Wednesday

The children love the nanny, but...

Received Wednesday, May 30, 2007
The children love the nanny, but I can't stand to be in the same room with her. Everything about her rubs me the wrong way, from her laugh to the noxious smell of her perfume. I have given this almost two months already, hoping that it would get better. I am a stay at home mother. Wondering if any other mother's have had to manoeuvre this.... disequilibrium.
Perspective & Opinion

92 comments:

Anonymous said...

Noxious perfume? That should have been your first hint at the interview.

That aside, perhaps the disequilibrium is within yourself.

Before we jump to that conclusion,
tell me, why do you need a nanny?

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmm....never experienced such a thing. I am also a SAHM and I take care of my own kids.

Anonymous said...

You're a stay at home Mom? Perfect! Here's an idea, and I know this may sound crazy - LOSE THE NANNY AND MOTHER YOUR CHILDREN!

Anonymous said...

fyi- no nanny wears perfume on an interview. they also take out their piercings, butter up their tatoos and pronounce the ing's at the end of their words.

Anonymous said...

I have a 1-year-old and a 2 1/2-year-old and am a SAHM and I am TIRED, but I would NEVER have a nanny. How many kids do you have? 12, 15, 26? Unless you have an inordinate amount of children by some unforseen event, you should mother your own kids if you are staying home. I'd kill for a full-time cleaning lady, but nanny? No way. I had these children because I wanted children.

Anonymous said...

No one is going to answer OP's question because they don't approve of her choice? I know many SAHMs with nannies. Most are active in volunteer activities and do civic work. I know one person who does neither and has two FT nannies. And all of these women have full time housekeepers. So you must be in Bumfrick, Virginia or just be jealous.

Anonymous said...

Not jealous even one little bit. I love caring for my children. Disgusted by women who have children and don't raise them themselves, when they have the luxury of staying home...we sometimes struggle a bit due to this choice, but it is worth it to my children and to us for one of us to be with them...is more like it. The kids may love the nanny, but how will they feel about their mom someday?

Anonymous said...

5:27:

You and I are not cut from the same cloth.

I am a working mother. I envy SAHM's who get to spend all day with their kids. I do not envy sahm's with nannies who volunteer, lunch and go to the country club. I would rather poke hot coals through my eye lids than ditch my kids for that.

How about volunteering to raise their own kids after they voluntarily had them?

That is all.

To answer OP's question, she has to convince me that it's the nanny and not her. I do believe she'd wear that perfume to an interview.

I have never had a problem with nannies who do a 360 when they report for work.

Heidi said...

I am guessing you should have posted this on your UES stressed SAHM board and not a national board because I have little sympathy for you. Why are you in the same room with the nanny? The only reason for anyone to have a nanny is to do things that they themselves can't do. Either while the parents is at work or off tending to the needs of another child. I have had my weekday nanny work a Saturday every now and then, but only as it was absolutely necessary and involved overlapping pick ups & drop offs.

I do wonder what the children will think of you when they are older.

If you are a wealthy parent, it is still up to you to add something significant to your life. Sadly, you don't even need to be alive for your children to benefit from any wealth you have. So please do try to bring something to the table.

Maybe nanny brings to much?

And what is with all of the anonymous postings?

cheryl said...

There isn't a lot of info here to go by. Is this your first nanny? Perhaps you don't really want one, especially since you are a SAHM. Maybe getting someone to help out a bit with the household chores to clear your time to be with the kids would be more appropriate for you.

Anonymous said...

How old are your children and how many do you have? As a working parent, if I found a competent nanny that dc liked, I would be happy. I would suck it up and deal with a nanny that might rub me the wrong way. For my children, I would do that. Of course, I would be working. Not laying on a chaise lounge four feet from the nanny.

Anonymous said...

I am a SAHM in NYC and I am exhausted. However, appreciate the fact that I CAN stay at home with my kids. We have good days and bad days. But we laugh and play everyday. When I see nannies at the park, that feeling is reinforced. Why do you have a nanny? Maybe your dislike for her stems from your ambivelence towards the decisions to hire a nanny, and the guilt you feelfor having one...

Yaya said...

I am jumping to the conclusion that you in some way "envy" this bond/relationship that your nanny has built w/ your children, and you are therefore taking out your subconcious jealousy by finding little things about her that annoy you, so that in your eyes she is not "perfect". I would think about that first.
As far as the perfume thing...true story (and you can use it as an excuse)-my boss told me that she gets migraines easily and could I please not wear perfume. Side story-I actually don't wear perfume, turns out it was the fabric softener I use, which I have stopped using for her sake. That might be a good way to approach that subject.
As far as hating someone's laugh...I'm not buying that. Laughter is a happy and contagious activity. If you honestly hate laughter, than something is wrong here.

