outfit at least twice during the day. If she is playing outside with the children or going to the park, she will put on athletic wear. Full athletic wear, shiny, spandex pants with a zipper, running shoes, and an athletic top. If she is taking a child out, she will dress in jeans and loafers. She is always changing, in and out of clothes. When the phone rings, she always reaches it before me. In 3 weeks, she has made herself my mother's best friend. My mother always asks politely, "how are you". Her answer? "I'm great, great. We're having a great day now. J and I are working on his motor skills right now and I have D reading out loud to K. " And more. She gives out a lot of information. When other mothers come by to visit, she asks questions that are over the top. Where do you live is fine. How many square feet is your home? Not fine. Who makes more money, your husband or "Joan's" husband? Not fine. The nanny has also informed me she doesn't feel she can get clean in a shower, so could she use a bathtub in one of the rooms. What could I say? I suggested that she use the bathtub of my youngest child who isn't old enough to use his bathroom yet. Fine? No. The housekeeper hadn't been cleaning it and it had a ring of a 'powdery' substance in it, so she used another child's bathroom. When did she do this? At about 7 at night, right before bedtime for the children. It felt very invasive. She brings in my mail and sorts it for me. She asks me who this is from or what that bill was for. She wants to know how much my wedding ring costs. I tell her I don't know. She tells me I must have some idea. She tells the housekeeper she is damaging the children's lungs by using such harsh cleaners. She takes me to a website that backs up her claim and urges me to read while she stands over me. The children love her. They don't act up in front of her. They listen to her ideas. They implement her suggestions. They are getting a long better with each other. So, I stay quiet. She looks at a couples picture of my husband and I. She tells me, "that must be so weird for you". I ask her what she means. She tells me, "you and your husband look like brother and sister. Almost identical". She talks about her eyebrows and how she knows a woman who sculpts celebrity eyebrows and she wants to make an appointment with her. I smile. She looks at my eyebrows and says, "yours are so thin, you do know thick eyebrows are in". I smile. She tells me about the previous families she has worked for. They all seem to be thinner, richer and better mothers and wives than me. All of them, super women to hear her talk. Yet she is always preventing me from doing irreparable harm to my own children. Allowing a 4 year old to suck on a lemon will immediately decay all of her teeth beyond repair, washing the children's in Tide will cause eczema, this window should have a window guard (second floor of private residence). She eats dinner with us every night. She isn't from this area, so she spends all of her time with us. When she was speaking with her mom on the phone this weekend, she said "hold on" and then handed the phone to me. I didn't know what to say. She talks more than any person I have ever met. And she'll talk about anything. Her favorite subject is money and how much people have. The gardeners were here this morning and she claims she recognized one from America's Most Wanted. "You should go call" I say. "Go call". I've never run so many errands in my life. I've compiled things to do lists and am doing everything in advance. I think I will start Christmas shopping. And wrapping. I feel a bit better now. -ES

131 comments:

JerseyXJacqui said...

Wow, for real? She sounds incredibly obnoxious...but she also sounds like a pretty good nanny when it comes to a lot of things.
You can find good nannies who don't yap so much though. It's great to be opinionated and informed, but she sounds like she's crossed some thick lines.
I don't know her and after reading that I think I may hate her.

Anonymous said...

This sounds like a very unworkable situation for both of you. You should
keep your mother's helper and let the other nanny find another family to work for. I am a nanny and I find it very uncomfortable for both of us when the mom tries to "work" at home.
It has to be even harder with her living in your home. Awkward, stressful, and uncomfortable for everybody.

nannyneedsanap said...

So, maybe your nanny is trying too hard. You admit, she's great with the children and they love her. Her questions are no doubt over the top, but why not sit down and have an honest talk? Tell her when you are uncomfortable. You're letting everything build up and if you don't say something you can't expect anything to change. You poor baby, a stay at home mom with a nanny, a mother's helper and a house cleaner. If she is that bad, let her go and try raising your own children.

Anonymous said...

I feel like vomiting.

kathleencares said...

Aside from the inappropriate comments about money and how much things cost, she sounds like she is a pretty good nanny. She obviously cares about your kids and their well-being, and that is great that they like her so much and get along better when she is around. However, it sounds like a horrible fit between you and her. It is more than clear that you really don't like her and that she just bugs you! The good news is she's a temp so soon she will be gone (hopefully). If she only has 2 or 3 weeks left with you, I would suggest sucking it up. However, if she is there through the summer, get rid of her - she will drive you crazy! I would also suggest talking to her about her inappropriate comments and about some of the things that bug you. Just do it in a nice way, and start out by telling her what a great job she is doing in some areas. That would be my advice. Good luck!

LindaLou said...

oh, you poor dear. i just want to give you a hug. at least your haven't lost your sense of humor though!

Sue Doe-Nim said...

I'm exhausted just listening to this.

But I kinda want to call your house and listen to her yammer... you know, so I have something funny to say at my next dinner party.

Oh and WTF were you thinking? You have two hands woman! Two kids is plenty.

Anonymous said...

In regards to the breath....
Sounds like it could be tonsil stones. Since she is so savvy at doing research on the net, why not hover over her while she reads about tonsil stones?

cali mom said...

It sounds like you have some insecurities, and the nanny is extremely capable and therein lies the problem. If you don't mind her fixing and eating her breakfast AFTER her work hours have started ask her to NOT come into the kithen before 8:30 am, explaining that you need some quiet family time before then. If you expect her to be ready to move at the beginning of her work hours you'll just have to deal with her getting ready early. Explain to your friends that she is great with the kids, though somewhat of a character, and put up with her for the next few weeks, as I get the impression you are only keeping her on until your husband returns?

Anonymous said...

Sounds to me as if you are not confident in your mother role. I think her weight and personal habits i.e changing her clothes is really none of your business and was said to be mean. You have a mother's helper, live-in nanny, and a housekeeper. Maybe get a job, that will get you out of the house alllllll day.
She sounds annoying of course but like someone else mentioned, you could just raise your own kids and dump her. What a novel idea.

Kaitlyn said...

Woo! That took my breath away just reading it. You are obviously very angry but what I hope you will do is simply reaffirm with your nanny (POLITELY) that she is an employee and when you tell her she should not use a specific bathroom, she should not use it, and that your bills are a private matter and are none of her affair. Aside from being completely obnoxious, she sounds like a very good nanny, one that some families would feel lucky to have. It sounds to me like you are very overwhelmed, but what I think you should do is just hang on, seeing as she is only a temporary nanny and is, in fact, doing her job, and doing it well. However, I do have to point out that berating her behind her back for her weight and what she wears, and what she chooses to spend her money on is completely inappropriate. How would you feel if she went on a website like this and wrote about how she feels it's wrong for you to feed your kids junk food, and this that and the other? You have to look at it both ways.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, what does her gut hanging out and her weight have to do with anything? Presumably you'd be less annoyed by a thin, svelte nanny with bad breath and a penchant to chat?

mpp said...

Although it sounds like you have a grand Nanny on your hands ... she's very abrasive. I have a feeling you wouldn't even be able to sit down and confront her with the inappropriate line of questions she seems to enjoy asking. You come across in your post as somewhat intimidated by her.
If you can, just deal with it until she leaves. She is doing her job, and from the sound of it, doing it pretty well.
You're just not a good fit.

You don't say when her time will be up, but I do hope you've made that perfectly clear to her because Nanny definately sounds like she's made herself at home!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a horror movie in the making! Send the story to Hollywood. What a pain this must be for you. Sounds like she just moved right in and made herself comfortable, are you sure she is going to go when her term is up? She might be hard to get rid of.

Anonymous said...

A SAH"M" with a housekeeper, a mother's helper, AND a nanny? Can I have your troubles, please?

If you dislike her so much, either fire her or talk to her about your expectations. But I'm feeling very little sympathy for you right now.

