Why I Dread Monday....

Received Monday, January 14, 2008-Rant
Let me tell you why I dread coming to my nanny position on Monday mornings:
1) The dirty laundry from one weekend has become an unGodly leaning tower of stank. I mean, how do you possibly wear 6 outfits each in one weekend?
2) The dishwasher is packed full, as well as both sink reservoirs.
3) The baby is handed to me with a poopy diaper and diaper rash that she has accrued over the weekend.
4) The dog starts immediately throwing up all over the house, probably because they forgot to feed him all weekend, so when I feed him Monday morning he gobbles it too fast to digest properly.
5) Somehow every area rug and carpet in the house is upturned and/or disheveled.
6) There are little objects of garbage throughout the floors that the baby finds and tries to eat. Ie: paper towel/tissue remnants, pieces of paper from magazines, random cooking ingredients like an onion peel.
7) There are (oddly) cleaning products lying out.Which I don't understand since I leave this house impeccably clean on Friday evening, and I know you do not actually use these to clean with?
8) There are four new job duties added to my normal list of obligations. Ie: wash the bathroom mats, pack up this present and take it to UPS, scrub behind the toilet with a toothbrush.
9) You seem to have lost something, anything, and I need to spend the entire day searching for said lost item, only to have you tell me later in the week that you found it in your pocket that same day.
10) The list of errands is enormous, even though I made sure all errands were done by Friday evening so that you could spend your weekend relaxing, not doing housework, and just spending time with your child.
11) The child's toys are strewn from one end of the house to the next, as well as any items the child can get to in any drawer or cabinet.
12) The child's pacifiers, which she can't live without, all seem to be lost on Monday morning, and I have to search on my hands and knees to find some under the couches, chairs, bed, etc.
13) Somehow, even though you don't do your own laundry, there is no laundry detergent left.
14) You've mistakenly taken the infant car seat with you in your car to work so I am stuck at the house all day, and then you wonder why I didn't get to your to-do list of errands for the day.
15) You claim how busy your weekend was because you had so much stuff to get done around the house. What did you possibly have to do? I do all your laundry, all your dishes, all your cleaning, all your errands,I cook your meals and leave you with leftovers for the weekend. All you have to do is pay your bills.
16) You claim how difficult the baby was for you this weekend, although there were two of you to care for her, while I manage to do it alone for 12 hours a day.
17) The garbage pile in the garage is enormous and I have to lug it all down to the curb for the garbage truck.
18) You complain for the umpteenth time about paying mileage reimbursement.
19) You call me on your way to work to make me check and see if you unplugged the curling iron, toaster, etc.
20) You get irritated if I mention I have to run a personal errand for myself. Ie: go to the bank, yet you tell me as I walk in the door Monday morning that I'll suddenly have to stay two or three extra hours tonight because you have to go pick up your new car.
21) The baby is cranky because she did not nap all weekend because you claim you cannot get her to nap.
22) The baby is starving because you never stick to her feeding schedule so she eats an enormous breakfast to make up for this.
23) The diaper basket and baby wipes are nearly empty, even though I make sure it is stocked for the weekend on Friday evenings.
24) There are no clean bottles and you're almost out of formula/milk etc.

And after all is said and done, you will once again come home to a spotless house, where all the laundry and dishes are done and your dinner is made for you. Your baby will be clean and happy and well rested. And you'll act as if you do not even notice.

We Need a Nanny Union


Anonymous said...

I don't get it. Why don't you just look for a new job?

Anonymous said...

That seems to be missing here. Why don't you take your 24 points and discuss them with your employer? I can see why you're frustrated but seething about it/posting it won't accomplish much. Try and get the parents to understand this situation and if that doesn't work, then it's probably time to move on....

nicole said...

You couldn't pay me to do most of what you do. I don't touch laundry, except the child's. I don't clean and I don't do dishes. I make $675 as of this week. I hope you make atleast double.

Anonymous said...

What DO you make? Nicole is right. You should make double....why are you doing so many chores? You are a NANNY.
"No one can take advantage of you without your consent."

Anonymous said...

Quit, leave, take-off, run away.

Why in the world would you put up with all that crap? I have said before and I will say it again, that it makes me seethe with anger when the NANNY is made to do HOUSEKEEPING duties. Do these people not employ one? Why do you do it? Did you not have a WA that stipulated this from the beginning?

I'm sorry, and I have the utmost sympathy for you ... but it is time to move on to greener pastures.

Quit. Leave. Take off. Run away!

mom said...

You are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Why?

Either you need to put a stop to it, or accept it as your own choice and not complain. Simply choosing to be miserable day after day is probably the worst possible choice you could make. It's like having a best friend who punches you in the nose every day. Why?

These people sound ungrateful and spoiled. Not everybody is like them. If you can't work things out with your current employers, go work for somebody who isn't so entitled and bratty.

support Taser America-one taser for every nanny said...

no a union is not what you need.

all nannies should be issued tasers. and they should start tasering the hell out of their employers.

§marypoppin'pills§ said...

I have to ask ... don't you feel used? Whether they pay you double or not, cleaning is not your job.
Why do you put up with it?
They are taking advantage of you, and I'm sorry, but you are letting them.
I would find another job. One where they don't bog you down with duties that aren't in your job description and appreciate everything you do.

mom said...

I should have asked first...what is your job title?
Were you hired as a nanny, or as a nanny/housekeeper?

Because from what I have observed, when somebody hires a nanny/housekeeper, what they really want is a house cleaner who they can also conveniently dump their kid with. If you signed on as a nanny/husekeeper, it may not be all that out of line for them to ask you to do these chores. Of course, if it is too terrible a mess, it may take more than a day for you to get it all done sometimes, and they should understand that.

If you don't like this job, maybe you ought to get whatever education you need (if you don't alredy have it...whch I think may be the case since many of the most well qualified nannies who post here claim they are able to negotiate these more disagreeable chores out of their contracts right up front) to become a top notch nanny so you can choose one of the better nanny situations to work in.

Anonymous said...

Dear OP,

You sound like a great housekeeper! It would be great if you could come to my house just two hours a day. It is not messy or piggy like your current employer's. I could really use a hand with the dishwasher, cleaning up the kitchen, daily household tasks, folding the clean laundry, bringing the folded laundry upstairs, putting away children's laundry, occasional ironing, etc. You sound like a great helper!!!

By the way, my house, and most people's homes, are messier come Monday morning for sure. This is especially true during winter months, or weekends where kids can't play outside. We inevitably spend more time at home playing. Since the house gets used more, there is more stuff to take care of come Monday morning.

Of course it sure sounds like you have a ton to do. It would be nice if they got someone else to take care of the baby some of the time, at least get a part time sitter to come in to take care of the baby for part of the day, because you are quite busy as the housekeeper. Maybe you could suggest this to your employer.

Good luck.

emily said...

It's your own fault for continuing to work for people who don't respect you.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different outcome. If this happens week after week you are literally crazy to stay.