Anonymous said...

I can solve your problem in 3 easy steps:

1) Let the nanny go.
2) Explain that you're a nutjob.
3) Parent your own damn kids.

Unless there's some sort of special circumstance (multiple disabled children, multiple babies), I'm not sure why a SAHM needs a nanny. A housekeeper, sure. A girl who comes once a week so you can run errands? Awesome. But not a nanny. Her perfume is the least of your troubles.

Deb said...

I am a work at home mom: my husband is blue collar and doesn't make alot. We own our own (small!) home and have one child. I babysit two children at our house so that I can be home with my daughter. It's hard work, but I am lucky enough that the two sets of parents and the two kids I care for are amazing and special. My daughter (who we love so much) loves the kids although prefers to be alone with us of course so she gets more attention. I would love to not HAVE to babysit, and wish I could have just playdates. As much as I love the two kids I sit for, it does mean that for 45 hours a week, my daughter must share me with two other children, which is unfortunate. But it is a choice we made so that I could be home with her.
I don't really have much patience for the OP. She shouldn't need a full-time nanny. It is not fair to her kids.

Anonymous said...

****applauding 5:32pm****
The same goes for me, and I couldn't have said it better.

Anonymous said...

I think it's really unfair that everyone is being so rude about the OP's choice to have a nanny. How do you know what she does for a living? Maybe she works at home, or maybe she has 4 kids, or maybe she has a baby and younger children and she needs some help. No one on here knows and it does not mean she is not a good mom because she has a nanny. Why can't people just give an opinion because that is what she is asking for.
P.S Just because I know people will say i'm another mom with a nanny or rip me apart...I am a 22 year old nanny. People should really be kinder especially when they don't know someones full story.

Sherrie said...

Hi, new to this site just curious as to what DC and DS means, as I've come across them numerous times while searching through this blog!

Anonymous said...

Wow, sanctimonious martyr mommies. If you are so happy with your life choices, why do you have to lash out at OP?

ro said...

ds darling son
ss darling daughter
dh darling husband
dc darling child
sahm stay at home mom
wohm work out of the home mom

someone else printed a better glossary last month. I just cant recall where.

Meg said...

I am a SAHM and the only people who have an issue with it are jealous mothers. Mothers who cannot afford such luxury. Attack me all you want for my choice, but don't pretend you care about my children. You're just a pissed off housewife up to your elbows in a discolored toilet bowl.

Anonymous said...

How stupid are you? You can't stand her? Are you jealous that her kids like her more than you? Your a bad mother. I don't care. If you're a SAHM and you have a nanny then you shouldn't have kids. Your husband is as stupid as you for letting you even have a nanny. If I ever told my husband that I wanted a nanny, he would flip the hell out. Your a dumbass and you should never be able to have kids ever again. I hope the nanny screws your husband and becomes your kids new step mother. And before you say I am jealous, there is nothing to be jealous about. Look at the big picture. How screwed up do you have to be to let someone else "raise" your child?? This woman who is at home with her children pays someone to watch her children when shes in the same house as them. Stupid!

Jackie said...

Hi, Meg,
I am a nanny and a mom of a little girl who is 8 months. On the contrary to what you said, I'm not jealous of a mom who doesn't need a full-time nanny but has one: I feel sorry for her kids. I can tell you honestly and truly that there is no other place I'd rather be than with my little girl. If I could afford to not work, I would still be with her every day until she is school aged. I have no greater joy then doing special things with my daughter, from having a puppet show to going on a picnic, to shopping at Target and singing Baby Beluga.
I am not saying that a SAHM shouldn't get a sitter or even a part time nanny if the SAHM has some skills, hobbies, artistic or volunteer interests to attend to. However, you will never convince me that they need a full time nanny.
Furthermore, you are the one who sounds angry. Just because someone disagrees with the OP doesn't mean they are bashing her.
I am honest when I say that if I were the OP I would feel a great sense of guilt over my choice.

Anonymous said...

