06 May, 2007

Nannies & Mother's Day....

Receieved Sunday, May 6, 2007
I am a working mother with two children 7 & 9. We have had the same nanny for 3 years this May. I have never gotten her anything for Mother's Day but it did occur to me that this year, it might be nice. I suggested such to a stay at home mother I am close with and she snapped, "you want to admit in writing that "nanny" is more of a mother than you". I felt as if I had been slapped. Do people really think that is what it connotates? They really should make greeting cards for nannies. My nanny is my right hand, my friend and a part of our family. I love my children and I love that I am able to work. The nanny balances everything out. She doesn't think she is the mother, she spends weeks with the children behind closed doors working on Mother's Day projects for me. (The past two years). I don't have a question. The more I thought about what the stay at home mother thought, the angrier I became.

75 comments:

Anonymous said...

The SAHM is off here. See, the mom's who don't actually mommy would never think to do something so sweet for their nanny.

Happy Mother's Day! (a little early)

Anonymous said...

The stay at home mom is clearly jealous of you. Of course she doesn't want to recognize the nanny for mother's day. It calls in to question her very incapabilities as a mother (if she has a nanny) or just pisses her off because although she is pretending to love sahming she wishes for nothing more than a work wardrobe and being a part of that morning commute. So how dare you be so cool with having it ALL!(if she has no nanny).

jmt said...

Is your nanny a mother herself? If not, I don't think an actual Mother's Day card is appropriate. However... that doesn't mean you can't celebrate what a meaningful part of the family she is. You could give her a gift and Thank You note, something like that, either on Mother's Day or pick another day. Have a nice lunch with her and your family.
It sounds like you and your nanny are both great people working together.

ro said...

I do believe they make a mother's day card for "someone special". I would not GET a nanny a card that says, "You're like a mother to me" (!!!). I think mother's day might bring to light the gratitude you have for your nanny (is she is good) but in reality, it is a mom's holiday. Do something great for your nanny. Even a thank you for being so great card and small gift on Tuesday- but maybe not mother's day. However, I have to say, the fact that OP thought of this makes me think she is quite confident in her own role as mother. Good for you!

tinka2u said...

Mother's Day is Mother's Day, not Nanny's Day. However, since it is just a made up holiday by Hallmark anyway to make some money, do whatever you want. Why not skip the card altogether and just give her a little gift to show your appreciation of her for being a mother's helper, so to speak?

Anonymous said...

As a nanny I can understand that it is mothers day. I spend weeks trying to get the perfect gift for my bm (boss mom) and then the two girls and I give it to her special and make that day about her. But truthfully, every mothers day I cry a bit because I am not a mother myself and I am giving my life to raising children who are not my own. Do I regret it, nope not one bit. Do I feel sad that bm had the wonderful blessing to carry and give birth and love two amazing girls. Of course. so in my opinion, it takes a village to raise a child. A nanny is part of that village. My bosses give me a card every mothers day to say thank you for helping her be the best mother she can be. nice thought. still sad i don't have my own though.

Anonymous said...

Wow, your friend seems to have issues!
The more loving people children have in their lives the better, grandparents, aunts and uncles, nannies and family friends. Nothing can take away your primacy as mommy.
You sound like a nice employer. If you want to give your nanny a thank you on Mother's Day, do it. A nanny who feels appreciated is a happy nanny, and a child with a happy nanny is a happy child.
UES Nanny

A Nanny Who Loves Her Career said...

As a nanny who has received Mother's Day gifts from the family I used to work for, I can tell you it is a wonderful and touching thing. I already knew the family was great, and this gesture showed how much they truly treasure me.

Like your nanny, I spend a lot of time and thought working on something special for the mom.

Hallmark does make Mother's Day cards for child care providers that are perfectly appropriate.

For Mother's Day last year (well, actually on the Friday before) the family I work for gave me a beautiful card and a personal note stating how happy they are that I am a part of their family. They also gave me a gift certificate for a manicure, pedicure and 60 minute massage at a local spa.

I was very sad when they moved :( although they did ask me to move with them and we still keep in touch and I try to visit once a month or so.

