Received Tuesday, May 29, 2007
I went into the GAP at 67th. & Broadway on Monday (5/28) afternoon around 4:15 PM. The nanny was a tall, black woman wearing a crisp white button down shirt (untucked), with black pants. Her hair was pulled back. She was also carrying a shopping bag from Pottery Barn.
The baby was a little girl, white, and looked to be very young - maybe 3-5 months old. It looked like she was wearing a one piece with pink flowers on it? She was in a black stroller, one with her seat facing the nanny. The poor baby cried (hard) for the entirety of her visit to the store. The nanny ignored the child completely. The stroller might as well have been an empty shopping cart, because not once, did the nanny ever soothe, acknowledge, touch, talk to or look at the baby. They were in the store for about 25 minutes, the poor baby crying the entire time. When she went to check out, she placed her wallet on the baby, still ignoring her existence.
It broke my heart to hear the baby cry like that. This was a very young child - you could tell by the cry. I saw other people in the store watching too with worry and concern, so I know I was not alone in my reaction. I tried to follow after the nanny, in order to get more information to share/report but was unable to find her after she walked out of the store. If your child is being cared for every day by this child, it is severely lacking in affection and care and you can find better.
My heart goes out to the little baby girl.
40 comments:
Did you say anything, or were you afraid of getting your butt kicked by this lady?
I have gotten to the point that when a child is so disruptive to my shopping experience, I will give a look or make a comment to the person or persons with the child to let them know it's unacceptible to disturb other shoppers this way. I used to get so irritated, I'd simply vacate the store or cafe or whatever. Now, I realize that they are the ones who should go when I am not bothering a soul. Call me grumpy, if you will, but I never let my kids be bothersome to others wherever we went and if one of them was fussing or misbehaving, it was we that left. Speak up people.
OP: Why the hell didn't you say something? I don't understand all of you posters who see these things going on and you say and do nothing. The chance that the parent will actually be on here and see your post are so miniscule. You people need to learn to speak up and stop being such chickens.
I am still in amazement that Nannies are out shopping with their charges.........I do daycare and would not THINK of shopping with my kids...for groceries MAYBE......but, to the GAP????.........YIKES! I would've said something to the heartless idiot!
I agree with you 5:40. I accept a lot of noise from children because they are only kids, but when the child is obviously uncomfortable or crying/screaming the parents should take them out of the area to let them calm down, and comfort them in quiet.
I went to a Friday night movie that started at 9:30 PM. There was a family there with two kids, the younger was about 3 1/2 - 4. He was talking throughout the beginning, but then started whining and crying because he was bored/confused/scared by what was on the screen. Finally he was just crying constantly that he wanted to go home. Everyone around him agreed with that sentiment, I promise you. I was going to say something until I realised that this looked like a family night out, so I didn't make it worse for them and neither did anyone else. He finally fell asleep. Of course then we listened to loud snoring through the rest of the movie, although to be fair it could have been one of the many disappointed adults watching.
So, to all parents who don't want to spring for a babysitter for the night, please wait for the DVD and don't ruin it for the rest of us who just took a second mortgage out to pay for movie tickets and popcorn. I used to let the talking morons and screaming kids have the theaters to themselves and stay home, but not anymore. I'm with above poster - we are behaving ourselves, why are we suffering?
I agree that more people should stand up. But I am a FIEND with the "email this" button. I will send it to Gap Management, friends in that neighborhood, parents who have children in area schools, area schools, area kid places, etc. And soon enough these nannies will learn that they cannot hide.
Seems that the poor kid was getting in the way of the ice hearted nanny's shopping spree. 25 minutes is way too long for a little one to cry without any soothing.
Me, too, with regard to the speaking up. Two reasons in this case, the annonyance and
the lack of attention due the child.
540, I agree that if a child acts up, it is up to the parents to remove them from the situation. But a baby? Babies cry. They all do it. Granted, the nanny was way out of line not consoling the baby. But I would not stop a shopping excursion because my baby was crying, although I would try to calm him down. If someone has an issue because a baby is crying, then it is their problem.
