Passive Aggressive Nanny on Instagram

Our weekend sitter showed us our nanny's Instagram profile on Saturday while babysitting. Our beloved nanny of 9 months had posted some disparaging remarks about our family and the children. One picture showed the back of my child, having a temper tantrum against the wall. She commented, "Maybe he'll knock some sense into him self."

Then there is a picture of two pizza boxes on our counter in what I see as pretty identifiable kitchen with the comment, "when your boss comes home 45 minutes late with pizza and doesn't offer you a slice."

The other things were a picture of the open dishwasher (full) with the comment, "If I'm putting away dishes from the weekend, isn't it like I worked the weekend." There is also a picture of a $20, a $50 and a $10 and the caption, "when your boss mistakes a $50 for a $20 and you know you've earned it so don't say squat." There is also a picture of the inside of our pantry showing some junky food with the comment, "Is it possible she's trying to make me gain weight. #size2".

Those alone would be annoying. They were brought to my attention by the weekend sitter who does not like the nanny. She is a private user so you have to be her friend and have permission to see her feed. While the sitter was scrolling, I saw a few other posts, like a post of the beach and my toddler's toes that said, "There is no better job. #nannyforlife" and one with the back of the kids holding hands walking at a park that said, "does every nanny think their kids are the best? Or is it just me? Cuz I do".

I didn't peruse her whole feed. I'm fairly certain that the weekend sitter showed me all the ones she thought I would take offense to. But given that she didn't use our names, the children's names and the children's faces, do I have a legitimate reason to be mad? On one hand I think I do. I thought the comment about the temper tantrum was harsh, but I don't believe she meant it. I think I was most put off by the picture of the pizzas in the kitchen because it made me seem thoughtless?

I'm not sure how to feel. I'm just curious what other mom's think of their nanny's twitter feeds or if they see them or if they have ever read something about them that sat hard with them.


Me! said...

Your weekend sitter is a big jerky jerkface! The nanny befriended her on IG and trusted her with her private vents and complaints. Your weekend sitter took advantage and tried to cause problems.

We all vent about our jobs. Don't tell me you don't. The difference is we do it privately among out friends and or nanny colleagues. Your WK sitter violated your nanny in a major way. The nanny made her feed private and did not add you and your DH 'cause it's private. Let it remain private.

And stop using the wknd sitter.

Anonymous said...

I tend to often side with the nannies but on this one she really screwed up big time.

Putting pictures of your kids on Instagram is absolutely inappropriate even if it's not their faces. Bad mouthing you on social media is also reaaalllly not professional.

That's why I always urge nannies to hand their notice as soon as there is resentment toward their family due to a lack of communication or bad match.

Time for you to give her a severence pay as a notice and let her go. You might not be an ideal boss or maybe you are but what she 's done was really something really wrong.I would not forgive a betrayal and lack of respect like this if I was a boss.

In my current jobs , if there is anything that annoys me, I bring it up STRAIGH AWAY to the parents with the aim to solve it quickly. This is how I manage not to be resentful toward the families i work for because when there are no solutions, I resign before I start hating on them. Even if I didn't like my bosses I would never bring it up on social media.

If I was a parent hiring a nanny, I would want someone i absolutely bond with as a caregiver. I would want to have no doubt about the loyalty and kindness of the one that would look after my most prized possessions.

Time to let her go. She shouldn't be a nanny.

Anonymous said...

I disagree with the above poster. If she's not using any of your private info or the faces, and you are okay with it, that shouldn't be an issue. She might be resentful, or she might be having issues with some of the things you or your husband do that she's either too immature to communicate or worried she'll lose her job.

The tantrum, I agree, sounds harsh, but maybe they were having a bad day if many of her other posts are positive and seem like she loves the kids.

Either way, the weekend nanny could want her job so I wouldn't use her anymore. She's just trying to cause drama that doesn't need to exist.

Talk to your nanny. Give her a review. Ask her what you could be doing better and let her know what she could do better (communication!!).