Anonymous said...

To 10:40...

Instead of bringing in another sitter to watch the baby part of the day, maybe they should bring in a housekeeper!? It seems from the fact that this post is a "rant" that some or most of these cleaning-related duties are not what she was hired to do... it seems that she was hired to be a nanny and this crap has been tacked on over time. If this was stuff she agreed to do in her contract, she would have no reason to rant... and even if it was in her contract, this just stinks!

Anonymous said...

I agree with the op
i was a nanny for 12 years and this sounds like most of my employers with the exception of two wonderful families that i had. Now, don't jump on me, we are nannies because we LOVE kids. op probably loves the little baby she takes care of and its hard to leave. I hated starting with new families, having to earn trust, getting past all the weird stuff in the beginning. I guess what I am trying to say is that once you fall in love with their child its hard to leave, and they know it and take advantage of you.
A lot of you parents who employ a nanny for over 12 hours a day know this!

Anonymous said...

Not all nanny jobs are like this. People are looking for help all the time, so why not quit and get a new job?

Anonymous said...

I honestly don't think talking to your employers is going to change anything. They are who they are.
It is time to move on. Make it clear in your interviews that you are a nanny who does only child related chores, if that is what you want. If you are willing to do some housekeeping, spell it out in a contract, so it is clear to both you and your employers exactly what your duties are.

OP here said...

Hi! Okay, that is my Monday, but I have to admit that I wrote this in jest to laugh off my frustration. I was hoping that other nannies might agree with me, or that employers of nannies might realize it is not okay to leave their weekend junk for the nanny to do.
I do have a college degree-dual cert in Special Education and Childhood Studies. I just think my bosses have come to realize that I am the type of person who can't stand leaving things undone, or messy.
By the by, my one year mark is next week....maybe a raise?!
Thanks for the comments! :)

NannyT said...

This sounds exactly like a former employer of mine, and when i went to them about the gripes i had, i was suddenly out of a job. oh and they still have not found a nanny to replace me, 2 years later. i hear they take their kids to work everyday (must be nice owning your own business) and make all the other employees watch the kids.

cali mom said...

Actually, you need a new job. You don't sound like a nanny so much as a doormat/housekeeping babysitter. Can't you find better employers? I thought it was supposedly a nanny's market.

Anonymous said...

Numbers 2 & 3 made me the most sad.

Sorry your jobs sucks.


Anonymous said...

OP: you say you were hoping other nannies would agree with you, and now that you see that most of us think you're crazy to stay, you're just going to look toward a raise. Clearly, you're one of those people who like to complain, so your employers seem perfect for you.

Anonymous said...

To 10:49, No kidding. Duh.

Anonymous said...

I don't think a union is going to help you. You need to stand up for yourself. Based on all you do, you should look for another job - unless you are making $1000 a week- you didn't mention your pay. If you are being fairly compensated, I wouldn't complain. I'd hire you in a second if I were looking.

Me said...

So like alot of posters, why are you still there? You have a degree, can 't you get something better, even in a school environment. Or through a hospital. If you have a degree in Special Ed you can do in home evaluations. Going to different homes of children that need to get evaluated for learning disablities. Example: two ladies came to my house from Early Invervention. One had a degree in Special Ed the other a speech therapist. They make good money $$$$. And they don't have to clean other peoples crap.

And by the way, if you ever read other posts on here, you shouldn't use your own car to transport kids around.

Kate in CO said...

Nanny Union.....schmanny union! How the heck is a nanny union goning to help?! Quit,quit,quit,quit,quit,quit,quit. Oh......I have an idea.....QUIT!!!!!
You are being so taken advantage of.......and you have a college degree???????? I don't get it. I don't have a college degree and I'd never let someone do to me what you're ALLOWING to be done to you. I hope you're making a couple thou a week....if you stay!

atl nanny said...

I don't get it. You are obviously qualified and competent. You could easily find a job with no cleaning responsibilities and parents who at least pretend to respect you. After six years as a nanny, I realize that there are very few perfect families. Even though I like my job and the parents treat me well, there are still ways that they could do better. I still get annoyed, especially on Monday morning. But this is unacceptable. There is no reason you should have to endure all of this. If I were you, I would start looking for a new job asap.

Anonymous said...

You don't need a union you need a backbone.

I am a Professional NANNY....and if you are one too then that's what you do. You look after the children, clean up after them and that's it.

If a note is left for me to clean the bathroom, or do family laundry or anything of the sort I immediately call the mother and let her know the additional fee it will cost her, payable in cash, the evening of the day services are rendored. ONLY if I have time. If the bathroom is gross I simply refuse. I am well respected and compensated and my bonus this year was quite generous. Stick up for yourself. It might not work with this family because one you allow yourself to be taken advantage of, it's hard to get them to stop. But the next family will respect you more and treat you much better! My advice is call several local cleaning comapnies and get estimates for the services you are asked to do then present them to the parents. If you want to do them, you can then properly negotiate your extra fees and if you are NOT interested in doing them you can say you decided to save the family the trouble of pricing out cleaning agencies and now they only need pick one. Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

Get another job. Print out what you wrote us, and give it to them. Or leave it on their table.
That way they see why you left.

Anonymous said...

I stayed at a job much like the OP is ranting about for over two years. I would have loved to quit-LOVED to. Once I was finally quit, my life improved so much it did make me regret staying so long.

Why did I (and possible OP) stay so long? I loved thier kids. Plain and simple. I wasn't happy, but they were. I was the one who spent over 12 hour days with them, then the mother shipped them out on weekends to their dads. When nannies leave, they are worried who will replace them, and how they will treat the children.

The second nanny job I left, the nanny replacing me was found to be neglectful to the toddler. The nanny was spending all day locked in her bedroom while the 3 year old fended for themself all day, everyday. The poor child spent all day in front of the television eating cereal that the nanny was so kind to have left out for him.

Yes, I have been miserable in many jobs. Burnt out and resentful of my employers, but I love their kids and as long as I was their nanny I knew they were being treated how they deserved to be treated. It was enough that their mothers ignored them and ran off all hours of the day for facials/shopping/spa vacations. I could be a constant in their life, and I knew they were taken care of.

Think of all the neglectful nannies reported on this site. The possibility that one of them could be the next to care for my charges when I quit was enough to keep me there much longer than I wanted to.

Of course none of the families I ever worked for appreciated a single thing I did, but I do hope that somewhere out there a couple kids remember me and that I loved them.

mom said...

4:32, YOu sound like the sort of person who would love being a mom. Then you never have to worry about your bond being broken or who is going to come along next and harm the kids you have grown to love so much...because you would have the comfort of knowing it would always be you.

§marypoppin'pills§ said...

Anon @ 10:49
I think 10:40 was being facetious. It was brilliantly written and I hope OP got the point.
However, after reading her last post ... I'm getting the feeling that maybe she's o.k. with her housekeeping duties.

