Update - My Aching Heart

I would like to thank everyone for the advice that was given to me. A few weeks after I left the job I was very sad. I was going to wait sometime before contacting the twins’ mom and see how the kids and family were doing but a friend of mines (who is a nanny, except to a little baby) told me that if I didn’t contact them soon the kids would think I forgot about them and think I never cared about them, and she told me its best to keep them in contact and stay close. I followed the advice and started contacting them. I know it's my own fault for doing so and I should've waited a while before going into contact or just not contacting them at all. I missed the kids and I truly loved them but I honestly never thought I would feel such sadness about leaving them.

I had been a babysitter before and looked after some kids over and over again but stopped a few months before I started being a nanny to the twins which was my first job as a nanny. I was sad that I left the kids I babysat but I moved on not too long after. I’ve never been this upset over them like I am the twins. I don’t like feeling this type of sadness or depression, I was such a happy go lucky girl before this and I feel like a switch flipped on me and I’ve done a 180. I didn’t realize how creepy or obsessive I was being these past few months.

On Saturday night, I had locked up the pictures and gifts I had of the kids and told myself the kids were happy and loved and well cared for by their parents and that they didn’t need me anymore. I woke up Sunday morning with a real sense of happiness that I haven’t felt in months. I didn’t feel much of an ache in my heart. It felt good to be truly happy that day and I am still feeling the happiness now though I do still think of the children from time to time. But, I hope I am finally getting over the sadness I had.

I have taken all of your advice to heart and will definitely follow what I have been told. I’ve been searching for a good therapist who will hopefully be able to help me. Even though I am feeling some happiness now I do know that I still need to get help as I am still dealing with some sadness and my problems aren’t over yet. Also, just because I am feeling happiness now doesn’t mean the sadness won’t come back later on. I am still planning to go to school next semester as I am happy to start my education towards a degree I love and hopefully find a new job. I am also looking forward to finding new hobbies that I can enjoy. I am hoping to reach a happy and healthy state of mind. I will not be sending the kids any Christmas gifts or any other gifts in the future. I will be going no contact as I need to move on as well as stop holding the kids back.

Thank you all for the advice.

I have some questions: When I’m on no contact, what should I do if the mom decides to contact me or if I see them randomly in public how should I act? If you have any more advice for me please share.

Thank you.


nc said...

I'm glad you're doing better and seeking out help!

Anonymous said...

Did you email the owner of this site upset about the "creepy" comment made in your original post?
Things aren't adding up.
The owner said you did, but here, in this update you say you are grateful?
Which Is it? Are you upset? Or great full?!?
I am confused!

Leigh Raymer said...

She was definitely upset - she said at 1st she could only read a couple of comments and then had to look away. I told her to please keep reading and ignore the mean people because there was better advice to come from the wonderful bloggers

Op - i compliment you on your good attitude - i very much hope the negative people on the site can learn a much needed lesson from you and again, I apologize on their behalf.

I hope you post again - keep us informed of your progress

And also - a thank you to the reasonable and knowledgeable posters who helped this young lady

Anonymous said...

As you can see from my origional post above my question was directed at The OP. I was not interested in hearing anyone else's answer ...
Unless you are the OP
:0 gasp*

Anonymous said...

I have to confess that I was the one who used the word "creepy" in the OP for this. I'm sorry that it made you feel bad. I thought the post might have been a fake one as it just seemed so over the top. While I do stand by what I said about you needing to talk to someone, I am sorry that I hurt your feelings. I hope you get the help you need and that this new positive outlook sticks. Keep your head up and congrats on the decision to go back to school!

Leigh Raymer said...

anon - you are a hero, anyone can say something off the cuff they may not really mean but it takes a true Hero to express regret.

not meaning to offend: I have not come across a post yet that I feel is made up - I don't think that kind kind of person is attracted to this blog

again - you are a good example and I believe a good person, T-u

The other anonymous up there - The formerly unhappy nanny went on the stinker-roonie thread and gave a fairly long answwer to your question

Jessica said...

OP, if your former employer calls you or you do run into them, it's fine to say that you are so glad to see/hear from them and that you think of the twins often and hope they are doing well. If you run into them, I think it's fine to give the kids a hug, etc., if they seem eager to do the same. If you are invited for a visit, my suggestion is to say that you need to check your calendar and get back to her. Then take a few minutes to think it over, or to discuss with a friend or therapist. Be honest with yourself and if you feel that spending time with them right now would set you back, respond that you schedule is packed for the rest of the month, but you would love to get together after the holidays or whatever. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Leigh your incessant replies to every post ruins the thread. Without your input, the op was speaking to the regulars and getting a good interaction going. Why do you need to harp on things. These people do not owe you a specific type of reply. It isn't your job to to teach anyone a lesson. And you're not anyone's advocate. Put away your cape!

Leigh Raymer said...

Jessica - thank you yet again - for giving this wondersful Op good advice which she came to the site for!

anonymous - the stats on the site are up,we are making money ( not my goal ...) have a great day !!!

new sheriff in town

Anonymous said...

I am sorry, but I just had to say this. Leigh, you are extremely unprofessional. You should not be so combative with your followers. You are not doing yourself or your blog any favors by name calling and finger pointing. Maybe I am in the minority here, but shouldn't you just be sitting back and letting your readership leave comments while you just post content? When you respond to the "haters", you just make yourself look really bad.

Anonymous said...

I agree. Leigh is really unprofessional and really combative. It comes across as really immature and makes her look ignorant.