Anonymous said...

I agree with some of the other posters - you have nothing to complain about. You have a mother's helper and a live-in nanny - what's your role in all of this? From the sound of it, you make your kids breakfast and then wash your hands of them until bedtime. The nanny admittedly had some issues, but aside from her quirks, she seems to be good with the kids. Who cares if she's changing two or three times a day - it'd only concern me if it were taking time away from the children. And you're bothered by the fact that she comes into the kitchen an hour early? Most parents would love a nanny who shows up early! Seriously, suck it up and deal with it. It's only temporary, and once she's gone, she's gone.

UmassSlytherin said...

I am very sorry OP, but I can't stop laughing hysterically and neither can my husband I just read the whole thing out loud to him!!
buuuwhaaahahhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!

I'm sorry but it's just soooooo funny!!!!!!! I was sad, and this cheered me up!!!!!

huubuhahahahahabuuuuuawwwaqhhahahahah!!!
:) heheheheheh!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Ok, this is very funny. You should be a writer. Sorry you have the nanny from hell. But, seriously, sounds like she's doing her job well: taking care of the kids. Just keep yourself busy as much as possible and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, right? Is she only there until 7/2? Can ya hang on 4 weeks??? You can do it!!! Bottom line: You just don't mesh, don't beat yourself up. If you don't like her much, you don't like her. She's almost gone.

Anonymous said...

This post is sickening. You have a staff of 3 people and you do not work yet complain about a person who, besides having no tact and being annoying does their job well. Poor you. You have to run errands allll day. I'm sorry normally I can see both sides but this is ridiculous. Excess is what it is. Stay with your children get someone to help a couple times a week when you need a break but don't expect people to feel sorry for you when it looks like you're not doing anything in your own home.

Anonymous said...

"my head is full of rage and my heart full of hate."
WOW
She is giving your children intellectual stimulation, (spelling lessons with the pancakes! ) She cares about teaching them healthy eating habits, She does outdoor activities with them, and dresses appropriately to be active. she even treats the dog lovingly. She is safety conscious....she is correct about the need for window guards btw.
Yes, her questions about money are inappropriate, and it would be so simple to just tell her you don't discuss those things. But then what could you bitch about? Oh, right, her weight!
I'd love to read her description of you!

chick said...

OP, I am trying to see things from your POV here. Your nanny is diligent, good with your kids, maybe a bit over the top about nutrition, and lacks personal boundaries. She also changes clothes a lot and is not physically appealing to you.

She is a temp, there for 4 more weeks. She is needed, but you hate having her there.

You have a few options.

1) Let her go with pay, and take on all the work yourself, maybe engaging the mother's helper for some extra hours. Or ask your housekeeper for extra help.

2) Keep her on and continue your slow boil, which does nothing but waste your energy and screw with your psyche.

3) Keep her on and have a talk with her about your own personal boundaries. Make the issue YOUR fault. Do NOT blame her, or denigrate her. You already dislike her, and you will be utterly miserable if she starts to dislike you as well.

For example: "Nanny, I have worked really hard to ensure that the children don't see any food as "bad". I know I am probably a bit over the top with that, but I have to ask you to support me in my neurosis! Here is what you can do to help me...."

"Nanny, my husband insists that I not discuss our finances with our friends and neighbors. I need to ask you to not bring up that issue in conversation."

"Nanny, I appreciate your concern over chemicals/white flour/window guards/etc. I will certainly consider your opinion when I re-visit that issue."

and so forth.

IOW, be kind, tactful, and cheerful when establishing boundaries, then cheerfully stick to the established boundaries for the next 4 weeks.

This would also be a good chance for you to fully outline and examine what sort of personality traits you WANT in your next LI nanny, be she temporary or long-term. If physical attributes are an issue, make that clear to agencies/in ads. If you want a quiet helper rather than a "full charge" nanny, make that clear. If you prefer a "nanny" who is less interested in truly engaging your kids and more into being a babysitter, make that crystal clear. If nanny's wardrobe choices and changes are an issue, let those placing nannies with you know your preferences.

Good luck to you.

Anonymous said...

Why would you allow her (or anyone) to ask inappropriate questions about yours or your neighbor's personal business? My reaction to a question about money or value of things would be "wow, that's a personal question--that's not the type of thing I generally discuss with others". Comments on my mail would be met with "I don't know--I haven't read it and I prefer noone looks through my mail but me". Personal comments like the eyebrow one would be met with "Thank you, but I'm satisfied with my appearance as it is". All of these should be said with a smile but firm tone. My favorite retort to the personal question I've received from many "How old are you?" is "Too old to answer that question".

mom said...

Op, your nanny sounds like a good nanny, but very pushy and with little common sense and serious boundary issues.
Too bad, because the behaviors you describe would make it very difficult to have her living in your house. How inappropriate to come to your kitchen table in basically underwear and a tank top! Many of her behaviors are obnoxious, but you need to either fire her or grin and bear it.
Personally, I would just let her go. I have three kids and when they were small and my husband was first starting out he was gone for extended periods A LOT. It's harder, but perfectly manageable...especially since you have a mother's helper and a housekeeper. I've always had a housekeeper, but never any type of childcare besides the occasional babysitter for a few hours here and there. It's totally doable!

Anonymous said...

Entertaining post--I was smiling and giggling the whole time. She honestly sounds like a superior nanny--and if you weren't around the friggin' house, or busying yourself with shopping--but actually NEEDED a nanny, she'd be ideal. The problem is you don't. BUT that said, you should take some parenting lessons from her--so you can do a better job of raising your own children, with the help of your housekeeper, mother's helper, and gardener of course =)

Anonymous said...

Start asking her lots of personal questions. Start with how much she weighs? How much her parents make? And keep the questions rolling from there.

Anonymous said...

Loosen up! You're waaaaaay too uptight about this. In the grand scheme of things, she's only in your house for a few weeks.
The kids love her, she's teaching them good things, and they're well behaved around her. So, this is a break for you--she's obviously very capable and taking a load off your plate. So, enjoy her company while it lasts and relax!!!!! You might even miss the chatter in the kitchen, and all of the "helpful" advice when she's gone. Life is full of interesting experiences--and having her in your life temporarily is an experience. A good one for the kids. And you might gain a few things too. Obviously you knew exactly what she looked like when you hired her--so look past that. And enjoy the "gifts" she's bringing to your households which are many! Would you rather be one of the unwitting parents with an abusive or neglectful nanny...there are many of those posts on this sight. I think you can put up with "annoying" and even ENJOY IT...if you RELAX!!!!! RELAX!!!!! RELAX!!!! Did I say relax!!!!!! In fact, dear, go pour yourself a glass of wine...kick your heals up and read a magazine.

Anonymous said...

Could the original post just be a Troll? It's what I keep thinkin'.

Anonymous said...

Okay, so maybe your nannies questions are a little over the top...

BUT so is your jealousy!

She's sooo good with your kids, she's too good? That's just selfish on your part. Your kids love her...and that's bad how? Are you worried they love her more than you?

I'm not trying to be rude...I'm just saying.....

Anonymous said...

Okay, so maybe your nannies questions are a little over the top...

BUT so is your jealousy!

She's sooo good with your kids, she's too good? That's just selfish on your part. Your kids love her...and that's bad how? Are you worried they love her more than you?

I'm not trying to be rude...I'm just saying.....

Anonymous said...

"I'd love to read her description of you!"

HAHAHAHA

As would I!

Anonymous said...

Umm... that was funny. But for real, you sound spoiled. You said you were a stay at home mom, so why do you need her? Watch your own kids and see if you can do better than her. If you aren't going to let her go because she does her job well, then zip it. This isn't the rants department of Craigslist so your rant should probably have a point.

Anonymous said...