Good luck

Anonymous said...

I agree with the first comment. Your nanny's posts sounded like normal venting, especially since you saw your weekend nanny scroll past positive posts to get to all the negative ones. It looks like there were four-ish posts over several months? I don't think that's a crazy amount of venting.

I get that it may feel like your privacy's being violated since it's in your house. However, it really sounds like she's doing her best to protect your family -- she doesn't take pics of your kids' faces and has a private account. I think your weekend nanny was awful for showing this to you. There's a reason you don't friend your boss on social media! (Because of complicated circumstances, I'm friends with most of my nanny kids' family, so I'm always worried about what I'm saying for this exact reason.)

Having said all that, if this really does bug you, you need to address it. Resentment from the boss's side can be just as destructive as it is from the nanny's side of things. I would do what a previous poster said and have a meeting with your nanny. You don't necessarily need to bring up the instagram posts, but just make sure she has the opportunity to address anything she's holding in.

And if you decide you can't work with her anymore, PLEASE do not use the weekend nanny even if she's available. She really sounds like she's just stirring up drama and no one needs more of that in their lives...

Anonymous said...

I'd be really mad if I learned that my children's pictures were being posted online. Even without seeing the face.

I agree that the week-end sitter most likely want her job , otherwise she probably wouldn't have betrayed the other nanny if it wasn't the case.

I would get rid of both of them and start over with new caregivers.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't care about pics of my kids online if there were no faces, as long as they're on a private account. This is an issue with a wide range of opinions, and there's no way for your nanny to know if you don't tell her. If it bugs you, tell her, but please don't just fire her without addressing it face to face!

Kate Feathers said...

I agree. She may have thought she was being funny about the toddler banging his head on the wall. She sounds young and may be repeating something her sarcastic family would have said. She sounds young, immature and maybe funny or clever with her words. She should be encouraged to write or take classes.

Anonymous said...

Well, did you really get pizza and not offer her any?

Kim said...

ITA! If there are 4 vents over several months, that's nothing! I could find 4 things now to kvetch about and I LOVE my NF! The weekend sitter clearly wants your nanny's job.

Why else would she only show you the negative postd? And she probably had to wait a while to get some to show. Meaning your nanny wasn't venting every day!

As to the pics, that's your call. I don't post pics of my charges, but your nanny hid their faces so it's up to you if you want to get upset.

Evaluate your whole relationship. Is she a good nanny? Do you like her? Do your kids love her? If so, ignore the haters and tell her to infriend the sitter.

Sara said...

I don't sit down with my boss every time I get annoyed or inconvenienced. That would happen too often. Working with small kids and navigating the NF takes a lot of give and take. I've had great weeks and some not so great weeks. Overall, they treat me well. So when I'm frustrated, I bring it up with my peers and friends.

Sounds like this nanny did the same. She vented on her private IG.

NOT an issue in my book.

Another Sara said...

I am a nanny, not a parent, but here is my take based on what you've shared. Your nanny sounds very young and immature. Everyone gets stressed out at work sometimes. It's one thing to vent to your friends if you've had a bad day, it's another to post things to social media. I realize that her instagram is private. My instagram and facebook accounts are private, too, but I still don't badmouth my job on the internet because I'm a professional and expect to be seen as a professional. Many companies let employees go for their inappropriate comments online. Likewise, many families ask their nannies/sitters not to publish information or pictures of the children or the inside of their homes, as it violates their privacy. What your nanny did was wrong. Whether or not you wish to keep her is entirely your choice. Personally, I would not want someone who was that disrespectful working in my home. A frank conversation with your employee is needed either way.

Your weekend nanny sounds like a busybody trying to cause trouble. I would not want to continue working with her either.

Anonymous said...

