.... WHAT?!

1) Sitter/Childcare Needed in my Home (Idaho)
My kids are spoiled little homebodies, who make finding a childcare almost impossible for me. I am brutally honest, and will not put up with any bull. I expect honesty, integrity, and someone who shows signs of good work ethic. If this is not you, please, do us both a favor and move on. We are looking for someone who is reliable and will take care of my kids and not maintain their Facebook account while my child innocently discovers nail polish and starts to repaint parts of my walls and furniture. If you are a slob, and will not wash a dish that was used while my child was under your care, then thanks for reading thus far. I’m not looking for a Super Nanny, and I don’t need someone who will change my ways of parenting. My kids are just fine how they are. If you have a great trick on bedtime, I’m all ears, but if you’re the type who is going to come in and “save” us, then God bless, and please, move on. We are not difficult people, and we are fairly easy to work for. Our kids are well behaved, and mind 90% of the time. They are respectful and will not challenge you out of spite.

If you are religious, please keep it to yourself. Again, we do not require saving, and don’t really want that pushed on our children. We will be respectful to your faith, but will not ask to talk God with you. LEAVE THE BIBLE IN THE CAR. It makes my husband uncomfortable, and honestly, we are not interested. We have our faith and beliefs that we prefer to keep to ourselves. This is a working relationship, so it will be treated as such. Religion and politics will not be discussed by me, and I think I can speak for my husband in saying that he is less interested than I am in those subjects. So if you are into preaching the Lord, and pushing bible study, and love to express your love or hate for our current president, please, PLEASE move on.

If you are unhappy with your life, you will be more unhappy if you take this job, so do us all a favor and get some treatment or move to the mountains, but do not answer this ad I’m the last person who is going to want to sit down to hear about how much your life sucks, or how your boyfriend broke up with you last night. I have my own issues, and issues that I don’t actually hold claims to, that I’m compelled to deal with, and really don’t need to add to that list. I may seem like that person you want to tell all to, but trust me, I just have “that look”, and I get that ALL the time. I pretend well, but only when I’m getting paid for it. I won’t pay to hear about your bad hair day, or fight with your best friend. Keep your bad days to yourself, and don’t project that on my children. If you require medication that keeps you from being a sociopath, please no need to reply. I grew up with crazy, and will recognize it right away and ask you to leave. There’s enough crazy in my home, we don’t need more.

Don’t mistake me for heartless, if you grandma dies, I’m all ears for that, but anything else will just irritate me, and I will move on, and politely ask you to as well. If you smoke, please quit. Don't bother applying either, but please quit. The smell sticks to your skin and doesn’t really go away until you quit and gut your home and car. It’s a disguising habit, and really isn’t attractive. Same goes for chewing. If you do drugs or drink enough that the bar knows your name when you walk in the door, and you are grumpy in the morning from that hangover and grumpier at night prior to that next cocktail, call AA, walk away from idea of childcare until after being sober a year. If you cannot multi task, or communicate without being direct and to the point, don't even bother replying. If you are the type who doesn't notice crumbs on the table, skip to the next post, because crumbs are a deal breaker. They put me and especially my husband over the edge. Cleanliness and organization is a must for us. My husband especially. He is extremely OCD, and it seems to reflect on the kitchen mainly. I’m assuming it is because he is a restaurant guy.

If you are still here and reading, either there is hope for us, you are desperate for work, or you are just bored and curious enough to see where this may lead. But if you are serious about answering this ad, I will now tell you a little more about my children. My 10 year old likes to stay at grandma’s house because she can do as she pleases, and my 3 year old hates everyone I’ve taken her to outside of grandma, and my best friend’s. Grandma doesn’t do daycare, and my friend has gone back to school, so she doesn’t either. So this has left me in a bind. I found a wonderful woman for my daughter, and she watches other kids in her home by my work. Perfect, right? My 3 year old act like I’ve tried to kill her favorite pet every time I leave her, and screams she wants to go home. She told me the other day that she’d rather someone just stay at the house with her because she wants her stuff, not someone else’s. Not only that, she prefers to sleep until noon, and for me to take her to her current sitter, I wake her at 8 to be there in time for me to go to class.

