26 October, 2007

File This Under Suspicious People...Bay Ridge, NY

Received Friday, October 26, 2007
"I think my son and I were *almost* victims of a flasher today, (10/26). At about 9 a.m. I was waiting with my 4yo for the B16 at 92nd & Shore Rd. A man started talking to me and in particular to my son asking him how old he was, what school he goes to, what's he going to be for Halloween, etc. I thought he looked a little weird so I answered briefly without giving details. But he continued to try to talk to my son and kept staring at him in a way that made me feel uncomfortable - like he had way too much interest in him. Next thing I know, he leans against the railing in front of the medical bldg there and crosses his leg so that his groin is exposed. His fly was down and gaping open and he's staring at my son with this big grin on his face. I immediately grabbed my son and walked away from him. I didn't actually see anything but it was very clear to me that he was trying to flash us. Even worse, it seemed to be directed at my son. I didn't call the police because what could I say? This strange looking guy had his fly open? I guess it could have been unintentional - but I know it wasn't. I spent the bus ride lecturing my son AGAIN about talking to strangers, etc. - although he was thoroughly confused because we always chat with other people at the bus stop in the morning.FWIW - he was a white guy, 40-45, about 5'8, balding brown hair with a bushy mustache. I'm passing this along just as reminder to everyone to be extra careful to keep an eye your kids."

36 comments:

Meme said...

This may have been nothing, but what if it wasn't?

I know you will most likely get a bunch of posters on here saying this is a silly posting, but I say, when it comes to your kids, you cannot be too careful and you have to trust your intuition.

Anonymous said...

You didn't say your son was talking to the stranger. You were answering the questions for him. I would of praised my son for not talking to the weirdo.

ericsm said...

I disagree, you should have called the police. At least they can look out for anyone suspicious. It could be a child molester.

Alicia said...

Scary. Thanks for the reminder that you can never be too trusting. I'm glad you and your son are safe.

Anonymous said...

Definitely a weirdo. Next time, leave a description of the man please. And keep in mind when a strange man is talking to you, you do NOT have to answer him, even briefly.

Anonymous said...

There is a decription of the man in this post. To confirm:
"white, balding, about
5'8", brown thinning hair, most noticable thing was a
big bushy mustache. He was wearing jeans and a light
windbreaker. I noticed he had a heavy New York accent,
which I know you'd expect in Brooklyn, but for some
reason I really noticed it."
and the person who experienced this is reporting it to the local precinct.

Meme said...

I have to say I am actually surprised more people aren't telling her she overreacted.

Way to be supportive guys!This is a nice group on this one.

Anonymous said...

Invasive questions about identifying facts.
Weird vibe.
Staring at child and not you.
Chances of these 3 things being true AND fly being open accidently?
.0001%.

I'm a man. I've had my fly accidentally open in public before on I'm sure more than one occasion. Never though while asking personal location and identity revealing questions of a 4 year old child. Guy's a f'ing perve.

Next time call the cops. Let them sort it out.

kelly said...

OP, this is very scary. Definitely sounds creepy. To put it humanely, I hope someone kicks this guy real hard in the groin before he attempts to flash another person. The nerve of him! I wont say more regarding what I think should happen to this perv, because my post will be deleted.

LindaLou said...

i think alerting the police is the right thing to do.

Anonymous said...

It is understandable how you feel. I think you should have called the police then, and there is nothing wrong with calling them now. Perverts do this exact kind of thing -- make you uncomfortable and make you question yourself whether you have the right take on the situation. That is what allowed him to get to the point of showing his crotch with his fly open -- there was nothing absolutely positive in your mind that you were confident you should run away immediately. Perverts are experts in this exact modus operandi.

I think that besides going to the police right now with the description, and reporting it, you should also speak very directly to your son. It is important and will be a good learning exercise if you are very direct and clear. You can something like this: the man that was talking to mommy the other day at the bus stop turned out to be very weird. Mommy didn't realize it right away, but he was weird and mommy should have walked away from him sooner. Next time something feels weird to mommy or to you, we will walk away immediately and say "Go Away!" very clearly to the person. (This language may be too complicated for your child -- you decide -- but my general point is to be matter of fact about it, and give him the knowledge and confidence about what to do.)

If a person ever flashes you, if you have enough courage, a great reaction is to laugh loudly and point, as though it is hysterical, as though you are mocking the person and calling attention to them. The flasher is relying on you feeling humilated and slinking away (that is their goal and what they get off on), so having the opposite reaction, of laughing at their stupid tiny penis, and humilating them, will turn the tables on them, and will empower you.

Meme said...

11:22: Just curious what makes you such an authority on perverts?

Anonymous said...

My mother grew up in Queens and experienced some flashers as a young girl while on city buses, traveling to school. Over the years she has told me stories of what she experienced.

More importantly, I am an authority in women's studies and have studied the politics of rape, sexual abuse, and sexual harrassment.

Since you asked . . .

Anonymous said...