Meg, are you talking about people who have an issue with your being a SAHM AND having a nanny? You don't actually say that. But assuming that's the case (that you have a nanny), I don't have an issue with it; rather, I just judge you severely and feel smug. Really. We could afford a nanny but made the choice that the right thing for our dcs was to be be raised by their PARENTS, so I go to work and DH stays home, and deals with the homework, scraped knees, hurt feelings, dead fish, misspelled words, tummy aches, food aversions, dirty toilets, marks on walls, and all of that HIMSELF. Because he is the Dad and that comes with the territory My view is that you can't outsource parenting; nope, you can't. This site is compelling evidence of that. These Park Slopers and other moms (and really, at heart I am one of them, I am in BigLaw just like them) are paying a huge price for their freedom, but at least they have a reason to do what they do. But you, a SAHM who needs time to get her nails done, her workout in, her coffee with her friends enjoyed - - you are pathetic and despicable. I have such a lack of regard for you but you don't care, because you are thin. Right? I am so on to you.

Anonymous said...

Why cant we just give this mom the benifit of the doubt, that there is a logical reason she cant take care of her own children. Perhaps shes disabled in one way or another?
That being said how would you deal with a nanny that you didnt click with, but the kids loved dearly?

ms said...

If you are a good stay at home mother, then of course there will be times when you need to spend time with your nanny. Of course her personality matters and whether the two of you are a good match is incredibly relevant. I applaud OP for giving this new relationship 8 weeks already, but unfortunately at the same time, you have allowed the children to possibly realize how much they like her. If you are a stay at home mother looking for a full time nanny to work with you, you have to be very specific regarding what you like. That has never been my strong suit, so I brought in a "middle man" of sorts to go over likes and dislikes in advance. I am fortunate that I could afford to do this. My nanny is a live in and I will admit, I am just not a laid back person. I like things a certain way and I am stuck in my ways. It is up to you to honestly tell the nanny what you will put up with and won't. It's easier to have someone else do it for you. I recently hired a new housekeeper and had my PA take her through everything I needed her to do. My way. It's important to me that a sandwich is made on fresh bread with light mayonaise spread thin on each side, three slices of turkey, 1 1/2 of cheese, 1/4 cup sprouts and that tomato slices don't overlap each other. But would I have the nerve to be that demanding on my own? Probably not.
And with a nanny, you have to lay it on the line from the beginning.
Good luck OP. As for the parfum, I don't have allergies but I have told people around me who wear perfume that I dislike that I am in fact allergic. Problem solved.
If the nanny is good with the children and at other things, I think she just might grow on you!

Anonymous said...

I am a SAHM, and can think of some good reasons one might need a nanny. Perhaps, as noted above, she or one of her children is ill or disabled, and extra help is needed. Perhaps she is the mother of multiples. Perhaps she is having a complicated pregnancy. Perhaps she would love to be "spending all of her time with her children," but, for whatever reason, it isn't possible.

There's nothing to suggest that the nanny works full time, either. She could be there only a few hours a week. Many stay at home mothers have some kind of childcare arrangement. If it's hiring a nanny, it's hiring a nanny.

That said, the OP's post leaves me questioning why someone who hires a nanny has to spend much time in the same room with her. I've provided childcare for families in which one or both parents were home, but they used the time to run errands, visit the gym, or complete tasks in other areas of the house.

As a SAHM, I could think of a million things I could get done quickly and efficiently with even a few hours of childcare every week. And my time with my son would actually be enriched, as so many errands and tasks that should take ten minutes stretch on forever when combined with a toddler's antics. So I can't fault someone for having a nanny, but don't understand why she and the mom would be together so much.

To the OP: does something about the nanny raise alarm bells, or is she just annoying? I'd be hesitant to fire someone my kids loved, unless I got the sense that there was something shady about the person.

Anonymous said...

If you are a stay at home mother and have young childrem, I think the best thing to do is to be there for them. That does not mean always. Take them to school. Be there when they get home from school. Be the one who hears about the child's day when they get home. Listen to your children. I have a nanny and yes, she is full time. She is great. She has strengths I don't have and I like to think there are places and times when I excel. When my children look back, they are going to know that I was there for them. Doctors, conferences, watching ballet class, cheering them on at soccer and baseball and so much more. My nanny is my right hand. We work well together and my children are better off for it. My husband has down time at his job and he has a lunch hour. I could carve it out of my day without a nanny, but I would have to do so at sacrifice to my child. Yes, we can have it all.

Signed,
Grateful because I have it all.
Chicago, Ill.

Anonymous said...

Meg..your shit smells just like the rest of us..if you truly walk around all day needing to think that every woman you see,run into or meet envy you..you have serious issues!

BTW here is something to think about honey..if you are a female ( no women..thats for sure)letting someone else take care of your home and your children..I guarantee someone else is also taking care of your husband..you might look great(eye candy) out at social events..but real men want a women who can handle her home and her children and needy women like you..send them right into the arms of capable women like us!!While you are getting your fake nails done..he is getting himself done!!

