Crushing the Sitter....

Received Friday, June 13, 2008 - Perspective & Opinion
Insight? We have a wonderful babysitter we use all the time for our youngest son. She is smart, funny, super helpful, and dc loves spending time with her. She is a junior in high school, and we love her like one of our own kids, not to mention we are friendly with our parents. The problem–and really, this isn't a problem at all, I was just hoping to get some insight on a delicate way to handle this–is our 14 year-old son, who told me yesterday he's wondering if "sitter X" thinks he's cute! I don't want to tell my son "oh, she's too old for you," because it might crush his confidence with girls (something he's trying to work on). Should I mention it to sitter X so she has a head's up, or just let it go until he starts crushing on a new girl? To be fair, just three weeks ago he liked a girl in his class.Again, I realize this is not a problem at all--I find it funny and sweet, and I'm glad our sitter gets on so well with our family. I'm just looking for any insight mothers of older kids may have. Thank you!


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I guess I'm confused here. Your 14 year old son has a babysitter? I don't have kids myself, but that seems a little old to have a sitter - or is that the norm???

Aside from my confusion :) I was in a similar situation a few years ago. The parents gave me heads up, we discussed it, left it to itself. Nothing was or needed to be said, nature took its course and the babysittee has had several girlfriends. What great memories, thanks for reminding me!

Anonymous said...

use your head moron, the sitter is probably for younger siblings. or do you think a 14 year old boy is an ideal sitter? or that a 14 yr old boy wants to be a sitter?

mom said...

gee, I have no idea on this one. Probably best to just let it go.

And yes, my sons both babysat for me from about age 12 on...very competently...when I needed them to. My oldest son made a killing babysitting for family friends and neighbors as well. Hw was so good with kids that I had people who I didn't really know asking me to have him babysit based on their observations of him babysitting at the pool. But I didn't let him babysit for strangers, or little girls in diapers, purely for his own protection...'cause little kids sometimes say things that get misinterpreted....and that'sa mess i wasn't willing to put him into the middle of.

UmassSlytherin said...

I would let it go: sounds innocent enough. I wouldn't get involved telling the sitter anything!

And mom, same here: I have older sibs (youngest of five here: big gap between me and the rest, I was a "catholic" accident!) and I never got a babysitter! lol I was always jealous of my friends who got babysitters and my mom was like, no way! you have brothers and sisters! and then the horror when I was about four years old one of my sisters got a job babysitting for one of my friends! I cried and cried and my sister had to comfort me! She told me "I don't love her more!"
What a mama's (and sister's!) girl I was! so embarrassing.

mom said...

Horray for HAPPY "accidents!" My girl was one and I have told her a thousand times if I have told her once that she was "the best surprise I ever got!" (This takes nothing away from the boys who were planned for.)

I told her so many times that God must have seen how much I wanted a little girl and so he sent her to me...and one time when she was really mad at me when she was four or five (that little girl had a TEMPER...and a real flair for BIG DRAMA...hehee) she crossed her little arms, glared her best glare at me and shouted, "I know why you wanted a little girl! So you would have somebody to be mean to!" (I can't remember why she was mad...but it was probably "the ususal" wanting her to pick up her toys.) It's one of the stories we retell and laugh at now.

Anonymous said...

hmmm I was 16 when I was a junior so she really isn't too old for him.

Kaitlyn said...

I would mention it to her just to give her a heads up. She'll appreciate it when she isn't caught off guard if he mentions it to her.

Anonymous said...

It sounds normal and harmless to me, and I would butt out. If you mention it to the sitter, she might feel uncomfortable around your son. I also think it would violate his confidence. He is entering the age when you want to be careful not to give him reason not to trust or confide in you.

LindaLou said...

to me, it would be a violating the son's trust to say something to the sitter. i can't believe you'd even consider it, actually.

Anonymous said...

Just let it go. He'll get over her quite soon. 14 year old boys do that all the time!

But don't tell her... it might embarrass her beyond belief and she may not feel comfortable babysitting for your family anymore.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Laughing @ 8:56, gee, thanks for that "moronic" contribution!

mpp said...

This is one of those "leave well enough alone" moments.
And I hope you do just that.
Hopefully he'll be crushing on a best friends sister next week.

Anonymous said...

I thought the same thing 9:51 - the sitter might also be interested in him! I knew a girl in high school who dated a guy 2 years younger than she was...

OP - I second what the majority says: leave it alone. He would be mortified if he found out his mother was getting involved in this.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, really. I'm sure your son doesn't need his mom hooking him up. Ewww.
And if you are doing it just to warn the nanny off, then you're not going to help his self-esteem.

