Received Saturday, March 24, 2007
3/23/07 - I've been a nanny for 12 years. When I first moved to Portland, OR I did temp jobs for a couple months until I found a permanent job. After eight months I decided that the family wasn't a good fit, at which point I left and went back to doing temp nanny work. I've been doing temp nanny work for five months now.
Friday morning I went to my Friday temp job with a 3 year old boy and 5 year old girl. After taking the 5 year old to preschool, the 3 year old and I went to George Rogers Park in Lake Oswego, OR. Although there was a large play structure, my 3 yr old charge only wanted to play in the sand box. For a little while we were the only people in the play area. Eventually a mom and her little boy arrived and played together on the play structure together. Shortly after their arrival, a large white truck pulled up and parked. I was in the middle of making a sand castle with my temp charge so didn't witness the first child emerge from the vehicle. When I looked up at them, the Hispanic caregiver had deposited a 3 year old boy on the side of the road that the playground was located. He stood there very close to the road while she went back to the vehicle to get a little blonde girl who looked to be just under 2 years old. While the caregiver was retrieving the other child, I heard the mother who was on the play structure say she would watch the little boy to make sure he was safe. I don't recall having heard the caregiver respond at all, but I suppose she might have and I just didn't hear.
The little girl went onto the play structure with her brother and the caregiver stayed near the park bench she had parked their picnic cooler/bag. I heard the mom say to her son he should ask the little girl's name. I heard the name "X" and mom said she thought that maybe that was a nick name and short for something else. Meanwhile, I was covered head to toe in sand and our sand castle with moat and bridge was coming along nicely. I looked up over at the Hispanic caregiver and she was speaking in Spanish on her pink cell phone and hadn't made any effort to leave the spot she had been in the whole time. Tick, tick, tick...she is STILL on her cell phone. The little girl is wandering around the play structure unaided and unsupervised as is her brother. There are a million ways she could get seriously injured and this caregiver just didn't seem to care. Every once in a while she would glance around to see where the children were and continued on with her conversation on her cell phone. I sat there and thought, "Omg, I'm having an 'I saw your nanny' moment."
The little boy eventually came over to the sand box and joined myself and my charge in play. When he got close I recognized him and asked him what his name was just to be sure he was the same little boy I thought he was. He said his name was "X*" and my heart sunk and I became even more enraged at the behavior of his caregiver. Nearly a year ago I had cared for X*, his sister XY* and their other two siblings at their house a few times. I was sad when I wasn't able to care for them anymore when I got my permanent job. They are really great children and I couldn't believe the parents would have hired a woman that would be so negligent to look after their children.
I watched X*'s caregiver a little while longer to see what she would do if anything. She was still wrapped up in her cell phone conversation. I looked over to see where X* was. She was being looked after by the mom on the play structure and was sitting on the mom's lap....a complete stranger. It was at this point I just lost it. I went over to the caregiver and asked her if she was X*'s and XY*'s nanny. She said, "yes."
Me: "I've cared for these children before and I know their parents. You need to be to be watching them."
Her: (whilst still on her cell phone) "I am watching them"
Me: "No, you're not. You are too busy talking on your cell phone. You need to get off your phone and take care of them. You need to be INTERACTING with them. XY* is much too young to be up on the play structure by herself. She could get seriously injured."
Her: (tells the person on the phone she has to go) "I got a phone call and have only been talking a few minutes."
Me: "That's not true. I have been watching you and you have been on your phone the whole time. You haven't been on the play structure once and someone else shouldn't be watching the children you were hired to watch. I'm going to let their parents know what I have witnessed here today and I am sure they won't be very happy at all."
Her: (she said something about speaking to the mom herself but can't remember her exact words. She starts to go toward the play structure...FINALLY!) "Thanks for being so nice" (obvious sarcasm because I was livid during the confrontation.)
I collected my charge, said good bye to X* and called my agency to get the family's phone number. I scribbled the number on the back of my hand and was told by my charge that I shouldn't write on my hands. lol I called the mom's cell phone number and let her know exactly what I witnessed and that I confronted her caregiver. The mom was surprised to hear this and said she had specifically told the caregiver she had to help XY* play on the play structure. She said this woman had been recommended by a friend and was only taking care of the children on Fridays. She thanked me for telling her about the incident and asked me if I was available Fridays. I'm not at the moment, but I would rearrange my schedule to accommodate her if it turns out she is serious.
I have no idea what the mom will do with the information I gave her. I sincerely hope she doesn't use that woman's services again. The well being of her children is at serious risk if she does.
Signed: a nanny who cares
39 comments:
Wow!
People, this is the way it's done.