Well said anonymous 7:41 PM! I too studied sexual abuse, as well as sexual deviancy, and Abnormal Psychology in University, and I completely agree with your advice.

I feel it would also be wise to add; not to be afraid to speak up and even ask someone to step away from you (when they are acting inappropriately)-- even be as bold as to say: "Your fly is down, zip it up, and back off!" Teach your kids to be strong, and walk a way as well. A lot of times child molesters and other sexual abusers/deviants get a way with what they do because we as a society are too afraid to speak up and sound "rude"... When someone is making you uncomfortable, forget society and protect yourself! Worst case scenario you offend a stranger, best case scenario you save you or your child's life!

Meme said...

7:41...Just to clear it up, I was not trying to be rude (although I know my comment may have unintentionally had that tone). I truly wondered if you were some kind of mental health professional or something. Thanks for the info.

Anonymous said...

Oh, meme...
how you do go on!
But I loves ya anyway...
Keep the faith!

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine was in Las Vegas when tired from all of the walking, she sat down on a curb to rest. Just then a car pulled around the corner, and squished against the window of that car was a giant fat ass much to my friend's horror. It happens.

Anonymous said...

Clarification to above post:
a giant, fat bare ass...

Meme said...

12:22:

Uh, thanks?

Anonymous said...

Seeing someone moon you is not comparable to a man trying to flash his private parts at a child.

Being mooned can be funny.

It is impossible to find humor is someone attempting to sexually assault a child.

And I agree with what was said above... don't worry about being rude to someone. Go with your gut instinct and let it be known when you are uncomfortable. (It'll also show the kids to go with their "Uh Oh" feelings... I think thats what its being called now.)

Some people are just sick...

Steve said...

This response is the only way to respond to flashers:

"If a person ever flashes you, if you have enough courage, a great reaction is to laugh loudly and point, as though it is hysterical, as though you are mocking the person and calling attention to them. The flasher is relying on you feeling humilated and slinking away..."

This response should then follow the laughter:

"...be as bold as to say: "Your fly is down, zip it up, and back off!"

Anonymous said...

Hi, it's me, 7:41. (I'm also 11:22.) Mostly I think there are two main things to remember. Tell your kids that if that if something doesn't feel right (when they are talking to someone or whatever), GET AWAY FAST and never worry about offending the person. We spend so much time telling children to listen to adults and to be polite to them. They also need to be clearly and directly told to do the opposite (don't listen, be firm, yell, run away) if something doesn't feel right, or if they feel ill at ease.

The second thing to remember is if you as an adult think you are imagining something, and wonder if something's going on, then it almost definitely is. Treat the situation as though there is definitely something going on, and speak up, and run.

Good luck everyone. Talk to the kids now before a situation like this comes up.

Anonymous said...

I was planning on posting a snarky comment, but this is even too sick for me.

Perverts like that should be arrested and charged with moral depravity against a child.

Anonymous said...

Dear 7:41,

Great job telling Meme exactly what you do. She sounded like she was trying to crucify you or accuse you of being a pervert.

"Just curious what makes you such an authority on perverts?" sounds like 'who the hell do you think you are being smarter than my inflated ego'.

Watch out for the 'reincarnated' names. The oldies are back with new names, but same old bull.

You are an asset to society 7:41.

Meme said...

7:21: I was doing no such thing. I did realise after I posted the comment that it kind of sounded harsh, but I did not mean for it to sound that way, which is why I posted the follow up (apologizing) at 11:37, or didn't you bother to read that far down?

Jeez...try to apologize and still get slammers. Just can't please some people.

Anonymous said...

7:21 clearly just wants to fight.

Anonymous said...

11:33...I actually thought she/he probably just didn't bother to look down at my follow-up posting, but your theory could just as easily be true.

meme said...

12:38 was me...dont know why my name didnt show. I probably clicked something wrong. It's late!

Anonymous said...

We should all be willing to apologize when we are wrong and I applaud you, meme, for not being afraid to admit when you are wrong.

Meme said...

1:32, Thank you. That is kind of you to say.

Anonymous said...

Whoever you are that enjoys being mooned and thinks it is funny, you are a sicko. I think it would be absolutely horrifying to be mooned.

trish said...

I think I found a guy matching this description on the Sex Offender Database. Bushy moustache. Same build. Etc.

Anonymous said...

I was mooned once. It was gross, but I dismissed it immediately. It was just kids and they were laughing. A lot of high school and college age boys do this and think it's funny. It's just a stupid prank. This is something far different than being flashed. Flashing is done with an entirely different intent. Even drunk college kids apparently know the difference.

Lighten up a little...you'll burst a vein.

Anonymous said...

Dear 7:41,

Thank you for your super nice comment! You made my evening! :)

From 7:21
(also known as 11:22 and 2:34)

Meme said...

9:40 I agree. There is a big difference between stupid mooning teenagers and a flasher pervert. Neither are pleasant, but only one is likely to be a real pervert.

Anonymous said...

I still think mooning is in the same category as flashing. The very thought totally undoes me. Horrible.