Tuesday

Is it bitchy of me to not give her a raise even though each year her job has gotten progressively easier....

Received Tuesday, November 6, 2007- Perspective & Opinion
I just have a question about my nanny. When she first began working for us three years ago, we had 5 kids, 2 of whom were in school for a half day. We agreed that she would work a total of 28 hours a week (Monday-Thursday 8am-3pm) at $20 per hour. We gave her major holidays and one week of paid vacation, plus sick days when she needed them, even though she was only a part-time nanny. I also give her a generous bonus at Christmas. This was (and still is) my one and only experience with a nanny. We have not had any problems. She takes care of my children, does laundry/ dishes/ general pick-up as time allows, which I appreciate.

My question now is, three years ago she had 3 kids for the entire day and 5 kids for half a day and she was working for her $20 per hour. Now, three years later, she has all 5 for about 30 minutes and then three go to school for a full day and one goes to school a half day in the mornings and the other goes to preschool 3 afternoons a week. My question is that she is getting paid $23 an hour now (I've given her $1 per hour raise each year) and this year she has already made a comment about her next raise. It's not that she isn't doing a great job, but the fact that she now only has 1-2 kids to take care of instead of 5, but still expects another raise is bothering me. She hasn't taken on any more chores, nor have I asked or expected her to, and she is not doing any more with 1 or 2 than she did with all 5.

I do not know what to do. Is it bitchy of me to not give her a raise even though each year her job has gotten progressively easier? This is an issue that I hadn't even thought of when I began my nanny search. I know that it's fair to give nanny raises when children are born, but what do you do once they start going to school? I do not want to lose her as a nanny, but I'm torn because we've never explicitly discussed this issue. An insights into this would be helpful; please spare me the rude and nasty comments. I'm looking for input from parents who have been in a similar situation. Thanks in advance

73 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, OP. You are coming off as bitch and ungrateful. I cannot imagine the nanny who shows up on your doorstep to take care of your five children. And although she has only been there for 3 years, she has put in some amount of time with you. Imagine how hard it would be to replace her. You still have five children with five different personalities likely with different needs and schedules.

If you have a great nanny, by all means give her what you can. Even if you are a shrew when it comes to tipping or giving to charity, treat the person who takes care of your child like gold.

Unless she isn't doing a good job, in which case- why is she there?

And I say this as someone who had a great nanny leave over a salary dispute. We have had three nannies since her and while I would never want her to know it, most every day there is still a reminder of how much easier things were when she was here.

paul the intern said...

Taken on more "chores"?
At first I was going to suggest that maybe she isn't the right nanny.But it sounds to me like you have children all over the place. When would she take on "more chores". Is she child free for any part of the day?

Sue Doe-Nim said...

Yes.

It's bitchy.

But it's also good you recognize it.

TX Nanny said...

Weird, I'm a nanny and I don't think she's being bitchy. I think that you should give her the raise but if there are a few more things she could do for you, and I don't mean heavyduty things, then ask her. Then you might want to talk about how you are going to cap her salary after this year. I know that I'm worth every penny I make but I also understand that someone is paying me out of their pocket so I say in the interview process how much I will start at and when and how many raises I expect.

Anonymous said...

You need to give her a raise, and a dollar more isn't enough. The cost of living has risen throughout the country and you're still paying your nanny like its three years ago.

Anonymous said...

If you can afford 5 kids and a $24/hr nanny, you can afford to give her the gosh-darned raise. Cheapskate!

former nanny, now a mom said...

I think you could look at it this way-- could you and your family survive without her in your life? Probably not. If that is the case, then give her the raise to keep your piece of mind that someone you trust and know is caring for and driving your kids. I understand the annoyance that she has talked about the raise, but overlook that and look at the big pic. She is good and probably worth it. Asking her to add specific chores is certainly a possibility as well. That would not be rude or bitchy at all. But, I do think you have to keep with the raise.

Anonymous said...

You have longevity in exchange for being asked to pay a decent wage and you are questioning that? She's doing full on house keeping too?!

To paraphrase an oldie; count your blessings instead of dimes and you won't be asleep!

Alison said...

This mother does not deserve the name calling "bitch", "cheapskate" etc. She had a question and she put it out there. She obviously is very thoughtful about this situation and, like many people with decisions to make, put feelers out for advice. It's immature to resort to calling her names.