This is the most verbose account of a nanny neglecting kids on the playground I've ever read. Besides, if the mother already knows, why post?
Well, if you talked to the mom, what's the point in wasting the webpage space with your story? I thought this site was to report bad behavior so someone could try and help identify the nannies and children... Good for you, thanks for taking a stand, but come on. Stop looking for attention! What you did was just a show of your good character. Not many people would get involved. But, you ruined that show of good character by bragging about it on a website.
yet if you hadnt mentioned that you contacted the mom, they would be bitching at you for not contacting the Mom! You just can't win!
Thanks for sharing a success story!
I, for one, thank you for posting this. Why? Because it demonstrates what people with a conscience do when they see bad babysitters.
Good for you for reporting this lazy, uncaring sack of fertilizer.
Now if only more people would follow your lead.
Commenters are constantly berating posters for not doing anything in the situation they describe, and here finally someone really stuck her neck out and confronted the miscreant, and ironically, she is a nanny!
8:32 is exactly right!
You did just what anyone who truly cares about children should have done - confronted the negligent nanny and contacted the parent. Great job, two thumbs up!
Wait a minute........do Nanny Agencys just give out clients numbers? (I know you said you worked for them before but, still....you don't work for them now.) I am not criticizing...I think you did the right thing. I'm sure that the Mom thinks so too! I applaude your bravery! :o) Kate
At first I agreed with the first few comments wondering why she would post this if she had indeed contacted the mother. Then I realized that people reading this might be more courageous the next time they witness bad or negligent care and be more inclined to confront the caregiver involved.
Jess
Sorry, I agree with Lauren and 7:58, the point of this website is to inform the parents of what is going on with their kids. If OP already contacted the parents, there is no point for this post! I too think it is someone just wanting attention and praise. Sorry, that's not the point of this website. Go somewhere else for a pat on the back.
I think you did a good job! I'm glad you posted b/c this shows other people what it means to actually stand up for innocent children and say something already! That takes a lot of courage. You are a good person!
I guess you are looking for a pat on the back, so here it is:
pat, pat.
I also ditto Lauren.
Probably hoping someone will read this and offer her a job since she has demonstrated how great (and wordy) she is.
I saw a woman wearing an I saw your nanny t-shirt yesterday that said "see something, say something".
If that is the motto or whatever of this site, this post here does exactly that.
so windy, i assumed you were from chicago.
I'm going to be responding to the various responses all at once so be prepared for another lengthy post from me.
I'm not looking for a pat on the back. I simply wanted to share my experience that I thought very relevant to this site. If I hadn't known the children and their parents I would STILL be posting my experience at the park here at isawyournanny.blogspot.com.
I have had numerous experiences where I find myself caring for someone else's child/charge at the park. I only recently started reading this site and it was *because* of things I have read here (the many people always saying they should have DONE something rather than post about it here) that I actually resigned myself to doing what was in my power to do.
So you don't like that I submitted my experience, but Jane Doe or whomever decides what appears on this blog could have easily agreed that it was pointless and attention seeking and simply not put it up. But she chose to accept it.
And if my detailed account is too wordy for you, please don't burden yourself by reading it. It is that simple. It looks like this response is going to be a challenge for you too.
I am a good nanny and don't need anyone to confirm that for me. That is confirmed for me every time one of my charges says "I love you." There are always naysayers and negative people here, so luckily my skin is thick enough to not be too bothered by you.
I prefer doing temp nanny work as it gives me a little more control over my life. *I* can say when I will work and when I won't. If I have a bad experience with one family I can refuse to take that job again in the future. I love the variety I get. It is never predictable and the parents don't have time to start taking all that I do for granted.
I was with a family for 9 years where my normal work week was 60 hours plus on-call time. I gave 9 years of my life to help raise someone else's children. I love them dearly, but just don't want to go back to not having a life of my own. I have to laugh at the person who thinks I posted my experience so I would get a job offer out of it. Chances are pretty good I would turn it down. I think at this stage in my life I am done with permanent nanny gigs.
And no, agencies don't normally give out that information. Of course I already had that same information at home as I have worked for them before, but the coordinator and I both felt contacting the mother of these children ASAP was a priority.
It's easy to make assumptions about someone you know nothing about except a single post. It is easy to be verbally abusive when no one can see your face and you can be anonymous behind a computer. But what does it say about you as people? Is this the example you set for the young people in your lives?
To those who understand why I posted my experience here...a very big thank you for your kind words. I do hope my account will inspire others to DO something; SAY something; get involved. We can all make a difference in the lives of children...not just the ones in our care.
