Friday

Nanny's Honeymoon Plans...

Received Friday, December 14, 2007- Perspective & Opinion
I just started a new nanny position with a family about 5 weeks ago. When I interviewed I said that I was getting married at the end of May and would need a week off for my Honeymoon. My fiance and I just recently decided to go to London and Ireland and realized that one week was to short to do that. I asked for the additional week off and she got back to me after a week and said that she wanted to make this a win win situation and offered to give me Monday off of the following week.In our original agreement I have two weeks paid vacation. I started just before Thanksgiving and they had that week off so I said I'd take it unpaid. I also took Christmas as an unpaid week saving up for my Honeymoon and another week of my choosing.To help I offered to ask a friend who works as a teacher in a private special needs school. My boss said that only if she agreed to get a background check and babysit in advance. She wanted to see if her daughter worked well with her. I don't think I would feel comfortable asking my friend to help me or this family out when I feel that she is being unreasonable.Her biggest excuse is that her daughter has some special needs and that she doesn't want to disrupt all the progress that I have made since I started. I feel I'm being punished for doing a good job because now she doesn't want to trust anyone else with her daughter.Any suggestions from both nanny and nanny families would be a help as to how to handle this. I don't want to quit or lose the position. I know I'm good at what I do and the little girl has shown a great deal of progress. We have already bonded and I would hate to have to leave over this.

46 comments:

Quinn said...

If you had started a new job at a large corporation or were teaching in the public school system, you would not be able to take two weeks vacation- paid or otherwise, right after starting. I think this mom is expecting the same professionalism from you.

I normally side with the nannies, but on this one I think mom is right. I will be interested to see what other's think.

mom said...

I have to agree with Quinn on this one also.
Just be cause you and your fiance suddenly decided that you fancy a longer honeymoon is not a good excuse for demanding more time off. You have just started this job. You are a professional and must make good on your agreement. If your employer were a corporation, you would probably have a black mark against your reputation and possibly future advancement already.

If you agreed to these terms up front and then suddenly quit because you can't bully them into altering a part of the contract that was specifically negotiated in advance, then you are the one being unprofessional and out of line.
Join the real world and make your trip fit the vacation time you have remaining on your JOB.

Anonymous said...

I offered my nanny an extra week vacation when she was getting married (she didn't have to ask), but she was with me for a long time and I like to give her lots of extras because I would never want her to think the grass might be greener elsewhere. However, I would not be happy about someone who has only been with me one month asking for an extra week's vacation, regardless of whether it's her honeymoon. You should have made these plans and decisions beforehand. In your employer's situation, if I was absolutely thrilled with you I would probably give it to you, afterall it is in May and by then if you are still with me I'd figure you are worth making arrangements for two weeks in a row. But keep in mind, one month into a job you are really still being evaluated and she might not yet have reached the conclusion you are the best she could possibly hire. Just because she has complemented you on some points doesn't mean she loves you yet.

Anonymous said...

yeah-hate to say it. But, you are wrong here. you made an agreement when you were first hired, now, you and your future husband have decided you want a longer honeymoon and are asking for more time off. not right, and, that wouldn't fly in a corporate job either.

Anonymous said...

I would think that you would have to professional but at the same time, as an employer ,I want my nanny to be happy. It is afterall the honeymoon and I would have given my nanny time off even without her asking.

Unfortunately nannying is different from a normal job. You can't take time off even if you're entitled to it (you said you have 2 weeks vacation) unless the boss says okay.

Now if you lived in Europe.... you'd get a minimum of 4 weeks paid vacation (taken whenever you please!) and you'll even get a few days (paid) extra (2 days when you move houses, 1 day when someone in your family gets married etc). Sorry, I had to rub it in - I just can't believe how much easier and better life is here..

Anonymous said...

If your employer values you and is a kind human being, I would think she'd give you the extra week. Its your honey moon for christ's sake!
Yes, its not what you originally agreed to, but any employer who is a halfway decent person, who is at all pleased with the job her nanny is doing, I think should grant the extra week in this situation. I'm sure lots of people will disagree with me, but if she doesn't give it to you, she's just a bitch.

ess said...