Forever Amused said...

Oy. Listen, you can get rid of your current nanny and start the new one at $15 an hour or whatever and risk going through a new nanny every 6 months... Or you can give a fair raise to the person who cares for your children. If you want to talk to her about expanding the job to include something new, it's not insane. It's different if you can't afford it, in that case you should talk to her too!

Sarah and Mitch said...

First of all, is the raise supposed to happen soon? Or will it be when the younger two are also in half-day school?

I appreciate that you are paying her well what she is worth, not enough parents do that (Im not sure enough are able). However, the kids are in school all day, but she is still available and ready to pick them up from school if they are sick. If there is a need for her to be there, then she is. And while she isn't actually watching all 5 all day, every day, she is there and ready to do it if something comes up. I think that peace of mind alone is something to get a dollar more per hour for.

That being said, now is a good time to talk about next year, when you will require even less of her in terms of time and childcare hours. You should discuss now what expectations will be next year. Either the hours go down that you will need her, or you can pay her differently depending on how many kids she is watching. Yes, that means math at the end of the week, but if you write it down it will be easy.

(Ex: $12/hour to watch one child, $15/hour to watch two, then "afterschool care" at the rate you are at now, when she has all 5)

Good luck!!

erics mom said...

I disagree with most of the postings. I can't believe the nanny brought up the subject, about her next raise. I think $23.00 an hour is good.
Some jobs don't even give raises every year. A family of mine worked in a corporate office, and they didn't give out raises one year. Yes, people were pissed, some left. But alot stayed too, because they needed worked.

Some LPNs don't even start out with $23.00 per hour. Let alone a nanny

Anonymous said...

If it is not going to be difficult financially for you to pay her the extra dollar and give her the raise, then you should do it. Your having given the raises until now has set up her expectation that you will give it again. From the nanny's point of view it is reasonable that she is expecting the raise since it has happened predictably the past few years.

If her job is truly getting easier with time, then when you give her this next dollar raise, you should explain that next year you are not going to be able to give her a raise.

While I can understand why you think it is sort of rude that the nanny has already talked about a raise that you have not yet given for this year, but that she expects, I think it is also a blessing in disguise. It is much better that you have found out now that she was expecting the raise. It would be way worse if the time came, you did not give her a raise, and her feelings were really hurt.

It seems to me like you have no problem affording the nanny's raise. Of course, I could be wrong. But if you have no problem affording it, then you should definitely give it. It would make a huge difference in her life. And it would make no difference in yours. She would greatly benefit and you wouldn't even feel it. So, it seems to me that you should definitely do it.

In a few years when your kids are all in school full days, you may not need her at all. So, hold onto her. Appreciate her. Tell her you really want to keep her and your family is very fond of her.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

Anonymous said...

What seems to bother you is that the job has gotten much easier than when she started at $20 an hour. In my opinion, when she started, she was under paid if she had sole charge of five children.
I would give her the raise but talk to her about how the job has changed,and see if there are some new duties she can add, such as shopping for the children's clothes and school supplies, researching summer programs for them etc.
By the way, the cost of living goes up about 3% a year, so no raise at all is really a demotion.

OP here said...

Thanks everyone for the ideas, suggestions and feedback. FYI- maybe I was unclear in the original post: 3 of my kids go to school full-day and one is in Kindergarten 5 mornings a week. My youngest goes to preschool MWF afternoons, so she only has one child at a time for the vast majority of the time that she is working.

6:30- I'm not sure how you deduced that my nanny does "full-on housekeeping," but she in no way does all of the housekeeping. She changes around the laundry once in a while, cleans up the dishes that she and the kids incur and keeptheir toys tidy during the day. She does not: vacuum, sweep, mop, make beds, clean bathroom, etc. I've never asked her to, and do not expect her to.

Anonymous said...

5 kids for $20 wow. You were very lucky to get a nanny willing to take care of 5 kids, especially for just $20 an hour.

You should give her the raise eventhough she has less responsibilities now. She's stayed with you for years! You can of course choose to not do so but this will probably make her realize that she needs to start searching for another family.

Loyalty might make you want to give a raise but loyalty is probably why she was willing to take care of that many kids for that long for that hourly wage.

Anonymous said...