I think this was a good post. Good for you for standing up for those kids. I often feel like doing this to parents and nannies and I think I will have the courage to do it now.
However, I too wondered why the agency would have so willingly given out the family's current phone number. That seems odd and negligent on their part.
I applaud you and hope that you ignore any criticism for posting what you did. It's a good EXAMPLE that could help someone who might otherwise be hestitant or unsure of what to do in a similar situation. THANK YOU
12:56 As I mentioned above, it is not normally something the agency would do for just anyone. They have been my agency for 12 years (they placed me with my 1st job that I was at 9 yrs) and I guess they trust I would never misuse a client's information. You also have to take into account the circumstances. Like I said, I already had the family's info at home in a file...just not handy. I didn't want to wait until I got home from work. I thought it was important to relay the information to the mother ASAP so she could relieve the caregiver of her duties and not put her children at further risk. I could have driven a couple miles up the road to their house, but that wouldn't have been appropriate since I had my own charge I was responsible for. Besides, chances are pretty good that mom and dad weren't home since they had someone else caring for their children. Be assured that agencies are NOT handing out families' personal information freely to anyone who asks.
OP: thank you for clearing that up. Again, good for you. You did the right thing! I hope the parents did the right thing too.
OP: thank god you had the courage to stand up, I to have had to on numerous occasions when nannies I don't know leave their children in my care so they can go have a rest or talk on the phone. I once had a au pair leave their 2 year old child in my car while at the pool and I had my two charges and hers to take care of. The women disappeared and I contacted the pool manager and he put in a call to the parents just about the time the nanny came back. needless to say, there is a new nanny working for this little adorable girl that makes her laugh and cares about her. So like the OP said, speak up, do something, don't just stand there. As a nanny activist in my area, I am constinatly getting parents talking to me at the park about bad nanny sitings. I give this website. And just a note, I'm not a nanny to usually run around with my 3 year old charge on the playground. For me, its more of a bad knee, but that doesn't mean i'm not watching her everymove, and speaking to her and interacting verbably. So for that mom out there who had the nerve to say I was a horrible nanny for not playing with her, my little girl sure did tell you where to go (the mom was yelling at me and my girl came over and told her to stop yelling at her nanny because she loves nanny and nanny is a good nanny) take that.
OP, I wish you were in my town (San Diego)! You sound fabulous. I am a SAHM but would love to know of an excellent temp nanny for occasional days here and there. Frankly, I'm scared to leave my kids with anyone who isn't a close friend or family member, after reading accounts on this site AND seeing what passes for "childcare" around town. Most nannies that I see are excellent, mind you, but there are many nannies AND daycare providers (out with their charges at parks, the library etc.) who I would *not* trust to care for my child. And the reality is, you just can't easily tell the difference.
For instance, I often talk to two daycare providers who bring their charges to the same park where I take my daughter. They seem SO nice and their kids are all well-behaved and sweet. And yet, last week I witnessed them berate a 2-year-old for not being able to get her shoes on, and refuse to help her until she had been hysterically crying for some time. Maybe this is OK with most parents, but for me, it would *not* be OK to leave my 2-year-old with someone who would ignore her and yell at her for not being able to put her own shoes on. The problem is, I had no idea what to say in that instance, although I felt I should say something. After all, they are the professionals, and I already had a nice rapport with them. Plus I will undoubtedly see them again. I had NO idea whether I should have said something.
Your post gives me a little bit of inspiration to stand up and say something if I see a caregiver not caring for their child. I wish I was not such a coward and that more people were as brave as you were. That's not a pat on the back, it's just the truth. Thank you for posting.
I just want to know why, if you had already dealt with the situation directly, you had to continually refer to the "hispanic" nanny and her "speaking in spanish" on her cell phone? You describe her as being "hispanic" more than once. Does it matter her nationality or her language of choice? We certainly don't need them as indentifying factors as you have already contacted the mother directly. This post more than ruffled my feathers w/ its racist undertones - am I alone in this?
8:04 Yeah, you're alone
Gee, Sprak. Thanks for your thoughtful commentary. This is why I don't even bother posting on this board. I reread the original post and anyone who can't at least acknowledge the fact that the poster had absolutely NO REASON to state the "offender"s nationality and language of choice is someone who enjoys being obnoxious for obnoxious' sake. Until people can get real about the issues at hand then I don't see how any progress can be made in helping facilitate stronger, healthier relationships between caregivers and their charges/employers - isn't this what this site is for? Ugh. I'm over it.
By knowing what this nanny looks like, others can avoid her. I hope.
YES,8:04 YOU ARE ALONE IN THIS ONE.