The OP has two weeks paid vacation. She scheduled the first week when she first began working for the family, and wishes to schedule the second week immediately afterward. She's making her request six months in advance, and has found a person to cover for her during this time.

She is not asking for time off above and beyond what she was guaranteed in her contract, since her other two weeks of vacation have been unpaid. And she is not asking for vacation immediately - she wants to take it in six months time.

OP, I do not think you are being unreasonable to request to take both weeks of vacation back-to-back. However, it is not unreasonable for your employer to want to assure that the person who fills in for you has a clean record and gets along well with her child.

Anonymous said...

And it's not unreasonable for an employer who has a BRAND NEW employee who is asking for extra time off right away to conclude she's not that dedicated to the family and the job and decide to find someone else. Sorry, you made be a great nanny, but you made an error in judgement not deciding what you needed before you took the job. It likely would not have even been an issue if you had asked then.

sam said...

Your family is not being fair with you. You forewent vacation for this trip and told them in advance. My thoughts, tell DH that 2 weeks is too long. Go from Saturday through Tues/Weds. So you are back to work thurs/fri. Not many nannies go thru the steps you did to get time off. You are every bit as important as your employer. Unless this is your 7th wedding, she needs to ease up. She sounds very selfish.

TX Nanny said...

Many of you are missing the fact that she has 2 weeks of vacation left. She has decided to use both weeks for her honeymoon 6 months from now. The two weeks are of her choosing, not he parents.They agreed to it when they hired her. It sounds reasonable to me.

tree said...

You are a new employee and I would second guess you if you are already changing your mind for what you first agreed with. Who knows how often this would happen? But then again it's your wedding and you are giving them plenty of notice to find someone for those two weeks.
My daycare provider told all the parents she was taking a month off to go to her country. She gave us 5month notice. I wasn't upset with her because she gave me plenty of time to make arrangements. People where telling me maybe I would like the substitute person better and I could stay with her.

Caroline said...

Generally unless otherwise stated the OP's vacation time would accumulate so that at the end of 6 months she'd be entitled to 1 week of vacation. The second week in the second 6 months

I travelled far for my wedding and honeymoon in April and after being with my employer for almost exactly a year, I was given 2 weeks off with a couple extra days thrown in. Thankfully I had a wonderful family that was understanding of the fact that I had also been in hospital for a few days the week before I left. They muddled through and managed to get things covered for the entire time but the kids didn't have special needs so it was probably easier for the mom to be comfortable with a stand in.

I can't see why you think your employer is being unreasonable asking that the person that will be with her daughter for 2 weeks have a background check and a trial - surely when you were hired, you had a check done and a decent interview process.

Anonymous said...

A lot of responders are missing the fact that OP has a second week of vacation due her. She is asking for it five months in advance. What isn't clear to me is whether both vacation weeks are to be of your choosing. You already chose one, was the other supposed to be the employer's choice? Even if it is, I think she is being unreasonable, unless that time is when she has a business trip or something that would make it impossible.
I'm afraid you are going to have to choose between changing your honeymoon plans, or finding another job.

Anonymous said...

The nanny is a brand new employee at the moment, yes, but she is talking about a vacation 6 months into the future, not right away. Her agreement with her employer says that she gets two paid weeks of vacation per year and so she is planning to take her two weeks vacation in 6 month's time. She is going above and beyond by helping to look for a replacement nanny while she is away. The employer responded by offering a Monday off? That is not a win-win situation at all.

Anonymous said...

I would leave them. They are not being fair.

cali mom said...

It sounds to me like OP is a BRAND new employee, who agreed on a bunch of details and now wants to make a change. Even in the corporate world, IF you are lucky enough to be allowed 2 weeks paid vacation in your first 6 months on the job (which you are usually NOT in America!), it is still up to your boss to approve when you can go. Most of them are reasonable and don't make arbitrary objections to your plans just because they can, but bosses DO have to approve in advance of when you use your paid time off. Your boss likiely made arrangements for you to be gone one week, as you said you would be, so you are asking her to do you the favor of accomodating YOUR change of plans.