OP, we would love to know what your getting paid. It's either the money that's keeping you around, or your sincere love and devotion to the kids.
Which one is it?

Anonymous said...

Instead of telling her to quit or asking her salary, all employers reading this should listen to what she is saying and just be more respectful of what our nannies come into on Monday (or Tuesday) morning when they come into our home. I'm going downstairs to clean up the toys in the basement right now!

marypoppin'pills said...


Anonymous said...

That was my Monday morning. For 7 years. I think most nannies do feel this way, to a degree. I count my lucky stars for my current family- the house is cleaner when I come in than when I leave and I'm a NEAT FREAK!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I am a professional nanny and 6 months into my job, 3 months after I was fully attached to a very neglected 2 year old, my female employer started all the same crap. My fully potty trained charge had lots "accidents" on the weekends. She also just "had" to give into a bottle!! Not to mention all the errands that started mounting. I drew the line when I was repremanded for folding her husbands boxers the "wrong" way. I know, most of you won't admit this but a lot of us get extra jobs and used. The part of walking away isn't easy at all. And those of you who suggest it have never been in that position. If you throw in the towel you better have a new job, because there's rent ,car payments, bills, to cover. Not to mention the pure heartache for those who truly love our charges...I lasted the longest out of all the nannies (nearly 2 years) she's 7 now...has had 3 more nannies since me and is still as sad and lonely as she was when I met her at 2. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. Sometimes we deal with the crap to not deal with the heartache, same reason its sometimes had to walk away from a not so good boyfriend.

LJ said...

Oh honey, You need to work for my family. We have 2 beautiful children and need help like you wouldn't believe. These people don't pay that great but they treat you like a family member and the genuine love and appreciation is there.

alex said...

wow, do they even parent?

Anonymous said...

OP. I am an employer who like you can't stand to see things left undone or messy. You need to find someone who's more like you. I have a great nanny who loves my kids dearly and herself is a big kid at heart. They spend their days laughing and giggling, singing songs and playing games. She attempts to straighten as they go, but I always spend part of my evening putting away art supplies and toys, finding missing pieces of toys, cleaning the remaining dishes out of the sink, etc. (I have a weekly cleaning service that does any heavy cleaning). It's not that my nanny is sloppy, she is busy with the kids and staightening up is not her number one priority so she doesn't always get it all done by the end of the day. The house is definitely cleaner when she comes on Monday than it is when she left Friday because I clean up and reorganize the playroom every weekend. There are times that I find it annoying, but all I have to do is hear my kids laugh and smile as they run to tell her what's happened since she left the night before or on Frday to know that it's not worth mentioning. She has her priorities in the right place.

Anonymous said...

I think the Monday morning mess is a problem that most nannies deal with to some extent. Unless the parents happen to be very neat, the nanny usually keeps things cleaner and more organized and so over the weekend the mess just accumulates. I don't look forward to going in on Mondays because I know the mess that will be waiting for me. Kudos to those parents who do actually make it a priority to keep their homes neat so the nanny can focus on the kids, which is what she is really there for anyway.

Anonymous said...

Classic! From one nanny to another...I agree...UNION UNION UNION all the way!!!
Ignore the naysayers who tell you to "shut up and get another job" etc etc.
Childcare needs to be valued and properly respected and compensated accordingly in this country...the US needs to stop invalidating its young, those who care for them and do the right and proper thing!
Supercalifrajalisticexpialidociousness to you all.

Anonymous said...

How can you complain that they did not change the baby's diaper often enough and also complain that they used up all the diapers and wipes?

mom said...

10:46 You have the right idea! It's almost impossible to take great care of kids and a house at the same time. Moms everywhere struggle to get everything done...and for things to come to gether on the house, the kids have to be put aside at times. Putting the kids' needs first is sooo much more important than what your house looks like. I wondered that about OPs employers first thing when I read her post. If I had a nanny, I wouldn't want her swamped with housework because I know that would mean my kids were probably getting neglected as she scrambled to get it all done. On the other hand, if I had a nanny I would not want to spend my weekends straightening the house, because that would be my only real time to play with the kids. Perhaps they need to agree on a happy meduim. Perhaps the house isn't perfect and everybody learns to live with that idea while there are small kids and the parents both work. Perhaps the nanny devotes her time to the kids first and does little things around the house as time permits, only. Maybe mom and dad know they are going to have to work a little bit on the house on Monday and Tuesday after work, and the kids are asleep, to make up for their really fun weekend time together. Nobody can have "everything." Something always has to be sacrificed, and the most important thing is to make sure it isn't time with the kids. I know I always have the most work to do around the house on Monday mornings...but I'd rather that than use up our weekend family time to clean house.

Anonymous said...

no mom-they don't need a happy medium. they need to not live like slobs. Having a nanny come in on Monday has nothing to do with the way the carry on and leave their house. They are obviously confused about housekeeping duties. Hire a housekeeper. The end. Stop making piss ass excuses for these awful awful parents that should be tasered on Monday morning.

mom said...

I don't know about the nanny union. It seems to be that the really great, well qualified nannies are already being paid top dollar and treated very well because they are good at their jobs and IN DEMAND. Perhaps all a nanny union would do is provide a way for less qualified people to come along and ride their coattails. I know that in professions where being very good at your job makes a significant difference in how far you can go and how much you can earn, the best people are continually striving to do the best job they can and to keep themselves educated. I think this is definitely one industry where it is beneficial to both parties to have a merit based salary situation. Can you imagine what will happen if people have to start paying the menacing park bench slugs the same as a really fantastic, well educated and professional acting nanny? And what if a family and nanny have a fantastic arrangement that suits them both, but is underneath (by pure necessity) the minimum pay scale that gets set, and will inevitably rise to ridiculous levels, as typically happens when unions take over?
The best nannies don't seem to be in favor of a union. What does that say? A LOT.

mom said...

9:47 My own house is usually messy on Monday morning...and NOT because we're slobs, or because we are hoping to get slave labor out of some poor soul. I am the one who ends up cleaning most of the clutter. It's because we are busy having FUN over the weekend and because our house is a secondary priority during that time.
That said, I still don't think these people ought to expect nanny to clean it all up (unless she was hired as a nanny/housekeeper.) I used to try to keep my house perfect when my first son was small...until I realized he was spending an awful lot of time waiting around for me to mop or vacuum before we could go to the park. Houses don't.

Anonymous said...

That isnt a Monday issue, thats an everyday issue for myself. It always amazes me how you can leave in the evening(not on time, of course)with the house spotless and dinner cooked and come in to work the next morning to toys and dishes and clothing everywhere.

mom said...

I wasn't trying to imply that there are no inconsiderate slobs out there. Sounds like you have found some.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, you need to leave this family.

Anonymous said...

I leave at 7, kids go to bed at 8, arrive after the kids have only been awake for one hour... and the house is a disaster. I don't know how they can do so much damage in two hours. I don't think it's because the parents are having fun with the kids... it's not that kind of mess... it's the kind of mess where the parents locked themselves in their office and let the kids wander around and tear the place apart.

casey said...