My child is a toddler, and it annoys the heck out of me when people give me the look of death. While my son is usually well behaved, we have moments. It frustrates me to no end when people comment, esspecially when I have the situation under control. Toddlers will be disruptive, and it is up to the parents or caregiver to settle them down. Your disgruntled looks do not help.
This unresponsive nanny is so sad. It reminds me of an old friend. She would let her newborn cry non-stop. If it was in the early morning hours, she would haul the bassinet into her master bath and shut the door so she could get a few extra z's. So sad. Newborns up to the age of 5 or 6 months need to be calmed down. She would also bolt the moment her baby would fuss in a restaurant because she was paranoid people were watching her. Saddly, 540, you have proven others do judge. So sad.
katie, you "do daycare"? Does that mean that you provide child care out of your home? Or you use daycare services? I agree though, a child care provider should not be running errands with 10 kids in tow; but on the other hand it is perfectly acceptable for a nanny of 1 child (especially an infant) to shop or run to Starbucks sometimes. Many nannies provide long hours of care and shopping may or may not be okay with the parents. This case is clearly unacceptable as the child should have been soothed, held, fed, or whatever. But, in NYC, it is certainly not out of the ordinary for a nanny to run errands. Maybe she was shopping for the mom? Scratch that, as no NYC mom with a nanny would want clothes from the Gap.. but that's another post!
I was the poster. This nanny was so cold to the child, that I was scared as to what my interaction may cause. The nanny surely wouldn't have offered up her employer's contact information to me. She already had placed her wallet on the baby with little regard. I am a stranger. Had I confronted her, I would hate to be responsible for a worse fate for the poor child. And had store mgmt intervened with my confrontation, she would have won - as the nanny. I was frozen with fear. The reason I posted was because I was sick to my stomach that I didn't know how to do more. I am not a mother, it's not my first instinct. I think generally this is what the site is for. I am just hoping that the parents might recognize the description - and if there truly is cause for concern, they can act.
Next time, I will be more brave. I am truly heartbroken over the thought of this incident and this poor baby, being ignored day after day.
from the poster, again: thank you ivan and kelly. that is my point exactly. this site is a forum to spring into action on behalf of the children.
5:40 - I want to personally say thank you for not letting your children's crying, whining and/or general crankiness ruin my night out.
JMT - I understand the price of movies - I don't go because I can't afford the second mortage! I much prefer to rent the dvd, pop my own popcorn and watch the movie in the comfort of my own home. But my goodness, you are a trooper for putting up with that child! I am the one that sits there shhhhing the talkers. I have even walked out and requested management intervene and refund my money - IT WORKS TOO!
12:53 - it is people like you that make a night out miserable for the rest of us. It is only common courtesy that if you are in a restaturant and your infant begins fussing you should wisk it away. Why should everyone else have to suffer through listening to the child's crying? It is one thing if it only lasts a few seconds, while you are preparing a bottle or such, but come on, have some respect to those who hired babysitters or don't have crying children.
OP - it was irresponsible on your half to not do or say something. If nothing else you could have walked up to the baby and soothingly said "what's the matter, you don't need to cry". I have done this many times, it makes the nanny, mother or who ever is caring for the child realize that other people hear the crying too.
movies are like $12 tops. see a matinee if you have to. Mortgage on house? I don't get it. Not even remotely.
I don't really agree with going over to anyone and saying something unless the child is in immediate danger. I live in an inner city and if I did that every time a parent or caregiver was doing a poor job with their kid I wouldn't have any time to pay attention to my own kid. This is the real world. Of course if they are abusing the child I would say something or report it. But in the instance that another child is just crying without the nanny comforting them, there isn't much we can do. It's really not your business if you ask me. I know I comfort my daughter when she cries, but that's my kid. Other kids are not my business unless they are being abused or grossly neglected. Having a crappy nanny is not the same thing.