To all the moms and nannies: Happy Mother's Day!

Anonymous said...

6:44,
Q) My BM is a sticky bitch. What should I do?

Anonymous said...

I run a small home daycare, take care of two little ones and my own. I got mothers day gifts for the kids' moms. I think it's sweet that you wish to honor your nanny, but if she's not a mother than you don't give her a mother's day gift: as one poster said, give her another special gift or card and write in it that on mother's day you feel so grateful that she takes care of your kids, etc.
I think that mom who snapped at you was horrible: you were only trying to do something nice. I applaud you, you sound like a great employer.

The Working Mother and The Stay-at-Home Mom said...

It would be a really nice gesture to give your CCP a card, or a gift for mother's day. Maybe you can show your appreciation in other ways too, for instance, have your children make her a picture, or give her flowers, or suggest that she leave a bit earlier than normal. If she has been with your family for a while, and you and your kids care about her, then it is totally appropriate to celebrate together.

Anonymous said...

822-
Fiber?

Anonymous said...

8:22 total privacy and a room spray

Anonymous said...

Don't listen to the SAHM. Of course the nanny doesn't think she is the mother- how could she? She's not! The nanny would love a bit of an appreciation, even if it's just a card. It's a nice way to say "you make my job as a mother so much easier". Any nanny wants to be appreciated and wants to know that you respect her and her work. The best thing gift I ever got from a mom I worked for was "I am so glad you were our first nanny. I feel completely comfortable leaving the baby with you. You make me feel so at ease." What a compliment! you should be able to do the same.

Anonymous said...

gifts of appreciation accompanied by thoughtful words are never wrong

Anonymous said...

Only shitty parents are afraid to acknowledge great nannies. Good for you OP!

Anonymous said...

but if a nanny ISN'T recognized on Mother's Day and she reads this blog, won't she be hurt? Think about that.

sprak said...

that might just tell the nanny something!

Anonymous said...

sprak, where on the west coast are you? Are you?

Anonymous said...

As others have suggested, a note of thanks would be a really nice gesture. It's always nice to hear you're loved and appreciated, and, while a small gift is certainly appropriate, kind words will mean even more.

Anonymous said...

If the nanny is not a mother herslef, I think it's sort of gay to send her a Mother's Day card. I'd get her a card and write her a note thanking her for enabling you to be the wonderful mom you are because she's such a great nanny.

My nanny will be getting something similar. I never doubt that my children are in good care while I am at work. But trust me, they know who mommy is -- FOR SURE.

Anonymous said...

12:26

I think any nanny who reads or hears any story about other nannies being treated great on any day of the year is going to be hurt. The same as any other employee who pours their heart and soul into their work only to be unappreciated and not get that promotion or bonus they were expecting

Anonymous said...

9:41:

Some people just aren't good at showing their gratitude, whether they are an employer, a husband -- whoever. It's a fact of life. It doesn't necessarily mean they are unappreciative.

I'm glad I am someone who thinks to praise those around me and let them know how much it means to me.

Anonymous said...

I replaced a nanny who was with the family for 10 years. The nanny was an older woman from the caribbean. Everyday, she woke the children and got them dressed. At the end of the day, she bathed them, put them to bed and kissed them good night. The mother I work for stays at home which is a tough situation for a nanny. One of the other nannies I have met through the children tells me that the nanny was fired because one of the children wrote a mother's day poem about her and not the mother. The mother was incenced and fired her on the spot. I can't ask the mother or the kids if this is what happened. It seems so sad, doesn't it? Why wasn't the stay at home mom getting her children up or putting them to bed? Why wasn't she the one kissing the kids goodnight?
You can bet I won't be getting anything for mother's day. (!!!)
Side note, I have heard her ask her oldest child TWICE "what are you doing for me for mother's day".

Anonymous said...

11:03:

That SUCKS! All of it!

WTF?

Lorenza said...

well, that's just WHY that bitch mother needs a nanny. Even if you aren't acknowledged on Mother's Day, you'll know in your heart how much you are needed in that home.

Anonymous said...

11:03,
That is beyond the pale! That poor child. That would be the natural thing to do- to have love for the person who showed you love.