Let this play out naturally, the way it's supposed to.

clonie said...

The sitter probably knows - when I was fifteen, I babysat for an eleven year old who clearly had a crush on me. (Later, his mother confirmed it - she mentioned it to my mom, who told me.) I just made a point to pay a little bit of extra attention to him - not to lead him on, but to let him know I had respect for him and thought he was a nice kid.

If I were you, I wouldn't mention your son's crush to the sitter. However, if he brings it up again, you might want to *delicately* suggest the possibility that the sitter only sees him as a friend, since she is older. Not to crush his feelings, but to help him consider the situation from the sitter's perspective.

It's really cute that your son tells you about the girls he has a crushes on. I hope my son is that open with me one day!

mpp said...

I 2nd that, Clonie. That is cool that your son confides in you, Mom.

Maybe we aren't giving the guy enough credit? Who's to say he isn't a real cutie and the babysitter won't go for him? lol

You never know, Mom. Best to keep an eye out, but don't get in the middle of it. ☺

mom said...


I don't know whether you were addressing me, or the mom from the post. But you sound a little nuts either way.

Anonymous said...

Mom, it was adressed to you, i remember how you talked about your sister who would take naked pictures of the kids in her preschool and would do all sorts of odd things and you would not report her and such, that was said in the thread about the peeing in public picture, dont be a hypocrite when calling others things that you your self can be.

again to the op hire a male nanny, one thing is for sure this wouldnt happen.

Anonymous said...

furthermore mom reason i commented that way was not only cause of your sister's pedohphilc things, but made the connection when you said you didnt want your son to fall into any type of trouble babysitting kids in diapers, one thing is for sure that, that is limiting him his experinces with kids, because its contributing to sterotypes that men cant do this or that, and let them think that working with kids is easy, if you truly care for your son you wouldnt go with the sterotypes or be a slave to them.

I am a male nanny myself, and i refuesed to let anyone limit my duites cuase of my gender, if i didnt want to do it, or wasnt comfortable i would tell them, and besides i know i will be a dad one day and i would have to change diapers as well( ick!) so its great practice, but man do i so wish kids were potty trained from birth!

Anonymous said...

Although I have tremendous affection for the gay men I know and I have known some wonderful male camp counselors, I would not think hiring a male nanny would do anyone any good.

I advise all of my clients against hiring male nannies.

And who is not to say a 14 year old boy could not have a crush on his male nanny?

mpp said...

If you're a male Nanny (and congrats to you on that), you of all people should be sensitive to Mom wanting to be careful who her kids were exposed to, and also wanting to be careful in guarding her son (who was very young) from being accused of any wrongdoing ... so why would you have said such a thing to Mom?

I had a very close male friend of mine accused of sexual molestation by a 14 y.o. girl. It was investigated and he passed a lie detector. She didn't admit the lie until almost a year later.
In the meantime, my poor friend has lost a lot of money from just being unable to get it together and go to work some days, he's very sketchy now, and has insomnia and anxiety problems.
It nearly ruined his life.

I saw it all unfold before my eyes, and it's horrible what a false accusation can do to someone.
There is nothing wrong with being careful.

mom said...

I still don't quite get your point. But if you're suggesting that I ought to offer my son up as a sacrifice to your cause...bah humbug.

I don't use my kids to promote my own moral/political/social agendas, and I certainly have no intention of using my son for yours either.

You know, this brings something to mind. I was aghast at people who were trying to attack Mit Romney for not having his sons serve in the war. And I was equally surprised that his campaign took a sort of heads down approach to the issue. His sons are adult men who have a right to choose their own professions. What kind of horrible father would ask his children to endure being a soldier against their wishes, at a time of war, just to make his own halo look a little brighter? if I were him, that's how I would have answered.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

im talking about this when i stated that you would not turn in your sister who clearly showed pedophilic tendinces

as far as your son no im not saying OFFER him up, but dont sheild him from things such as letting him babysit young kids, i mean if he was your daughter what then? and if it was your daugter would you go about saying shes