As far as crying children in public, when you can remove them, fine remove them. Sometimes it's not possible. I have a small daughter and she has her moments.In the market, you have to finish buying food. On a plane, there's nothing you can do. The bank, the post office, etc, all those places are necessary to go in to. In a mall, yes, take your kid to another area or outside and calm them down.
As far as movies go? I would never take my small child, under 12, to a night movie. That's rude to everyone and not good parenting.
10:23 - the food, the bank and the post office will all be there later.
924, yes, it would be rude to take a crying child to a nice restaurant. We did not take our child as an infant to such restaurants. We went to family restaurants. Big difference. If you don't want to deal with noisy children, eat at home. I am going to assume you don't go to family restaurants on dates when you leave your children behind with a sitter. If you do, then expect to see "families" in "family" restaurants. Sheesh!
And 1136, get real. Do you really believe a mother should leave her cart of groceries at the store so she can take her crying baby home? Um, NO! You must have a lot of free time on your hands, no schedule, if you can drop your plans for the day. Oh, wait. I bet you don't have a crying baby to deal with. My child in now a toddler, and when he acts up, I have the ability to finish my to do list later in the day. Not everyone has that freedom. So stop with the judgemental looks and comments and give moms with babies a break. Of course, unless they just ignore their child. Speak up then.
You ladies certainly wouldn't like my parenting style!
If my child cries, I try to comfort them.
Unless I am in a fancy restaurant (once in a blue moon) or in church or some other service (pretty much never), I deal with the crying the best I can and I would never think to leave.
It is natural for a baby to cry and for a mother to comfort them. There is no shame in it.
Use kindly the comforts of a sitter.
11:36,
We can all tell that you have no children. Either that or a nanny is raising your kids and you don't ever have to do errands with them.
So leave this conversation to the adults please.
Look kids are kids. What do you want the parents to do. This is a free country and I can bring my kid anywhere and EVERYWHERE I go. I don't have to cater to anyone that is in the store. I am a parent I have a busy schedule. If my kid is crying in the store I am not going to LEAVE the store just to make you feel more comfortable. If I am in the store I am paying for the same thing you are. And just to let you know if you do ever approach me about my child crying in the store you will get yelled at. I don't need anyone telling me that my child is crying or you giving me dirty looks. Go to another store. Get over it. You people who get so offended because of crying kids must not have any. You all sound very stupid and as for letting the child cry that is not acceptable and that nanny needs someone to talk to her. But if the child is more than 2 years old and is crying you cannot just up and leave the store. You also can't hire a babysitter just because you have a kid either.
Re: restaurants. When I go to a restaurant I expect families most of the time. Diners, chain restaurants, all accomodate children. I'm fine with that. What gets me is when I go to a finer restaurant and want a quiet, adult experience and someone brings a screaming kid. I took my friend out to celebrate at a very nice steak house, 8:30 PM reservations, bourbon on the rocks, pitch black inside except for the lights on the table and the light coming from the open kitchen. Get the ambiance? Some family brought a months-old infant to dinner with them. Of course it cried and screamed, and the parents NEVER TOOK THE CHILD OUTSIDE. First of all, why is an infant out and about at such an hour? Why did they think this was the kind of place to bring a baby? People closer to that table complained and I didn't see the management do anything about it. I don't get it. People bring their little kids and dogs along everywhere as if the common sense rules don't apply to them, they are special.
And as for movies I am not afraid to shush a talker (got some good stories there), but I give kids some latitude. But when parents selfishly bring their children to inappropriate films at times that are past MY bedtime, much less theirs, that's wrong. Hire the sitter down the street for $10 an hour.
And movie prices? Yeah, $12 per ticket, then the same amount if you want popcorn and a drink. It has now approached the cost of an off-broadway play ticket. So I do get ticked off when I spend my money and the experience is ruined.
Clueless parents: take a hint. Hire a lovely sitter. Let the kids stay home and we can all have a nice grown-up evening out.
