Thursday

Family Switching to Daycare Despite Nanny's Progress...

Received Thursday, May 1, 2008-Perspective & Opinion
I don't know how to feel about this. The family I'm with (been with them close to a year) has decided to use daycare come this fall. When I was hired they said they hated the idea of daycare, and of having their baby get sick all the time and them having to take more time off from work for it. Now they are saying they are worried he won't talk on time, and that he really should be around other kids. I wouldn't mind so much, except that the baby is not quite a year old and already I've taught him how to say "Ball" "Duck" "Dog" "Puppy" "Kitty" "Up" "Yes" "Down" "Out" and we are working on Frog. He can even identify each word with what it is (i.e he picks up the duck when you ask for it). I think he's doing really well, and was planning on so much more with him. He's a very smart boy, and I'm very proud of the progress we made. It looks like his parents don't feel the same way though, and want to put him in daycare. My question is, do I find a new job ASAP or try to line up something for the fall (even though they only want me to come one day a week in the summer, with the exception being around the time of their wedding). Oh I guess I should mention, she got mad when she heard that the neighbor was asking about my summer schedule, as she'd like me to watch her son one day a week in the summer and work with him on his vocabulary (as it's limited right now). She started saying things like "Don't let them take you away from us!" and was upset, but how is that fair when she's talking about getting rid of me come fall.

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

Let me get this straight. You are 90% sure you are out of a job in the Fall and during the summer your hours are cut to 1 day per week, and she doesn't want you working for someone else? You need to find another job ASAP.

a texas nanny said...

Agreed with first post. Also, the 12 month mark is when the child's first word should appear. He seems to already have a lot, and not just nouns! I don't know what they expect, have they ever been around 1 year olds before? The child I nanny for is 16 months and she still doesn't have one word, though she understands just about everything you say to her and will follow instructions...

OP Here said...

5:40, you've got it right. She's cutting my hours for the summer, and mad that someone else wants me one day a week. Thats what I'm not understanding. That, and the lie about his not learning to talk, when he already is. She keeps comparing him to the neighbor's kid who has limited verbal in her eyes. But we do play dates with him, and while he has a small vocab, he makes himself known in other ways. She's worried her baby will end up not talking for a long time because he's at home with an adult all day and not other children.

just anonymous said...

Leave as soon as you get a new job.

Anonymous said...

You already know you are out a job, if something good comes along, i would give notice.

Anonymous said...

They just want to pay less for child care. Dump them as soon as you get a replacement job.

marypoppin'pills said...

Come here, go away.
Come here, go away.
Come here, go away.

They are playing games with you. Don't waste anymore of your time.
Find something else now.

Anonymous said...

"her baby will end up not talking for a long time because he's at home with an adult all day and not other children." What nonsense. This sounds like a lame excuse. I think you should try not to take it personally and look for another job.

cali mom said...

I would say IF you want to be REALLY accomodating, and make sure that the jobs ends as peacefully as it can on both sides, and you REALLY need the reference, tell her neighbor that you are available for that one day a week that she wants you but that you have agreed to be available for one day a week for your current employer. And start looking now for a FT job that starts in the fall, or an additional pt one to fill in your hours. But that's only IF all of the above apply. Otherwise, just start looking for a job that gives you as many hours as you need, since you have no obligation to stay available to these poeople.

If they gripe about it, tell them you understood when you started that the job was to be long term and that YOU had intended to stay long term, but THEY made the decision to change their plans.

TXMom said...

I agree with most others, move on and find a more secure situation. She could even drop you the one day of Summer if she doesn't 'like' what you're doing the rest of the week. No way!
Also, she's a bit clueless on speech development. Many very bright children develop speech late (after 2 yrs) and all is fine. My 7-year old was very delayed, not many words at 3. Now she's an advanced reader and an excellent speaker. Also, receptive understanding is the more important indicator in very young children.

mimi said...

You know..if you've read my posts before I am a former nanny and now in home daycare provider....so I won't hash that all out again but I have to say.....that I WISH WISH WISH anybody who has a nanny, OR an in home provider would have sent thier child to daycare BEFORE getting a nanny or taking them to an in home. Sometimes people just don't understand what they have until it's gone. I think everybody should start at daycare so they can see the good care they get with their nannies and in home providers (I am not saying every daycare is bad...but...) The kids I get from daycares come with war wounds and long stories. I had a 10 month old who went to daycare at 7am and was picked up at three in the same diaper....day after day EVERYDAY....I have had little ones who had to move from baby room to toddler room even before they reached the age because the center wanted more openings...only to learn to bite, hit and scratch to defend. I got a little guy shorty after daycare called mommy mid afternoon to say he had been running a slight fever all day...only to come pick him up and find him in a chair in the corner half dazed temp of 104 and later testing positive for the flu. Or the sibling duo I got after 2 months of screaming bloody murder when dropped off at the center only after mom and dad realized that the teacher in the 18 month room didn't know their names after 8 hour days with them.