To the negative responders to this post. Sounds like perhaps the OP just wanted to vent. That doesnt mean she doesnt like her job.

Personally...I feel she should make a ton of money. She is obviously caring, and takes her work seriously, so if she really hated it...she would leave.

I often wonder why people cant ask questions of a poster without resorting to telling them negative things about themselves. Sheesh!


Anonymous said...

casey or bailey ... or whomever,
She never said she liked her job. We are waiting for her to let us know why she puts up with this crap.

Anonymous said...

We don't need a nanny union, you need to grow some balls and either quit your job or sign a contract outlining your responsiblities.

OP Here said...

Whoa! Inquiring minds want to know! Well, I take home $650 a week for my 60 hours of work. My family does have a housekeeper, but she comes every other week and does the big cleaning (dusting, showers, etc). I stay because I love the little girl. Think about it; I wake her up and stay all day with her until an hour before she goes to bed. That's a lot of bonding. Plus, the last two families I nannied for make this family look like gold. Must be I don't live in the best nanny employer market, or I just find the wrong families to work for.
Thank you for the comments. I think what I've learned is this: I need a backbone. I've known this for some time, but am not quite sure how to go about growing one. I also need to go back to college for my Masters. I've known this for some time, but have just procrastinated doing so because day to day life has maintained itself, and this past year is suddenly gone.
I am glad my message reached some, like the mom that went to clean up the toys in the basement! And the Moms who appreciate their nannies for putting the kids first, even if that means the house isn't perfect. And for the nannies that appreciate their bosses for not expecting the house to be neat and tidy when they get home.

Anonymous said...

OP, these conditions are completely unacceptable, I am honestly at a loss for words, and truly whole heartedly feel sorry for you! How on earth could you be happy living this way? Do you truly feel fulfilled, being a used housekeeper (when you are educated and your passion in life is children, rather than cleaning?) Life is so short, you could die tomorrow (any of us could) would you die happy? Perhaps, you have a different personality than I do, but I'd be so disappointed and miserable if my life's work so to speak, was being used as a maid and servant to a family who felt they could walk all over me, take advantage of me at every turn possible, and treat me like the trash I tended to for them! You need to not only grow a back bone, but also reevaluate your life! I was a professional nanny for years (and I did NO cleaning, aside of course from cleaning up after my charge.) I am now a teacher, and even though I was happy as a nanny, I am unbelievably more happy and fulfilled as a teacher. I'm glad I took time to listen to my heart, and do what makes me happy, please do the same!

erics mom said...

I read alot of posts where the nanny stays because they love the child. But I am just wondering, it seems alot of the kids are babies or very young tots. I believe maybe I am wrong by the time the child is around five they start to treat the nanny like crap. If the parents model that behavior usually the child will pick it up. By the time they are starting school they probably won't want you around anyway.

Hope I didn't offend anyone.

Anonymous said...

I can see where you would think that. I have seen the biggest dicks and biggest bitches have the most wonderful children because of the influence the nanny had on the children. And believe you, me- the kids act horribly around their parents so if you see the kids with the parents you might think they were spoiled brats, but if you saw them with their nanny you would think they were angels. The reason is because the parents spend so little time with the children and the parents occasionally try to take the children out for a showing. You know to say, "look at me what a good parent I am" and it backfires because now the kid finally has his mother/father within 10 feet of him or her and he wants his/her needs that have been neglected for the past 8 months to be met.

Oh the tangled webs we we've when we narcissitically conceive.

kate said...

Anyone who has known a few nannies in their lifetime has met this type. She has little to no respect for her employers, believes that she is the one who holds the entire household together, and stays because she "loves" the child too much to leave.

I don't know this girl, her situation might be very different from other people who I know personally, but I knew someone who could have easily written the rant we're responding to or the whole Nanny Bill of Rights that the OP posted a few weeks ago. I told her for two years that she needed to find a different job where her employers didn't dump on her week after week, but my friend just had to stay because she loved the children too much. The family found a woman who was more housekeeper than nanny and fired my friend. I got her a great job with friends of the family I work for.

She was happy for about 2 months. Her new employers never were late coming home, there was a housekeeper there 4 days a week so my friend never did any housework except the kids' laundry and picking up some toys at the end of the day, the parents were incredibly involved in the lives of their children and tried to get to know their new nanny, but my friend put up a wall. She grew to hate truly irrational things like how the mother would make sure Fresh Direct ordered the flavors of yogurt my friend likes and always had vitamin water for her. She accused the mom of trying to buy her affection. No matter how often I told her that they just appreciated her and wanted her to stay happy, she was unsatisfied.

In her third month she quit with no notice or warning. I was so embarrassed. She began to work for a new family with just a baby, and once again she was complaining to me nightly about all the housework she had to do, how the mom came home late 3 nights out of 5, how they had no clue what their baby ate, when it was sick, etc. I realized that she feeds off this kind of relationship. It makes her feel like she's important. Working for caring, competent parents did nothing for her ego.

Who knows what's going on with Ms. We Need a Union, but maybe her friends won't listen to her self-aggrandizing complaints any more, so she's moved on to complaining to us.

mom said...

I love your little rhyme at the end.
My mom used to have some sort of weid power struggle with me over my first son. She wanted him to like her better than me and so she said yes to whatever he wanted, let him do as he pleased and challenged me directly in front of him any time I tried to discipline him. A good friend of mine once told me she had seen my mom and son out together in public and he was throwing things all over in a donut shop, and that when she FINALLY told him "enough," he simply ignored her. I was embarrassed and had to explain that that was a result of her "special brand of discipline," which was not to discipline at all.
One day we were at a large picnic with a bunch of my mom's friends. She had taken posession of my son and was busily treating him as her own as if I wasn't there. I looked over at one point and he was throwing her...which now embarrassed her because all of her friend were watching and she had no control over him. I was also embarrassed because I would never let him act that way. I went to stop him but my husband took my arm and said, "No. She's made her bed. Let her lie in it for a while." So I watched, embarrassed myself, as she helplessly and with much exasperation in her voice, begged him to stop. But he kept at it. Finally, she called me over and said, in front of everybody, "Make him stop it!" (Nobody had known I was nearby and watching the whole thing.) I very calmly and quietly looked at him and said, "Jonnie, don't do that." He instantly stopped, "put on his manneres," and sat there like a sweet little kid. She looked completely mortified...but, oh well. I think that better illustrated my point about consistent discipline being NECESSARY than anything I could have possibly said to her.

PS We had to eventually stop letting him go to her house alone, which was kinda sad...but it is simply too confusing for kids to have two very different sets of rules to try to learn and live by. Parents who expect nanny to discipline, but don't do so themselves, ought to realize that they are doing their children, and themselves, no favors.

OP Here said...