Signed a mommy and a nanny who is more of a women than you will ever be!!!!!!! Jealous..never..confident and middle class..always!! Able to handle my home, my children and my man ....

Kelly said...

SAHM & HAVING FULL TIME NANNY = Ridiculous. Unless there are multiple little ones, or there is a disability/illness in the family.

SAHM & HAVING PART TIME NANNY = Reasonable. Some moms have to run errands, get a manicure/pedicure, go see postpartum friend at the hospital, etc. There is also the grocery store - not many people can go there with a set of 2 year old twins, and a newborn in tow. Not everyone has loving family to help out.

WORKING FOR SAHM = Loved it! Best summer ever. She was very pregnant, & then postpartum, and I was more than happy to do the museum trips, parks etc with the older kids.

TOO MUCH PERFUME ON NANNY OR ANYONE: makes me sick. Some people wear such strong perfume that it stinks up everything, including the furniture, toys. Strong perfume + sweat = stinkbomb.

THE ANNOYING LAUGH: If you think your nanny has an annoying laugh, try watching Mrs. Forman on 'That 70s Show'. Now that laugh could drive anyone nuts.

Anonymous said...

If you're a SAHM...that's exactly what you are...a stay at home MOM. you shouldn't need a nanny to "watch" YOUR children while you run errands, do everything else you need to do, that's the point of being a Mom. Sharing these experiences with your children, and watching them learn and grow in your example. That's ridiculous to hire someone to nanny your child while you're at home. Think about this: look at the less privaleged...they stay at home, WITH their children, bond with them, grow with them...these are the children and parents you see in their teenage years that can bond with their parent because they've been raised by them. Now take an upperclass family with a nanny, a housekeeper that makes sandwiches for some snooty Mom who can't make them herself (I mean, what'a a person to do without a maid to wait on them hand and foot?), with a nanny who cares for their child. The child never learns anything from their parents, never bonds with them, and ends up resenting them all through their teenage years. Their parents become people they hardly know that they can't carry on a personal conversation with.

Do you really want to be that mother?


As far as 11:46 PM goes...that is ridiculous. God gave you arms, legs, a torso, and a head for a reason...use them accordingly. Having someone make you a sandwich (that takes less than 5 minutes) is lazy. You're paying someone to do what a NORMAL human does everyday---and they're fine. People that can't...or rather I will say WONT't...do for themselves who are physically able to make me sick. Get a life you guys.

Anonymous said...

First of all, 921, your post makes you sound ignorant. Pathetically so. I sincerely hope you do not have children, as your anger will end up being reflected in them. Get help.

1021, wow. Deep post there. Don't be all judgemental and all. I, too, am a SAHM with a part time nanny. If affords me to be able to go to the gym and work out, to meet friends once a week for a chat, to have me time. My kids have fun with their nanny. That does not take away from my role as their parent. Also, my sex life is rockin' because I take time to take care of myself. I am a better mother and wife. Oh, and yes. I too am thin.

OP, do not let these self-rightious nitwits get to you. Having a nanny does not make you less of a mother. If you're not feeling it, you may need to find a different nanny. Always go with your instincts. Good luck to you.

Yaya said...

ms, was that a joke?

LKM said...

The people who write on this site are so judgemental and disapointing. It's not your place to judge the OP based on her decision to have a nanny. For all the people who can't fathom why she is in the same room as the nanny, WHOA maybe this Mom wants to be involved and active with her children's caretaker. You have no idea what the real story is. Mind your own business. If you don't believe in having a nanny then DONT HAVE ONE for yourself. Geez.

Sara said...

To Chicago:
It's so funny: your post made me smile!
My husband and I are middle income. I am a childcare provider who works from home. We have a beautiful baby. We share a used car, we don't take expensive vacations or cruises, we buy generic brands of food and household goods, our daughter wears hand-me-downs from her cousins. We do own our home, we have a college fund for our baby which has a few thousand dollars in it already, great health/life insurance, wonderful relatives who are very good to us, and we go camping all the time.
We don't have a nanny, obviously, but we do have a babysitter to take care of our baby for a couple hours a week while I run a volunteer children's theatre group at the library.
Although we budget to pay bills and save money, I too feel like I have it all.
Isn't that funny? :)

Anonymous said...