OP, I would put off the honeymoon. Go on a short and sweet trip right after the wedding for a few days and save the big European all-out bash for AFTER you have negotiated your NEXT 2 weeks off, paid or otherwise. Many people take the honeymoon when they are able, dependant on work schedules and finances. A big part of the world does NOT get to drop everything and go off with cash in hand to party for 2 solid weeks the morning after their wedding.

marypoppin'pills said...

Just my 2 cents, but a deal is a deal. However, this is still 6 mo. away. A lot can happen in 6 mo. She may grow to completely adore you and be willing to do anything to satisfy and keep you happy, and perhaps 'bend' alittle. I say if you like your job, and this is your only thorn ... wait it out and see what happens. Bring it up again in a couple months and see what she says.

Alicia said...

No way. Forget them. Jobs come and go, but you only get one chance at your honeymoon, so do it right, with no regrets!

mom said...

OP, I am now a bit confused. Will you be DUE two weeks vacation (at the time of your choosing) by the time of your honeymoon? If so, I change my original opinion that you were being unreasonable.
If you are DUE this time off, then there should not be an issue and your family should certainly accomodate your valid request.

I was under the impression that you only had one week coming to you at that point.
Are you supposed to have the two weeks after the first year is up, but they made a special allowance of the one week because of your honeymoon (as I originally thought was the case?) Or is your full two weeks available to you at any time during the first year? (This is typically unusual in a normal job because of the possibility of a new employee working only a short time, taking the paid vacation, and then quitting shortly afterward without fulfilling the whole year's contract.)

If your time is due you then they are not following through on your contractual agreement and they are in the wrong.

If you are not due the time but they made a special exception for your honeymoon, and now you are asking for more time, then you are being very unreasonable.

Brides today sometimes forget that a wedding is intended to be a celebration of the love between them and their new husband. Many, it seems, instead think it a valid opportunity to act as though they are Queen of the World, and are quite indignant at anybody who dares not revel in their magnificence.

Anonymous said...

I believe you are as important as the child you are taking care of. you are going thru a very important part of your life. you should live it. nobody is going to give you that honew moon back again. it os not that your are going to be gone for a month and then be back. it's just a week! plus you tried to help giving a solution for your problem, i don't see what is the big deal about it. i believe kids should be by what adults have to do, not the oposite. HAVE FUN IN YOUR HONEYMOON! YOU WORTH IT!

CommonSense said...

I don't understand the need to have a fancy honeymoon because most of it is spent in the hotel room (that is if you married the right guy and haven't been shacking up so long that it's old hat.)
Take the week, go to Dollywood and when you two have cooled off, THEN go see timbuktu or wherever it is you want to go. Young people are silly. Not to mention it's unprofessional to go back on your word.

Sarah and Mitch said...

Definitely stand your ground. You aren't asking for an extra week to sit around on your butt at home. This is a big trip, a big deal, and a once in a lifetime thing. Your employer is being extremely unreasonable about this.

Also, stop taking unpaid weeks. If it is their decision to take the time off and not need you, it is their responsibility to pay you. You have bills to pay, don't let them screw you over on that. Basically with all my employers, I had a 30-day notice policy, because this started to be a problem with all but one of them. If they couldn't give me 30 days' notice about a vacation or day they were taking, I would have it paid in full. If they gave me more than 30 days, I could budget ahead of time and take it unpaid. It is wrong of them to take advantage of you and suddenly pick the weeks you are supposed to be on your vacation.

Also, everyone is saying that she shouldn't get both weeks paid so soon into your job.... keep in mind that she CHOSE not to be paid for the 2 weeks they already forced her to be off. So the employer would be paying her anyway.


OP- stick to your ground, schedule your honeymoon, and if it comes down to it give them their 2 weeks notice. And yes, 2 weeks not 30 days, these guys sound like the type who would fire you after you give your notice. Make sure there is some type of severance in your nanny contract so they don't do this.

Anonymous said...