The worst part is when other people try to tell you what to do with your child. When my kid has a tantrum I ignore her. She wants attention and I am not going to give it to her. My daughter is 5 and when she was 2 the word "terrible" couldn't describe what she was. She threw tantrums all of the time. People think when your child throws tantrums that your a horrible parent. I would be concerned if your child didn't. One day I was in the store and my daughter threw one of her "throw myself out on the ground and act like I have a seizure" tantrum. We were on our way out of the store when she had one. I picked her up off the ground and carried her to the car. Everyone in the parking lot was looking. She wanted ice cream. I told her no. I had a lady call the police on me because she said that my daughter was disturbing the peace. I was pissed. Not only that she went and bought my daughter an ice cream. I was soooooo mad. She called me all sorts of names and that I was a bad mother. She told me I needed therapy because I was cruel and evil lady. ALL BECAUSE I DIDN'T GIVE MY KID ICE CREAM! The point of my story is people are always going to try to tell you what to do. You know your child and whats best for them. Don't let anyone tell you different. Kids are going to cry, throw tantrums and act crazy. Its apart of growing up.
OMG, 1010, if that lady did that to me, she would be wearing the ice cream...in her face!!! I've gotten looks, but have never had anyone go that far. I think I would be really pissed off. I would hope the police would give her a citation for a call that wasted their time. Seriously, people, give parents a break. People complain if you let the tantrum happen without intervention, and they complain if you try to take control of your child. You just cannot win!! People like the one that attacked you really only need to be given the one finger salute, in my opinion.
"Kids are going to cry, throw tantrums and act crazy. Its apart of growing up."
Yes THEY are, but it's your duty as the ADULT to try and correct the situation. I fully believe that any responsible adult will remove a screaming child from the situation provided they have been disrupting others in a public place for more than 5 minutes. Otherwise I find it extremely irresponsible, nobody wants to listen to another person's kid scream. I don't need a headache because your kid is out of control, thanks. I think too many off you have this false self importance, the world shouldn't have to suffer because you are too lazy or ignorant to remove your kid from a situation they are not handling correctly. The world doesn't revolve around you, and it doesn't revolve around me either...but common sense should tell you nobody wants to listen to your kids grating voice for more than 5 minutes. I shouldn't have to come home with a headache every time I leave the house because another moron doesn't have the intelligence to step outside for five minutes and let their kid scream in the open air rather than my ear.
HOW THE HELL CAN YOU STEP OUTSIDE FOR 5 MINUTES??? Do you know how difficult it is especially when you have other children. I swear people without kids just think that parents are suppose to control every aspect of their child including emotions. If my child is out in public they are not suppose to cry, laugh, or feel anything because it might "give you a headache". Are you shitting me?? I hope you never have kids and as a parent I get angry and upset at your post. I totally agree with 10:10 you know what is best for your child no one else. I will be damned if I am going to let some snot nosed lady tell me otherwise.
To 2:50
You sound like an insensitive arse who definitely should never have kids.
Five minutes is not much time to remove a child from a situation. Many children have tantrums so that they will be taken out of a "boring" situation. If you are in a fancy restaurant (which you shouldn't take a small child to anyway) or a movie or similar place where people are paying to be, then yes, remove your child. However, if you are in a grocery store or a doctor's office, people who are not selfish jerks like you understand what it's like to have kids.
Karma is a funny thing: it seems to me that your future darling will be the worst kind of fit thrower, and we will all laugh our asses off at you when it happens. I hope in fact that you encounter someone like you when it happens to give you a bunch of crap for it and you can see how it feels.
7:27, you are way off. I actually have two children that are 13 months apart. There have been times that I have walked out of stores, banks, post offices, etc. without finishing my errands. I have even walked out of restaurants with my crying child, allowing others to enjoy their meal. It is one thing when my child cries at the table at home, its another when I am out in public. When I have walked out, my husband pays our check and we finish our meal at home.