I can't believe the venom directed at SAHMs with help on this board. I'm a SAHM with three children and a nanny and a housekeeper and it's the best money I've ever spent. I WISH I had the energy and competence to do it all without help but I just don't. With three kids there's no way I'd be able to spend one and one time with them, allow them to do all the activities they enjoy and not be coming apart at the seams. What do you do when one child is sick -- take all three of them to the doctor's? I have a feeling a lot of the critics have a lot more help than they're letting on, like family. I don't have that so I've had to create that on my own with my nanny and I'm grateful that I can. We've made a conscious decision not to spend money on stuff that others with our income level do (clothes, expensive travel, eating out) so we can spend it on something that meaninfully improves our family life: nanny.

Anonymous said...

Sahm with nanny here. I wouldn't explain my decision to have a full time nanny to my husband, so I certainly wouldn't waste time trying to explain it to a bunch of anonymous nanny types.

Anonymous said...

I think my nanny is great but I wish she wouldn't wear so much perfume. My house still smells of her perfume, long after she's gone home. My daughter also smells of her perfume.

How do you tell your nanny, who is otherwise really great, that her perfume makes you want to gag?

Anonymous said...

uh, about that laugh.
I have a laugh that disturbs other people frequently. It happens.

Anonymous said...

3:08:

I suppose 7:59's sex life is rockin' too. She sounds like she has a really great connection to her husband.

Anonymous said...

I'm getting pretty tired of the poster that is on numerous boards complaining about her nanny's perfume.
What else do you do but go on the internet and complain about this issue? Your poor kids.
Get a life!!

beth o. said...

Talk to the nanny and tell her straight out that the children really like her. Tell her about the perfume. Even take the blame and say you are a difficult person. Tell her, "I have my quirks" and this is what is bothering me.

Kelly said...

9:59 AM, About the strong perfume. Talk to your great nanny (in private) about the strong perfume, and hopefully she will understand.

Now, this part, you don't have to tell her: Some people wear strong perfume in order to cover up BBO, but don't realize that perfume makes it worse. A thorough shower, and some odor-killing feminine powder in all the right places might help.

kelly said...

GETTING HELP: Lets face it people. It doesn't hurt to get a little help every now and then. Back in the day when our egalitarian ancestors lived in villages, the whole village helped out even though the moms stayed home. I think there was a very good reason for that. Just because someone is a SAHM does not mean that they have to be denied any help. We have turned into a society of alienation, and I think that is why more and more people are turning to antidepressants. I think alienation is the root of postpartum depression.

Anonymous said...

10:51AM Have you ever had your house skunked by someone who wears strong perfume? It is awful, and you smell in everywhere even on your own clothes, your dogs, your kids, and your pillow. Some perfum has that chain reaction effect.

Anonymous said...

10:51AM Have you ever had your house skunked by someone who wears strong perfume? It is awful, and you smell in everywhere even on your own clothes, your dogs, your kids, and your pillow. Some perfum has that chain reaction effect.

Anonymous said...

I am a part-time nanny for 2 homes. Both mothers do not work. And both moms take a huge part in their kids lives. As an example, right the mother for todays family is at the pool with her boys, and I'm home with her daughter. Both families do this sort of thing. I'll stay with one or two kids, they take the other(s) out for quality mommy time. The few occasions I have all the kids are doctor and dentist visits. I'm around so that the kids have constant supervision, and mom can run her errands or go to meetings. When absolutely nothing else is going on, they do let me go home early.

I just had to put my two cents in and let everyone know that, yea, it is okay to have a nanny when you are a sahm. Especially when daddy makes the big bucks - why not?

A Nanny in Baltimore said...

5:15, just for the record, I am a nanny with tattoos...I always disclose that fact during an interview. It has cost me a job once, for a Jewish family, but getting my tattoos was my decision and not hiring me because of them was that family's decision.

jessica said...

My nanny wore a perfume that "noxious" would best describe. One day I asked her what it was. She said it was called "sex on the beach". I asked her where she got it. She said she got it at the carwash. I kid you not! It was a little bottle of oil perfume. Her birthday was a month away so I bought her some really nice perfume. Stuff I could tolerate. And she never wore "sex on the beach" again.

Mariana said...

Oh my goodness! Some of you people are TERRIBLE!!!

It's because of ueber judgmental parents like you that moms with post partum depression or for some reason are not good with children or whatever don't dare to get help! Because they know jerks like you will judge them without even knowing their situation!

I think the worst thing a mom could do for her children is not take care of herself! If you think it's horrible for a mom to go get coffee with girlfriends and leave the kids with somone else for an hour then you're the bad mom! There's a reason why in an airplane they tell moms to put their masks on first and then their kids!