Where is that nanny now?

I have been looking for a nanny for four months and have been unsuccessful.

jmt said...

748 AM WTF? "I think it's sort of gay to send her a Mother's Day card"!!! Are you a twelve year old boy? Don't use homophobic language like that.

Anonymous said...

I am a parent in Westchester and I am ever so grateful for our nanny. I got her a box of her favorite chocolates and a card. This is what the card says
front:
On the list of ll that's good in my life you are at the top.
inside:
Happy Mother's Day
I chose this card because she enriches my life, is great with my children and has her own children. If she didn't have her own children, I would give her a thank you for being so great card (and small gift). any time this week.
This card just suited my needs.

Anonymous said...

7:48- I hope your nanny does a better job of modeling appropriate speech than you do! It sickens me that gay and lesbians often go through such stuggles to have/adopt children, yet homophobic idiots like you can breed as they please.

Anonymous said...

I'm a nanny and never received recognition for mother's day which was great with me. I am not a mother. I was treated at all times like a member of their family. I received gifts for Valentine's Day, Chocolate Turkeys for Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, every so often gifts, thank you gifts and generosity and kindness year round. I kind of think mother's day is for mother's. But I do appreciate that it serves as a reminder to some possibly very well intentioned people who maybe didn't think to show their appreciation at other times during the year.

Anonymous said...

JMT:

You must have spent 20+ years locked in a closet. My use of "gay" is this regard has nothing to do with homosexuality. Isn't that kind of obvious? It's slang for "cheesey," girlfriend.

Thanks for your input on what language I can and cannot use, but if you don't mind I'll ignore the suggestion.

Anonymous said...

4:40- If you really cared about your children and the world we live in, you'd choose some new slang that isn't so offensive. Get a clue. Even 12 year old boys are beginning to realize that it's inappropriate to use "gay" in that context.

Anonymous said...

This is 4:40 again. I don't find the word "gay" to be offensive in any context. I'm a flaming hippy liberal who embraces gayness. My children will grow up doing the same. If, by chance, they are gay themselves, I wouldn't skip a beat. They would be loved just the same. If you are JMT have a hang-up, that's your issue. It is not mine.

Anonymous said...

Okay 4:40... I'm glad you embrace gayness. However, many in our society don't and to throw around the g-word as slang tends to make us gay folk think you are a hater. Or simply ignorant. If you are gay or gay-friendly, please consider teaching your children to choose other words to use in that context not to degrade the term "gay" by equating it with stupid.

Anonymous said...

ps:

I just realized that you'll probably find the word "flaming" to be equally as offensive.

maggie said...

I find the word liberal to be offensive. (And all it entails).

Anonymous said...

Maggie:

That's cool with me. At least you didn't ask me never to use the word.

Anonymous said...

I think there should be a "Nanny's Day".

jmt said...

It's not the Gay Nineties (1890's) anymore. Saying something is gay nowadays means GAY like "Dude, don't hug me - that's so gay!" in a pejorative way. So don't tell me I've been under a rock for twenty years. I have adult, professional gay friends who have to listen to the adjective "gay" being thrown around by so-called professionals in the medical, legal and corporate environments. It hurts them every time to feel "less than" when someone uses a part of their personal makeup to insult someone.
I hate it when guys tell each other "Don't be such a woman", as if it's a bad thing. Why don't YOU wake up and stop using hate language. It's disrespectful.
And since you are ignoring my suggestions, why don't you shove it up your ass - or is that too gay?

Anonymous said...

OP, how sad for your friend. One would think knowing you and how wonderful your nanny is, that you would be grateful to have such a wonderful one. Ignore her.

For the last two years that I have employed a nanny, we have show our appreciation. As she is not a mom, we give her a thank you card and express how much she means to us and our son. We also give her a gift. A spa certificate, Godiva chocolates, or theatre tickets. Good for you for appreciating your nanny.

Anonymous said...

Listen, hun.... your gay friends aren't authorities on gayness. There are many gay people who don't feel that gay is a bad word. I bet you're the type to whisper the word "black" too, aren't you?

