Received on Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I wanted to share this story with your readers. I have a great husband and two kids and am a stay at home mom. Two years ago a friend of mine came to stay with us for a weekend. The weekend turned into a week turned into a month. My husband was on his last nerve, no longer buying the pity I had for this wayward, someone lost soul of a friend. At the same time, she was toying with the idea of going to work as a live in nanny because she needed a place to stay, a job and a car. I helped her with her resume. I listed myself as her reference and a mutual friend of ours as another reference. And she left off to the NYC area to look for a job. Before I knew it, she had a job. No one had even called me or our mutual friend. Granted, we were willing to lie and say she had worked as our nanny but no one even gave us that chance! And my friend was watching a baby. A baby! Some mother hired her off of Craig's list and didn't even check her references, but allowed her to move in their home and take care of their baby! My friend was never alone with my baby because she didn't know what to do with babies, in fact she told me quite honestly that she didn't want to take care of babies. She took the first job she could and was in Greenwich, CT taking care of someone's baby! This caused me more than one sleepless night! My friend who is very sweet did struggle with many aspects of basic common sense! I have since asked her to remove my name from her resume. The last time I called the house she was living at, the mother answered and said "she no longer works with us" in a very flat and non revealing tone. I could never afford a nanny, but if I did, I would check references thoroughly! Ask open ended questions. If you use an agency and they say they have checked the references, even if they give you a form with supposed responses, don't buy it. I don't know what happened that ended my friend's job in Connecticut. When I asked her to remove my name from her resume (back when she was settling in to her nanny job), she got pretty mad at me! I spoke to a friend of her brother's last week and hear she has another nanny job in the same area. I think I started her on this course by helping her with her resume. The CT mother never called for references and if she had I probably would have lied for my friend. After all, she was off my sofa and my husband was happy but I never would have endorsed her taking care of a baby! If I did anything to set this person on a course that caused any child harm, I of course would feel terrible. So in reading these submissions, how many of these bad nannies went through thorough interview and screening processes? My guess is none. Please do not attach my name or email to this submission. Thank you.
13 comments:
So you want parents to thoroughly check references...but you'd have been willing to undercut the idea of getting references by lying and providing a fake one? Shame on you.
My thoughts exactly, you spent sleepless nights worrying about the child? What if you had lied for her "reference" and the child had been hurt by the nanny? How would you have felt then? I feel your post is a complete joke and only serves to make you look like a martyr looking for some props on her "good heart".
I posted this. And I guess I did not express myself well. I was not willing to vouch for a dangerous person but I was willing to lie. I only realized how afwul this was when I heard she got a job taking care of a baby because this person did not have the sense to take care of a baby. But as wrong as I am that I was willing to lie, isn't it the responsibility of the parent to at least check the reference? I was floored that a woman would leave her child with a stranger without checking her references! And even though I was willing to lie, no reference called me. And me, as someone willing to lie for a reference, I do not think I am or was alone. I regret it now and I think there is a way to interrogate a reference to make sure the person is the real deal. Ie, if I had been called as a reference and the person had asked me where I found her, I would have stumbled. If the person would have asked me what she did in her off time, I wouldn't know what to say because the only people she knew out here was our family. I was wrong. I admit it. And good heart? That's a good thing, but "good hearted" can still make foolish decsions that cost children lives! I know that!
What exactly did you plan to LIE about?
What is Wrong with you? If you could afford a Nanny, would you want to hire someone who had a bunch of her friends lie as a reference?
Ugh. Ugh Ugh Ugh.
I'm glad you can't afford a Nanny, I wouldn't want to work for you.
Just a point of advice... when providing a reference for someone, you may only legally answer three questions.
1. How long was this person employed by you?
2. What was the person's salary?
3. Why is this person no longer employed with you?
You may not legally discuss things such as temperament, social activities, or ANY personal opinions about the person in question.
Watch yourselves, mommys... I am a lawyer, and many a nanny has won a legal battle over "Nanny-bashing"!
You may not legally? Who stops these people? The employer, particularly an employer with money has all of the power. I've seen a nanny who was regarded as family thrown out after eight years of exemplary service. The employer concocted libelous and slanderous stories and spread them anywhere she went. And even though she spoke her lies to people who knew the nanny and knew better, not a single person dare opposed her. Why? Had they learned a lesson having watched said employer bankroll a virtual dream team of attorneys to bury and destroy her last adversary? With all due respect to the attorney above, the nanny I speak about couldn't find a lawyer to take her case.