Calif nanny here...I too sort my families mail...catalogs, bills and other crap..it makes it easier for them to get thru it. I also do all that yapping and spelling and such to keep the kids engaged with me while I cook or clean or whatever. Some one said it best..if the mother wasnt home hovering this sounds like a good nanny. Well except for a few off questions, which the mother should have just laughed off and said "you sure ask alot of questions". The nanny is right about the lemons and Tide does cause rashes in some people, and yea a window guard is a good idea. One of the gals I work for calls me her mother. I am 50 and she is 33 and I do mother her.

Jodi said...

I laughed so hard reading this post. I feel for you. She sounds like a wonderful nanny but very hard to live with.
I could only wonder about the smells passed through your poor dog’s tushy after eating a fried egg for breakfast every morning. That mixed with morning breath sounds like a great way to start the day.
I once let a friend who was going through a bad divorce move in. She weighed about 300 lbs. and wore tank tops and leggings around the house with no bra. I felt she dressed very inappropriately. I feel this is inappropriate dress no matter what one weighs, especially around my husband or your children. Dressing like that in the privacy of your own room is one thing, walking out to a room full of people is another. What is wrong with having a sense of modesty?
I also am disturbed by some of these poster’s comments regarding your parenting. (This means you 1:18am) Come on people, she acknowledges she has a good nanny. The nanny is abrasive and inappropriate. The OP has four children. She needs help. There is no reason for blasting the OP for hiring a nanny instead of “raising her children herself”. She is in the position to afford the help she needs. Please do not escalate this name calling into a war. Women need to stick together, watch each other’s backs. We should start supporting each other a little more than we do instead of putting each other down because it makes you feel validated. That is my rant.
OP: I am sorry you have this problem. The nanny sounds like a dream and a nightmare at the same time. I would have a sit down with her and talk about what is bothering you. Maybe you can let her know that you “have a house rule that no one is allowed in the kitchen without either a robe or fully dressed and can she please follow this rule? I do not want the children to think they can get away with that with you being here.”
As for the dog, I would ask her to stop feeding the dog human food. It is not good for him and can make him sick. It also gives them horrendous gas. It really does sound endearing how she makes the dog an egg every morning, but it also turns my stomach.
The spelling of the words and chattering is very good for your children’s verbal skills. It also helps with their reading. She sounds like she does know what she is doing and she enjoys her career. I would not personally want to lose a nanny like this, so I would have the chat with her. Just start it with some positives, things she does that you like and then give suggestions. My nanny is fabulous, I love her! There are times when she gets a little neurotic about my daughter. For example if my daughter sneezes four times in a row she suggests maybe we should bring her to the doctor. I usually say very nicely that I am her mother and I know better when a sneeze turns into a doctor’s visits.
Buck up…you only have four more weeks.
:-)
If you want to talk, I would love to hear more about this situation. It takes my mind off of my problems.

UmassSlytherin said...

3:58,
you wrote: "Women need to stick together, watch each other’s backs. We should start supporting each other a little more than we do instead of putting each other down because it makes you feel validated."

This is of course true: we should support each other. I too think OP should let nanny go, and for the reason that she hates the nanny. Nanny sounds as if she is not aware that her employer hates her guts. Whatever the reasons OP hates her nanny, wouldn't the nanny feel uncomfortable and hurt if she knew her employer's feelings of hatred and disgust towards her? After I stopped laughing my ass off, this is what most struck me in the post.

True, of course we should support each other as women. But don't fail to take under account human nature. Many mothers on this board (including myself) will find it difficult to sympathize with OP if she is whining about her situation when some of the rest of us have more pressing problems that are less easily solved. OP's problem? Easily solved. Deal with it for a few more weeks, do without the nanny ("but she neeeeeeds her!") or find another employee. Sure, let's support each other as women, but isn't it silly to break out the Travelling Pants party kit for this issue when some of the rest of us have more serious life issues to deal with? (Children with blood conditions, financial hardships, deaths in the family, just to name a few.) Also, many nannies/parents spotted on this site are abusers, which is an issue that is just so much more serious.
You must see, 3:58, why some of us would find it difficult to see OP's point of view when her post, while hilarious, sounds ridiculous.
Just my two cents.
:)

original poster said...

I received more feedback than I anticipated. Some of the advice was very heartfelt. Thank you to Chick especially.

One point I should make. You don't know me and you don't know her. This is anonymous. I am not trying to offend or hurt the nanny. With regard to her weight and her morning attire, it's not appropriate for any adult female. As a larger woman with a multitude of curves, I think it is even less appropriate.

I think I have an idea how she would describe me. Careless, hellbent on poisoning her children with toxic detergents and overprocessed foods, unimaginative, repressed and clinging to eyebrows from 1990.

Anonymous said...

I think I have an idea how she would describe me. Careless, hellbent on poisoning her children with toxic detergents and overprocessed foods, unimaginative, repressed and clinging to eyebrows from 1990.
You forgot spoiled rich SAHM with a housekeeper, mother's helper, nanny, gardeners, etc., who still finds things to complain about.

JerseyXJacqui said...

OP didn't strike me as spoiled. And those of you who are flat out telling her that she's a bad mother incapable of raising her own kids...I ask you, How dare you judge someone else's parenting skills? (unless they're doing something as taboo, drastic and unreasonable as abusing them or something along those lines.) You know VERY little of her situation OR her household, so hold onto your judgements for the next time you look in the mirror.

OP sounds nice actually..just at the end of her rope. Her post was amusing and entertaining. She hardly seems pretentious, self righteous OR jealous. This sounds like the annoying nanny from hell. Like I said in my first comment, you can find a multitude of good nannies who probably won't piss you off and whose personalities won't clash with your own.

JerseyXJacqui said...

And one more thing..what do you know of OP's problems or lack thereof? Because she has a nanny and a housekeeper she's problem free?

Going by THAT theory, you're all spoiled because you're not living on the streets eating food out of a trashcan.

Problems are relative. And again, we know NOTHING of her situation.

Bunch of busy bodies and judgemental clucking chickens.

Anonymous said...

Why exactly do you need a nanny? It sounds like you have WAYYYYYY too much time on your hands to be observing her so closely. If she does things that bother you, then sit down and talk to her...if not, then quit bitching!

Anonymous said...

C'mon you guys, give OP a break. She is being completely honest here, give her credit for that.

And don't hate just because she can afford all of the help she has. With 4 kids under 8, and a husband out of the states, she needs it!!

mom said...

OP I thought your description of yourself was funny.

This may not sound like the biggest problem in the world...and it isn't. But if you've ver been forced to spend any length of time around a person such as you describe your nanny to be...which seems to be "very nice and well meaning, but extremely overbearing, always THERE with advice or just to ramble on about nothing at all until your brain feels like it wants to fall out of your head and roll away" (Did I get that pretty close OP?)then oyu understand what she is saying. I have a family member such as this. It is crazy making!

Sarah said...

9:59 -- To be fair, she said that this woman's breath is filling up her kitchen an hour and a half before she's even supposed to be down there. And, she is hovering over OP while she is doing her own thing on her computer. I don't think she's following the nanny around borrowing trouble. This sounds horrible.

OP -- Remember that she is telling you about your eyebrows and worrying about money etc because she is insecure and uncomfortable with her own appearance. Don't let it get to you. Aside from that, my only concern is that she is giving your children a message that hygiene is not important and that behaving that obnoxiously is acceptable. For those reasons, I would not want her around.

Good luck!

westchester po po said...

I hope she called about the gardner who she saw on america's most wanted. westchester lawn guys are notorious for being wanted felons.

UmassSlytherin said...

lol @ "crazy making."
heheh :)

Anonymous said...