So here I am placing an ad for something I’m on a budget for. I love my kids, but can’t afford some of the ridiculous prices I’ve seen out there. I can pay you $20-$25 a day for my 3 year old and $10 for my 10 year old, seeing as how she can take care of herself. I am expecting another baby, who I would leave in your care when I am ready to return to work. I would want the care to continue while I’m on maternity, so that I can attempt on rest. Hours would be fairly consistent, and the days wouldn’t vary much outside of Monday-Wednesday. Day’s would start around 9am, and either my husband or I would be home no later than 6-6:30. On occasion we may need some weekend help, depending on my kid’s schedules as well as ours with work. I would like someone who is willing to do light housework, mainly what involves my child. Any extra would be a plus, and if you do regular housework, we can arrange a different payment agreement. If you love to cook, by all means, we won’t stop you. I had a nanny/sitter in the past that did it all. I was spoiled by her and she was worth every penny. She cleaned my home, cared for my child, and prepared dinner for us. When we moved here, we couldn’t convince her to relocate, not that I blame her.

I’m hoping to get my kids involved in some summer activities, so reliable transportation is a must. I would also require proof of insurance and a valid driver license. If you have ever hit a human with your car, please move on. If you are prone to accidents, again, thanks for reading, and please move on. Any driving done, gas money would be provided. I will never ask that anything be done out of pocket, including gas money. If you are at all interested, please e-mail me with some information about yourself, and contact information. I check my e-mail regularly, and will respond as soon as I can. I have started my search last week and already have some responses. I plan on taking the time next Wednesday, to speak with each responder personally to see if it's a good fit for us. I will not waste your time, so please do not waste mine.

2) Discounted Rent for Childcare (Hawaii)
I need childcare help a few days a week for my 4 year old daughter. She is super easy to take care of (very low maintanence) and extremely well behaved. Duties would include occassional cooking. The apartment is fairly good sized with a door leading to your small kitchen and another door to your bathroom w/shower. Elec., water, and cable are included There is a washer and dryer available for you to use as well. This would be great for a single mom as there are 4 schools all within walking distance. Most days I would not need any help at all and on the days I do need help it will usually be for only a few hours. She is in school from 7:30am-5:00pm Mon.-Fri. and Friday, Sat nights she is with her mom. I can send pics of the apartment on request the tenants are still inside so the pics are a bit cluttered. they will be out very soon, and i would like to find someone to move in as soon as possible.

You must be reliable, honest, patient, experienced with childcare etc... If you are interested I would like to hear as much about yourself as possible and be willing to let me see your facebook or myspace page or whatever social network site you are a member of if you are a member of one. Remember this is my daughter and my house. I want to know the type of person you are so i have found it helpful to look into your personal life. I am mostly interested in people that treat others better than they expect to be treated and have respect for themselves and others...

I can not pay a wage, but I can offer a discounted rent. Your rent would be $600. The house is located near Kamehameha and Papa in Kahului. If you are interested then please send me an email about yourself and then TEXT 951-818-****

3) Needs Sitter Tonight (N.C.)
I'm looking for a sitter for tonight. I had someone,but they had to cancel. Please email me if you can sit for a few hours tonight. Looking for someone after 6,and the kids are already in bed by then,so pretty much just sitting here watching tv. The pay is 10 a hour.