Pffff. Waste of time. I'll ignore your suggestions, and I'll also ignore you.

Now I am feeling particularly gay, as in JOYFUL since you need things spelled out to you

Anonymous said...

12:26
I have been a nanny for several wonderful and appreciative families, and never got anything for Mother's Day, nor would I expect to, as I don't have children of my own. I enjoy helping the children make things for Mommy, and for Daddy on Father's Day, and they help the children make cards for me on my birthday.
It would be a nice surprise to be thanked on Mother's Day, but I certainly don't think any nannies expect it.

jmt said...

8:04 Gay people aren't authorities on being gay? Uhhuh...
Gay isn't a bad word, unless it is used in a bad way.
Gay hasn't diluted its meaning to mean cheesy yet, hun. I supposed you think it's okay to use "niggardly" instead of cheap, "Jew me down" to mean being cheated, "That's mighty white of you" to mean magnanimous, or "Indian Giver" when someone changes their mind.
Words are powerful ways to demean people. Don't you get that? I hope that our generation is the last to live with this kind of intolerance, but with people like you out there, perhaps not.

Anonymous said...

Freak!

M said...

Just like that picture needed more cowbell, this post needs "L".
Whatever happened to "L".
Come back.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm a gay authority on being gay. 8:04, please quit being so defensive and admit that the language you chose to use was immature and obviously offensive to numerous readers. Seriously, I'm a teacher and my students are given detentions for using words like "gay" and "retarded". And "conservative". Hee! Just kiddin'. But really, I wouldn't care so much about your choice of language if you weren't a mother. I really don't want the next generation of young people to grow up thinking it's okay to mindlessly use words that demean people because their parents did it. Gay is MY word. It defines ME. Please use it respectfully or don't use it at all. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

LOL!

Anonymous said...

I think these postings wandered off into lala land

Anonymous said...

9:53:

Again, if I have already stated my thoughts on homosexuality, and unlike most of the rest of the country, I HAVE NO ISSUE WITH IT, you should lay off.

JMT's friends are not authorities on homosexuality, as you are not either. There are more than a few gay people living in this world. They don't all have the same take on every issue.

Would it shock you to learn that my brother is gay? And guess what, detective, I love him and support him fully. He rocks.

I've grown up with tons of gay friends all around me courtesy of my brother, and none have issues with the word "gay."

I suggest accepting yourself and celebrating who you are.

Go back to your humorless cave and whisper "black" and "gay" and whatever else makes you uncomfortable.

That is my final word. Word!

Anonymous said...

You are all gay...very gay

Anonymous said...

I've never received anything on Mother's Day for being a nanny, and nor would expect to, since I am not a mother. So to the posters who suggested that other nannies reading this who would not be recognized would probably be hurt, I'd guess that most probably wouldn't expect it. They might be a bit envious if they don't get along with the people they are working for or something, but I doubt they'd be hurt. :)

And to the OP: it's sweet of you to want to do something for your nanny on mother's day. If she's not a mother than I would't suggest a mother's day card that is specifically for mothers. However last year I came across some sweet cards for mother's day that said something like "Sometimes there's someone special in your life who deserves to be remembered on Mother's Day. That would be you." Something like that would probably be appropriate and you could always include a note about how appreciative you are for her help, etc. :)

jmt said...

7:36 AM
And what makes your set of gay friends the authorities on what is acceptable? If you are okay with it the rest of the world better be okay with it? Sorry. Doesn't work like that. There are still lots of people out there not willing to be insulted and let it slide by. Gay and otherwise.

Anonymous said...

Eventually, "that's Gay" will be nothing more than another slang word no one will give thought to. That is the evolution of language. I am not particularly sensitive to slurs. They are what they are, and the more attention given to them the more of a problem they will be. There are bigger issues to dissect.

Anonymous said...

do what you feel in your heart is right..who are any of us to judge? Help your kids pick something special out for her or make her something and don't worry what others think.

Anonymous said...

The evolution of this thread has caused this to occur to me. This mother's Day (Sunday) I shall tell my mother that I am indeed, GAY not choosey. Just gay.

Anonymous said...