Kate at 8:46. should be a counselor, if you aren't already. Your comment made me think about things. Maybe you're right, I think I secretly do thrive on these types of situations where I am depended on. I do it to my husband too. I make sure I do everything for him. Maybe subconciously I want people to think they can't live without me? I don't know, but obviously I've got some issues to work on, and I thank you for your comment. It was oddly insightful.

mom said...

Wow OP. I very much admire your honesty, and especially your willingness to look at what part you may have played in creating this situation. That ability to look at both sides of an issue is going to serve you well throughout your life.

So now, how about talking to the mom and telling her just what you have realized? Tell her that you have realized that you are a people pleaser and that, because you have taken on so many housekeeping and errand duties in order to please them as employers, you now find yourself completely stressed and overburdened to the point that it makes it hard for you to devote all the time to her child that you think she needs and deserves from a good nanny. Then ask her if she would mind if you now start devoting almost all of your time to taking care of the child...taking her to the park and library, or reading ot her, or doing art projects with her, etc. Tell her that you think it would be better for her child in the end, because it takes so much time to really do a good job of raising a child properly. Maybe she never even realized? It's possible that that is the case if you were doing all of this pleasing with a smile on your face and a willing attitude. Maybe they were really surprised and pleased at first when you started doing all of these things and then after a while simply took them, and you, for granted? I would definitely have a talk with her.

kate said...

I'm so glad you didn't get offended, OP. After I left my comment I kind of regretted it because to some degree all nannies are the type who like to be depended on and see themselves as the secret heroes of a household. I do it myself, just to a lesser degree than my friend.

It's all about finding the right personal balance. I just noticed that this isn't your first rant on this site, so perhaps making a change soon would be a good move for you.

I wish you luck.

MissDee said...

Did anybody stop to think that the parents in OP's post are just plain lazy, which is what they learned from their own parents? Think about it:

Classical conditioning. The parents' in OP's post were never taught to clean up after themselves when they were young, so they don't know how to do it now and they won't do it, so they expect nanny to do it. The child guidance they were given as a child made them into the people they are today, which is operant conditioning. Child cries for what he wants, parents get tired of it and give in. Child learns to get his way, he cries, in which case you get a spoiled grownup. That's me to a tee. I lost my mother at the age of 4 to cancer (she was 37) and her only sister 5 days apart. (My aunt was 35) I was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 1 year old and ADHD in 1st or 2nd grade. My grandmother raised me, while my father shoved me off from relative to relative, since I was "difficult". I never had to do anything-cook or clean when I was younger. I wasn't allowed to do dishes, since I could do into a seizure at any moment. I am scared to wash knives even as an adult. My housekeeping skills aren't the best, and I attempt cooking. I just got used to having everything done for me that I never learned to do anything myself. I remember my father telling someone to let me do what I was capable of doing, and that I would be fine with the little skills I do have. That was in high school, and today I have a driver's license, I can do algebra, I got 3 B's in 3 semesters of Psychology, and I have held down 2 jobs. I'm capable of a lot more than I thought my own father, including myself, thought I was.

My point in this post is that perhaps we shouldn't question OP as to why she hasn't left yet. Perhaps the people she works are like me, and don't know how to do anything for themselves. I'm not in anyway defending the family, because they sound like assholes. I'm blaming the family's parents, since they didn't teach them anything.

The discipline story leads me to bring up my best friend's nephew, who is 4 years old, in diapers and STILL on a bottle. He has no discipline. If I attempt to discipline, Grandma runs in the room and says she has it "under control". Some parents believe discipline is "no discipline". And then you wonder why we have drop outs and deliquents. The parents need to be discliplined too!

mom said...

Miss dee,
My sister (who had no children at the time) took some parenting class in college and adoptead excatly all of weird and misguided parenting philosophies taught to her by her teacher (who I couldn't help pointing out, was not even raidsing her own child, and so had little besides book knowledge of child raising herself.)

My favorite concept (NOT) was that ANYTHING that was not nurturing was ABUSE. For instance, if you were to say, "No! NO! Don't do that," that is not a "positive" experience/interaction for the child...which is, therefore, not nurturing...which is therefore abusive. My sister lived with my mom at that time, and I believe this is where they came up with the "no discipline is good" philosophy of childraising. Any time I tried to discipline, they freaked out immediately, right in front of my son and told me I was wrong, and told him that he could just go right on doing whatever it was he was doing. If I held my ground, they called me abusive, again in front of him. He loved the "power" and knew he could do no wrong at Grandmas house. (which is why we had to stop sending him there alone, and eventually had to limit contact.) They once threatened to call the police after my husband swatted his behind after an entire day of nightmarish behavior in their company.
Although my son loved it at the time, now that he is grown and can remember how they were, he has a healthy perspective of the situation...and his opinion is not pretty. He understands why we had to so limit his visits there. He still loves his Grandma to death, but I seriously doubt he would sit there quietly and let her say anything against me today. (She shaped up pretty well anyway when she realized it was "be decent or don't see the kids at all," so she is once again enjoyable to be with.) But he thinks his auntie, now a full fledged cult member with three very confused children,is beyond nuts.

Anonymous said...

you need a new job.
and all these people here are idiots.

MissDee said...


That's interesting that your sister did that and got those parenting practices from her teacher. My best friend mom (grandma in my post) told me a few weeks ago that I have no common sense, and that I am wasting my time trying to get a college degree close to 40. She says it won't happen, and I may as well give up. I looked her dead in her face and told her I was tired of her talking about me, and my whole life I was told what I couldn't do. I then told her to talk about that schizophrenic ex daughter in law of her if she wanted to talk about people that lack common sense, not to mention a brain. I went into my room, closed my door, and she says, (regarding me and what I did) "she is such a baby. I cen't believe she is crying like that. You can't hold a conversation with her...blah, blah, blah." We started talking about a couch, then she goes into her little tirade about how I am this and that. And she insists I know NOTHING about child development, and that "my kids were raised like that, and they are just fine". This is 2008, not 68, 78, or 88! So, when I do graduate from college, guess who I am not inviting to my graduation party?

mom said...

Good for you, Miss Dee! be sure to let us know when you graduate so we can "celebrate" on line with you!

PS That lady sounds threatened by you getting a degree. Does she have one?

When I started college immediately after high school, my beach bummin' boyfriend at the time and all of his friends suddenly started telling me how I must ceratinly think I was better than all of them because they weren't in school. It really made them all look like insecure fools. Then my boyfriend kinda sorta threatened to break up with me (In a pathetic manipulative attmpt to get me to drop out) because he said I was going to just meet all thes college educated guys and they would seem so much better than him anyway. I thought about that for about 10 seconds and realized, "He's right! I'd much prefer an educated man with an actual job!" I saved him the trouble of breaking up with me and cut him loose. A year later I met my husband. (He's been through graduate school, so he feels no threat in having an educated wife.)

My point the best you that you can be, Miss Dee. Follow your dreams and do everything you possibly can to meet your goals. Don't let negative people get in your way. There are plenty of people out there who will very much admire and appreciate you!

We're organizing whether you like it or not said...