This was an interesting post. The other day, an acupuncturist friend of mine told me that a majority of his patients were bored, wealthy housewives who manufactured stress and things to worry about. If it wasn't the lazy gardner, it was the cook who refuses to use canola oil, or the housekeeper who complains that the enviromentally friendly products don't get rid of soap scum. All of them were under the impression that their lives were utterly disastrous and harder than everyone's. Hmm.

melamonk said...

I agree with your acupuncturist. These are complaints I have heard in the last month that make me want to spit!

"I can't find a direct flight to Lisbon"

"Oh I didn't have time to get the dog to the groomers"

"The car service was soo late that we couldn't check our bags curbside. We had to lug our suitcases all the way through the airport"

"The nanny put the pool on the grass. Now we have a big patch of yellow grass. I'm so angry"

"I don't know what to tip this guy. How do I tip him?" (asked of me while my very well off, non working sahm with nanny was having an exercise pool installed in her basement. (Cost 30K)

"Marc took my car and left me with his shitter to drive". (Shitter is a 2007 Yukon Denali).

"School is over. The children are home now"

and my favorite,
"I was on my way to dinner, late as usual and there is a massive accident on the corner of X and X. There was a bike laying in the middle of the street, blood, dozens of police and fire fighters. How long does it take to scoop one dead cyclist off the sidewalk?"


**All of these things were said with such woe, well it was clear to me each speaker was certainly suffering!

Anonymous said...

Oops, sorry about the terrible spelling in the above post

Anonymous said...

Dear OP

You sound like every other human being on this planet. Sometimes we just can't stand someone even though the reasons are really stupid.

Go and relax.

Anonymous said...

11:27, there would be less wanted felons on Westchester lawns if their wealthy owners did not rely on illegal immigration to do the simplest chores.
OP, I hope things get better for you. Why are you running so many errands? To take advantage of the fact that you have a nanny for a few weeks? If this is the case no wonder you are all stressed out. Just hang in there. What you are feeling sounds perfectly normal.

Anonymous said...

Wow...I am lost for words...almost.

She does sound like perhaps her mother didnt teach her proper manners in some respects...bottom line..she is good with the kids.

Now we get to the nitty gritty. What the heck do YOU do all day? A housekeeper...a mothers helper...a gardener...and a nanny. Do you have a cook...or does the poor housekeeper do that?

Lady...you are far more obnoxious sounding than your nanny ever could be. For petes sake...if you dont like her hire someone else. Then you wont even have to do those errands that are tiring you out and making you cranky.

Sorry if I missed something here, but this is ridiculous.

Phoenix said...

I have to say this girl sounds beyond irritating. but if the kids like her then you can put up with it. I guess. To be honest i can't give you advice because I am not in your situation but I naturally get irritated and angry very quick. She wouldn't have lasted a day in my home.

Marissa M. said...

Maybe she should take care of her own nutrition a bit more.... Ok now i am just being mean.

So here is what I would do every time you she does something inappropriate. Say something positive like "what a wonderful pancake recipe would you mind teaching me how to make them from scratch" followed by "oh i noticed the bathroom was not left clean after you bathed, would you please make sure it is cleaned today and in future after use."

Just correct her on the spot, every time. If she asks how much your friends make monthly intervene by saying, "i don't want my children to learn to ask questions that are non of there business" or just "amy(for instance) ,that's not appropriate to ask"


good luck

Anonymous said...

Boy was that a wild post, but I completely feel for you. Good luck dealing with this mighty handful of a nanny!!

Anonymous said...

Ok, I am a nanny. I read what you wrote and thought a couple of things:

1. If I were to have to have a playdate with this psycho, I would do everything in my power to cancel it and not have to run into her.
2. She sounds like she's one of those nannies who think that they are the best thing ever to happen to the industry.
3. Part of me wonders if she's got some issues. It seems like she is a little obsessive/compulsive.
4. She's going to drive you batty. You have to find someone else.
5. I can understand that with 4 children under 8 and a husband that travels for work, you may need help here and there. Get someone that you can work side by side with. But, many nannies refuse to work for stay at home moms, so be prepared.

Anonymous said...

Phoenix:
"Girl" ?! The OP sounds a bit much, but I don't see where she hired an underage nanny.

mom said...

Here is an exapmle from my life that may help some of you understand what OP is going through...because if you have not dealt with a person like this, there is NO WAY you can begin to imagine what she is talking about...which is why some of you may be (wrongly) thinking OP is nuts.

My family member:

1) Once spent ten minutes...literally ten minutes...explaining to my mom and sister the most efficient way to load soda cans into the refrigeratior. (I mean, really, how many alternatives can there possibly even be anyway!? 10 MINUTES!)

2) If she sess you, for instance, doing the laundry, you will most certainly be accosted to hear, in the most excruciating detail possible, the results of some study published in Consumer Reports, or some other such publication, ,which prove that the laundry detergent you have chosen is inferior to brand x. Then, just when you think she is winding down the diatribe (and it will literally take SEVERAL minutes PER PRODUCT, as you stand there, measured cup of detergent in hand, pretending to care), she will begin a similar speech about the fabric softener she spies sitting on the counter. This will happen again when she sees you using dish soap, toothpaste, shampoo, bug repellent, sunscreen, or most any type product.

Like to cook? You will find, without any doubt, that your utensils, pans and oven mits are barely passable for use. (Thankfully, she also has tons of information stored in her brain about where you can go to get the proper kitchen supplies. (But,in case you forget, a helpful e-mail ,listing all of the items you lack, where you can get them, and the prices, will be immediately forthcoming.) Try to ignore the e-mail? If she comes for a return visit and sees that you have failed to properly equip to her specifications, that's OK, you'll just get the requisite items as your Christmas gift instead.

Ever discipline your kids? You'll do it all wrong. But thankfully, she knows just how to do this too. Fail to follow her instructions? That's OK. She'll just take to disciplining your kids a second time, right after you are finished...so that it will be done "properly." (Never mind that her own kids turned out to be a mess.)

Have a private phone conversation? That's OK, she'll "overhear" and offer helpful suggestions as to how you should handle whatever it was about better. If it was with some sort of company, you will be receiving a well researched e-mail in short order about whatever kind of industry it pertained to and, if available, a Consumer Reports article about which company you might rather deal with instead. If she is feeling especially generous, she might even take it upon herself to, say, in oyur absence, change your long distance carrier/cable provider/electric company, etc. to the one she has discovered is most superior. NO need to thank her...she just LIKES to be helpful.

Yes, incredibly "helpful" and (possibly...sometimes I wonder...) "well meaning." But often we'd all rather kill her than receive even one more shred of "help!"

Don't like Kleenex boxes littering every room of your house? That's OK, she knows this and, not wanting to be inconvenienced by walking to the bathroom for a tissue, brings several boxes with her, and immediately disperses them to every room upon her arrival. becasue she is so "efficient," my guest room closet now holds a large supply of kleenex boxes, provided by her, and ready for dispersal upon her arrival.

OP, I know what you mean exactly! Help!

Anonymous said...

I'm a nanny and would never show up to work early (more than 10 minutes) whether I lived there or not. If they tell you the start time is 8:30, that means they want you there at 8:30...unless they specify that coming earlier is okay. I can totally understand why she is annoyed at that point. Also, who would show up early, and not brush their teeth first? Yuck! Now the weight issue... pretty rude of you to comment. I think shorts and a tank top is just fine... but if you have a serious problem with so many things, speak up! It's your home and they are your children, why are you letting her get to you this way? You're probably a good mom, but being SAHM, having a mothers helper, and a nanny, is a bit over the top. Why have so many children if you need so much help? That one I don't get...

Anonymous said...

