Nanny Camera Blues

Tim Clayton

We have had a nanny camera for over a year now. Sometimes we don't even have it set up right, most of the time we don't check it. It is a remotely accessible feature. The nanny doesn't know about it. In all the time I have used it and checked it, I have only ever seen her being loving and wonderful to my child. Except for today. I am out of town, I know it's beautiful in NYC, so I called and asked her what she was doing. She told me she had just got back from spending almost two hours at the park. I hung up, pleased my daughter was outside. For some reason, I decided to see if I could log on to the nanny camera and I could. I reviewed the footage and it's very clear she never went outside. Not even for a minute. What do I do? Do I call her on this, after a whole year? Do I prod her more about details? Do I let it go and figure maybe she is just having a rough day since DH and I are both out of town at the same time? This is what I want to do, but I think more than ever when we are both out of town, I want to know that the nanny is being the kind of nanny I think she is. Help! I'm typing this from a meeting because I can't bear to confide this in people I am close to. They would follow up ask how I handled it, no doubt demanding that I did.  She just cares for one almost 3 year old girl.

Question? Rant? Sighting? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

Oh, The Economy (III)

Update
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I had sympathy for her, trust that I did. I sat down and spoke with her on Thursday morning as intended, however, I had a work related emergency that prevented me from spending more time discussing things with her. I went to work on Thursday and came home and everything seemed fine. I felt I had made the best decision. Friday morning came, I left without incident and everything seemed fine. By the time Friday afternoon rolled around, I began to feel uncomfortable with the situation. I am not sure why. Perhaps because I could slow down and really absorb the situation. By the time I got home Friday night, I was a wreck. I finally got the nerve to call her up on Saturday and tell her that I had decided she should not return to work, but that I wanted to invite her to lunch on Sunday with the children so that she could say good bye. I offered her one week of severance pay. At this point, I was mostly concerned about my children getting to say good bye. I had no intention of telling them the nanny had stolen anything. The nanny agreed to meet us for lunch. I told the children. We were five minutes away from the destination on Sunday when she texted me, "I can't do it. Can't make it". I tried calling her back, but I have received only her voice mail. I ended up having to tell the children that "*" was going through a difficult time right now and unable to continue working with us. I assured the children that she loved them and made certain to mention several wonderful things that "*" had done with them. The children are pretty upset and miss her dearly. I still have not heard from her and I'm really angry about that. I was willing to try to give her a second chance and yet she decided to stomp on my children's feelings. I am actively interviewing for a new nanny and I was fortunate to find a person familiar to our family to fill in through the month of April.

Received Wednesday, April 1, 2009

ISYN- Perspective & Opinion

I have a bit of a problem with my nanny. I wanted to get an impartial sampling of information. I have had the same nanny for two years and by all accounts, she is wonderful with our children. We have never had a significant issue arise in the entirety of the two years. I came home this evening and the nanny was upstairs with the children. I went in the pantry and grabbed a snack and sat down to read the mail. The nanny came downstairs, gave me a run down of activities and started to get ready to leave. I went in to the family room with one of the children as the nanny was gathering her possessions. This happens every day. Today, my son saw me eating tortilla chips and asked for some. Rather than argue, I darted back in the kitchen to grab some and the nanny was coming out of the pantry. She was zipping up her back pack and coming from the pantry, which was odd. I didn't put two and two together until I grabbed for the tortilla chips and noticed that a container of Skippy Peanut butter I had seen, not two minutes before was now gone. I turned and looked at the nanny, processing this in my head. It was all coming together. I looked at her and said, "is everything okay", but she was frozen, now holding her back pack with two hands in front of her. I quickly tossed some chips in a bowl, called my son to come and get them and then asked the nanny, still standing, "what is going on". She burst in to tears, apologized, all the while crying with tears streaming down her face. She said her boyfriend was collecting unemployment and it wasn't much at all, so she was basically paying for everything by herself and they had no real food to eat. I asked her what she meant by "have no real food to eat" and she said that they had about 50 packs of Ramen and that was what they were down to. I have no reason to doubt this person and I feel bad for her. I am going to abbreviate our conversation but basically what I told her was that I didn't want to know what was in her bag, that we would be fine without it, and that I felt for her, but at the same time, I need to be able to trust her implicitly. She tried to open the bag and give me back what was in it, but I stopped her. I told her to go home and to come in tomorrow at 10. I plan to have the children elsewhere so I can sit down with her and talk to her. Please understand that I am sympathetic, but at the same time, if she is desperate and continues to be desperate- than what? One bag of food is not miraculously going to make things better for her and I am not in a position right now to offer her anything more than we are giving her. I am employed today because I have a contract, but my job is sales based and I, too am struggling, although granted, not to the degree she seems to be. Has anyone ever got passed a theft situation with a nanny? Does this count as a theft? What do I say tomorrow?

Difficult situation? We've been there. Email isynblog@gmail.com for support and answers.