4) Special Needs Mothers Helper Needed ASAP (Colorado)
I'm looking for a "mothers helper" to come watch my little brother while my mom is home alone with him. He has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome which makes his temper and anger a little out of control. He doesnt always throw fits, but when he does they're usually pretty bad. He has been getting more and more violent with my mom and I need someone there to make sure that she doesnt get hurt again. I'm looking for a person with a background in psychology or special education and has experience with FAS children. He is 9 years old and like I said is usually a sweetheart. He just has problems with the word "no". If you feel that you are qualified for this position, please feel free to call me at 720-933-**** or email me at the link above. The hours would be from 330 or so until 6 or so when my dad gets home from work. Again I just need someone to be there to help de-escalate the fits and make sure that my mom isnt getting hurt or punched or kicked. Pay will be $10 an hour. We hope to hear from you soon!!

5) Ocassional parking in exchange for babysitting (Boston)
Hi, I am looking to exchange free babysitting for occasional overnight parking in your driveway near the St. Mary's T stop. I am pre-k teacher with extensive early childhood teaching and babysitting experience. If you are a kind easy going family who has a driveway and could use some occasional help please sent me an email!

6) Au Pair in France this Summer (Texas)
Au pair needed to travel with family of five (three toddlers) to the Brittany region of France this summer. Trip will start at the beginning of July and end mid August. The gig is 6 hours/day, 6 days/week. Compensation is the cost of the flight, and room and board with a French- and English-speaking family; you bring your own spending money. Must LOVE young children, and being fluent in French is a BIG plus! Please reply by email if interested. Thank you.

7) affordable chaild care (Seattle)
Are you looking for a day care/nanny for your kid? Would you like your child to spend his day in a family like environment with a body to play with for a good price?

My dad is new in country (he speaks English almost fluently) and he is looking for something to do and make some extra pocket money at the same time. I'm lucky to have him right now with us. He takes care of my 10 months old son while I'm at work.
He is a father to 4 daughters and grandfather to my son. He's really young for a grandfather - 47 years! He has tons of experience since he's been a teacher for about 20 years. He has a master degree and has completed some child development courses.
Besides English he also knows Polish and Russian. He's very creative with my son and loves to spend time outside. He also cooks for my son on a daily basis.

We live in Kirkland/Juanita area close to Evergreen Hospital and I-405 (about 5 min) . He's open to watch your kid at any day of the week preferably at our house. If you are interested please send me an email so we could work out the details.

8) I need a babysitter starting 2/15/11 (Milwaukee)
Date: 2011-02-14, 1:53 AM
Hi my name is Laura and I am currently looking for a babysitter who is able to work from 1:30 to about 11 p.m. Starting on Tuesday 2/15/2011. It is a full time position with every other weekend. I work in health care so I have to work weekends. If you are interested please feel free to call me at 414-418-**** and we can talk about wages and your availablity and credencials and references. Thank you for your time. Laura

9) Please Hire Me! (Boston)
My name is Wilberson and I go by Wilber. I am 17.5-years-old turning 18 that dropped out of high school and I can't find a job anywhere. I follow the parents instructions very closely but understandably flexible when needed. My favorite activities with the children is anything that will keep them creative and active. When I take care of anyone I am honest, trusting, dependable, caring, patient and careful. I am the youngest of six children. I have been babysitting for over ten years from my neighbor who had a little girl now she's 8 years old I been babysitting her since she was a newborn. I am comfortable babysitting children anywhere under the age of 12years-old. I know how to change diaper, do light cleaning, lift and holding kids, making food preparing and pushing strollers 781-540-****. Please call me I will be so excited if i get the job!

Speak 3 languages
-American sign language
-Haitian Creole

10) Mommy of 9 childcare (Norfolk)
My name is Chatney and i am a stay at home mom of nine beautiful children. I have eight in school and one at home with me. I have done childcare for over 15 years. I have been a teacher, tutor, coach, but most of all i am a mom. I offer childcare for full or part time. I also do before and after school care for Creekside Elementary. My hours are from 5 am until 530 pm, Monday through Friday. I watch all ages. Your child or children will laugh, grow, play, learn, do crafts, go on walks, play outside, sing, and most of all have fun in safe, loving environment. I have a huge back yard with a sandbox, jungle gym, and a trampoline. I provide breakfast, lunch and a snack for your child. All i ask parents to supply is diapers and wipes, formula and bottles and a change of clothes. I charge $75 a week for one child. Additional children are $5 more a day. I charge $5 a day for before and after school care. With that i will give your child a snack and help with homework. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me with a phone call or with an email. My number is 216-****.