OMFG! Will everyone please stop bashing the SAHM's on this site? This poor woman does not deserve all the cruel comments! Did anyone read what I read? She usually has very limited childcare for her four young children. Her co-parent is away for a long period of time. The Nanny is extremely invasive, inappropriate and has poor boundries. This poor Mom is being driven nuts, and as a professional Nanny (who, btw, works for an amazing SAHM)I feel very sorry for her.
Why are people so angry at the thought of a mother whose only job is to parent, and has assistance with it? Why on earth would that make someone a spoiled person, or a bad parent? I have always loved the partnering aspect of working with stay at home parents. It really takes more than one person to run a family. I just don't get it why that makes people so hostile. Does it really make people so jealous that you have to bash a stranger for having a housekeeper and someone to mow the lawn??!!??
This woman posted wanting helpful comments and the majority of responses were just so mean. I don't think that should be the spirit of this site. It's meant to be a supportive venue, not a jugemental one.
With that said, I would urge this mother to talk very directly to her employee and let her know exactly what is and what is not okay in her home. This Nanny needs to be more respectful.

original poster said...

9:58,
She came in the kitchen straight out of bed. She was wearing her nightclothes. A tank top and a pair of boy shorts. For lack of a better word, she was wearing underwear. This is the outfit she sleeps in. She has several of them.
If she were actually wearing shorts and a tank top, well that would be entirely different.

mpp said...

OP
I sure hope you didn't miss 10:03's post!
That was really nice!

Anonymous said...

I wonder how many children the sanctimonious women bashing this SAHM OP have. I grew up as one of six and I have four of my own. I work for myself and have very flexible and somewhat limited hours that limit my time out of the house to about 5 hours a day, but I have a full time nanny, and two tutors for my older children. Like the OP, my husband travels and when he is not he has long hours and limited time at home during the work week. I could get by with just a mother's helper or part-time help, but I would never consider that. Growing up, I have a total of three, yes THREE, memories from my entire childhood of spending time one on one with my Mom. She was a full time SAHM and very attentive and loving, but parenting in a multi-sibling family is a group activity. I wouldn't trade it--I am very close to my siblings, but I wished I had more one on one time with my Mom (who died when I was in my early 20s). I always wanted a big family too, but I also wanted to make a point of creating some special mommy and me memories for each of them. Having full time plus help allows me to do just that and allows me to be a better parent to my brood. Sure it's the same for OP.

Sue Doe-Nim said...

I can't believe I'm going to do this but here goes. I've gotta defend the OP here.

I'm a SAHM and when my kids were little my husband would be gone, sometimes for the better part of 3 months.

I had two small kids and we knew that he had to do this to get ahead.

Luckily for me my parents and siblings would come and join us for dinners and lunches and whatnot, I'd put the kids down for naps at my mother's house and literally shake.

Going from being a married woman to a single mother overnight is hideous and if we'd of had more than 50 cents to rub together I'd have hired help.

OP also states that the nanny replaces the mother's helper.

She has 4 children under the age of 8 and it sounds to me that y'all are fairly jealous that she has the means to hire someone.

A lot of husbands in LA leave for many months at a time for film production and it's not uncommon for a SAHM to have a single friend, aupair or nanny come to live with them while their spouse is gone.

Anonymous said...

She does sound annoying, but seriously, you trust her with your kids and you don't want her using your bathtubs? That's absurd.

Anonymous said...

9:58 PM
She LIVES there. If she starts work at 8:30, either she can go to the kitchen and eat breakfast before she starts work, or go without, because you know her employer is going to be outraged if she sits down to eat breakfast on the clock.

mom said...

A good point.

The moms who dump their kids entirley on nannies all day long get bashed for not being there for their kids and being horrible, neglectful moms. (Personally I have trouble with this myself, when somebody lets a substitute wake their child up in the morning, spend the day with them, and put them back to bed at night.)

But then you want to also bash the moms who stay home with their kids, but just want someone to help them out as they try to "do it all" for their kids and be the best moms possible?

It does sound like jealousy to me. Sour grapes leave your face all in a pucker. Not pretty.

Anonymous said...

am I supposed to feel bad for someone who CHOOSES to have a litter of children and then only after the ract realizes they cannot rasie them themselves? Why have more children than you can handle? I have ONE child that is now 13. I have NEVER missed a SINGLE thing in his life. I can be involved in EVERYTHING and STILL have time for myself. It's called thinking ahead.

I still say is you're a mom and have a nanny you are NOT a SAHM, you are lazy, selfish and should have stopped having children after one if at all.

mpp said...

lol

mpp said...

Sorry about that:


"Sour grapes leave your face all in a pucker. Not pretty."

That was what I meant to post.

Anonymous said...

12:10 proves the point. Having one child is easy, two is harder, around three it starts pushing the line of what one person can handle on their own and four is definitely the tipping point. Anyone who has never been part of a big family has no idea how wonderful it is for the children and the parents--I wouldn't trade it for the world, but having the sense to say you need an extra pair of hands (or two) to give them the best makes you a good parent, not lazy. Guess she's describing herself--she must have lots of time to laze around with only one kid and a home to take care of--especially as he's gotten older.

mom said...

12:10
I also maintain that it is doable to raise kids all by yourself with no help. I do it. It was really rough sometimes...but I made it through the tought early years...and loved it from sunup to sundown. I was everybody's homeroom mom for all of elementary school and volunteered up at the school every week as well. My husband also traveled a great deal.

But the thing was...where I lived in California at first it was virtually impossible to find great childcare on a "from time to time basis," (and I didn't want, nor could I have afforded at the time, a full time nanny)...which resulted in me having haircuts with toddlers in my lap at times...doctor visits with a child in the extra chair they put in the exam rooms...and I chaperoned multiple field trips with a baby strapped to my chest, or in a stroller. I think an occasional mother's helper would have been nice, and would not have made me a worse mom at all...or any less of a SAHM. I could have spent more one on one time...like at the field trips, and they could have been at the park instead of watching me get a haircut. On the other hand, they didn't suffer for having to go with me everywhere either. The little ones got to be like "class mascots" for the older ones...which they loved. And they knew how to behave nicely in a great variety of situations. There are pluses and minuses to every situation.

I just think people are being a little harsh here. We don't all make the same parenting choices...but I think a SAHM with some assistance is just as good a mom as a SAHM...and probably a lot less bedraggled at times too!

Anonymous said...

My child is 13 and that means I'm lazy? WTH? I run a business while my child is at school and after he is asleep- do you? I am publishing my second book as well. I coach his LAX team 2x a week and go to a class at the gym or yoga every day. I travel on EVERY school break and take summers off to do things with my child. Lazy? Um, no- it's called having a fab life and being a GREAT parent!

You (whoever), are happy to give your children GOOD ENOUGH, how sad. I can get my hair done, have lunch with friends and travel the world and yet STILL I can take a bike ride with my kid 3x a week, do his homework with him, watch movies, attend and cheer at EVERY sporting event he is in, eat breakfast and dinner with him every night, and afford to give him everything he needs. He is brilliant, well behaved and a lot of fun not to mention on honor roll, has a ton of friends and a well rounded life. I too have a well rounded life- imagine that! I know most of you MOMBOTS can't, it's simply beyond your comprehension- pity.

I am HAPPY with my choices, I have been able to raise my child without the help of hired strangers and done an excellent job. It's the real deal, my kid deserves nothing LESS. Responsibility- enough said.

This site reminds me how lucky I am. From the sounds of it- nannies seem to be a rotten bunch (according to all of you and not just the sightings but the general tone and regaurd they are held in) and seems to me like a big risk- especially pathetic if they are not a necessary evil.

Talk to me again about your good enough parenting when your kids are old enough to prove your point.

mom said...

OH, and I would have LOVED to not have to drag my sleeping baby and toddler out of bed and strapped them into carseats to take my son to school...especially knowing they would have slept peacefully for AT LEAST another hour or two.