It is much better for a child to get quality time with a mom who is excited to be with him/her and able to give him/her all her attntion than for all the mom time to be while the mom is distracted by mail and housework.

Of course not everyone has that luxury but if a mom can afford a nanny to take care of the kids while she spends some time taking care of herself and her to-do list... well, I think that's a wonderful thing!

I put quality of time toghether right above quantity.

It is not fair to judge this mom for having a nanny. It by no means says that she doesn't spend time with her kids!

Everyday I read news stories of moms buckling under pp depression and killing their kids! Do you think your comments help?!
Some mom's have difficult kids, some moms have personal issues, some moms just have a busy household and need the help!

Whatever the reason, a mom that needs help and gets it is a good mom in my book!

btw. I'm a nanny and the child I nanny gets excelletn care both from me and her parents. She's having an amazing childhood!

Anonymous said...

Post partum depression would certainly be a good excuse to get some back-up childcare. However, we talking about post partum shoppers, 12:43.

jmt said...

I personally can't stand strong smells, especially pungent perfume. I use unscented everything: deodorant, laundry soap, softener, Oil of Olay, neutrogena, etc. When my bf visits his mom's house he comes back smelling of cigarettes and cheap Glade air freshener. UGGGGH! If I had an employee who wore perfume I would simply have to ask her not to wear it to work. I wouldn't lie and say I had an allergy. BTW, allergies are caused by proteins like cat and dog dander or pollen. Ciggie smoke and perfume don't have proteins, so don't look like a doofus Miss. Perfect Sandwich Lady and say you have a made-up allergy. I would know you were lying. Just call the shots in person instead of hiring a personal assistant to do all your picayune dirty work. Grow a pair already.

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny who has worked for 2 SAHM part time and they were wonderful mothers. They made me look forward to having children of my own because they did such a wonderful job with theirs. Yes a lot of the time I was there playing with and entertaining the kids while they ran errands and maybe went to work out, then they came home happy and spent the rest of their day down on the floor playing with their children.Their children adored them and they were the center of their children's world so yes it can be done to have enough money to make yourself and your children happy.

Anonymous said...

12: 43, you are so full of bologna. I am laughing at you.
It does not take 45 to 50 hours a week to go get coffee with your girlfriends.

Anonymous said...

JMT - that is where you are wrong. I am allergic to many airborne things such as perfumes, lotions and cigarette smoke. May people are. Not only is this an allergy issue, but asthmatics can also be bothered. You should really jump down off your high horse before it throws you off.

Anonymous said...

1:02PM,
What are post partum shoppers?

Kelly said...

Hey Jessica, It was nice of you to get your nanny some real perfume. With that noxious "sex on the beach" stuff, I can guarantee you she wasn't getting 'any'.

Anonymous said...

JMT, I think they use the cheap Glade air freshener to drown out the cigarette smell, but then the whole thing turns into a crime scene :)

308 said...

1045, personally, I do not relate to 759. My husband and I are a team, with respect for one another. He and I talk about everything. That's part of what makes a great marriage. 759 may have a great sex life too, but who's to say it's with her husband? Not communicating is bad for a marriage.

Anonymous said...

Ah, JMT, I love it when you lay your pair on the table!!!! :)

jmt said...

Hi 2:22,
I actually googled "perfume allergy" before I posted the first time to check my own facts. I stand behind my statements: real allergies require interaction with a protein. That takes nothing away from the many other irritants that plague us all and exacerbate asthma. You have my sympathies, I know plenty of people who suffer that way. I get annoyed when people don't just lay it on the line and say "you are working in my home, your perfume gets on everything, so please stop wearing it". They make up illnesses instead. Or have their PA do it.

And 3:06 LOL Crime scene, indeed!
I come out of that house and my bra smells like smoke. ewww.

Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Post partum shoppers are mothers who have to hire nannies so they can spend their days shopping.

Say, how do you post under something other than anonymous? Whenever I try to use my real first name it doesn't post.

drama said...

What about people who get migraines from the scent of certain perfumes? Maybe that's not an allergy, but a sensitivity. I get migraines from certain perfumes. I think part of that is because a lot of people don't understand that a little goes a long way and they drown themselves in it making it waaay too strong.

I finally found a very upscale perfume that didn't give me a headache...and instead it gave my boss one. It just goes to show, you are always going to give someone a headache. haha I have officially given up on perfume all together, and lost the dream that men love the scent along with it...too many different tastes in the world somebodies gonna hate it or you for wearing it! LOL

Heidi said...

post your comment.
choose an identity.
1-2-3

Lorenza said...