sure you dont want him to fall into any false accusations, but if any came up you yourself know your son is innocent, and that alone as well as anyone hes previously sat for why cant that be an allby. i myself have been in several sticky situations and by sticky i mean MASSIVLY sticky such as co-workers accusing me of being odd or pedophilic just cause I was doing what all the other staff members wre doing which was being nurtinr giwth the kids(ie if they wanted a hug I ave them one, if they wanted me to hold them on my lap during story time I did) at no time did I even initiate it . Several of the parents were only put off when I told them I wasn’t allowed to do diapers, give kids hugs or the such or I was told to tell children that I was sorry that I coldnt give them a hug cause I wold get in trouble. I stood my ground and said no I am in this field to make a diffrence and I will not cut my duities short just cause of my gender, I was fired from one preschool for doing this, a few months later they called me back asking if id come back i asked them why and they tod me it was cause the PARENTS wanted me back. I sajd im sorry but I wont be doing so. So mom in that perspective what I am saying is stand up for your son for wanting to do what he wants to do, but always just use logic so that in case any such situatoon comes up, he and you can be confident he will win

thus why I said to mom that one should use common sense when working with kids male or female.

Also athast quite ignorant of you right there poster 4:26 so are you saying that for instance if a single mother wants her son or daughter to have a male inflence(positive) its wrong to hire a male nanny? Or what iof the child is more into dong rough and tumble sports etc. (and this can be a boy OR a girl) and what if they find a male canidate that is the perfect match (qualifications, etc. ) than all the other nannies they tried? Are yhou saying they should just keep searching for the other gender cause the persont hat fit everything and their gut told them yes yes, isn’t a right choice cause they happen to have a penis instead of a vagina?
And in this case, its with a boy who happens to have a crush on his brothers sitter, which then if there was a male nanny he wouldn’t need one (unless the 14 year old was gay, in that case all the male nanny has to do is say hes not gay, and he not his age, or oh yeah be accused, well he is caring mostly for the 5 year old so any thing he trows out such as if the 14 year old says he was babysitting him the babysitter can tell the truth that he was not his babysitter, I mean who hires a babysitter for a 14 year old?!)
Also no it woldnt do anyone ANYONE good to hire a male nanny, such as myself
I mean the family I work for currently has a girl (age 4) who would not respond well to anhy male at all, only females, she saw that a lot of the males who tried would just give in to her, etc. or not even be girly like or affectionate etc. in other words a true postive male role model along iwith dad,. Because she needed to learn to get along with both genders and knowt hat there is very little diffrence between the two. She saw that in me when it came to teachers, and careivers, and really bonded with me. So no hiring a male nanny did NO good in this situation did it(which is what goes on in a lot of preschool settings andother family settings wehre there is no male role model or equality of the roles be it nanny etc. simply because of mindsets like yourself, boys think oh bein g a nanny is a girls job, you cant give hugs only girls can… ) huh….
She works better with mostly girls still BUT with me and dad and sometimes another tutor she works with, are the only mals she usually responds to.

Also id like to know why you say that if not other wise. If you say any of that statistic bs. Save it, because guess what it may be rare that females molest or rape children but its not something that should be igornioed, beucase I was a victim of rape by a female famil member, and guess what until now NO ONE belived me!

And don’t get me started on sarah slicker. So in this case a male nanny would do great, especially for the five year old, and even for the 14 year old maybe , cause then hell know that you ned to respect your elders.

Anonymous said...

I would consider using a male nanny IF I was a single mom, and had a son that needed some male influence.
In this case, I think it could actually be a BETTER choice.
But I would still do my homework, and find the right candidate.

Anonymous said...

You're a grown man. If you want to put yourself out there and endure all of that, good for you.
You admit all you've been through as a man in childcare. It seems practically inevitable, the way you drescribe it, for a male in this field to eventually be accused of something bad.

Why would any decent mother thrust her teenage son into that position?

Anonymous said...

YES! Bingo.

Anonymous said...

851 oh we should shelter our kids from ALL sorts of danger.....

in any job her son takes there are going to be crushing things, and if he truly wants to work in the feild, hes going to have to realize that if he truly wants to make a diffrence he will have to put his foot down and say no like i did, its great that she has concern for her son, but support him she should. my mom had those same worries, I said no i must do what i know im good at of which she listend to and the same should be done by her. in other words listen to her son, let him know of the dangers and ask if he TRULY wants to work with young kids.

8:31 thats exactly what i was saying (except for the IF being a single mom part)

mom said...

That was me at 8:51. And I believe you're dead wrong. A child does not have the maturity to make such a decision for himself. That's what we parents are for.

Besides, my son didn't have a "burning desire" to work with kids. He had a "burning desire" to earn money, and just so happens to be great with sometimes people unknown to us saw him babysitting at the park or pool and would ask to have him sit for their kids.
The other condiseration parents must have when sending their kids out to babysit is that they are sending KIDS (teens are still kids folks)to people's homes. Just as I would advise against my son getting into strangers cars, I would be too uncomfortable sending him to the home of a stranger who saw him out in public somewhere and offered him a job.