I would have really appreciated a second set of eyes at the pool, where I had a baby in the baby pool, a toddler in the toddler pool and an elementary school aged child in the big pool! And how perfectly blissful to have not had to drag all three out of the water to follow me into the restroom when ONE of them had to potty!

Oh, and those days I was too sick to get out of bed...but had to anyway. What I wouldn't have given to have somebody to help on those days!

Yes, an extra pair of hands would have been so nice, for all of us.

I really do think people who will not admit that are being jealous.

PS I used to do all of my own planting and trimming in the yard too (out of financial necessity.) But I never felt bad for myself. I was pretty grateful to have my own house at all...especially in Orange County. But I hafta say, it felt so nice yesterday to simply tell my gardener which flowers I do and do not want planted in my beds and then disappear into the house, still wearing nice clothes, not sweaty or dirty at all, and knowing that it's just going to "happen." hehehe
(You know, I think if we don't have some lean times, or times to work hard, it makes it harder to appreciate some of the "perks" when they do come around anyway.)

Anonymous said...

Mom gets it. 1:02 does not. Look how much she enjoys it when someone calls her out with a judgemental comment but she is so pleased with herself when she judges others.

mom said...

Um...I posted twice. One of them was the 1:02 comment.

Anonymous said...

whoops. Sorry, Mom. 12:51, not 1:02.

sprak said...

Do you really want to talk about "GOOD ENOUGH" parenting, 12:53? Well, we can do that. You see, I'm one of those 'good enough' parents you so disparage. I have four children who are pretty much grown and on their own now. Each one of them is more precious to me than the other, and in no particular order. I could have stopped at three and yes, that would have eliminated hordes of extra work, worry, financial stress and the loss of most of the personal time I might have had to myself.

You see, the fourth pregnancy was much more than a surprise, it was an impossibility, and the doctors kindly informed me that I was well within the time frame for an abortion. That information, delivered on a seemingly encouraging note, went in one ear and out the other. And that's how I came to have four children, or as you ignorantly call it, a liter.

The darling little bundle of boy, who arrived so unexpectedly, turned out to be my biggest challenge on many levels. Contrary, charismatic, mouthy and argumentative, he has gone through life shielding his heart of gold but has become, as each of my other children have, a unique, accomplished, and kind individual.

Was it easy? No. Did I make sacrifices? Oh, yeah. My oldest daughter likes to tease me about the same pair of yellow polyester shorts that appeared faithfully each summer and always managed to survive for yet another season's wear. There was quite an age spread between youngest and oldest and I know my oldest child took on responsibilities beyond her years, especially when my husband lost his job and I had to enter the working force. One distinct memory is her penchant for actually "sweeping dirt under the rug" when tidying up! Later, when finances permitted, I resumed staying home to keep a watchful eye on my children.

In short, while certainly not a perfect mom, I did what I needed to do to take care of my children. My spouse traveled frequently, and no doubt, being alone with this brood was often fraught with stress and typical and not so typical problems. I survived it. So did they. I have no regrets. My husband and I were involved in Little League for over twelve years, I took a lot of evening bike rides when my husband was home on "Mad Max", my bike, attended school functions, went on family vacations whenever it was possible, and I've even done some world traveling, so don't cry for me. I think I've given something good to this world in that I produced these four outstanding human beings, and that is both an accomplishment and a joy. So, uh, maybe we can talk again when your son is old enough to prove your point?

a 'good enough' mother,
Sprak

mom said...

My fourth child didn't make it through my pregnancy. Neither did the fifth.
I would gladly take the whole litter, alive and healthy, over a few nights extra sleep and a few less gray hairs!

Anonymous said...

Sprak, you ADMIT it was stressful, you did without, it was hard. I'm the flip side- my life is not stressful, having one child has been a joy and a breeze and I am supposed to feel bad for you? You made that choice, stop acting like some damn saint, good enough by choice- you chose it you live it, great for you but I certainly don't look up to you people or feel bad for your job well done. I tend to admire people who excel rather than do well. Boo freakin hoo.

ro said...

Most serial killers were only children.

mom said...

Good grief 2:54! For having the perfect life, being the perfect mother and having the perfect child, you seem awfully angry and bitter!

I saw nothing "poor me" about ro's story. It only made me admire her more. So I don't know where you got that she feels sorry for herself. I got that she worked hard, but treasures each of her children and would not trade or give up any one of them for anything, and considers each one a great blessing. And as far as your admiring somebody who excels, I think you owe ro some admiration. She sounds like an exceptional mom to me. (And a REAL human being.)

So it makes me wonder, 2:54. Why so defensive? What is it YOU are trying so hard to prove?

Jane Doe said...

Sprak,
I really enjoyed learning more about you and your family. I love your writing style.

ro said...

And if being a Mom is to easy, breezy; be certain you're forgetting to do something or forgetting a whole helluva lot!

sprak said...

Like I said, Boo Hoo, come and talk to me when YOU can prove your point. I didn't ask your pity. In fact, I asked NOT your pity. You aren't crying for me, sugar, but perhaps for yourself? Maybe you realize that you aren't Mother of the Year? A joy and a breeze, huh? No stress, no problems and no hard work? Good luck with that. btw- Do you have a child or a robot?

sprak said...

Oh, and one last thing:
Mom,
HIGH FIVE!

mom said...

Sprak, I meant to compliment you on your story, but called you ro instead.
I have really especially enjoyed your posts lately. I like spunky sprak too, but since you have been opening up more, we can see that there's a lot going on in that that head!

Ro, Not to leave you out...your 3:15 post is PERFECT. So true! As a mom, there's always MORE you can be doing for your kids...and that never leaves your mind, seemngly no matter how much you do do for them! And, being that kids are kids and not robots, no matter how well you think you might be doing, your kids will always manage to come up with some comment or stunt that makes you wonder some days if you have any idea what you're doing as a parent at all.

I have been known to say..."being a mom is best and worst job in the whole world...all in one."

A quote that I heard and never forgot: "A mom is only ever as happy as her least happy child."

Anonymous said...

I hope the OP feels better about the bashing she was getting for having the help she needs to take care of her four kids now that the hater has revealed her true character. She's not worthy of listening to. Hear, hear for the real moms who know that loving your second, third, fourth, and so on and so on child does not diminish the love for your first, or any, of your children. As for OP: It's hard to find a nanny who can do a good job with that many kids, and it sounds like she does. You might want to politely set some boundaries (because the nanny's behavior is inappropriate in several areas) and then let the other things go and try to enjoy the chatter. Afterall, with four kids, how quiet could your house have been anyway?

anonymous1 said...

i've never read a more condescending, self-aggrandizing post than 12:53s. after bragging about her perfect life and child she accuses sprak, who admits to be a less than perfect mom- - of trying to sound like a saint. whaaaaaaaaa? huh?

amy said...

yes anonymous1, "she" is a gaping hole i am choosing to ignore.

kay said...

SOME SAHM's do nothing but complain. LMAO. Trying to prove just how hard your "JOB" is. I'm a terrific mom and have a flexible schedul;e that allows me to be there for my kids. My kids are fun, I love being a mom and I love working. I had as many kids as I could take care of spaced apart in a way that fit into my life well. I say high fives to BALANCE and boo to all the cry babies who do nothing but complain. I would have 6 kids if I thought I could do my best with them and still keep the parts of me that I need to be a happy human being, but 2 it my limit. I wish more people whould just stop breeding.

As for NYC- love the place for fun but I would NEVER EVER in a million years raise my kids there.

Sue Doe-Nim said...

Sprak, I think I have a crush on you.

As the oldest of a very large family I may have set the tone when I joked about having more children than hands.

I imagine there's more than one SAHM who will be delighted that they'd posted anonymously. The first few years are so intense but when the kids start school so many of you regain your sense of humor (and waistlines).

I'm not an advocate for the working mother but not every SAHM is doing their child a favor either.

erics mom said...