I know a family who is poor. They housesit for me and babysit my dogs when I travel. The daughter wore some really smelly Revlon perfume from Walgreen's, so I gave her a bottle of rather nice Escada perfume that I couldn't wear because after buying it, I found that I was allergic to it. When talking to her once, I asked her how she liked it and she said that they used it for air freshner in their trailer! Meanwhile, she continued wearing the stinking Revlon variety. And yes, you CAN be allergic to perfume. I have only a few that I can wear. There are a lot of natural things in perfume, floral oils, grasses, etc. and many people are allergic to the natural ingredients in perfumes. If I am wrong, tell my nose and throat that!! It kills me that I can't wear some of the fragrances I love like Clinique Elixer.

Kelly said...

source: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/allergy.htmlAllergy

Also called: Hypersensitivity
An allergy is a reaction of your immune system to something that does not bother most other people. People who have allergies often are sensitive to more than one thing. Substances that often cause reactions are:
Pollen
Dust mites
Mold spores
Pet dander
Food
Insect stings
Medicines
source: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/allergy.htmlAllergy

jmt said...

Hi Lorenza,
Here's a web page about allergies vs. irritant, especially fragrances.
http://allergy.health.ivillage.com/cosmeticschemicalsmetals/fragrancesensitivity2.cfm

And Drama, I heard recently about migraine sufferers who are VERY sensitive to smells, some that trigger migraines. There is also a growing movement to make the public aware of the dangers due to fragrances faced by some people who can go into anaphylactic shock from it. Along the lines of those with peanut allergies. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.

Good night all!

beth o. said...

How many movies or stories have been written about rich, mentally ill women who their doctors and families try to convince not to bear children, but these mothers do in fact bear children. Then they are incapable of caring for the children resulting in the need for a nanny. And because the children suffer issues as a result of the mentally ill mother, the children require therapies and help and probably more nannies.

Anonymous said...

OP --- Just be happy. Your children are spending time with someone who is happy. As for the perfume, just ask her not to wear it.


As long as your nanny is honest, good to your children, safe and reliable, What more could you want?

Happy Nanny

alexandra said...

um happy nanny,
what else could OP want?
The nanny to do everything, all those things big and small relevant to raising a child and then for the nanny to sit back and stay clear of any photographs. And for her children to love and need only her. Even when the children's needs are being met by someone else.
I've seen it before.
You have NO idea.

Pissed OFF Housewife said...

In an attempt to be helpful and not hostile to a woman who requires a nanny whilst staying at home (perhaps you care for an elderly relative too?) I will offer this up to you.

It's not a baby.

It's a person, granted a person new to this world but you have in front of you a brand new human being who will be shaped by his/her surroundings and who will affect change in the world, some good, some bad, some benign.

If you cannot stand a person why on earth would you think that your child can?

They're little people not insignificant beings.

Pissed OFF Housewife said...

It's more than a baby

It's a person

And if you find someone annoying don't you think that they would too?

Also, do you really want someone annoying raising your child and teaching them how to behave.

Try reading a book on parenting, any book will do, you might find yourself interested... or at least a little curious.

Yaya said...

I just have to thank everyone b/c these comments never fail to give me a daily laugh! :)

lauren said...

Sandwich mom,
I know who you are! We have the same PA. Is your laundry washed in good home products with your sheets washed in special lavender soap? I think we live within 10 minutes of each other and have the same assistant. Let me guess, your children's closets are diagrammed and all clothing hangs facing one direction, and falls in line with the color wheel? Red-white-pink!
So funny. Is it a bit much? Perhaps-but I wouldn't change my life for anything. I am grateful everyday for the luxuries afforded me, including that I am able to be a stay at home mother - and have help.

Anonymous said...

Wow. This blog is certainly an eye-opener. No wonder other countries hate us so much.
Lauren and sandwich mom and all the other wackos, you are right about one thing: you certainly need help.
Professional help.

Anonymous said...

7:48 I totally agree. This country has the most disrepectful kids, selfish parents and no moral values. I have friends from other countries and they laugh at us and call us ignorant. I really don't think people get it. Kids have nothing anymore. The whole striving for the American Dream is gone. Instead of having to work for they want, they are given it. Its the "giving my kid what I never had" syndrome. Every parent has done it. You have given your kid an IPOD because you remember when you wanted something it and your parents said no. I recently told my nephew who is 8 about not having a cellphone (he owns a BlackJack) and not having a computer (he owns a laptop) and not having a television (he has a plasma) he looked at me and said "wow, nana, and papa must not have loved you" and I was shocked. My sister has given this 8 year old kid everything she wished she could have had. Its sad and my nephew will never know what it means to work for something. My point is, I have no point. I just wanted to elaborate on what the above poster was saying thats all.