He had plenty of work without taking any risks. And again, people who risk their children in any way to further their own personal agendas are selfish idiots.

And your comment about it being just fine if my son were accused of molestation as long as "I believed in his innocence" is completely bizarre! Are you insane? Because I don't know of any legal system that drops charges because mommy sends a note about how nice her boy is.

Clearly you have a raging agenda (not to mention a bit of a chip on your shoulder) but I think in your zeal to prove whatever it is you are trying to prove, you are losing touch with reality, and frankly, completely lacking in common sense.

Anonymous said...

A wonderful, church going, Sunday School teaching, couple from my neighborhood owned and operated a first rate preschool for years. Then, out of the blue, ONE child said something that had her parents thinking she had been molested by the male owner.

After a lengthy and expensive investigation he was cleared. But the damage was done. The school closed and they got out of the childcare business altogether. And you can bet there are still people in town who question his charachter and wonder if he "got away with it." The VERY worst part is that during the investigation his own three small children were each questioned at length about whether he had ever done any of several very specific sexual type things to them.

Personally, if I were a man I would probably not ever put myself in that position. If I loved kids that much that I wanted to care for them daily I might just get married and have some of my own. But that's just me. You are free to do as you choose, just as I am. Do not try to push me to put my son at risk. That's my decision to make, not yours.

I would hope parents out there with kids old enough to babysit would consider very carefully all that has been said here before sending them into the homes of strangers.

UmassSlytherin said...

Mom, I couldn't agree more with your comment about how teens are still kids. It is one thing to send them to work at a place of business where there are managers and other people around to monitor things. It is quite another to send your child, male OR female, off to work at someone's home. You can NEVER be too careful in my opinion, especially for example babysitting jobs advertised online, like CL. I would be very very careful and would want to meet the family myself. You're right: we are here to protect our children, if they are 3 or 10 or
14. They are still children, in my opinion, until they become young adults.

mom said...

Thank you Umassslytherin.

I would not even be bothering to argue with this guy except I really do want other parents to think about this issue and not just jump on his agenda-based bandwagon. It's one thing if we adults all want to try to be perfectly PC in every single situation...but we have to look at REALITY when it comes to what we do with and for our kids. They are innocent and counting us us to take care of them.

sprak said...

male nanny at 2:07, etc.
That has to be one of the longest and surely the most convoluted posts I've run across on this blog.

Could you please clarify? :-)

Anonymous said...

That WAS painful to read. I got MOST of what he was saying...75 percent maybe.

Male Nanny, were the majority of daycare parents comfortable with you? Did anyone ever voice any concerns? Did you ever get weird looks? It's sad that you weren't allowed to give them hugs and show affection that way.
The daycare I worked at didn't hire males at all. A handful of times in my 8 or so years there, we'd have guys come in looking for jobs. I'm not sure how it was handled, but they were basically turned away.

Anonymous said...

Sadly enough, within that small group of men with a "burning desire" to nurture and care for other people's children as a career, lies an alarmingly large subset of men with the wrong intentions who see childcare as a veritable smorgasbord of potential victims.

Very sad and unfair for the good guys, true enough. But it is a problem prevalent enough to warrant concern from parents everywhere when considering a male childcare provider.

Anonymous said...

No. Please don't. I have a bad enough headache, dear.

Anonymous said...

I have no agenda, but what I do have is a head full of confusion as to you thinking that I’m forcing you to make your son do what he wants to do, theres also something called INTERVIEWs, I mean you should be allowed to go to those people that requested them and allow you to be at the interviews, since he is younger than 15 or so, and get to KNOW the people, Ive had hundreds of people ask me if id be their nanny at parks I turnd them down cause I have a job but id tell them first to do a formal interview/trial, so that the kids could gegt to know me better and I could get to know the parents better. Furthermore what I meant by defending him was that if acused why be afraid if you, the former people hes sat for etc. know that hes not like that and there is evidicence to back it up NOT just some note saying hes a good boy or whatever.
I know that I wold have nothing to fear if I was accused simply because I know that I wold never hurt a child in anyway shape or form, and I know that there are those around me who have workd with me who will know this, thus why ive never been looked at weird by any parent whose child was my student other than when I was told to tell them that my co-workers/directors said I wasn’t allowed to give hugs to the kids cause I was a guy or change diapers, furthermore Ive encountered that. As to why I became a nanny, simple, I could finally do my job without having to worry about a CO-WORKER accusing me or firing me for nothing more than breaking the rules by giving a child a hug or doing my job and changing a wet kid cause I wasn’t going to wait for some female staff for 30 more mins, with a screaming 2 year old, and then wait to explain it to the parent who would yell at me for not changing their child sooner!
Yes words that kids say can be misinterpreted, but thus comes the common sense that you don’t say certain things in front of kids!
Yes there are such things as the mcmartain trial or the fells acres, but guess what we do live in a time when we use common sense (well most anyway…heck I would)
Yes it’s a rough job, that if your son is great at why hold him back?
Also I have a desire to make money as well, but I wanted to do it doing what I loved, and that was working with kids cause I knew it’s a job that really not only allows me to make a diffrence and have fun at the same time but get paid doing so. Sure the income isn’t great, but I cant really complain. Furthermore I don’t really want kids of my own because I know the trouble it would be to have them