11) Temporary Live in Needed (New Jersey)
Hi, we're looking for a temporary live in caregiver for our 2 girls (3, 6) in our home in downtown Princeton until 2/24.

The hours are approx 40/week:
7:30am-9am- prepare & take to school Mon-Thurs
noon pick up for the preschool
3pm pickup for the first grader
Finish by 6:30pm.

There is a car available for the school run, but we also live in walkable distance to everything so driving is not required. Weekends are not requried.

Salary starts at $320 and may be negotiable based on your experience.

2 childcare references will be required.

You can start as early as tomorrow or as late as Monday.

Thanks for reading, please contact me via the CL email.

12) a live in nanny wanted (Chicago)
hello, we are looking for a live in nanny, must be good with kids this is a nonpaying but live in situation where room n board is included...the room is upstairs, cable is included also, we have a 3 & 5 year well with 2 7 month year old twins, its a big 2 story house, ....located near downtown elgin minutes from the metra, library, many stores and pace bus...This would be ideal for a college student, we can be reached at 224 535 **** daniel n amber

13) After School Nanny Needed (Atlanta)
We are looking for a college student who has afternoon free in the Alpharetta area. We would like some from 2:15pm to 7:15pm 3-5 days per week. Please be clean, presentable with above average grammar. Table manners are important so you must be able to chew with your mouth closed and eat properly. You would be picking up the kids from school and making sure they get through their homework and preparation for school the following day. Email if interested and please have some background information and photos of yourself available.

14) Need sitter ASAP for tomorrow! (Chicago)
I really need a baby sitter to watch our kids tomorrow while we are looking for a new day care.

there is two children - a 6yr old boy and a (almost) 3yr old girl. the girl is still in diapers, but almost completely potty trained.

If you are interested please respond to this email with:
Full Name
Phone #
Years/Type of experience?
FYI I will still ask for references.
Thanks! Adam

All of the following Ads are from the same person:
15) Nanny/Housekeeper needed for live in (Rhode Island)
Hi there!! Im looking for a complete trade situation. I'm looking to offer free room and board to someone who needs it. All bills included as well as a cell phone if needed in exchange for a housekeeper and help with my 2 girls 9&14. I'm a single mom I work from home and I have fibromyalgia so I really need help with laundry cooking etc. We spend all summer at the beach and doing fun things but I work too so I don't have time to do it all. I can't afford to pay someone to clean/babysit on an every day basis so that's why I offer free room and all bills paid. We were looking for someone to start asap and were also looking for someone long term. I will work around any school schedules or work schedules as long as you're available when I need you. (usually 4-10 during the school year and all day during the summer but I could be flexible) on the weekends the girls go to their dad so you'll be free all weekend to work or play or whatever. I'm looking for someone to do chores such as laundry cooking cleaning and just hanging out and entertaining my two girls. If this sounds interesting to you let me know!!! College aged females only and please no single moms!!!! Lynn 401-932-****

Free room for Nanny/Housekeeper (Rhode Island)
college aged female for Live in with wonderful family All bills paid Cell phone included if needed Female college aged student preferred No single moms please Must be available 4-10pm would also like 7:30-8 am for morning before school help Must be able to work wirh adolescent girls with hw help (9&14) Housekeeping includes laundry dishes healthy cooking keeping up after the girls etc You'll have off on weekends!!! Toiletries included anything else you'd need Loving family needs you!!! Own room bathroom plus house has movie theatre playroom on two acres 1/2 mile to beach Call or text Lynn 401-932-****

Housekeeper/Nanny free room (Rhode Island)
looking for a live in situation. We have a big beautiful home with two beautiful girls and a sigle mom who works from home. Were looking for someone to help with cleaning cooking homework and in exchange you will live rent free. all bills covered food included. You'll have your own room in a seperate part of the house with a bathroom. Please text Lynn401-932-**** Single females only. No single moms.

