Received Monday, May 5, 2008- Perspective & Opinion
I am a nanny who has been working for a family for 2 years. I work 10 hrs a day 5 days a week. I go on vacations with them and will pick up on weekends.. When I started, both parents worked outside of the home. Now, neither parent does. Mom has taken up being a SAHM, while dad works from home.
I LOVE these children with all of my heart. I am so happy to get to see the everyday. I have such a blast when we go on outings and have play dates. They really are great kids and I am thankful to have them in my life.
But, I am becoming increasingly frustrated. The oldest child(DC) is nearly three. The youngest is not yet one. The oldest has started losing his mind. He hits, yells, and pitches fits like I have never seen before. These started to develop when mother started staying home. I understand that DC wants his mother's attention and would rather be with mom than me. I understand that desire. But i can't do my job with DC going crazy until mother comes in. I talked to mother about this. I stated that when she comes in to "rescue" DC it only reinforces that yelling and screaming will get him whatever he wants. Mother responded," I am the mother and I'll do whatever I want." ooookay......
I have been told not to give DC time outs anymore. I am to use alternative methods of discipline. okay. I can do that. I am actually into that. But it takes time to adjust my way of thinking. This is something I have to retrain myself in. I am excited and willing to give this a shot. The only problem is that mom and dad don't adhere to what they ask of me. Most of the time if DC pitches a fit, mom and dad fill him with cookies candies or plop him in front of the tv. Other times, they spank. If DC hits, they spank. If he pitches a fit, they spank. I don't get it. The problem is that DC has ZERO consistency.
I have been trying to communicate with mom and dad that I am so frustrated. I told them that I am very worn out and would not be picking up anymore weekends. I told them that I wasn't at my best for the children when I was so tired from being there 6 days a week. I have asked them set aside special times during the day to hang out with DC so that he won't feel as if he has to compete to get attention. I have asked them to limit the amount of time outside of that they are involved during the day. That way DC won't defer his parents for everything. Also, I asked them to back me up when they are in the room. For example, we eat breakfast together. I limit juice to one glass. DC loses his mind. Parent will just pour another glass. DC immediately calms down. Parents look at me and say,"his blood sugar must have been low." (really?!? i think maybe he's two and likes juice.) Then I deal with DC on a sugar high while mom goes to her room and closes the door. ARGH!!!!! Their only response to my concerns, frustrations, and suggestions was that 2 is a tough age and at every age there will be challenges. WHAT? Thank you for your observations but that is not exactly what I 'm looking for. Any suggestions on how to make rearing these children a group effort? Am I in the wrong and just don't see it? I'm just confused. Any other perspectives on this would be helpful. Thank you.