Also anonymus there you go agin with the more males being the this or that, well guess what mom theres the type of people you need to fear and the reason why kids like your son would have a hard time getting work due to or being accused thanks of
And also ____ tell me why do yu think the statistics for females molesting is low? If hyou say cause it happens more rarely then really I am frightened that yhou advise parents, because the scary and very sad fact is that 85% of female perpatrator cases go un-reported not only because they are not belived but because people don’t take them as seriously and thinmk oh its rare and that women don’t do damage the way men do in those siuatons. Heres one thing my friend your speaking to a victim of childhood rape at age 6 so don’t tell me that its RARE because guess what rare does not mean it doesn’t happen!
Sadly enough, within that small group of men with a "burning desire" to nurture and care for other people's children as a career, lies an alarmingly large subset of men with the wrong intentions who see childcare as a veritable smorgasbord of potential victims.

Very sad and unfair for the good guys, true enough. But it is a problem prevalent enough to warrant concern from parents everywhere when considering a male childcare provider.

Also your last statement “But it is a problem prevalent enough to warrant concern from parents everywhere when considering a male childcare provider.” The same care should be taken with a female provider in other words, stop looking at gender otherwise youll have more and more sarah slickers do yhou want that? Hell do you want any child perpetrator? So this statement is quite vauge because your totally ignoring the fact that guess what HUMANS(AKA male and female) are capable of anything! Because this fact is prevalent enough but people like you choose to ignore it and that’s VERY scary .

Also jersey x jaqui, I never recived any weird looks, complaints or the such from parents at all they were very comfortable with me as I stated before. I felt very compfrotable with them as well as they never treated me (gave me hints weird looks etc. or anything, ) as to make me feel as if I should be cautious or that they were uncomforatable with me, all of them treated me like I was just like the female staff, the only weird looks I got from them was when I had to tell them that I wasn’t allowed to change diapers, ive kids hugs, hold them on my lap during reading time, or the normal things most preschool teachers do or are required to do, that’s when they gave me weird looks. Like huh! Eerrr okay that’s weird, etc.
The only comment (angry ) I recived was froma apparent who got very angry with me cause I waited theirty minitutes to change her daughters diaper even when I told her that I was to wait for a female, cause I wasn’t allowd to her response was bull shit, do YOUR JOB!.
The only complaints etc. camefrom my difrectors who said don’t give hugs to the kids don’t chance their diapers, don’t take the kids to the bathroom etc. I did these things cause they were parts of my job ( I hated them, I mean who likes having to wipe butts?) thus I was fired but like I said before was asked to come back, because the parents were very disappointed that I was fired and the director said this and they wanted me back I told them sorry I am with this family right now and they need me.

Anonymous said...

oh yeah and the meaning by trouble with having kids is the fact that heck id never be able to do what i like, nor would me and my wife/husband(yes I'm bi) i love kids but really im a person who also likes to have their own life as well, being a parent is one of the most hardest jobs of all and i commend anhyone who is one, ( a REAL one that is, in other words like my mb and db or my parents) but then if i became a parent there goes my chance of owning the cars id want or the house of my dreams, etc. etc. but all this might chance later but ONLY when i know im or we are financially ready for kids.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Male nanny, but you're admitting you were a victim of rape, and you're now working with kids. I'm not saying you'd do anything at all, but if these people knew your history, you'd be out on your ass and you know it -- just because statistics show victims tend to do the same thing. (Although I don't believe that's a fair assessment).