COME ON WHY BE SO ANGRY ABOUT THE USE OF "HISBANIC" COME ON..MORE IMPORTEND. she did something....NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE...
4:16 - Turn off your caps - you're yelling. I do not think that the OP had the intention of including the hispanic description so that others could avoid her. This was the ONLY identifying information given. Could you "avoid" a nanny based on her ethnicity alone? If OP had also included a physical description, etc. then maybe this could be the case. I am just disillusioned that no one else could see my point about the indentification of the nanny's race as being irrelevant. And to say she was speaking in Spanish on the cell phone? I mean who cares what language she's speaking in? It is just one big negative erroneous racial stereotype. I promise this is the last I will say as no one else seems to share my opinion. I am an employer, not a nanny, and I just felt the need to share how this post made me feel - uneasy.
Well, gee 5:35, I'm sure no one intentionally set about trying to make YOU feel uneasy and yes, you seem to be alone in your accusation of prejudice. She was probably just following the guidelines for nanny sightings with regard to the description of the nanny and some of the other details you mentioned.
I just felt your comments were off base and unrelated to the real issue. There's a saying that if someone goes looking for trouble, that person will probably find it and that theory can apply to many things. It seems to me if you scour every word and punctuation mark in a post, you'll likely find what you are looking for. You certainly did.
I hope you find this commentary more thoughtful.
You want a clearer description 8:04? Okay.
The woman was average height...about 5' 2". She had dark brown medium length hair pulled back away from her face. Her build was average, not fat, not thin. She was about 30-40 years old. I can't remember what she wore. The only thing about her that stood out to me was her grotesque thickly drawn-on eyebrows. Her complexion was a double latté brown.
I realized only after I had submitted my post that I had failed to describe the nanny well. Regardless of what you feel, stating her ethnicity and that she is a Spanish speaker *does* help add to the description. I'm sorry you felt my references were racist. If it was a French nanny speaking French on the phone, I'm sure I would have mentioned that as well and referred to her as "the French nanny."
Considering my marriage is a multi-racial one, I don't think I have deep seeded racist views. Thanks for voicing your concern and your input, though.
what temp agency did you contact? i'm in dire need of a nanny position whether f/t, p/t or temp. I love working with children and it crushes me to know that parents will hire people based on experience rather than genuine affection. please e-mail me at smurfy10181@aim.com my name is Lynette and I'd hate to give up on my dreams because parents want someone with 5 yrs experience. Thank you!
i agree with 5:35.
I don't care what anyone says!
YOU GO GIRL!
sorry for shouting! If I had seen that, I would've done the same thing, and I would've called the agency immediately and then contacted the parents, having them call the nanny and see what was going on.
I don't think you were looking for a pat on the back, you were doing the right thing!
Sprak...you are racist. Her being hispanic had nothing to do with the post. It's ridiculous that racist undertones are seen so often on this blog, makes me sick.
racist undertones?
How do you describe a nanny without mentioning her race?
I would prefer to see posts where the children are not described AT ALL but the nannies are described in explicit detail.
Millie = Hapless Fool.
I dont think millie gets it
The nanny was all ready found and reported to the family. Her race had nothing to do with it. If she hadn't reported the nanny and this were the typical case I would agree on disclosing the race for identifying the nanny. If you don't see the racist undertones all over this forum's comments then I hope God will bless you with new eyes, new ears, an open heart, and an eager mind.
anonymous=sad excuse for a woman
No, Millie, you still don't get it. What if she would have continued with this behavior regardless of what she tells her employers? You know, out of sight, out of mind? Because of the description given of her and her charges, however,she just might think twice about repeating such carelessness.
nannies are such actresses anyway. the parents probably gave her a talking to and the nanny squawked about this or that and apologized, lied, blamed pms. etc. Then same nanny is back on same playground up to her same hijinx. but alas, this time all eyes will be on her!
I am the first anonymous who felt the OP was racially biased. I'm sorry Sprak - but I believe you still don't get it. There was NO description given by OP of the nanny except for her ethnicity. And there was NO description of the children except "3 year old boy" and "little blonde girl." How are these supposed to help anyone? How many hispanic nannies are out there caring for a 3 year old boy and a 2 year old blonde girl in that area? This woman knows the children's actual names - she called the mother. She knows the agency used. She doesn't need the general public's help in keeping this nanny from being a repeat offender. To attribute the description of "hispanic" and the identification of the language used on the cell phone as being given to "warn" others of the nanny in question seems more than misguided to me. It is obvious that this issue is much bigger than this particular post. And perhaps we need to agree to disagree. But please don't make Millie feel as if she is alone in this as you made me feel in your earlier posts. I'm with you Millie - 100%.
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