And on the flipside there are employers cowering in fear because they are not able to say legitimately bad things about a nanny who is applying to go work in someone else's home? Give me a break, I saw a letter of reference from the good nanny's former employer-but it wasn't referencing the nanny- it referenced the unbalanced housekeeper who was never allowed to be left alone with the children and it TOUTED that same housekeeper's childcare skills. Give me a break. You should be able to tell someone that you fired a nanny for doing something inappropriate or dangerous to your child. To not be able to do is to risk harm of someone's child. But if you decide to go after the a good nanny because you yourself struggle to grasp reality, you should absolutely be accountable regardless of how much money you have in the bank. Seriously, ask Jane- she knows the whole sordid story.
So what you are saying here essentially is that there are people out there who are just as irresponsible as you. I don't see much difference between someone who is willing to lie to someone about the credentials of a would-be nanny who may not be fit to care for a child a parent and who risks the well-being of his child by not calling a nanny's references. I thnk some navel gazing in order here.
Parents, a suggestion from a nanny: if you suspect a ref. is fake, ask the names and ages of the children she cared for, and open ended questions such as what kinds of activities she did with the children, did she take them to any classes etc. Then call the nanny, before she has time to talk to her ref. and see if her answers match.
Yes, parents should check a nanny's references. No question. But what difference would it have made in this situation, when you and another person were willing to lie? You feel bad? Sleepless nights? How would you feel any different if the mother had called you and you lied to her and she hired your friend based on your lies?
okay, parents should check references, but not trust those references because they're probably just liars like you. is that the moral of your little story?
I am also an attorney and would like to correct a misstatement. You can answer questions about someone you previously employed all you want. You just have to answer truthfully. Truth is a complete defense to a defamation lawsuit. Just make sure you can document what you say.
You folks are behaving as if this is an isolated incident ..... it happens all the time. Some parents don't check references because it is very unlikely that a nanny would name a refereee who would not be complimentary. I worked for a few families who never called my references. They said they went with thier instincts. The thing is even with criminal background checks ..... you just never know do you.
I have been a nanny for 3 different families as well as a personal/professional assistant for another family. With the first family that I nannied for, the mother did not get through to my references and hired me saying that she would get back to them. She never did. I didn't blame her on this though because I was hired as an assistant to the live in nanny, so at the time there was no reason for me to be alone with the twins. The next family I nannied for (when the previous family moved) was sent to me through the previous family on high recommendation, so they didn't see any reason to get any references from me. The third family I was a very part time mother's helper whild I was in school. She did check references though. And I have very good ones, so there was no problem with that. The last family that I worked for also checked references. I have recently been hired to be a nanny and I will start the week after next. It was actually a surprising situation to me. The mother considers the care of her children the most important job in the world, and found finding a nanny for her 17 month old and 5 year old very difficult. When I met this family, I knew immediately that I would get along with them and that I liked them alot. but didn't get my hopes up, knowing that so many people get interviewed. They ended up being interested in me, getting my information and references for a backround check. She told me that she would be in contact in 7-10 days when the backround check came back and she heard from my references. A few days later I recieved a call from her. She had heard from one of my references (the mother of the second family), and she had given me a high recommendation and said nothing but great things. She told me that hearing that, and the fact that her family really liked me, her and her husband decided that they didn't want to risk losing me, so they offered me the position. And not only that, but even after I accepted the offer, she told me that she was going to pay me more then the amount originally discussed! I just thought this was an interesting thing to add to the observation on how often references are checked. I think it really depends on the situation and sometimes one reference is good enough. But I believe it has alot to do with how the person interviewing for the job gives an impression, and that every little thing is observed, down to how soon an email is responded to.
What I also wanted to mention that I'm very surprised at the admitted behavior on the part of the poster. As a mother who knew first hand that her friend didn't know what she was doing with children, she would vouch for her in order for her to get a job, and put other children in danger, in my opinion is not right. Especially because it makes the finding a good nanny even harder for parents because there are people like this who would lie. As a nanny, references are what we have to prove ourselves, and to have people out there, (parents at that!) willing to lie, makes the search for a nanny that much harder. But I do give the poster credit for removing herself from the resume and see that her past indiscretions would have been wrong.
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