I'm a nanny in Texas and here we have Nanny appreciation week in November, which is great. The two major agencies here in Austin put together a lunch where we bring our charges and temp nanny and full time nanny of the year is announced.My family gave me a generous gift card to Home Depot since my husband and I just bought a house.I say enjoy your Mother's Day and pick another time to devote to your nanny.Either way you sound very thoughtful and your nanny is lucky to have you.

Housewife said...

I'm a SAHM and never needed a nanny. I also never wanted one.

BUT

If a woman cared for my children day and night (or day OR night) I would find every excuse to honor and thank them.

Anonymous said...

I find that the sahm's who have never wanted a nanny are the ones who still manage to pawn their kids off on family, a babysitting swap.....whatever.

jmt said...

3:09 Congrats! Hope you have a happy life!

Anonymous said...

3:09 - Congratulations. I'm proud of you. I think coming out to your parents would be one of the hardest things in the world... but then again, I wonder- shouldn't they be the first to know???

lu said...

I think 309 was being an ass about the fact that a mother's day question evolved in to a gay right's parade of sorts.

Jennifer V. said...

I agree with Lu.

Anonymous said...

oh well, I didn't actually take the 309 post seriously

Anonymous said...

To the original poster: Thank God for moms like you! All nannies should have a chance to work with someone who appreciates their nanny as much as you do! There are plenty of moms like the one you mentioned in your post on this site. They also have a thing or two to learn. I'm glad you are not like them! What a breath of fresh air!

Anonymous said...

I think you have a great idea...I would find it fun and not offensive if one of the families I worked for gave me a mothers day "bonus". I think it is important to let your nanny know how much she means to your family, as she is such a big part of your life. GOOD LUCK to you.

Anonymous said...

Ah, what the heck. I'm going to toss $100 in a card for my nanny.

Anonymous said...

I think a Mother's Day gift for the Nanny is an excellent idea and very thoughtful of you

Anonymous said...

I think a Mother's Day gift for the Nanny is an exellent idea and is very thoughtful of you!

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I am a nanny in WA, and have been with this family 10 yrs. The mom has always gotten me a small gift or gift certificate of some sort. It makes your nanny feel appreciated and more a part of the family.
I have been concidered a major part of the family from the 1st day I started and will, according to both parents, have a job as long as I would like... they are white collar professionals and have 5 offices betwween them, I have occationally work in the offices .
I couldn't imagine a better family to work for.

Anonymous said...

There are appropriate cards for nannies--A Mother's Day Wish for Someone Special--give her a great gift card to a store she loves!!

Anonymous said...

When my mom provided care for the two young daughters of a couple of teachers, she was treated like royalty. Every holiday, and yes, even Mother's Day she received cards, gifts or tips. The girls are now graduated from college but they still send my mom cards on all of the holidays... and Mother's Day. That set a presidence for me and when I went to work after my oldest boy turned 2 I showered my 'baby sitter' (thats what we called them back then) with as much appreciation as she could stomach. I guess it could be considered a bribe... but she really did take great care of my son and I wanted her to feel appreciated. Later, when I had my second and 3rd child I became a day care provider. Some parents showed their appreciation, some just paid me. No biggie. But it did give me a warm fuzzy feeling to know when a family really appreciated the care and attention I was giving their children.
Some 'nannies' or 'caregivers' are maternal and nuturing. Honoring them on Mother's Day is not out of line.
By the way, my children have also given select teachers Mother's Day and Father's Day cards... their decision not mine, but it was important to them and the teachers appreciated it. Nobody thinks the teachers are substitute parents or loved more than the mother. Its just a fun occasion to celebrate with those you care for and appreciate.

Anonymous said...

The Friday before Mother's Day is Child Care Providers appreciation day. As a Provider in my home any appreciation for taking care of the most important thing in their life is wonderful. I got flowers and a card from one parent and my favorite coffee drink from another for Mothers Day.
I think any thoughtfulness on your part to your nanny would be appreciated by her.

Anonymous said...

As a nanny i want to say thank you, my boss feels the same about me and I her.

Anonymous said...

my boss/kids alway give me a little something and I really appreciate it, it helps me feel needed and appreciated