We chose to have children and we chose to have them close in age. We also choose to respect those who do not have them or are enjoying an evening out without the children.
I do not have a nanny, nor do I feel the need to have one. I can afford it, but chose to close my law firm to stay at home. When we have a date night out - once each month, without the children, we hire a babysitter or have family members stay with them. My children come first.
12:08
What do you do when you are in a restaurant and your husband isn't with you? Do you mean to tell me that in this situation you should leave without paying the check?
Sorry 12:08, I don't buy it.
You are as everyone is saying insensitive. If you really do have kids, you need some parenting classes. Sensitivity classes too.
1233, I agree with you. Plus, how rude would it be to walk out of a grocery store, making the employee's put your stuff back? Very!!
Someone I actually know walks out of restaurants when her baby fusses. It's embarassing to me! She gets up and makes a bigger scene trying to flag down a waitress to get her food to go. By the time she is ready to leave, the baby has stopped fussing. Such a waste of my time. It's not hard to just pick up the baby and cuddle while you eat. Worked every time for me. Now that my son is a toddler, I go prepared with special toys or stickers to diffuse a tantrum. Yep, works every time within 5 to 10 min. No, I will not leave. Judgemental mom's, mind your own business and grow a heart. Give parents a chance to teach their children without banning them to their homes.
If a patron has to leave a restaurant suddenly for any reason, I can't imagine the management not being helpful with quick payment of the bill, etc. They want their bill paid, they'll help. Particularly if the patrons are being loud, are upset, are suddenly ill, what have you, they want to preserve the peace in their business.
Ideally there are two adults who can handle the bill and remove noisy kids. In a less ideal circumstance, you do the best you can. Life isn't perfect.
How sad that our community is the way it is, anit-child. People expected to leave an establishment because their child fusses. Parents kicked off planes because their child has a tantrum. People screaming at you, calling you a bad mom and phoning the police because you won't buy your screaming child an ice cream cone. Anyone here seeing a trend? How sad that the old, archaic phrase, "children should be seen and not heard" is back in vogue. It's hard to believe. Just don't dare tell me to take my child out of a store. As the parent, I know when enough is enough, and will end my shopping when I am ready to. Until then, keep your opinions to yourself.
Well said, 12:27! :)
can see two sides to the issue. There are people who lack empathy for parents with children having melt downs in grocery stores, post offices, and in general places where you can reasonably expect to encounter fellow humans of a very young age. Perhaps they don't know much about children, or they are just ill tempered grouches.
On the other side, there are selfish self involved parents who take their children to inappropriate places: upscale restaurants, movies etc. This is resulting in a lot of resentment which may spill over onto the considerate parents who don't deserve it.
Thanks! I thought so too!!
1052, I think you phrased it very well. I would never take my toddler to an evening movie or upscale restaurant. I've been it those situations, and it sucks. Parents and caregivers need to keep toddlers and babies in appropriate enviroments. Thanks!
yes, parents. Take heed. No child under ten should EVER be in first class unless he/she is a mute. I am so tired of paying top dollar for first class just to rub elbows with incapable parents and their sniveling little brats.
Oh and by the way, that doesn't mean you should ride in first class and send your children in coach. You ride WITH your children. I've also had the unfortunate circumstance of being bumped to coach only to sit next to a nanny who spoke three words of English who was trying to care for a two year old boy who wouldn't stop crying for his mommy. Up in First Class. I wanted to slap the living daylights out of that bitch.
I think it's a good rule not to bring kids into first class. Always having to ride coach I've never thought of it before. But it's really true. That should be a rule.
p.s. just got back from Florida and my nine month old did great on the plane! I was so shocked because she can be really fussy at times. The baby next to us screamed the whole way and I felt nothing but sympathy for the parents. We were, of course, in coach!
1250, you can't possible be a parent or a nanny if you view childen as sniviling nose brats. Why are you on I Saw Your Nanny? It's really people like you that should mind their own business. Go to the spa, honey, and get your nails chiseled down a bit.
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