Yes, it's VERY bitchy. Everything costs more. Even the lowliest workers get a cost of living adjustment... If you can afford to raise five children, then you can afford to give your hardworking nanny a raise.

Rhiannon said...

Over the last three years her annual increases have been 5%, 4.8% an 4.6% this is well above the cost of living over the last three years whic was 2.7% 3.4%, and 3.2% respectively.
Give her a cost of living increase of 3% and review her time and her list of duties so that you are both happy.
If you are happy with your nanny, that is so valuable.

elizabeth said...

hi there, you're not being bicthy it's good to discuss
i understand employing a nanny is expensive
$23 times $28 times $49 plus $220(xmas bonus)equals approx $32000 per year

if you want to give her more duties i recommend more child focused tasks not cleaning etc

perphaps if you feel that there is not much for her to do during the day you could think about hiring her at afternoon time 2-4 days per week

if she gives birth herself give here a raise by at least $4 an hour

if you can't afford to give a raise give other benefits such as taking her to special events with your family or giving her more meals or items you longer need that she would like.... i'm sure you can think of other benefits

or perphaps you could give her an 1 extra week of holidays (she is only 8 hours from being full time)

maybe a slight change in working hours would help keep her enthused

vi said...

Elizabeth-
how did you figure a Christmas bonus of $220?

If your nanny is doing a good job, she should get a minimum of one week as a bonus. The longer she is with you and the better the job she does should be considered when handing out bonuses.

And if your nanny is not doing a good job, why is she working for you?

We give our nanny two weeks every year. And gifts on top of that.

I think some of you cheapskates are the reason inferior childcare providers run amok in this city.

Anonymous said...

To OP:
Yes, it is bitchy. This person is there for the entire day, and regardless of how many children she is caring for, her time is just as valuable as yours.
To "Eric's mom": (poor eric, by the way.) Why can't you believe the nanny asked about her raise? Are nannies not allowed to discuss their pay raises with their employers? You disgust me.

Mom said...

I would think you would have to give her some sort of raise just to keep her from from being upset, since you have given her one each year. To give her nothing owuld not only be a great disappointment to her, but would probably feel like a demotion.
But if she is already earning more per hour than the going rate, perhaps you could explain that to her and give a smaller raise. That way she will still feel valued by you (that you are willing to raise her pay a bit even though you pay her more than the going rate), and you will not feel resentment toward her. It sounds like you are happy with her, so it would be a shame to lose her over a little bit of money. It's sad for kids when people keep changing nannies and the kids don't have any stability or a long term person that they can bond with. It might be a good time to ask her to do a couple of light chores while the kids are away, but I would not turn her into a workhorse or a maid in order to get your last dollar's worth out of her. It's important that both you and she are happy with the working arrangements or it won't work out in the end. If she feels like she has a pretty good situation, she will do all she can to keep working for you.

Anonymous said...

How many kids does your nanny watch during summer break or other school holidays? It seems as if she would have all 5 kids, which is overwhelming. You're toeing a fine line here... don't give her the raise if you don't want to give her the raise, but be prepared for her to walk. You could also give her an extra week of paid vacation or other perks in lieu of a raise.

Anonymous said...

Not bitchy at all and I totally get it. My sister is in a similar situation -- nanny started with 3 kids at home (oldest in preschool 5 afternoons), by next year, the oldest will be in school all day, the middle one will be in preschool 5 mornings a day and the youngest will be in preschool 3 mornings a day. The following year, the job will be even easier (with 2 kids in school until 3 and the youngest in preschool 5 days a week). Your situation is different since it 5 kids and probably more shuttling around to/from classes/play dates/etc. But at some point (maybe not quite this year), your nanny will be very very overpaid. I would say give her the raise now, but discuss next year with her. I.e. next year, you will have spare time, etc. and I either expect that you will do x, y, z chores or you shouldn't expect a raise. $24 an hour (her salary with a raise) is A LOT of money.

Anonymous said...

Give the raise. If you ever take care of your children you should know that having to take care of one is not that much easier than taking care of two or three at a time. A single preschooler can be a handful. If your kids were old enough to take care of themselves you might think about a new arrangement, but this is not the case. You need your nanny so if you are happy with her she deserves the raise. This is a no-brainer.
Oh, and by the way, I am not a nanny.

Mom said...