Yeah..so now I have a in home group made up of half who have gone to daycare before and half who haven't. Believe me my previous daycare parents are soooo gratful...I just cringe when I hear any off handed comments from my non-previous daycare parents..."oh whats that you said...she didn't sleep well last night, she's teething, not eating well ...got it...as I make a mental note to make sure I snuggle that little one like crazy...then two days later you drop a remark about that new daycare opening at your work...go ahead take her...I dare ya...cause when you call at noon to check on her your not going to get the long detailed version of how she really is and how much she really ate...oh no if you could see the high school girl who answers the phone in her room, and gets the deer in headlights look as you ask if she likes her lunch, and she struggles to remember which child is yours in the first place, let alone if she ate or what she ate...and oh yeah ummm that teething medicine,,,yeah yeah ummm we put that on her at ummmm ten??? as she squirts a dose down the sink because they totally missed that one....yeah go ahead go to daycare...make my day

LindaLou said...

i wouldn't take it perosnally. it sounds like you're a great nanny. the parents are probably just cheap. oh, and i wouldn't spend the summer only working one day a week to appease them. that's waaaaaayyyyyy too much to ask. just find a new job.

fg said...

Hi Mimi, I haven't seen any posts from you for awhile, but I always enjoy reading your posts. I believe that there are some good day cares out there, but you have to be very, very careful. Much depends upon the staff and their commitment to the children there.

Betrayed said...

You're working for an insensitive, selfish dolt. Find another job ASAP and don't bother to feel guilty about it either.

I worked for almost ten years for a family who decided to relocate and waited until the week before they moved to casually mention their plans to me! I was hurt and insulted to learn that they had waited to tell me until the last minute because they "thought I might find another job right away and it would inconvenience them." Gee, how "inconvenient" was it for me to scramble around looking for a job with almost no notice and NO SEVERANCE PAY?
They gave me almost no time to prepare professionally or emotionally for the change, and it made saying goodbye to the little boys I loved (and still love) that much harder and totally heartbreaking.
When your employer decides to throw you away, all you can do is hold your head high and move on to something (hopefully) better. There's very little justice in these situations...but remember this: karma always applies.

a texas nann said...

Also, they probably don't want you to work that one day a week for the other woman in case the other woman pays you more, treats you better, and/or decides she wants to increase the days. She could also be afraid you could start to like Ms. Next Door's kids better than hers or tell the neighbor information about her/her family.

I used to work for a lady about 15-20 hours a week and I could barely make ends meet and could not schedule any work in the afternoons/evenings or weekends because she wouldn't tell me my schedule in advance.... so I wanted to start working during the day while her kids were in school and I didn't have class just once or twice a week to supplement my income. She took back the offer she had previously given to give me a recommendation; she said she wouldn't give me one until I actually left/stopped working for her entirely because she didn't like the idea of me working with other kids and coming in tired or whatever... didn't want her kids to get my second-best level of care supposedly. Could be a similar type situation...

wtf said...

^^^^ What is up with these employers who think their household employees have no personal lives, no need to pay bills or further their education, no taxes to pay, no personal priorities at all?!?

Honestly, I cannot understand why anyone would treat the person who cares for their children so poorly.
It's makes no sense at all, and nearly always results in a hurt and disillusioned nanny who QUITS!

wtf said...

^^^^"It", not "It's"...oops.

mpp said...

Betrayed
How sorry I feel for you. I really hope you have moved on to another Family that treats you better.

12:48
Excellent post!

UmassSlytherin said...

I would start looking immediately. You need to put yourself first in this situation.
Good luck to you: you sound awesome and I know you'll find a good match for you.
Some parents are never ever pleased. Trust me, when she puts the child in daycare, she will miss you!

atl nanny said...

Start looking immediately and give your notice as soon as you find something.

My guess is that the switch to day care has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with their budget. If they were good people, they would be honest with you about this and work with you to make the transition smooth. Instead, they are being controlling, manipulative and deceitful. Watch out for yourself and do what is right for you without worrying about them. They certainly aren't worrying about you.

Linda said...

I don't understand why it's her business what you do when you're not working with your charge. Work the one day/week with your charge while you're trying to find another job, and then just go.
I think you sound like a very good nanny, and for your charge to be able to say that many words already is very good!

Miserly Bastard said...

I know it feels like a personal slight, but maybe it isn't. Maybe it is a financial matter. A guy I work with is going to be switching to daycare because he expects to be changing jobs, into a lower-paying one (government) and needs to tighten the belt.

The fall is a long time away, so I think your family is giving you fair notice to give you time to find a new job. I think you should accept that this family has made its decision, and look toward a successful job search.

In that vein, you'll want to be upfront with the family, talking about stuff like: timing for your last day, written references, etc.