Here's the plan: all union nannies will have to be QUALIFIED and properly LICENSED...NO illegals allowed (let me repeat: NO ILLEGALS ALLOWED!!!!), NO under-the-table non-tax-paying jerks allowed, college-educated and/or degreed REQUIRED, NO violent criminal record, minimum 3 years experience working with children...and all union-member nannies will be required to attend and complete training on CPR, basic child psychology,have complete health & TB screenings, etc and keep this training up-to- date.
In exchange, nannies would have the protection of their unions...and employers who want high-quality, legal, skilled, loving nannies could be assured that members of the nanny unions were worthwhile! A certified, union-member nanny will be a BLESSING for your children, not a liability.
Everyone afraid of the union idea needs to wake up and take their spoon full of it or not, it's HAPPENING.
Don't like it? Feel free to continue hiring those "park bench slugs"...ultimately your CHILDREN will suffer.

Maggie's Mommy said...

3:19 a.m. - Feel free to start a union. All the nannies that qualify for your standards will have no interest in joining, as they are already employed in the kind of job that you describe. Instead, you will create an even larger black market for illegal, inexperienced nannies as mediocre nannies will qualify for your standards and begin demanding the outrageous salaries I see splashed all over the Internet. You'll end up un, or under, employed as the "park bench slugs" watch their salaries climb. It has already been pointed out on this site, time and again, that people who have outstanding earning potential due to qualifications/experience are already employed on the books, with generous salaries and even full benefits. The rest of you need to suck it up. Not every nanny is worth $50,000 (+) a year.

I got the apple! said...

You want some honesty? LOL I've had just about enough with this post! Let's be completely truthful here ladies, (and *ahem* gents), for those of us who pitied this OP and truly tried to help her out of this horrible situation, her admitting that she actually enjoys being in this negative work environment, was truly a waste of our time! I've thrown in the towel so to speak, as my time is not well worth wasting! ;)

Ladies, have any of you ever known (and yes, I'm sure you have) others who feed off of negativity, and almost receive joy from complaining? They practically search and seek out negative environments and positions to be in/and place themselves in, so that they can get "sympathy" and derive attention from others. They can go on complaining for hours, yet never do anything to better their situation. OP, that certainly seems like you, and thus I lack any pity I had for you. You are what is commonly referred to as a "Psychic Vampire"; in the most basic terms, you "feed off" of other people emotionally, and thus "use" them to feel better about yourself.

OP, you need to get some self esteem! You seem like a very negative needy person (who really must have other people PROVE your worth BEFORE you will believe or feel worthy!) I think you'd highly benefit from educating yourself even more, learning more about yourself as a person, and changing your perspective on both yourself and life!

My attempt here is not to be rude folks, I just see a very harmful personality type in this OP, and I'm hoping she can develop new ways of finding meaning in herself, as well as self worth that are so much less harmful!

...If you seek abuse that is what you will find, if you command respect that is what you will can decide in the long run which of these two options truly makes you not only happy, but a worthy person!

mom said...

Ignore the negativity here.

I think it was very brave of OP to look at herself closely, make a very honest evaluation of herself and the negative behavior pattern she was living in, admit it on this blog that is often full of vultures, and be willing to make the necessary changes to her behavior.

I consider this a very successful outcome to a very relevant post.

Good luck OP!

Maybe you will let us know if you talk to the mom, or what changes you make in your own life and behavior to keep yourself from repeating this behavior?

Anonymous said...

I don't think "I got the apple" was trying to be negative in a derogatory way. I think she was honest and insightful, and I believe her post makes good sense. She apologized to anyone she felt would be offended at her opinion, and gave it as respectfully as she could.
Besides, I think she pretty much has the OP figured out.
Good post, Apple.

mom said...

Unfortunate timing. I didn't mean anybody in particular. Read back through everything. She's taken sort of a beating. At first, perhaps it was warranted. (And actually it was somebody being very frank with her that got her on the right track.) I am just very impressed by her self discovery and wanted to send her off on a positive note.

Anonymous said...

Wake up,hello
you are not a nanny!
You are a housekeeper/slave, and of course an idiot.

§marypoppin'pills§ said...

Aww, did we have to go and call her an idiot? That wasn't nice.
OP is trying to figure out why she's allowing herself to be taken advantage of, so there was no need for that.
I'm sure a lot of the advice that she has been receiving has been very enlightening for her, so hopefully she'll make some necessary changes.

Anonymous said...

It looks as if OP may have some self-esteem issues anyway, so you want to add to it by calling her an idiot?
That was pretty cold, 12:56.
You need to take a course in 'compassion'.

OP - Don't pay any attention to people who have nothing better to do than to belittle someone who is trying to get some help. I think the bottom line is whomever suggested that you're doing this to feel "needed", may have hit on the reason you put up with so much from your Employer.
If I may make a suggestion? Instead of doing this and feeling "used" - why not find a better job, and then go find a place to volunteer your help? Nobody would need you more than a Womans Shelter, or a child that's falling behind because of problems at home and needs extra help with school work, so you could be a Tutor (that's what I do).
I guarantee there isn't a better feeling in the world, and you will feel needed AND appreciated.

Anonymous said...

I've been a nanny for three different families and am currently on the lookout for another position.
I just had a funny thing to add...The job that I stayed at the longest and still keep in touch with the family...I mostly loved it...but like the OP, chores would get tacked on each week after that first year (first year I had a contract...after that it was a verbal agreement...I know, my bad!). Anyway, I think the most disgusting thing I had to do was in cleaning the master bedroom I'd have to pick up the dad's socks that had been used for something other than wearing on his feet!! EWWW!!

Anonymous said...

Um, 6:28
That would fall under the category of "T.M.I."

Anonymous said...

Direct to "maggie's mom"...say what you will, the nanny union idea IS happening.
MANY nannies ARE worth 50 grand/year and more.
Lord what would happen if we started paying nannies and teachers and everyone else who cares for and teaches children MORE money???
Lord, what would happen if we made them feel valued and confident and secure in their profession and their future???? Lord, what would happen if the quality of childcare improved and more and more children were raised literate, capable, ethical and sane????
Lord, what a BLESSING that would be!!!
But thanks for the input.

Wake up and smell the future.

cali mom said...

What would happen? Easy. The mediocre ones would get the same pay as the good ones and more would be willing to sneak around the system and work under the table for families who couldn't afford to pay what you are fantasizing about. i believe there is already a teacher's union, at least they are organized to the point where I distinctly remember several times the school year not starting until the middle of October because teachers were on strike in my city when I was a kid. So yeah, that surely contributes alot to raising a society of literate, educated children.

But go ahead, dream on. Refuse to accept any job that pays you less than $25/hr. They'll either hire someomne cheaper or do the job themselves, which means one more unemplyed nanny. Employers will ALWAYS pay what someone is worth, balanced against what they can afford. In ANY industry.

Anonymous said...

AMEN to this!

Families tend to get so lazy!