What is it with everyone putting N.Y. down on here? N.Y. is a great place to visit or live. Theres always something to do and places to visit. And you don't even need a car to get around.

The people that complain about N.Y. are the ones that really love it here. But they can't afford to live in this great city.

P.S.
Mom and Sprak I enjoyed reading your posts on here.

Anastasia said...

Oh I can afford to live there no worries! lol, I CHOOSE to live somewhere I love. I like NYC to party and to visit but I agree, I would NEVER want to raise my kid there either. People there have skewed values and are phoney for the most part. I'm just not interested in LIVING that way. For me, that's no life- smoke and mirrors and some of us see right through it.

UmassSlytherin said...

If I could afford to live in New York, I would, but not because I like it. It's dirty and smelly and scary. But Michael Pitt's band is there, and if I lived in New York I could see his band and hang around afterwards and maybe get to talk to him or make out with him and stuff.
As far as raising children there, well, my child listens to Michael Pitt's band's CD and she likes it. His band is called Pagoda. It has a Parental Advisory sticker but I still let her listen to it because she is smarter than the average toddler, and the words are not really bad: I can't find any swear words in it. But I do not let her listen to Eminem because that's just too dirty, I only listen to Eminem after she goes to bed.

word.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry... but if you are a stay at home mother with no medical conditions that prevent you from taking care of your own children and your own house... then why have all this "help"? With all that is out there in this world, all the time that children miss with their parents. Why would you want to waste that? It isn't that hard to be a real parent to the children you birthed.

I can understand needing a nanny because you both work. I can understand that fully. But you are a stay at home mother, in that statement is the word "Mother" which translates to: You have offspring that require your care and attention, so you should be giving it instead of being selfish.

Again, I sincerely apologize if you are physically or otherwise ill and cannot do all that keeping up with kids yourself. But if not, I have no sympathy for you in any way. I have been a single mother of 2 children and now I am a happily married wife with 3 children (hopefully more). I can't imagine a day that I didn't spend time with my kids and I would give my left arm to be able to stay at home with my children instead of working 40+ hours a week just to make ends meet.

Anonymous said...

Interesting story but I wonder why you can't speak up to her? Why are you letting her belittle you and be rude to your friends or neighbors?? Are you that desperate for help? My mom worked part time then full time while raising us 4 kids. We didn't need the help that so many parents seem to need this day and age.
Is it really worth having her around? Do you work? Your nanny sounds like the one in the movie 'Hand that rocks the cradle"..If you havne't see this movie I suggest you check it out when the Nanny isn't around!
I'd start looking for a new nanny- if you have money then use an agency to help you find one.
She would drive me NUTS!
Good luck!
-a normal nanny near Boston

Marissa M. said...

All I can say is that as a mom of 4 you should never feel bad for not having time to make pancakes from scratch. who am i to judge how you spend your time or lack there off?

If you feel you do your best then great. After all, are you not paying this woman to be all "super mom" anyways?

ps. those box pancakes are awesome anyways. i make them for my husband all the time :)

i feel my constant baking and cooking makes up for that anyways.

MissDee said...

She may have a mild form of autism or ADHD. ADHD children and adults have trouble with "red light green light", meaning they have trouble with limits. This may be her. And second, if you are a SAHM, WHY do you have a housekeeper, nanny, AND mother's helper? Can you not handle your jobs as a wife and a mother? My SIL is a SAHM with 3 kids, and handles her job just fine.

Anonymous said...

Get a grip woman.

Sounds like you have problems with yourself and are projecting on to this poor woman. Sort your pampered self out before bitching about others.

Urgh.

Anonymous said...

12:51 PM
I grew up one of five children. As a child, I always felt sorry for my friends who didn't have brothers and sisters. They sometimes seemed lonely, and I thought they missed a lot of fun. Our parents are both deceased now, and I am doubly grateful that I have siblings in my life.
I realize not everyone is able to have/raise more than one child, but your child is missing out on the enrichment loving siblings bring to family life.

mom said...

Yes, it did seem that the only children we knew over the years seemed to like to spend a lot of time at our commotion filled house. I think something just changes about the whole dynamic when there are multiple kids.

However, I have a friend who was an only and loved it. She has only one child, and plans to have only one for that very reason. She loved it.

I asked my son recently (age 21) how he had felt before he had a brother, because he was a little over four years old by the time the next one came along. I, myself, remember being terribly lonely and begging my parents for a sibling, and my sis was born wehn I was four. But my son said that, no, he didn't have any particular memory of feeling alone or wanting a sibling. He then added that he was never bored either becasue I kept him busy....made sure other kids were around...and played with and read to him on his level.

I think either way can be done successfully if you make the effort. I think the only thing parents of only children need to guard against is making the child's world too adult centered. (Just my observation.)

Cali mom has just one little guy...who may well be an only...but she sounds to me like she does a great job of bridging that gap. I doubt he will regret being an only because she does things centered around him, instead of just dragging him along as she continues on with her own life and interests (which I think is a temptation when there is only one, because one is so easy to manage that it's easy to think that, because they are being good, they are amused.)

mpp said...

I got very emotional reading some of these posts, especially from Sprak.
I was never able to have children, but when I became blessed with the little boy I have now, it changed my life forever and I can't tell you how grateful I am to have him.

I do the best I can, and I know I make mistakes, but this child loves me more than anything ... and that is what makes it all better. He is my whole world.

mom said...

Awww..MPP. You gave me tears ;)

LindaLou said...

i think some are being way too hard on the OP, she said from the start that she was VENTING, and i, personally, thought the way she wrote up her post was quite humorous.

i am a SAHM mom to three who has NO household help. i don't find it particularly difficult, but my kids have large age gaps in between (3 years then 4.5 years). if i had 4 kids in quick succesion and could afford help, i'd sure as hell get some, particularly the housekeeper!

and to the jackhole who referred to someone's precious children as a *litter* ~ why not stick a sock in it while you're ahead. no one cares if you think you're super mom and your breeding habits are superior. life is not a competition.

mom said...

Life is NOT a competition.

Great line, Lindalou. That about says it all, I think.

Anonymous said...

If life is not a competition, why do I feel all charged up and like I should be the top commentor on this blog?

Anonymous said...

Get a moniker, and you just may be!

LindaLou said...

*anonymous* IS the top commentator on this blog. ;)

Anonymous said...

O.P.

Tell that fat pig you don't want to see her fat ass hanging out in front of you. Tell her to put on clothes if she is coming to entertain the kids. How many jobs can you walk around in your nasty boy shorts?

Anonymous said...

Does she talk as much as you write complaints?

lucy said...

As funny as this rambling rant was, I can't help but think it's exactly the way she's described her nanny!
They may be the perfect fit after all!
Unless of course, they're going to be jockeying over each other for the soap box!

lucy said...

'scuse me - soapbox.
The one word platform kind, not the one you wash your clothes with.

Anonymous said...

This post was funny, and I enjoyed reading it. Unnecessary weight comments aside, this nanny sounds like an overbearing, oversharing, type A nutjob.

However,I really don't think you even need her. You're a SAHM. I understand you're a human too, and as such, you need a little help and alone time, especially with such a large, young brood, but having a mother's helper AND a housekeeper AND a live-in nanny is completely ridiculous.

Being a full-time mom is hard, and if you've the means, a little help is great. The mother's helper could be a lifesaver for you, and a housekeeper is great, but a full-time nanny is completely unnecessary for a full-time mom, unless some medical ailment prevents you from being more hands-on with your kids. It is insulting to the other SAHM's out there who work so hard, when you take that title and then hire so much help that you never even need to look at your children.