.... HOW MUCH?!

16) Live in Nanny Position (Seattle)
We are looking for a dependable, honest, and energetic person who is interested in a live in nanny position. We are a young family with two fun and entertaining children, a 6 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. My husband works 7 to 6 Monday thru Friday and I work different hours every day and we are looking for someone who would love to be home with them and be part of their daily routine when we cannot. My daughter is in full day kindergarten and has dance once or twice a week and my son is starting swimming soon and preschool in the fall. I will need someone who can help me get them to all their activities.

Your duties include:
Care for our children while we are working and a date night once a month.
Start some pre planned dinners.
Some light clean up after the kids. (don't worry, I am not hiring you as a housekeeper)

A little about us:
We live in Covington and have a nice house with a big fenced back yard.
We don't have any animals.
We really keep to ourselves most of the time.

What we can offer you:
We will provide you with free rent, utilities (including wifi and cable)
If needed we can provide you with a cell phone
And $100 weekly

The room we have for you is away from all the other rooms in the house and is furnished with a cali king size bed, side tables and large tv, everything except for a dresser, (if needed we can get one)

What we would require of you:
Drivers license and a reliable car
No criminal record
No drugs
No coming home drunk
No other children living with you

Thank you so much for taking the time out to read this ad. If you think we may be a good fit please contact me ASAP as our current nanny will only be able to stay for a little longer. Jessie

17) Fulltime Sitter Available/$100 per week (N.C.)
Stay at home Mom of 2 school aged children has space available in my home and heart for 2 children fulltime.... Hours available Mon - Fri 6am -6pm, supplying breakfast lunch and 2 healthy snacks.... Lots of books , toys, games and a large fenced backyard for outside playtime weather permitting....Please email for more details,references upon request....

18) In Home Childcare Wanted (Milwaukee)
We are looking for someone to come into our home and watch our son from 8:00 until 4:00 monday thru Friday (hours may vary slightly). Our son is 14 months old. He is very happy, cheerful and easy going. We are looking to pay $40 per day. We are looking to start interviews as soon as possible with childcare starting in early March. Please reply to this positing if you are interested. Emails go directly to our phone so will be able to reply instantly.

19) Looking for a careprovider (Seattle)
We're looking for someone long term Tuesday through Friday from 7am until 5:30pm to care for our two children 8 and 11 years old. $45 per day for summertime hours and school days. There is an option to earn more money if interested for extra hours and extra housekeeping! Our eight year old is disabled but she's super easy to care for. She is in a wheelchair so you'll have to be able to lift 50 pounds. We don't mind if you bring a child with you but that'll depend on how well the children can get along! We're looking for someone immediately so if interested please send a resume, references, and a picture (to keep track of who's who because last time we had a lot of replies!) Thanks!

20) Thurs-Sun Childcare Needed (N.C.)
hello, i am searching for a lady who can be a sitter for me every week thursday- sunday. i need thurs 6:30pm-3am,friday 10am-5:30 pm sat 3:30pm-3am and sunday 10:30am-5:30pm. i am a bartender in a local restraunt and my schedule is the same every week. i need a caring reliable person to sit with my 4 girls who range in age from 1-11 and who has their own transporation who can also stay over if you need to. i can pay 150 a week and could really use someone asap. please contact me at cbpreston@****.

21) Need a Fulltime Nanny (Missouri)
We are an Indian family looking for someone who can help us with our kids, we have 3.5 yr old son (he goes to school till 1pm so you have drop and pick up from school) and 1 yr old twin girls.