I have been thinking about this and have a couple of other thoughts...especially after realizing that different areas typically have different nanny salary ranges. I do not see where you live.
I think there may be two possibilities I did not consider before.
1) You may already be paying far above the going rate, depending on where you live. If that is the case, it is probably possible for you to tell her that you value her so much that you have puropsely overpaid her all of this time...but that it is not possible for you to keep increasing her pay at the same rate, as you have now priced yourself way above the market already. You might then explain that the lack of (or very small)increase this year is not a reflection of the value you place on her services, but that your previous generous increases were given precisely because you do value her so much.

More importantly, I am starting to become suspicious as to why she would be mentioning the expected pay raise in advance. If she is used to getting it, and felt it a certainty that she would be getting it, why would she keep "casually mentioning" it? Seems she would probably just be silently expecting it. If you are already overpaying her, and she realizes it, perhaps she is becoming a little concerned that you might feel it inappropriate to raise her another dollar this year. Perhaps she herself realizes that it is not necessarily appropriate this year to get such a big raise, and wants to sort of manipulate you into feeling obligated? Perhaps she is as aware as you are of how much less work she is having to do, especially at such a generous salary, and is afraid the gravy train may dry up?

I suggest you check carefully into the going nanny rates in your area and pay her a a little more than that because she is watching so many kids (after school and summer must be very hectic for her. Consider the schoolday her mental health break from the impending chaos.) If she is already far above that average, she will likely understand that you need to get the raise situation under control...and she will not want to leave because she is being paid more than she would otherwise get somewhere else.

Kate (Childcare provider) in CO said...

You are extremely ungrateful.....give her the raise for cost of living!.....for crying out loud.......you've had a nanny for THREE years you're happy with!!..BE THANKFUL...I wonder if she's been happy with YOU! Cheap, cheap, cheap!! ( You know.....after the horror stories I've read on here......I would hope she'd quit you. You don't sound like an employer I'd wanna work for.

erics mom said...

10:15

How can you say poor Eric? Because, I may disagree on some subjects, that makes me a bad mother??

i got the apple! said...

Most nannies wouldn't have taken this job to begin with (5 kids HOLY) but none the less, she did and she's still giving you a lot of her time, devotion and energy! I can imagine that she still has a lot on her plate, dealing with 5 different schedules, personalities, wants, needs, bad days...homework? If you are really that concerned with giving her a raise, dictate one more duty for her (so that you can rest assured she's working "hard enough" to have earned it.) But to be honest with you, I still think AS IS, she's doing enough to equate $24 an hour, especially if she's doing a good job and your kids love her.

As far as her assuming she'd get a raise. I really think you, and a few other posters are blowing this WAY out of proportion. I think this was an innocent assumption, and one that most of us would make. If you have always received a raise, and are still doing a good job you are going to assume that you will continue to get one. It's common sense, we as human beings base what will happen next upon facts that have happened in the past. This is normal, and something that starts very young, notice a child after burning themselves steer clear of the stove? We learn and foresee events based upon past experience and knowledge. I also think that we must remember that (I'm guessing, based upon traditional good nanny/employer relationships) you are more than just a boss to her, but also someone who has grown to be a friend, or almost family. I don't think she was attempting to "hint" or "force" you to give her a raise, I think she felt comfortable and confident enough with you, and the job that she is doing, that she honestly innocently assumed she'd get one (due to her past experience receiving them.)

I believe you have a good thing going here, and that you should give her the raise. If you aren't comfortable with just giving it as things currently are, politely ask her to do one more task/duty, while the kids are in school, but do remember, she is a nanny not a housekeeper and try not to cross that line. Most of us, except in the worst of situations, do have some down time at work, no matter how small or how grand the job is. Allow her to be human too. :)

Anonymous said...

You must take into consideration the summer months and school vacations.

cutefemmegirl said...

I agree with 3:28. I am sure that your Nanny will be earning her paycheck during school vacations ... 5 kids is alot of work! If she is a great Nanny in every other way, you really shouldn't balk at what you're paying her. If the pay raises bother you so much, have a sit-down with her and try to come to some kind of an agreement.

paul the intern said...

AD HOMINEM ATTACKS- are least likely to be tolerated by someone posting as "anonymous" and attacking someone who uses a moniker, esp. a moniker that reveals personal information that is utilized in the attack.

cutefemmegirl said...