My mother raised 7 children, one of who is disabled and another who has aspergers, without a lick of help. We have all turned out to be well-adjusted, intelligent adults. My mom didn't have time to hover over our every activity, but each of us can remember plenty of special time with her, and my dad for that matter, who, despite working long hours, was a huge presence in all of our lives. If you have all these people hovering over the children all the time, they are never going to learn to be independent and creative. No child over 2 needs that much supervision, provided that he or she is in a safe environment, such as at home (which is probably safe despite those hazardous windows).

If you insist on keeping the full time nanny around with the mother's helper and the housekeeper, then why don't you give all your hired help, and your kids, room to breathe and get out of the house. Get a job. You sound like you're great at micromanaging.

Anonymous said...

I just read your entire post to see what kind of terrible thing your nanny could have done to make you hate her so much, and honestly I see not one thing.
I feel for you that you have to endure morning breath and the endless chattering, but is that really so bad?
Do you really NEED a nanny? At least this woman/girl is teaching your children healthy habbits that they can keep for life. She's right with most of the stuff that you wrote about her. I cook with organic flax seeds all the time, I make things with whole wheat flour, I don't let my kids have any processed crap and I sure as heck don't want my kids exposed to awful chemicals.
OK so she asks inapropriate questions, that I can agree with you on. Ask her to please not ask questions like that.
The girl isn't from around your area and is obviously lonely!!! Have some sympathy woman!!
She's taking care of YOUR children while you sit at home and Christmas shop - may I remind you that it's JUNE!!!
This is disgusting the way you gripe about someone that loves your kids and is doing your job of parenting.
You're lucky that you can afford luxuries like a nanny, some parents actually have to put their children in daycare all day long while they go out in work.

mom said...

Small tidbit I learned about "getting on your soapbox", while on one of those red double decker bus tours in England:
(Exact details a little fuzzy, so this is oging to be somewhat vague...sorry.)
In England at one time it was illegal to say anything disparaging about the government, or the Royal family, etc, while standing on English soil. Except one day a week...I think it was perhaps Sunday...during specific hours of the day, it was legal to say anything one wanted, about anything, while standing on a certain designated corner (I think of Hyde Park), fittingly called "Speaker's Corner." But the speaker was also required to stand a certain number of inches ABOVE the ground (respectably high off of British soil.) To accomplish this, people came bearing crates, boxes (soap boxes), or whatever else they could manage to transport that would meet the minimum height requirement. There people would gather each week, stand on their soap boxes, and shout their grievances (or whatever) into the wind...or at whoever might care to listen. When the legal hour ended, they picked up their platforms and went home.

I thought that was interesting.

Anybody care to hear where the expression "flipping the bird" came from?

Anonymous said...

NO we don't care..

Anonymous said...

Well, I care for anything mom has to say.

UmassSlytherin said...

Agreed: anyone who raises their kid on Rowling is ok in my book! ;)

mpp said...

I have heard that this term comes from a practice during the middle ages of cutting off the bow finger of the enemy to disable the armies. The bow finger was the middle finger. In defiance, the warriors would hold up the middle finger to show they were still capable of attacking.

Mom,
Is that close? lol

mom said...

Exactly, MPP! My kids got a big kick out of hearing that one.

mpp said...

Are you serious?? How hilarious!
Some of these things you never know if they are true, or just old wives tales.
But I love hearing about this kind of stuff! Got any more??

mom said...

Hmmmm...I'll try to think of some. England was a wealth of odd tidbits of information...only it's been several years now.

Here is one thing I remember that the kids and I were just discussing. (The English were a brutal people in "ancient days.")

When they would have a hanging (which they could have for any reason, because all the king had to do was accuse you of anything he chose and you were as good as executed if that's what he wanted)it was a family event! People would apparently bring their children, and (ICK) a picnic basket and make a day of it. You know, kind of like "dinner theater" I suppose.

I will ask the kids if they remember the origins of any more colorful expressions. If you are planning a vacation, London is a wonderful place for kids to learn a lot of history. (Your little guy might need to be a little older to fully appreciate it MPP..I would say no younger than 6 or 7 at minimum.)We spent three weeks there while my husband worked. I took all three kids somewhere different every day and we never got bored and didn't even get to see everything that we could have. (WE see things the LOOOONG way...taking a guided tour at each point of interestand looking at every little artifact, etc.) What an education it was!

mpp said...

Mom, we plan to do more traveling when he gets old enough to appreciate it.
We took him to Disney World a couple months back. Quite a few people said that kids should be no younger than 5 to really remember everything.
We had a blast, and I think he'll have enough memories to last a lifetime! (And so will I) ☺

mom said...

Awww, MPP! I hope you had a WONDERFUL time with him!
Disney really is special. I never did get my kids to Disney World...which is a regret, because I always wanted to do that. But they have been to Disneyland probably at least a hunderd times (which sort of mitigates the regret, eh?)
When we lived near there my oldest son (while he was still an only)and I had season passes. We went all the time. Sometimes we didn't even ride rides. We might go for a couple of hours and look at the swans or play in the video arcade (without even using any money...'cause he didn't know the difference!) I always brought a lunch in my backpack for him. I don't know if you're suppose to do that..but I opted for the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

mpp said...

It was amazing!
Guess what our favorite was?

"It's a small world" .....
Just beautiful!!!

And he says now that we've been to Disney World, we have to go to Disneyland!! (You were so lucky to go whenever you wanted!)
But yeah, I don't know about that. I'm not sure I could handle that looooong plane ride!
Maybe one day, who knows? ☺

I can't wait to figure out where we're going next time!
I might just let him pick it!

mom said...

Awwww...MPP! More tears. I forgot until I read your post about It's a Small World, that my oldest boy used to literally scream with delight the whole time we were on that ride...through the whole entire ride. It really is magical. (And a nice cool reast and break from the heat and standing in line....hehehee.) My bro in law was completely humiliated the first time he went with us and everybody kept looking at us. I said, "He's two and he's screaming with happiness. What do you want me to do, pinch him?"


The first time we took our oldest he was two. (Being big Disney fans ourselves, it was hard to wait even that long!) We rode all of the kiddie rides and spent the entire time staring intently into his face watching his expressions. He seemed completely happy the whole time. Imagine our guilt when we got home, put his jammies on and all laid down to snuggle in our big bed together and he started saying out of the blue, over and over, "Eater Pam (Peter Pan), Scared. Eater Pam, Scared, Eater Pam, Scared...."

Awww...I miss my babies. But I do love hearing about your little one and remembering....

These are magical times, and I can tell that you are enjoying every moment with your little guy. That's great. You'll never look back and regret any time spent with your boy! I'm sure oyu take TONS of pictures, right?

Our hotel ~ Mpp said...

Tons of pictures? .... at least!
And lots of video, too! Lol

And I hope you don't mind hearing this, but we didn't have to wait in any lines. I guess because of the time of year it was, the longest wait for most of the rides was 10-15 minutes. And the weather was absolutely beautiful!

And the Hotel was spectacular! It was shaped like an octogon and the middle of it was like an atrium - with a pool, jacuzzi, tiki bar, game room and playground!
So when we weren't at Disney World, the Hotel was such a kid-friendly place to relax.

Yes .... it was magical all the way around!

Micky said...

Boy!
I wish I could have your problems.
LOL

Denver Nanny said...

"nannies are a rotten bunch"?!?!? You must assume all families who have nannies have too much money and are bad parents too! This is a site to "out" bad nannies--so yes, the nannies on this site are bad. So you just ASSUME all nannies are rotten!? I work extremely hard for my families and more than deserve respect!

Anonymous said...
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JuliaJolie said...

Oh noes, what a terrible sitch for you. Perhaps you need a Mother's Emotional Void Helper, you know, to be grateful for your bespoke lot in life.

Seriously, you sound like a complete and utter bitch, and you're lucky to have a nanny who cares that much about you and your family.

You want a soulless robot who doesn't know what they're doing? Then do the job yourself

Anonymous said...
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