Anonymous said...

952 JMT is that you?

Anonymous said...

9:52 PM
You are so right! What struck me about your nephew's remark, is that he has learned to equate material things with love.

Anonymous said...

pissed off housewife:
What are you on?
The heading of the post is....THE CHILDREN LOVE THE NANNY, BUT....

Anonymous said...

I dont think children today have anything. They have a bunch of crap. Material possessions. But their hearts are black and dull. Children today are not loved and cared for. Their parents spend little or no time with them. Some parents don't hide the fact that they hate their children. So they buy the kids the best gifts. I'd rather have a loving parent.

jmt said...

Nope, that wasn't me.

Anonymous said...

Personally, I would be embarassed to have a PA have to tell my help how to make my sandwich. How lazy some of you people are!! Get off your butt and make your own sandwich, or else you're setting a bad example to your children!! Ugh!

dan said...

A personal assistant is a luxury. I'd rather see people indulging in those sort of luxuries rather than outsourcing the raising of their children.

mf said...

I don't have a personal assistant. But not because I wouldn't love one. It's just not in the cards or budget. I am not an envious person by nature, but I certainly do envy those people who have seemingly effortless lives as a result of the assistance of a personal assistant.

Jessica Dickler a writter for CNN money called a PA the new, IT accessory.
Link:
http://tinyurl.com/2mkhw5

Anonymous said...

If I had a personal assistant I would have her come up with creative ways to terrorize my mother-in-law and possibly ways to poisen her.

Lala said...

I am a Nanny and have been for almost 20 years. I get these beautiful babies and stay with them until they start full-time school(so, just 4 wonderful gigs).
And in each case,(except one) I have seen the moms HATE that they HAVE to go to work. How they would much rather be able to stay at home with their baby (babies). But, they also admit that they would go INSANE if they had to stay home 24/7. Mostly it is a $$ thing, but it is also their sanity. Being out of the house makes them better moms (and lets not forget dads) in the long run.
So, they trust their kids to me and I am honored and privileged to have these kids and their families in my life. I am invited to all family functions and parties, am accepted by in-laws (we even exchange Christmas gifts)- Just truly part of the family and I will dance at each of their weddings!!

BUT a SAHM who has a Nanny? Are we sure what she calls a Nanny is not just a sometimes Babysitter? And on the rare occasion that a mom or dad had been home during "my watch" - it is weird, because of course the kid(s) want to be with them, but they are paying me to keep them entertained.

BTW - I NEVER wear perfume with my kids. Perfume doesn't have to be an everyday thing!!

Kelly said...

7:18PM, You could lose your husband, your kids, your property, your dignity, and all things that you worked very hard to achieve. If your moher-in-law is being a witch, it will come back to haunt her, courtesy of KARMA. You don't have to ruin your own life trying to ruin hers.

SAHM w/ PT Nanny said...

Dan, very good point. Why have kids if you don't want to raise them? And I direct this only at parents who can be with their childen, but don't. So sad.

killer daughter in law said...

Hi Kelly,
I was really just joking! But thanks for the advice!
:) you made me laugh out loud! hehe

Anonymous said...

Are you sure you are not feeling guilty because this Nanny is caring for your kids when you essentially should be. Don't feel guilty, if you can afford to have a nanny and take a break then don't worry about it. But, if she is annoying you then you need to care for your own children. Because you are probably annoying the nanny as well.

Anonymous said...

how these woman like to attack, where are their kids when they have time to make these comments.

i'm a nanny. i've seen the in's and out's of different peoples home and why they use nannies or not.

first off if you are uncofortable with the nanny, let her go. control your own world. but if you are hesitating because you feel bad and in judgment of her, than maybe you should reconsider finding her good qualities, especially if the kids like her. they feel safe with her obviously, that's a plus.

now lot's of these mothers who bashed you for having a nanny probly hate parts of their life and are slowly growing resentment for the husband and the kids, and the tired woman will grow old and realised maybe she was human and needed help.

keep a nanny, cuz you can, find a good one though, that YOU love.

Former Nanny, Now SAHM said...

Maybe you should try raising your own children instead of hiring someone to do it for you while you sit on the sidelines?!

OMG! What a novel concept!