- who can also do cleaning and little bit cooking
- we are looking for someone reliable, honest, experienced and who can be part of our family for longterm.
- References will be needed and there will be a background check.

Location: st charles (off of 94 & 364)
Hours: 7-5pm M-F (can be little flexible with timings)
Pay: $1000/month

if interested please email us a brief introduction of yourself and a good number to reach you.

Thanks -Kelli

22) fulltime babysitter available $50 a week (Chicago)
Full-time babysitter available for only 50.00 a week for up to two kids more than two kids will cost 75.00 a week teen parents are encouraged to take advantage of this service while available. My name is melissa and I am a mother, wife, and babysitter I love kids and enjoy what I do. I have taken cpr classes and child and development classes. we have a big backyard in the Northwest suburbs a decent size house so plenty of room to run around. We always have a clean house and plenty of toys if interested in my services or would like more information please don't hesitate to call in the hours of 7 AM till 9PM 7days a week. ask for melissa
phone number is (331)452 ****

23) Friday Care Needed (N.C.)
Starting on 3/18 I need care from 7:30AM-5:00PM for my 2.5-year-old and my friend's 23-month-old. You will only have the 23-month-old from 12PM-2:30PM. No housework necessary, the girls nap from 1-2:30/3:00. I will prepare lunch and just leave it in the fridge for you to heat up. I need someone who can come to my home off of the MLK/Hope Valley Rd intersection in Durham. I am looking to pay $35-$40/day. I know this isn't much but it is all I can afford. I already pay $600/month for part-time pre-school. I've been a nanny and worked in daycares so I'm looking for someone 20-years-old or over, at least 4 years of experience, and 3 references. If you are interested and meet the qualifications then please reply with your information. Thanks!

24) Available: childsitter, in your home only (Seattle)
***I only have room in my vehicle for...1 Child.
***All children, MUST, be potty trained!!!
***Will watch up to, 3 Children, per household.
AVAILABILITY: (Non-Snow and Non-Icy, roads)
***Feb. 21st to 28th = 24 Hours Per Day, 7 Days Per Week
***March 1st to June 12th = Fridays 8pm to Sundays 8pm
***June 17th to Feb. 29th = 24 Hours Per Day, 7 Days Per Week
***There is a $6 ($10, if you live past Tacoma Narrows Bridge), Minimum Payment, at the end of each shift, until I'm paid in-full.
***Email me, THE MOST, Per Hour or Per Day, you're willing to pay!!!

25) Mother's Helper Wanted (New Jersey)
Couple seeking mother's helper. Hours are flexible. Seeking assistance, Monday - Friday between the hours of 9 AM to 4:30 PM. Can be part-time. Husband & I have a thriving home-based business & will be home during those hours (more or less) but are quite busy & need help with our 4 month old daughter, as well as light housekeeping (cleaning, tidying, dusting, dishes, children's laundry, vacuuming, etc.) We have two older daughters (ages 7 & 5 in school all day who come home at 4 PM & a growing 4 month old puppy.

Must be reliable, have transportation & can give at least 15 hours a week. Paying $5/hr. Perfect for someone currently on unemployment or someone seeking to supplement their income. Please have references! Looking to have this filled as soon as possible! Thanks!

* Response from angry CL reader:

26) RE: Mother's Helper Needed (New Jersey)
Special thanks to SuzanneStadler for our Feature, that was a really good one! Also, thank you to the following Readers for their Contribution: MissDee, NannyCaroline, jessicamparra, Jeneener, Krossi2009, JacquiRodgers, NannyDebSays, N is for Nanny, NannyEmmy and Kbarker83... all of you did an amazing job! I really appreciate your sending in those Ads to me. Please send next weeks CL-WTF Ads HERE or use MEEBO. Don't forget to include the Links and the Body of the ad, if possible! Thank you!



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