You've been on this board ALL week defending male nannies, which in and of itself is admirable ... but you seem to have an obsession with denying you're some kind of pedophile, when no one here has accused you of such a thing.

Also, your blasé attitude about someone being able to defend themselves about an accusation of sexual abuse is ridiculous. Once you are even ACCUSED, it is a mark on your soul, not to mention your reputation. It's not so easy to say, "but I'm a good guy, I am innocent" -- it takes much, much more than that to clear your name. And that's only if you're lucky enough to NOT get charged.
God forbid, if it goes that far? .... you are totally screwed.

Anonymous said...

Actually they do know about my history, when I told them about how enraged I get when people tell me that oh the statistics of females molesting children is rare, so its okay, in other words it never happens. Also if you go by statistics so does that mean that the majority of females who are victims will become molesters too?

Actually I defend not only male nannies but also female ones, generally GOOD nannies ones who dont think that the job requires only a female care or is sexist, in the world of caring for kids both genders are needed.

My REAL obsession is making peoiple see that just because something is RARE doesn’t mean it should be ignored or doesn’t exisit(in this case female child molesters or abusers) in other words, choose by qualification NOT by gender, just cause statistics say so, because sexual abuse is not an issue of gender it is a twisted need for control and dominance. (Canadian counsel for child protection) my other real obsession is educating inviduals who have children or care for kids that strangers can be male or feamel and we need to show kids what they REALLLY can look like( I mean come on rgrowing up I NEVER saw a female kidnapper or “bad guy” in my what should you do coloring books)

Also because of what statistics say do you want children to start fearing men?

An obsession that im some kind of pedophile? ERR okay, I read a saying here that sick people think sick things and your thinking that right now. Many times its hard to understand what people are saying on the net so please explain further on that. No ones accused me of a thing? Yeah and I never said or implied that anyone did whats your point?

Sure it’s a mark on my soul, but guess what, now im not a religious person but this defines that in a simple way: God sees everything. In other words, liars, cheats, people who hurt others with knowledge in their heart that it is wrong will be the ones that will suffer later, in other words, false accusations are bad karma for the one doing it. So why worry if I am accused? When I know im NOT the wrong person truthfully?

sprak said...

Male nanny or whatever you are, you are very misguided. First, regarding male vs female child molesters. While claiming female child molesters often go unreported, you fail to realize that there is a whole lot of child molestation that never gets reported, but, even so, it is mainly men doing the molesting. Often child molesters and other sexual predators are found to have unduly high levels of testosterone in their systems, and evidently, they can't control themselves.

You say you are bi? You seem obsessed about anyone thinking you might have child molesting tendencies. Whether you do or you don't, after reading your troubled accounts about yourself, your feelings, and your admitted confusion, I'm one hundred per cent sure I would NOT want you around my kids. You seem intensely dark and sinister and not at all the kind of person to which I'd subject children. It's not that you are bi or gay or straight that bothers me. It isn't that you are male that concerns me. Rather, it's your rambling, brooding, resentful essays that make me very uneasy indeed.

cali mom said...

And maybe it varies by state, but in California, the standard policy seems to be that NO care provider in a preschool setting may be alone with a child in a bathroom with the door closed. So you change a diaper or help them use the toilet as needed, but the door stays open. My son's preschool is a co-op, and plenty of the dads work there very regularly, and they are great and no one bats an eyelash.

Anonymous said...

sprak thats really intresting you said that alot of molestation goes unreported, and its alot of the times the males who do the molesting due to having alot of testosterone.

so well then that means that sarah slicker, deborah fave might have been on steroids eh? ;)

also whilst doing my research i found this very intresting thing:

75% of sexual predators are male and 25% are female.
86% of the victims of female sexual predators aren't believed, so the crimes go unreported and don't get prosecuted.
Considering these facts, arrest statistics for child sexual offenders by gender are meaningless.
From "The Sexual Abuse by Women of Children and Teenagers"

yes I am very dark and sinister and eeeeeeevilll… (that’s sarcasm btw) because I say that we should stop judging people by gender and stop looking at statistics all the time as resources and in a sense being racist as well( ie saying along the same lines that the majority of people in prision these days are African american so that must mean all of them are criminals) lol. Oh yeah my confusion, sorry my dear but that seems to be the reversed as to you thinking im dark and sinister simply because I hate gender stereotyping. And from how your thinking im like that, id be afraid to let any child come near you for fear of how youd end up brainwashing them to think that something horrible did happened to them (ie mcmartain and fells acres case) now THAT is just creepy! Even when you just toally ignored the fact that even females molest violently, When I have my own children, you are the type of person id keep them away from as well as from the others that supposedly mean well but don’t. :s