Well ... here's hoping that said attacker will:
AD HOMINEM CIRCUMSTANTIAL -
instead of attacking someone personally ... prove themselves intelligent enough to argue the circumstances or their point of view.

Mom said...

Are you talking about whoever apparently called Eric's mom a bad mom? Those kinds of really stupid, baseless insults happen all the time when the person has nothing valid or useful to complain about, but simply wants to lash out childishly at somebody with a differing opinion. They will even attack the person's innocent child a lot of the time. It shows a lot of immaturity and ignorance...not to mention an alarming display of pent up, misplaced anger, hostility and agression.
I have asked many times for one of these anonymus hate spewers to please let us know what it is that is going through their minds as they write these hatefil things. So far, even though they are anonymous, nobody has had the guts to speak up. How unhappy must they be as people to get pleasure from that?

Anonymous said...

I no longer use a moniker. Been there, done that. At least as anonymous I don't feel personally attacked anymore.

11:59 said...

Oh, and to clarify, I am not the one making insults. Just passing thru adding my two cents. I think it's rude to tell someone you don't even know that you feel sorry for their children. Sounds like they're the one with problems.

paul the intern said...

Yes, mom. You are correct. Anything that distracts from the way the children are being treated.

Anonymous said...

5 kids? you better give her a raise
Do you know hard it is to be in charge of someone else's child? not to mention 5?

Anonymous said...

Oh Katie, as a daycare provider you are probably feeling left out that you make so little.

"quit her"- now that is just poor grammar.

Anonymous said...

I was a nanny to a busy family with three kids for over a year. I never felt quite appreciated, even though I always went above and beyond my duties and cared for their children like my own. Once they realized they could get a "cheaper" nanny, they did. They gave me the option of either lowering my salary, or finding another job. I quit! Not even a month later, (and 3 nannies later) they were begging me back and regretting their previous decision. Ultimately I felt I had to prove a point with them so I never returned, but I still watch their kids for "date nights" and they boast all the time how they will never use anyone to watch their kids besides me.

You don't know what you have until it's gone lady, so be appreciative and if you plan on saving a few dollars by not giving the raise, you will crush her heart, her spirits, her confidence, and lose her.

Give her a raise!

chick said...

Well, unless you have been discussing issues of poor job performance with your nanny, and have either put her on probation or on notice that she needs to change XYZ or she will be fired, I think assuming she'll be getting a raise just as she has every previous year is not out of line.

And I do think you need to give her a raise. Until and unless all 5 kids are in school full days, AND she is not on duty until late AM or early PM, she is still on call while you are not available, and you have to pay her to be available.

Adding any additional duties at this point seems sort of petty. If she's doing well with what's on her plate now, why add more stuff just to justify a raise to yourself?

Many families stop giving raises once the hours on duty start to shrink. IOW, if nanny works 50 hours/week, and her hours drop to 40/week, that is considered her "raise". She makes the same salary, for fewer hours.

Good luck, and I hope you can keep your nanny for years to come.

Kate in CO said...

Hey 1:37.....stick to the issue......I make crap load of money!!! (How's my grammar now?) I hold an Experienced Provider license and have 7 children in my care every day. Oh...& another thing...let's post with a NAME from now on. That would be polite. At least I don't hide behind an anonymous heading. (Hmmmm...are you the OP? You're grammar wasn't so great in your blog.) This nanny deserves her raise....she's obviously been a great nanny for THREE years!

Anonymous said...

You trolls bore me.

Meme said...

8:43-

And you are......?????

Kate in CO said...

Meme said "And you are......?????"

Thanks, Meme.....I always enjoy what you have to say. You seem very level headed and right on!

It chaps my hide when people want good day care......but, don't want to pay for it. I have a waiting list and people know a good provider when they see one. I am very reasonable.....I only charge 30 -35 per day. (Times that by 7 kids and I'm doing alright 1:37!) My hours are 7am-5pm.....not nanny hours! (Thank God!)

erics mom said...

Do you watch seven kids yourself? Or do you have an assistant?

Meme said...

Thanks Kate! :)

You take care of 7 kids? Alone? Wow...Super Nanny!

erics mom said...

is it legal??

Anonymous said...

Wow Kate, that is soooooooo cheap.
No wonder there is a waiting list.
Daycares out in NY can be as much as nannies.

jersey nanny said...