Anonymous said...

I agree with miserly bastard. When I first read the post I wondered if it was actually a financial issue. I don't imagine a family would be proud to admit that they are suffering in this recession, but many are. I would anticipate a whole lot of nannies will be losing their jobs in the coming months.

Janet E. said...

Find another job ASAP! Don't stick around until they don't need you anymore. Just go.

betrayed said...

Thanks "mmp" ("Betrayed" here). Yes, I've moved on to another family and hopefully things won't end with so much heartbreak.
I realize all nanny jobs end eventually, but it's nice to be respected and treated well when they do.

Anonymous said...

Their story about why they're switching to day care sounds totally unbelievable to me. I wouldn't take it personally at all. There could be financial issues or other issues that have nothing to do with you.

And her expectation that you should not find another job is totally unreasonable.

Find something new - onward and upward!

shel said...

I'm curious as to what the cost of daycare actually is as opposed to having a nanny.

I'm in California where the price of everything is insane. :) Seems that it's almost more economical to have one on one care with a nanny rather than paying to submit a kiddo to daycare.

Can anyone give some examples of costs of daycare? Thanks!

And OP? I'm wondering if they're leery about fully "letting you go" because they have fears about putting their kid into daycare. Perhaps they are hoping you'll be there to call back when it doesn't work out in day care. In any case, I would make sure you get a great reference from the family and then go and find yourself a job you're meant to be at! Let us know what happens!

Anonymous said...

I hope they are not doing this to cut expenses. They are in for a rude awakening. Under age 3 is 1800 a month and 1600 for 3 and up if potty trained. BUT here is the catch. If the child has a fever even if from teething,you have to pick them up and they do not give out medications. They are soon to know what it's like to have to stay home or leave work to care for the child. We tried it for 6 months and that is all it took. Besides daycare being a germ pool and having to miss work for the Pink eye they get, rashes,and whatnot.
I was so grateful when we got the Nanny. Now I know that if one of them gets sick that we have a person who is competent and loving
to watch over them.
I would think of other ways to cut corners if I had to before I would resort to daycare center again.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post 10:25.
Thank you so much for giving us such a valuable opinion on nanny vs. daycare.

OP Here said...

Daycare in the area where I'm at runs about 300+ a week for home, and 400 or more for an accredited center. I make about 450$ a week right now, which is 12$/hour. I know I should be making more (was even offered a job at the same time as this one for 16$/hr), but I liked this family a lot, and took the lower rate.
All I have to say is, I hope they can find a daycare that will clip the baby's nails (cause they don't), and give him a bath every other day (this they ask), and clean out his ears (cause I sincerely doubt they do), and deal with a baby in PJ's in last nights diaper.
This is a baby who has gotten sick 4 times this past winter (twice being fevers that lasted 3 days, one being diarhea, one being a nasty cold with double ear infection that just had him wiped out), so good luck finding a daycare that will keep him through all that. He's just going to get even more sick being in daycare, at least with what he got we knew who from and who else to tell (all our play date buddies).
I haven't heard anything yet, but she mentioned something about they found a condo they really like and her dad was going to look at it last night. So I'm sure I'll hear something soon about my position, if they put an offer on it.

I'll update you all as soon as I know something.

Anonymous said...

I assume you're hoping to make this move with them, and in the same area.

If they are living in a house (decent size?) right now, and thinking of moving into a Condo ... that is definately a downgrade honey, no matter how nice the Condo is - that's usually what it means.

I hope they won't be stupid enough to move their child into Daycare, but from what you've described, it sounds like they may be cutting corners.

Who knows? Maybe with all the money they'll be saving, they can still afford to keep you on.

Personally, I couldn't stand to be in limbo like that. I would come right out and ask, "So, are you keeping me on or what?"

Thanks for the updates. Good luck, and I hope they decide SOON!

Anonymous said...

Why do they have to keep you employed if they don't want to. No matter how attached you are to the kids or how good you think you are. Just find another job. Of course she is going to try to string you along if it suits her needs, most people will try to get their own way when they can. It is your job to take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

Dear Nanny,
Change is hard, but I beg you to make a change for yourself. I truly believe you love those children, but guess what? The family could decide to get rid of you at any time, if not know then in three months. What I tell nannies is NEVER EVER get attached to the children. Never. You have to train yourself to be robotic (but you can still go through the motions, hug 2x a day, etx). Go where the money is. Don't ever stay with a family because you love their children. It's a dog eat dog world, good nannies should be out there getting paid. Yes, you can make 100,000 a year as a nanny if you know where to go. Just never, ever get attached to the children!

OP Here said...

8:55AM, they live with her mother and only pay like 600$ a month for rent for a tiny studio like apartment on her house. The move would increase their monthly payment, but also give them a lot more space.
Hopefully I'll get answers tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

OP
Find out anything new?