Exactly !! As a professional, I don't Bad mouth my boss on social media about my job and especially not posting pictures of my charges with or without seeing the face. It's not about her profile being private or not, it's about respect of the intimacy of the family she is working for. As I said I am a nanny and most likely defend them but this one just went too far. Even if you weren't a good boss, she shouldn't have stained your reputation online and instead talk to you like a grown up and bring up issues directly with you.

You should fire both. The week end one for purposely wanting to cause troubles probably to get her job and the other one for being so immature and not professional.

In my contract , I have a close of confidentiality stating that I am absolutely not aloud to put pictures on social medias without their consent and especially not bad mouth them online as well. You should consider doing that kind of contract with your next nannies. That way you can sue if it's breached.

Corina Yildiz said...

Lol. Probably. I had this experience. Families ordering food. Eating it in front of me. Not offering even a small amount. I think it's very rude.

RBTC said...

i had an experience with 2 people like this, they were frenemies and we were in a child-oriented business. "Sally" made ALOT of money with me and then started just - i don't know - having a really bad attitude at the jobs and at one job i had to correct her as she was doing something the client was unhappy with - and that started a SNOWFALL of nasty comments about me on social media - i would hear about it from other people who work for me. I believe it was some kind of condition she goes thru for periods of time and then she would be ok, but i had to distance myself from her. So - based on personal experience - when people who work for you have that negative outburst emotion publicly ( i don't care if it's "private") it's not good news

and - putting it out there with pics of your home and kids - anyone who does not think that is wrong should re evaluate themselves as childcare givers - the pic of the tantrum could go viral and follow the child around forever --really bad judgement

i do not think the weekend sitter did anything wrong, giving her the benefit of the doubt - she may have felt bad for the kids to be ripped on the internet

and about the pizza - if you bought food and seriously did not want to share with the nanny then yes that is thoughtless but giving you the benefit of the doubt i would assume you would have expected her to say " thanks for slice that looks so good!"

my experience with the few people that say emotionally hate filled things about their employment with me has not worked out well - keep us posted

STAHP said...

OP, I think you were bothered by the Pizza comment because it had the ring of truth. It's not nice to eat or drink in front of someone without offering them a share.

If it were me, I'd fire the weekend sitter and keep the nanny (if you were happy with her before.) The weekend sitter is a pot-stirring twunt! She's underhanded and untrustworthy. Both horrible qualities for a sitter.

I feel like the IG is almost akin to her journal here. She wasn't advertising it. She didn't share where you or your acquaintances might read it. She hid your kids' faces and did not reveal your identity.

It hurts you that she's not 100% happy 100% of the time but are you? Do you love your job all the time?

Sexyandiknowit said...

Everyone complains about their job in some form another. Some of the things she shared were out of line but if you didn't outline in your nanny contract that she cannot post or talk about the family then I say let it go. Obviously it bothers you but it wasn't meant for your eyes in the first place.

Sexyandiknowit said...


Anonymous said...

These responses are ridiculous. The author of this post has a nanny who doesn't like her or her family. It's clear from what the weekday nanny has posted on instagram that she's unhappy and unprofessional. The weekend nanny is looking out for this family by letting them know what's going on. Would you want to employ a nanny to care for your children who obviously has disdain for them and for you?? I wouldn't feel good knowing I left my kids with someone who regularly posts angry and spiteful things on the internet about me and them. Why would you keep someone like that around? How could you trust them?

Some Young-Lady said...

Except it was a total of 4 posts over the cours of MONTHS, and the Op said most posts seemed upvest and loving towards the kids.

You obviously do not get snark. This nanny is snarky. I am snarky too. I may not post pictures, but you bet your ass I vent on social media when one of the kids is particularly full of fits, tears, tantrums, disobedience, poop. Whatever happens to be the subject for that day.

Do you even work with kids? If so, you really must have perfect little angel nanny children or something. Jeesh.

Josh Homer said...

Your weekend nanny is causing the problems and seems to have ulterior motives.
Your regular nanny had a PRIVATE feed, and did not mention names or faces. She was venting about her job, which everyone does. Ask her about it if you'd like but the main bad guy here is your weekend nanny.