Also calimom the one that I worked at was a co-op(the one that asked me to come back after the parents wanted me back) I loved working there, the people were great, but the co-workers mostly the director got really odd(started those accusations against me and the such) I always had one foot in the door and one foot out so I could keep my eye on the kids and to be visible. Still I found it werid that she would tell me not to even do that.
Also yeah I agree with any preschool that does that ive worked at other ones that were like that as well, and I made sure that I was visible, or with another co-worker. Also yeah that is a law in california that male or female ANY child care provider needs to be visible when bathrooming or diapering, however i have not seen that with alot of the centers ive seen. here, is there a way of reporting that?

Either way it was kinda odd to me why even then they would say to me oh don’t give a child a hug, or give just a pat on the back etc. werid world we live in these days where people think such sick things iu I read a article in the wallstreet journal where a dad was called into the directors office for holding a child on his lap during story time she called it inappropriate touching.
This is the first article which introduces it and then the actual incident is in the continuation of it which is somewhere there I cant find it at the moment

sick world we live in these days where something so innocent is taken so far just due to SOME indvidiuals and then some sick and twisted people take it too far and think all indivials who happen to be the same gender are like that

Isn’t that right sprak. ;) also moron i have aspergers, and alot of what i say can be convulted, but like i said bottom line is im trying to make people see both sides, of which you are the misguded one in thinking im that way , which is really creeping me out and id never subject someoine like you to children and it scares me that you have kids of your own to thnk what your exposing them to.

Anonymous said...

Hey asswipe. How are we supposed to know that your rambling, nonsensical drivel is due to asperger's?
I'm sorry, I don't think it has much to do with anything, but since you want to blame your writings on that, go right ahead.

I just think you're weird.

Or does asperger's have anything to do with that, too?

ro said...

Frightening Manny,
Is your name Justin?

Anonymous said...

Your thought process seems very confused, and you seem very angry and childish in your comments. You seem very emotionally stunted and you have an issue with authority and an inability to follow rules of your workplace.

YOu have aspbergers, which is an inability to feel appropriate empathy for others, and inability to use socially appropriate eye contact and body language. None of these qualities make you a good care giver.

You also have not mentioned getting any treatment after your molestation. Obviously there are molestation victims who do not become abusers, but many do. I think you need some help, and I hope you get it.

PS Please stop working with kids.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's Justin.
This poor guy here isn't as educated nor does he make as much sense.

Sprak said...

Oh frightening male nanny, you must never denigrate the Sprak or twist her words. I never said and never would say that stereotyping is right, but I will say that it sometimes makes sense, as when determining who the terrorists might be on an airplane. Males molest in way greater numbers than females, just as they commit way great amounts of violent crimes than females. It's in the stats, boy, and no matter how you try to deny the facts, it doesn't change them. For instance, let's look at the huge problem in the Catholic church of child molestation and rape. Uh, did you happen to notice that it was Priests, who are always male, and mostly young male parishoners as their victims, although a few young girls were thrown into the mix. Testosterone may play a role but there are other problems with sexual predators, mostly mental.

They do not all commit their crimes based on power and control. Many crimes are committed for sheer sexual gratification. My feelings about you have nothing to do with your gender but rather with your dark and twisted mind. Also, with your ASPERGER's issue, please get into another line of work ASAP.

Anonymous said...

twist the words sprak just like you did eh? i never denied that what statistics say,
what i did say was that statistics really mean crap when it comes to reality itself. thus its really scary even more how you ignored that site. ah hypocracy gotta love it. the sign of a TRUE child offender.

"hey do not all commit their crimes based on power and control. Many crimes are committed for sheer sexual gratification. My feelings about you have nothing to do with your gender but rather with your dark and twisted mind. "

yeah and you know this how from stats that are single based or based on both sides as well as experine? MY dark twisted mind? riight im the one who says that ALL males are child molesters and its rare that females are child molesters so its okay...

10:14 you cant show appropriate empathy to others or even understand what someone is saying maybe everyoine inclduding the most twisted person of all sprak doesnt have aspergers maybe its something more sinister.
and calling me childishlol and yet i find it funny how your friends and yourself dont know jack about my condition or the extent to which i have it.

and no im not justin or whoever.

also lol at the sterotyping that ALL people with aspergers have poor eye contact or the such, or

p.s. moron im not the one who should be working with kids, you are, and sprak. issue with authority and ability to follow rules in your work place? youve never worked as a preschool teacher before have you OR with families in general eh?