So you barely make $20 an hour for 7 kids and you have to provide food and all the toys and everything? Hells no. I wouldn't take care of 7 kids for less than 70 an hour!

Mom said...

I think what she is saying is that she charges $30-35 per child per day. That would mean $210-$245 per day...which comes out to $21-$24.50 per hour. Sounds to be in the nanny range hourly.

Some people do that kind of childcare out of their own homes because it allows them to earn a living and still be at home with their own child. It also allows them to deduct a part of their rent/mortgage and household expenses as work related, and thereby saves them even more money. My mother did that when I was a baby, as my father worked in a factory and finished college.

Anonymous said...

cut her hours if you dont need her there all day. 5 kids.... id pay her $25 with a new contract of to do things.

Anonymous said...

Cutting her hours is bad advice. You will loose her.

Anonymous said...

We have 6 under 6 (2 sets twins) and have been looking for a good nanny. My husband and I don't travel anymore (wonder why), but we have talked it over and will give whomever we hire a 2wk paid vacation per year. Your current nanny seems wonderful. If you are willing to part with her, please indicate same on this page and maybe we can talk. She will not be required to do any housework here. We live in CO and FL.

Anonymous said...

There is such a thing as cost of living raises and you should want to pay her more because she does such a great job. It's a same you want to be so freaking cheap! Here's some advise, take care of your own kids!!!

Anonymous said...

Some people are so rude... It is right for any job to get a raise. She is still giving you her time and energy. She is still working for you and being employed. It is right to give her the raise. You say she does a great job and a raise shows you appreciate her. I would be very offended to recieve a raise for 3 years and then all of a sudden not get one. Hope this helps.

Anonymous said...

I would give her the raise. Even though her job may have gotten somewhat easier, there is always the cost of living to consider, and surely anyone who has been with you for awhile deserves that consideration. On the other hand, I know many of my fellow-nurses who don't make much more than that for a whale of a lot more work and responsibility, so that's another way to look at it. For the duties you ask of her, $20 is actually a lot, in my estimation. Nevertheless, you HAVE offered her that starting salary, and she's come to rely on it. Give her the raise. ( Is she live-in? If so, $20 is REALLY a lot....)

Anonymous said...

I think some of you are laboring under a misconception here. Yes, it's nice to feel appreciated and fulfilled in you job, but get a grip...MILLIONS of people work in jobs in which they feel undervalued and underappreciated. That's just part of being in the workforce these days. Yes, the welfare of someone's children is more important than whether or not somebody's catalog order gets out on time, but ultimately, it's the same thing. It's a job, and the PERFECT job probably doesn't exist. The key to the whole thing is a frank discussion at the outset, and again whenever needed ( as now ). A written agreement/contract may be a good idea. You can always give MORE than the agreement calls for ( in the case of an occassion or especially outstanding performance ) without creating an obligation or expection for it. In the meantime, the nanny will know what she can definitely expect. Seems like a win-win situation.

Anonymous said...

YES!!!! IT IS BITCHY!! OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE EVEN ASKING THIS QUESTION!! IF I WERE A NANNY FOR THREE FREAKING YEARS AND DIDN'T GET A RAISE I WOULD DROP YOU ON YOUR STINGY ASS AND WALK OUT THAT DOOR SO FAST YOU WOULDN'T SEE ME LEAVE! IF YOU VALUE HER AT ALL THEN PLEASE GIVE HER A RAISE!

Anonymous said...

6:39- Where in Florida do you live?

Katherine

Nanny Kam said...

I understand where you are coming from, but if your five kids - regardless of how often they are around now - are very happy with their home situation, it's a testament to what a great job your nanny has done in being a part of your home team. For this, she should be rewarded.

Managing even one or two children well is still a LOT of work, so don't begrudge her on that front. If you have chores you can add, still leaving her time to actually care for and spend time with the children, then add them. Otherwise, I'd be grateful that you have a fantastic nanny and give her a decent raise.

healthylady said...

I had neighbors with two girls, a house cleaning service and a stay at home mom who was up all night, slept all day. Their nanny worked for them till both girls were in school, then left over salary and issues that she wanted to go to school, they wouldn't agree to that even though both girls were in school when the nanny would have been in class or studying.
So the nanny left and they went through three nannies (that I knew of).
They finally, after 18 months, called the first nanny and told her she could have anything she wanted if she would come back. They ended up paying her $50,000 per year plus full room and board, a new car paid for and in her name and time off for school.
They would have been so much better off to work with her in the first place.
Now the nanny is happy, the mom gets to sleep during the day and the girls are well taken care of.