Josh Homer said...

Also everyone on here saying 'Pictures of my kids online? Even with their faces covered? NO WAY!', you do realize you're on this blog looking for pictures of your kids and your nanny!!!! If your kid showed up here in a picture you'd cheer and applaud whoever posted it and helped bust your nanny. So it's not just about pictures of your kids online.

Anonymous said...

I'm not the poster above. I work with kids and I will never, NEVER post anything with the children I am looking after , face or no face. This is about RESPECT. If I ever do that , it would be with the FULL consent from the parents , it's THEIR kids.

Tons of people got fired from their companies due to bad mouthing them on social media. People need to make the difference between PRIVATE and PROFESSIONAL when it comes to what they are posting.

It's even worse as a nanny since your tend to be so close with you charges.

I am a nanny but if I was a parent , she would be fired for what she's done. I would start over with different nannies. With my bosses , I am fully loyal and respectful toward them. If there is something that bugs me, I act like a grown up and bring it up to them instead of acting like a child and posting stuff behind their back on social media. I would never want a nanny like that to work for me. Wayyy to immature.

OP , you should set up a confidentiality contract. I have one and if I would have done what your nanny did, I would have gotten terminated as well as sued.

RBTC said...

the voice of reason just above me there - thank you

Stephanie said...

If she was complaining every day about everything, I'd agree with you. This nanny wrote four snarky comments over several months.

It's not a matter of trust. I don't know anyone who doesnt complain about his job. It's upsetting to OP because it's a nanny position and the nanny works in a home. It'd be hard NOT to take it personally.

Nanny is venting. Her other posts are loving.

Anonymous said...

weekend nanny is a witch. i would keep weekday nanny

Anonymous said...

I think what weekday nanny did was definitely rude.. had it been public for you to see. But what weekend nanny did was even MORE rude. If you would have never seen those ... what, 4? complaints... would you have considered firing weekday nanny? probably not. Weekend nanny sounds conniving and like she wants some more hours or something. Although its not how I choose to vent, I do understand that was all that weekday nanny was doing. Working with kids is super stressful, as all of us here know! Although its not the most ideal or appropriate, instagram is weekday nanny's outlet. Keep her around!

Yolette Battle said...

The thing that also sticks out is that weekend sitter is too lazy to realize she's narcing on herself. One of nanny's posts were of weekend sitter not doing her job of emptying the dishwasher. If u fire nanny be prepared for a bunch of half done work by weekend warrior, apparently.

Anonymous said...

If you've never had an issue with her I would say no, it's her venting place but you can also see she loves her job never really said anything bad and was just making jokes. Honestly sometimes you don't even think or really feel those things you post its just afunny thought that comes to mind. Also if there's no social media clause in your contract she did the perfect thing by not showing hands/faces, same policy public school go by. Plus I'm sure we've all thought the same about our own kids a time or two ... Or ten. I wouldn't fire either but I would be s little more cautious around weekend , seems caniving and tell weekday nanny to think twice about who she adds on social media. I keep most of my co-workers blocked ! You never know who's trying to get ahead

Aria Bubbles said...

I have never, ever in my seven years of babysitting publicly trashed my bosses! Private profile or not, it's still public and it is sad and pathetic. But it is not what she posted that's so gross, it's what it says about her! And you don't have to be a genius to sort that out! She's unprofessional, petty and obviously not doing it for the right reasons.

Aria Bubbles said...

I wouldn't be okay if someone posted a humiliating picture of my child. Her behavior may not be an issue in someone's book, but it clearly shows how immature and, most of all, unprofessional she is. I've been in a lot worse situations during my baby sizing never have I even thought of making it public, private profile or not. I bet you wouldn't be so forgiveable if it were your kid...

Aria Bubbles said...

I've babysat for about 4 different families, not a single contract was signed, but never have I even thought of being that unprofessional to post nasty things online, private account or not.