Saturday

Is this normal or am I paranoid? NEED ADVICE ASAP!!

Hi, I need some advice on how to handle a situation with my DB. I’m a nanny for three beautiful boys (3, 5 & 8), and despite having a few rocky patches handling sibling rivalry, I adore them, and love my job. I’m extremely young, as nannies go, only 18 years old, but I do my job well. Being able to work with such great kids makes me incredibly happy (even if the parents are a bit absent minded).

My DB and I get along well. I’ve been with this family for a few months, and since my MB is constantly traveling for business and leisure, I see him more often. Our relationship has been quite professional, and we barely spoke beyond small talk. However, things have started getting weird.

On Thursday, I was told I’d have Friday off, since the boys and their mother would be going away on a short vacation. DB and I made small talk about his weekend plans as a “bachelor”, and I went home as usual. Then, on Friday in the late afternoon (around 4), I missed a call from my DB. I called him back, but got no answer. He then texted me to say that his youngest son had taken his phone, and that he hoped his little one hadn’t called me. He then asked if I wanted to meet up so I could get my paycheque (which I receive on Fridays). I declined.

That would’ve been fine, until he texted me again, late in the evening (around 10pm). We made small talk about his plans for the night, but this time it felt extremely odd. Maybe it was because I was in my pyjamas, during my personal time. Maybe because this was the first time I’d spoken to one of my bosses way past my working hours. Maybe it was because I was talking with my DB, who is significantly older. Maybe it was because he was talking in a very informal way (with emojis even). Maybe it was because he was telling me he was going to drink. Maybe it was all those things. But for some reason I started feeling extremely uncomfortable to the point where I began stress sweating.To add to my worries, I’m pretty sure his sons were leaving for their vacation in the early afternoon. If that was the case, how could his youngest son have called me from my DB's cell phone in the first place? Maybe they left late, which is what I’m sincerely hoping for.

Now, I’m not going to suggest that I believe he is romantically or sexually interested in me, because I sincerely hope that’s not the case, but I do feel like some boundaries were crossed. Do you agree? Or is this normal and I’m just overreacting? Please give me advice, I’m feeling extremely uncomfortable, and at this point I’ve thought about it so much that I can no longer think clearly about the subject.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

You need to speak with him in private and tell him (recap) how you feel. Tell him you are very uncomfortable Thats a little scary if you ask me. If he doesn't stop- leave.

Anonymous said...

Not normal. I would feel extremely uncomfortable too. Let your DB know that unless it relates to work, that texting and phone calls are off-limits.

Taleia said...

If this is seriously the first thing he's ever done to make you wonder, and you have a normal relationship otherwise, I'd let it go. If something else happened, then you can react, but texting informally is not that out of bounds if you guys regularly interact in a friendly way.

Corina Yildiz said...

Totally weird. Not normal for a grown married man to text you at night.

Corina Yildiz said...

If he had to tell you something extremely important about the kids maybe. But to make small talk on your time off, no.

Shannon said...

It sounds as though he is trying to be overly "friendly " and at the beginning stages of hitting on you. This does sound abit weird and creepy. Even if payday is on Fridays, you should be getting your paycheck on the last day of the week that you work.... They can always post date it if they don't want you to cash it til Friday. This way you can avoid this situation as an excuse for him to meet up with you when mb is away. I would lay it on the line and let him know that he over stepped his bounds as an employer, so tell him that you will only take work related calls & texts and also unless it is an emergency not to call past 7pm, because that is your personal time. This sounds like an uncomfortable situation especially when you usually see db more than mb. I would keep a journal of everything inappropriate that he says & does times, dates &!reasons he calls/texts you. Screen calls listen to messages if important call text back if he leaves no messages do not call back or if he calls you, call mb back and talk to her about what ever he left the messages about. Good luck let us know what happens!!

Anonymous said...

When DB talks about his plans reply by talking about your new great boyfriend who you have plans with and how he is amazing and it's getting pretty serious. Maybe even get a fake engagement ring.
That way in DBs mind you are not available and you don't have to have a super awkward convo with him, and possibly put your job in jeapordy.
Good luck!
Keep us posted!

Anonymous said...

You shouldn't have to substitute some fictional "belonging" to another guy in order to stop your DB from crossing boundaries with you. Do not answer any texts that aren't childcare related, and unless it's regarding something urgent/an emergency, do not reply until business hours the following business day (so no replying on a Friday night about your plans. If he tries to get you to open up about details of your social life, keep a blank polite face and bring it back on him: "Why do you ask?" Do keep a log/screenshot of when he calls/texts and the content of those texts.

In the meantime, start looking at lining up new employment.

Anonymous said...

Haha! That is one of the funniest most rediculous things I've read in a long time! Make up a fake boyfriend!
She may as well make up a fake girlfriend! Then he would really get the point that she is uninterested in him, and all males in general.
This is some of the worst advice I've ever heard.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, this seems strange and could go south very quickly. My MB started to get into the habit of texting me late at night frequently, and while I'm sure there was no sexual motivation, I wanted to not be talking to my employer so late into my personal time. So rather than bring it up with her and make the situation uncomfortable, I only texted her back half an hour before and after my official work hours. She seems to see that I'm not reachable late in the evenings now and texts me at appropriate times. If you're uncomfortable talking to him, maybe replying during daytime hours is a good step.

Anonymous said...

Totally agree.

Anonymous said...

OP here. Thank you for the advice everyone. Due to my anxiety, and the fact that this was a first occurrence, I have decided not to confront him about the issue, and to simply ignore any future texts not relating to work. If this continues, then I will definitely consider talking to my DB about it, but for now things seem like they're going back to normal.

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Anonymous said...

He is obviously interested in you. Your body, your demeanor, your voice -- all this stuff has probably piqued his interest in interacting with you. What you need to know is that the chances that he is a rapist or a psychopathic predator are VERY slim. He is probably, like many married men, just trying to express some buried aspect of freedom that he once felt as a single guy. The questions you should be asking are not how right or wrong are his interactions with you, but how happy or unhappy is he with his current marriage/situation.

Anonymous said...

This is on you. Sorry but wrf respond to your boss at night if thebtext didn't read hey there's been an accident. The pay check thing is fine- in would have said I'll just get Monday- thanks!

Anonymous said...

Why would she ask THOSE questions? It doesn't matter if he's happy or not in his marriage. Weird.

Leigh Raymer said...

OP - I think you have taken the right idea- this is the 1st time - you love your job and charges, so - keep your eyes open and use the advice above - even making up a SO is not completely ridiculous. I had a DB do something similar - ask me to have a drink with him when the mb and kids are away. I said, "HAha - when do we go on Jerry Springer? " He laughed and it was never discussed again thank goodness

Michelle Katzdorn said...

I mean, you could pull an Arnold Schwarzenegger love child thing, hahaha. Kidding of course.
Definitely just ignore those texts and when at work pretend like they never happened. He will get the idea and there's no chance of you losing your job, as if he would tell his wife about the late night emoji texts lol.