Anonymous said...

you should talk and ask if she thinks it fair

Anonymous said...

1102, all caps is rude. Go take your Ritalin.

Anonymous said...

what's a nanny?

Anonymous said...

So OP ...
Watcha gonna do?
I think if you don't want to give her the raise, and it's possible to cut her back just a few hours so that she has alittle more free time - maybe that will make you both happy?

OP Here... said...

Hi All-

I thought that I would update everyone on our decision. My husband and I sat down and had a heart-to-heart conversation the other night. In taking into account some of the things that we read on this post and advice that we had received elsewhere, we decided to up her pay to $25 an hour, especially since we will only need her for another year or so.

Reading all of the posts really made me realize how much I appreciate all that she does for us. She loves our kids and that's more than I could ask for.

In addition to this, we are planning on asking her possibly start running some errands when she only has one child with her, and only when she has time. (Grocery shopping, running to the post office and other simple things.)

Thank you to all of you who gave constructive comments and suggestions. We truly appreciated it.

cutefemmegirl said...

OP
I'm so glad you worked it out. I've worked as a Nanny, but have never had a Nanny ... so I know it's hard work. I had a job where both parents fought in Desert Storm and for the duration they were gone, I had temporary guardianship over the little boy (when I was hired, this was not the agreement, but the husband ended up getting deployed right behind the wife to fight in the war, and they had nobody else). It was rough, but I loved the little boy, and he was never a moments trouble. So I'm glad you see the value in your Nanny and are paying her what she's worth.

Anonymous said...

We are glad for your nanny that you have worked it out, but admit to secretly hoping you wouldn't. My husband a I had been watching the site with the anticipation that you would part ways. Our 6 need someone caring.

Harried Parents in West Palm

wow said...

6 kids = 2 nannies! OMG! AND a cleaning womman and possibly a PA- unles u are a SAHM........

Anonymous said...

After reading your story, I can understand both sides..

I suggest keeping your Nanny's salary at a max..
its crazy that nannies feel they deserve more maybe b/c of the career you have and how much money you are raking in-
they feel a sense of entitlement.
I am a psychology intern;so as I mentioned above, keep it at a dollar amount. you are not an animal or monster for doing so!

Since yo have children in school, for most part of the day- it sounds pretty fair to keep it at
a salary that is fair to the two of you, from here on in, basically as long as she is employed w/ no changes- reguardless of inflation..

In paying her weekly, she should also, be reminded what her annual salary salary comes to..
in all, don't feel guilty. she should have other options, if she is so cocky..
she is pressing the subject b/c she know you need her and is manipulating you to make you feel,she is capable of leaving, when its just a game!

Good luck!

Stressed out! said...

I was dismayed to see how many people thought this mom was being a bitch. I have a similar problem. We only pay $15/hr for two kids, but I don't know many people who pay more around here, first of all, and second, I can't afford more, or even this really, and third, the responsibilities are going down. I give a week's pay at Christmas and allow her to choose her own equivalent of two weeks' vacation. I also give her a nice gift for her birthday and Christmas. Do I HAVE to give her a dollar more an hour each year? I didn't get a raise in my own job...

Jacqui said...

23 dollars an hour? No, she doesn't need a raise...and this is coming from a nanny. She needs to put the situation into perspective..and most importantly, you two need to sit down and figure out how you're going to handle this type of thing next time it comes up.

23 dollars an hour is very fair what you say she does and the amount of time she spends with all 5 of the children. It doesn't make you ungrateful OR bitchy to question whether or not she should be getting more and I'm not really sure why commenters are being so hard on you.

Set the max at 25 (I just read your update) dollars an hour. Considering what she does (or doesn't do..not even errands?), that's more than enough.

Don't let your nanny take advantage of you and don't let any of these people here make you feel like you're being ungrateful or doing anything wrong. She has gotten raises, as you mentioned, and her responsbilities seem to have decreased now that some of the kids are school-age. A lot of nannies would love to make 25 dollars an hour (I know I would!!!)