It seems like the OP is asking for a lot too early in the relationship. When you are new to a job, any job, it is not a good idea to appear as though you are trying to get more out of them.

Anonymous said...

How is it unreasonable for the mother to ask that your friend get a background check done and make sure her daughter will be ok with her before agreeing to allow her to cover for you??

Your employer sounds like a VERY responsible parent who is concerned for her child. During the interview you agreed to 1 week of vacation. As with any employer, yes you have 2 weeks paid vacation but that does not mean you can take it whenever you want to. A nanny is a position in which you cannot simply be replaced easily. And in most cases the parents are paying more than double for the week that you are gone b/c they not only have to pay you for your vacation but pay a replacement at usually a higher rate.

If I needed a nanny and had found out you quit your last job over this I wouldnt hire you. To suggest your employer is being unreasonable for looking out for the best interest of her child is ridiculous. I would never allow someone I didn't know to watch my child just b/c my nanny who desperately wants that time off recommended her.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm....as a parent, I would not mind giving you that second week for a honeymoon. HOWEVER...considering you just started and are now looking for four weeks of holidays (irrelevant whether it is paid or unpaid...it's about the child, not the money) - though I think you said they went on vacation right after you started - I would not be happy. What it amounts to is a month of vacation in less than 6 months working time. Since you have not established that crucial bond of reliability and trust that can only come with time...I think you need to step back and think about it. As well, it is not unreasonable for the parent to want the replacement caregiver to have a background check and to meet the child. That just makes sense.

Sorry....you have a right to a honeymoon and your vacation time but it sounds like you might be forgetting that this isn't a job at the 7/11. Time off isn't that easy when you are a nanny.

Anonymous said...

Ok,

First off, most teachers already have had the full federal background check done and should be able to easily supply a copy of it to the parents. While it's not unreasonable to want a background check done this should be a simple matter because the woman probably already had one.

To the person who posted that if you work for a large corporation you would not be able to take extra time off I beg to differ. My husband works for a very large, international corporation and is very much allowed to take extra time off as long as he doesn't abuse the privilige. They are especially accomodating for change of life events like weddings.

This woman is looking for an extra week in May and this is December, that is giving a full 5 months notice so I think the mother is being a bit unreasonable but, it is her right to be so. She is the employer and you are the employee. You, nanny, agreed to certain terms upon being hired and were happy with them.

I would go back to the mom and ask to come back to work that Wed. That gives you 10 days for the honeymoon, which is more than reasonable and beyond the mother's obligation of genorosity. If she absolutely refuses to budge (It's only one day longer than she offered and 3 less than you wanted) Then you have a good snapshot of how willing this woman will be in future to work with you. And you need to then evaluate how willing you will be to accomodate any special needs On the mom's part that may arrise in the future. Abilty to work overtime and extra days. I ran into this situation myself once and when I foudn the family I worked for to be absolutely uninterested in working with me for extra time off during a difficult time I was having I accepted that as being their right but my attitude towards them (NOT THE KIDS) changed drastically. From then on I was rarely able to work extra days or late.

Anonymous said...

9:40
Well said.

Anonymous said...

I say go ahead and quit. Once your employer realizes how flighty and immature you are, she will probably be glad you did.

Anonymous said...

4:51 sounds like one of those self-absorbed mom's who's children are an accessory and the nanny is the
"help" and deseerves no respect, I can smell your type a mile away and I usually work for you once and never again, by MY choice. I simply can't stand your ilk and have no respect for these types and cannot work for those I don't respect.


5 months notice for extra time off, a suitable substitute offering from the nanny, and advice seeking before nanny over-reacts is not flighty and inmmature. It shows that she is pretty level headed.
Personally, I think the mother is being unreasonable. Having recently decided to take two weeks off instead of one for MY vacation this summer, and talking to the mom I work for, she agreed with no problem. To be honest, had she been disagreeable about it I would not have quit, but like the other poster said earlier, my flexibilty to work longer days or extra days as needed would have disappeared.

Anonymous said...

11:44
Don't ever try to become a detective. I'm a SAHM. You are right about one thing; you would never work for me.
If I were to ever hire a nanny, I would choose one far less bitter than you.