Annie said...

you are obviously super intelligent to even type all of this out i hope you are quitting and getting a new job!

Anonymous said...

When I read this it made me laugh. I thought it was just written out of typical frustration and meant to be sort of funny. I identified with almost all of them. A LOT of families are like that...especially in the NYC area.

It doesn't mean you hate your job. Everybody has frustrations in their job...especially on Mondays.

I enjoyed reading it and completely understand where you are coming from.

Anonymous said...

let me just say I FEEL FOR YOU!!! in the 3 years that i have been with my family, the chore list as increased from only-child-related things... to going to the post office, doing all the grociery shopping, making dinner for the parents, packing for their weekend trips for them, making their dinners for saturday and sunday (put neatly in tupperware), doing the laundry, buying christmas/birthday presants, taking the kids to school even though the parents literally walk by the school on their way to work at the time they need to be dropped off (would it be so hard to let me sleep in every once in a blue moon) ...the list goes on an on and on... and even though i work 8-6 (yes 10 hours a day) the parents get home late just about every day... and at least by 15 minutes. Sometimes i'll get a call at 6:30 saying "is it okay if we're a little late?" what if it wasn't okay? you're already late! and you haven't even left work! and then they have the nerve to freak out at me when one thing isn't done. like "i've noticed the hamper is pretty full. i'd appreciate it if you took care of that before you leave" WTF!? the only reason i do it is because i love the child... that's it. there are so many days where i just want to let them know what my job description is and refuse to go outside of that... but then what? well i can't risk being fired. for my sake and the sake of their son. i've been his nanny since the day he came home from the hospital.

cali mom said...

As much as you love the boy, you are being abused and you need to put your foot down. Have a polite talk with the parents, work out some modifications to the arbitrary and seemingly endless list of "duties". Do you have a work agreement? Are you paid on the books? They will take everything they can get from you because you let them.

Anonymous said...

i am paid on the books... and on a 50 hour a week based salary. so when they're an hour late, i don't get paid extra. its hard because they are NOT the type to sympathize with the "common folk" if they have to stay late from work they don't see that i shouldn't have to. its impossible to talk to them, because they don't think they're doing anything wrong. if i say anything that look at me like i'm being lazy. i mean ever since the child started pre-school... i have 3 hours a day that i'm not "working". so they give me things to do durring that time... but the things i'm supposed to be doing go far beyond what i can accomplish during that time period.
its not like i haven't tried to say anything but i get brushed off every time. i've even tried just not doing some things asked... then i get yelled at "don't you know that if you don't do this then i have to and that takes away from the quality time i get with my son!"

i just do it because her son is so desperate for her attention that i try and free up as much time for them as possible so some of that time may be spent with the boy.

Anonymous said...

cali mom, I'm disappointed in you. You're usually the voice of reason around here.
Nanny unions a "fantasy"? Is that so? Teacher's unions seem to be a negative in your eyes as well. Hmmm...I think I get where you're coming from now.
But sometimes we have to accept little imperfections in the system in order to create a better situation for a group as a whole. The situation is often dismal,even for qualified well-educated legal nannies here in the States. Organizing a union is really the only option, because unfortunately employers often do NOT pay good nannies properly or give them proper benefits. The IRS is cracking down on household employers this year (smile), so that should help, but there will still be issues only the protection and structure of a union can address.
Any honest, well-intentioned employer should have NO problem hiring a union nanny. My employer thinks it's a superb idea, in fact. So I guess we all have to learn to accept change. It's just a part of life.

prada mommy said...

Let me get this straight---some of these mothers will pay $600 for anti-wrinkle facial injections, but won't pay top-dollar to the person who takes care of their kids? That's pretty messed up. Hey, I pay my nanny $25 per hour, no problem. If I couldn't afford it, I'd stay home and raise my kids on my own. There are plenty of gazillionaires out there who have more money than God, and want good nannies. There will NEVER be a shortage of nanny jobs, housekeeping jobs, gardener jobs, etc. for those willing to pay. You get what you pay for.

cali mom said...

1:09/11:55, you are letting yourself be shit on and asking for more. You've made your choice so it makes no sense to complain about it, if you are not willing to make the necessary changes. Your employers are assholes, you are not, and they know that you will suck up their shit for all eternity. Best of luck with that.

Nanny Union, wake me up when it happens. I didn't say that teachers' unions were bad, I used them as a counter to your fantasy scenario about all children being well educated thanks to a union. That's like saying that there will be no drug addiction once we outlaw drugs. In your scenario, would any person who earns a living by caring for children be arrested and prosecuted for not joining the nanny union? If not, what's the point? There will be *supposedly* good, educated, expensive ones with a union title, and then there will still be the cheaper, and sometimes better ones. So what's the point?

Yes, law abiding citizens will follow the law, and the rest of the nannies and nanny employers will continue to skirt it. No union or new law will change that, any more than gun ownership laws have prevented violent criminals or f*cked up teenagers with agendas to carry out from owning guns.

Anonymous said...

Hey cali mom, since when did you develop such a foul mouth?

And by the way, statistics show that in countries where drugs are legalized and monitored, drug addiction is much LOWER than it is in countries where drugs are illegal. Do your research, please.
Same with prostitution (when legal and monitored, STD's rates are lower and violent crime against sex-workers is lower. Granted, we'd all like to pretend that nobody will ever do drugs or seek out prostitutes, but the reality is that people DO, so shouldn't it be dealt with openly and legally?
And we'd all like to pretend that employers will treat and pay their nannies justly and fairly, but the reality is that many DON'T, so shouldn't this issue be dealt with openly and legally (with a union for instance) as well?
And yes, I think it's a grand idea to incarcerate employers who hire and pay illegal nannies and or pay their nannies under-the-table!! Absolutely. Why shouldn't the law of the land apply to them?
It really doesn't matter whether or not YOU want, believe in or condone the idea of a nanny union.
No amount of cursing or whining will stop progress.
Welcome to the 21st century.

honestly now... said...

LMAO at all you who are so threatened by talk of nannies organizing, having support groups or unions, asking for better work conditions,etc.
But I shouldn't really be surprised. This is America, the only "civilized" nation in the world without standard socialized healthcare. We punish people for being poor, for getting ill, for being honest and hardworking. We celebrate the cheaters, liars, morons and the rich (I'd say our current President fits all for of these categories to a tee). So why should it come as any surprise that some of you would fight tooth & nail to avoid any standardization of household workers?
This country claims it's a democracy. What a fraud! It's a total fascist dictatorship, with the next generation addicted to the internet and the last generation addicted to denial.
Change is our only hope.
Wake up.

honestly now... said...

^^^meant to say "four" not "for"

cali mom said...

Nanny Union, all your hysterical ranting at me is not going to accomplish your goals. You want a union? Great. Make it happen. When your aim is achieved, you can accept my congratulations. I am not a nanny nor do I plan to hire one at any time since my little boy will be my only child and he is growing up quickly, so I'm not "threatened" by anything you are saying.