Sprak said...

Once again you have twisted my words as in "ALL males are child molesters" which is so ridiculous that I fully understand now that you simply do not comprehend the written word. Although I wish you no ill, I believe you should not be working with children, much due to what you have written in your own posts. You seem to be seeking pity instead of dealing with your assorted deficiencies and issues. In view of all of this, our discussion of these matters is over. Have a nice weekend.

Anonymous said...

Wise choice Sprak. I seriously think you two are not dealing "apples to apples" here. (Tying to be kind and a bit cryptic so as to spare feelings, but I'm sure you get my point.)

Just walk away.

UmassSlytherin said...

I think there should be more attractive males in childcare.

Not trying to be shallow, just saying.

Sorry so off topic.

cali mom said...

Slytherin, I totally agree! :)

Anonymous said...

"ALL males are child molesters" which is so ridiculous that I fully understand now that you simply do not comprehend the written word."

i understood you loud and clear but what scares me the most is how you just go by stats when i gave you a very credible source as to how the reason its low for females is due to the non-reporting/beliving factor, and so much more. Pity? no trying to show people some light by telling them to wake the hell up ? yes,
my work isnt easy hell i take care of xx kids and have to deal with sterotypes, people like you, people thinking im some sort of chid molester and looking at me oddly if a charge gets all tantrumy or having to speak to the cops telling them that all my charge was doing was being his/her age, and that I am the nanny ( i hate that term manny, its just too bleh for me) and calling up my employer, even my employer is fed up with these types of people, (its mostly those who dont have kids)

i feel the same for dads who get this kind of crap, simply because they are a diffrent gender. read the article by the wall street journal to see what im talking about, its entitled are we teaching our kids to fear men.

also sprak, please tell/point out to me these things in my posts that creep you out? again im pretty sure they are misunderstandings ( also please incude these things in their original format) in other words, dont summarize them or put them in your own words.

churros y chocolate said...

OK male nanny,
I see that was you that posted that weird response to Ro on the other thread. It didn't even make sense.
From what I see here, some reader of this blog tried to end things peacefully for your sake, but you keep going at it.
Your sources for child abuse and predators are NOT NOT NOT credible.

No matter what you spew or type,they are not going to grow to be credible, not here or anywhere else. The more you talk about females trying to molest kids, well it's just frightening.

You sound sick and I don't believe for one moment anyone has you caring for their children. Sorry bud, there is just now way. Even if you answered one of the notorious worst of Craigs list ads to work for $800 for an entire month, those crazy cheap asses would have red flags flying in their eyes.

I am actually frightened by you as an adult.

Anonymous said...

they are not credible.

oh so what is? actually they are credible, in canada, the us and in europe. so my years of working in the cp feild and finding sources based on the overwhielmin evidence that it does exist on both sides is not true?! so those kids were lying?! wow just wow!!

its frightning?of course it is moron. your actualy frightentd by ME as an adult?! your the one whose saying that females dont molest and are implying tha t only males do, so what hapepdn to me never happend are you sahing that?! so are you saying that what sarah slicker did was right? are you saying that those pedophiles that molested those 12 year olds didnt do nothing wrong? are hyou denying those sources i gave as a means of pretty much saying it doesnt exist?! dear sweet god your calling ME frigtneing? thats really sick!

Anonymous said...

furthermre idiot, what ro said was like you a very ignorant comment,

in other words what he was doing was taking something at face value you know thinking that BODY LANGUAGE means that i dont know ALL TYPES OF IT!! in other words NOT KNOWING what the person has or their condition

also idiot its not creidible here cause there are sick people like sprak, ro, and you in THE REAL world in law enforcment and others, jsut tell it also to johnathan davis as well as my sefl sicko.

halitosis at 939 on sunday said...

You were on at 230 posting comments.

Now it is 930 and you are at it again.

Get yourself some help, buddy.

Go to any hospital and present yourself.

You remind me of the weird guy who is always at Toys R us, never with children but always with a weird smile on his face.

It's the proximity to children, isn't it? Please get help. I beg of you.

Anonymous said...

9:30 actually in case you can read.

and so were you.

Go to any hospital and present yourself.

You remind me of the weird guy who is always at Toys R us, never with children but always with a weird smile on his face.

It's the proximity to children, isn't it? Please get help. I beg of you.

what the hell are you doing at toysrus all the time, and your telling ME i need help?! wow what a hypocrite. please please PLEASE go and seek help before you accuse another innocent person of your own problems.