Anonymous said...

12:08

11:44 may have pegged your 'title' wrong, but definately not your personality. I thought her response was dead on:

"5 months notice for extra time off, a suitable substitute offering from the nanny, and advice seeking before nanny over-reacts is not flighty and inmmature. It shows that she is pretty level headed."

Your the one that sounds bitter. Did you find your husband boffing the secretary or something?

cali mom said...

12:08, pay no attention to the bitter illiterate (Y-O-U-'-R-E) nanny pretending to be multiple people. I'm with you.

Anonymous said...

Cali mom
We usually see eye to eye (I post anonymous when I feel a little fire, and don't want the backlash) - but I am far from illiterate, thank you very much. People make mistakes, and "YOU'RE" being too harsh also.
I thought 4:51/12:08 was mean, and gave my opinion.
And I am not a bitter nanny, I'm a SAHM.

mom said...

Looks like she who shall not be named is starting to have trouble controlling herself...again.

mom said...

And before you try to start a long thread of hateful denials and begin screaming at us in all caps that we don't know you...you already exposed yourself as our resident liar by posing as nanny at 11:44PM and a SAHM at 10:49AM. Cali mom is right. You are posting repeatedly and pretending to be several different people.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but you're wrong mom. 11:44 and 10:49 are 2 different people. I'm 10:49/SAHM. But 11:44 could be 'her'. I know I stuck up for 'her' ... but I do think she made a good point.
Please don't make me reveal myself ....

Anonymous said...

BTW mom, I'm 10:39 in Edinborough.

mom said...

10:49,
I apologize for confusing you with she who shall not be named. That would certainly be a huge insult.

I looked back to figure out why I thought that. I think it is because I assumed Cali mom was referring to 11:44 (who may well be "her") when she made her comment...and then the 10:49 comment seems to respond to that by saying "I am far from illiterate." So I assumed you were her...especially since "she" has such a propensity to write in as multiple people to make it look like a bunch of people are defending her...and also because she tends to contradict herself so much.

Anyway...again, I am sorry. I am also curious as to who you are. There are a couple of people here who have not been writing anymore and I have wondered where they are. I don't see the 10:39 in Edinborough comment.

Anonymous said...

That's certainly o.k., mom. lol
You are one of my favorite posters! The 10:39 in Edinborough comment is in the 1st thread (Edina) ... you responded to my comment at the bottom, and that's why I brought it up. I was trying to get across who I was, without really saying "who I was".
Anyway, I am quite familiar with 'she who shall not be named'. I am only one of her many victims, which is why I tend to post anonymous sometimes. It just isn't worth the hassle. I go by a different name now, and as I said, if I have an opinion that might pull particular people out of the woodwork, I stay anonymous. I'm sure you can understand, lol.
I'm with you, though. I miss some of the regulars that used to post here. 'She' probably scared them off.

mom said...

I think I have an idea now. I looked back at 10:39. You don't live there, right...but I once inquired as to where you might live? (This would likely only be remembered by you since nobody else would have cared.)
If you're who I thnk you are, I (and probably several others)have missed you. Don't let "her" scare you into hiding. (Although I do know what you mean about making any possibly controversial comments anonymous to avoid the backlash. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle.)
I try to point out "she who shall not be named" when I recognize her here so that others will be warned to keep from getting drawn into one of her fights. I have noticed that some others do the same. Just be yourself, and point her out when she shows up.

Anonymous said...

Mom
"I think I have an idea now. I looked back at 10:39. You don't live there, right...but I once inquired as to where you might live? (This would likely only be remembered by you since nobody else would have cared.)"

Right.
;)

mom said...

Well then, hello.
I had thought about posting and asking where you went...but then I figured something must have happened to either sour you on the site entirely, or make you "go underground" for a while...in which case, ferretting you out would not be what you wanted anyway. Glad to know you're still here! ;)

Anonymous said...

Mom
I disappeared for a short while, and came back under a new pseudonym. I had other things to deal with. But I've always "been around".
It's good to 'see you', though!
;)

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