Of course drug use and prostitution cause less damage to society when they are legalized and monitored. Could you have missed the point by a few more miles? Unionizing nannies is not going to solve all your gripes any more than outlawing whatever drug will stop their use.

Another goalpost you flew 8 miles around, I agree completely that illegal immigrants should NOT be hired and NO ONE should be paid off the books. But that wasn't what I asked you. IF your nanny union was in existence, would it be illegal for a nanny to work without joining? And would it be illegal for an employer to hire a non-union nanny even if that nanny were a legal resident or U.S. born citizen, and was paid on the books, and paid all required taxes?

And if so, where would you get all the money to build all the new prisons for all the employers and non-union nannies? You seem convinced that there just wouldn't be any.

☺mpp☺ said...

Cali mom
Excellent point. I agree with you. Even with a Nanny Union, it won't stop all of the maltreatment going on.
The SAME Families that hire illegal immigrants and pay off the books, (and treat their Nannies like second class citizens) will be the SAME Families that will hire the NON-union Nannies.
I don't see where it will solve the problem for them.

The only situation for the Nannies that I see improvement for are the Families that have money and would be willing to CONTINUE to pay top dollar for their (Unionized) Nanny.

All the others will still be treated .... well, like crap.

Anonymous said...

all sides make a good argument. and a nanny union would be nice, but how would we possibly organize such a thing? and how do we get parents who hire these nannies to do it legally? would they be penalized if they don't hire from the union, or should the nannies be penal;ized if they don't join?
how do families that aren't rich that have nannies now, afford nannies from a union, which would obviously cost more?

cali mom said...

7:37, exactly. They will either not hire nannies at all, thereby creating a larger pool of unemployed nannies, or they will hire cheap ones off the books.

mom said...

Just where will you draw the line between "babysitters" and "nannies" in order to enforce the "laws" you set up to govern your nanny union? (BTW, I wasn't aware that choosing to work outside the union in any given occupation was actually a crime.) What about the 15 year old next door who sits with the kids? Is she now a criminal? What if she sits all day everyday during summer break? Is she now a "nanny," subject to your "laws?" I don't see how it could possibly work as a union. Now, a licensing board would probably work very well. If I were a nanny, I would start there. If I were hiring a nanny and such a board existed, I would hire ONLY from their approved list of nannies. I owuld think that might make the best and most qualified nannies stand out form the hoardes and help her earn a better salary. And it would hopefully keep the less qualified from unfairly and unreasonably riding their coattails.

☼marypoppin'pills☼ said...

Sounds like a beautiful plan. You need a fishing license, a drivers license, a business license ....
why not a 'Nanny license'?
If I were to hire a Nanny, one that has met all of the requirements to obtain a license, THAT would be the one I'd hire.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the idea of a nanny licensing board. When my children were young and I used a daycare/pre-school for childcare, my first requirement was that the centers I considered were licensed and accredited. My screening did not of course end there, but I did not even bother investigating those centers that were not licensed.

When I switched to nanny care, I would have loved to taken the same approach and restricted my search first to properly licensed caregivers, but that is not an option with nannies in the US. Another option which I did not find in my area was a true nanny service--one where I pay the service and they take care of the benefits, taxes, etc., complexities that come with becoming an employer and send me a well screened, experienced, well trained, qualified caregiver. The services in my area are all employment referral agencies, many of which have very spotty records with BBB. The only true in home childcare service I found was only for temporary and part time sitters, not full time care.

Anonymous said...

I think some of the posters are losing sight that this is a "rant". I think it is great! As a mom due with my second and researching pros and cons of hiring a nanny this is a great reminder of what some nannies can experience and a reminder to be conscientous of their jobs. It's like coming home to find a house your hubby has completely messed up when you left it spotless. I think in people just considered others feelings more there wouldn't be all these strange situations.

Anonymous said...

hey cali mom...since you neither employ a nanny or work as a nanny, what are you doing weighing in on this forum?
(just wondering)

Anonymous said...

Yes--to nanny licensing!
Yes--to nanny unions!
Yes--to criminal penalties for the scum who employ illegal nannies and deportation for the illegals who work in childcare!
Yes--to CHANGE!

Visionary said...

I know why so many of you are afraid of a nanny union---you're afraid that YOU as employers will have to abide by certain legalities, certain rules of decorum, certain contracts--and this freaks you out! We nannies have to undergo a thorough screening when we contract through an agency for employment--maybe you employers should have to do the same (a psychological/financial screening seems especially important!). Maybe your vast pool of illegal "slave" nannies will be depleted and you'll be forced to behave decently and follow employer tax laws if you want to hire someone to care for your kids, etc--that really scares you, huh? No more paying some illegal nanny (under the table) fresh from another country to clean, cook, provide childcare, work outrageous hours and bow to your every selfish whim! No more working your nanny to the bone for years and then dumping her without health insurance, severance or retirement $.
Say goodbye to the "good old days", ladies!
Just think, by 2009 we may have a Black president, a female vice president a nanny union and a little justice in the world!
People, get ready!

vi said...

4:35 anonymous = chickenshit,
calimom has just as much right to be here as YOU do! why hide behind a veil? are you too afraid for someone to address you personally?

original vi said...

This is odd. I thought I was the only Vi. I am, however not the VI from 701 AM.

What I wanted to add to this off tangent discussion is to correct Visionary's comment. And I have to take the "God is a Republican" bumper sticker off my car to do this. If Baraq wins, it isn't because of the AA population of the US, it's because of his mother's home state and old the people in the midwest who want to elect their hometown hero.

Visionary said,
Just think, by 2009 we may have a Black president, a female vice president a nanny union and a little justice in the world!
People, get ready!

I say,
Just think, FOR 2009 we may have a FEMALE president, a black vice president.

And technically, whether he is VP or President, he will be the nation's first 1/2 black president.

Damn John McCain for soiling our party with his bullshit rhetoric and plastic wife. You all know he left the wife who waited for him to return from war when she had cancer, right?

John McCain is Larry Flynt... in a better suit.

Anonymous said...

I really love the posts where people are telling this ppor nanny to just quit or talk it over with the employer. ha!...yeah right! for some people, quitting is just not an option(i know because I was in virtually the same position, but a livein that had no where to go) and sometimes the employers are difficult to deal with. they don't want to hear it and can hire the next illegal who needs a job...some employers deem us as replaceable. it is truly a shame that you are being taken advantage of! I know what that does to your self esteem and your stress levels! please don't judge unless you've been in a similar circumstance!

honest nanny said...

LOL! did you take over my previous position?

it's not about having a bad attitude or hating the family you work for. it's about being confused how 2 days seem to disrupt an entire household to this magnitude!

my employers would even forget to pay their bills after I had categorized their mail! (not one of my job duties)

girl, i hope that your patience is long and enduring because chances are this isn't going to change. i understand your need to vent though and it's something only nannies seem to get. hang in there until the next job op comes along.