The Things Parents Say and Do

I have worked in early childhood ed for seventeen years, have a degree in education, and extensive classroom experience. What would your reaction be to the following things parents have said and done?

A few weeks ago, I sent in the submission about the parent who had to deal with her child being sick, and her refusal to acknowledge our center's sick child policy. Her now 2 year old is adjusting nicely, and a support staff member mentioned to the parent we are doing everything we can to console him, and nothing is working regarding his crying. She drops him off at 715a the next morning, and hands me his favorite toy, bus-bus (a toy bus). I mentioned to her that he was doing better and it would only be a matter of time for adjustment. I mentioned he woke up during nap crying, and only slept for 45 minutes.

Her response: " 'Try giving him a bottle of milk before naptime. The bottle is like a pacifier to him. If that doesn't work, see if you can get T to come and help you. She is a whiz at stopping his crying' '.

My thought: 2? A bottle of milk? Huh? Have his 8 year old sister come in and help? How can she help, more importantly, who actually takes care of your kids, because you obviously don't.

This same child was dropped by MB's boyfriend, whom is like DB to him. I made a comment to BFDB, stating that he is doing a nice job adjusting to the routine, but there are still tears. BFDB told us (me and my co teacher) that he had to talk to MB about their schedule and putting her foot down about the waterpark.

His comment: " 'I have to talk to her and tell her we can't do this anymore. They (the 2 and 1 year old) are in daycare from 730a-800p, because the girls want to go swimming, and they (the 2 and 1 year old) can't go, so they go to the club's daycare for two hours while the older kids are in the pool. We pick them up around 530-600 here, go to the club, leave at 8p, feed them dinner and put them to bed.' "

My thought: No wonder why he craves attention, and has no listening skills. Try paying attention to him for once and see what happens.

MB had said something to one of our directors about having four kids being too much work for her. Tell me why she had four kids?

This family drives a brand new car, gets state assistance for childcare, has four children enrolled full time (two are full time summer) and drops them off at 730-800ish picking up 530-600ish at night. They drive school buses during the school year.....I don't think they work during the summer. And MB has a small claims suit against her for over $2K from their previous center, which was dated in March of this year....Interesting.

A new child recently started this week; we had no idea she was starting. A director walked in with the parent and introduced us. This child, 2.5, has been in group care before, and it will take time for her to adjust, but does she scry (screaming cry)! We attempt to redirect the scrying by engaging her with toys, which she sometimes throws because she wants to scream. Yesterday was terrible-a director came into help us and see if they could help the child relax, the child did nothing but scry. The director suggested we call MB to see what she would suggest to help calm the child down.

Her response: "I don't know how to get her to stop crying, so I will come and take her home' ".

My thought: Nothing. I didn't know what to say.

I don't know MB that well, but from what I can see, she is a flake.

Care to share your own? Email


Alittleextra said...

Maybe in just in a mood today so my posts aren't so nice....but I feel like if there is a child there for weeks that you still have not been able to get to adjust and a new child that you can't handle and have to call the mom then maybe those at this daycare need a little bit more training with children. I totally think you all need more training with how to deal with the parents for sure. The mother saying she will just pick up her kid if you can't get them to stop crying would be my same response. If several "professional" childcare workers can not redirect, come up with something for my child to play with, or something like that then I would just say forget it and pick my child up as well. Children crying at drop off is very normal but it should not be for weeks and weeks and it should normally not be so severe that you have to call the parent and say we don't know what to do. The way you talk about the parents seems a bit judgmental and bit how you should deal with the parents. I would completely assume you have no children and dont understand the stress. Now I'm not for parents who have their children spend more time in daycare then with them but unfortunately that is the case here. Maybe you should worry more about the children that are in your classroom and figure out how to correctly get them to stop crying so much instead of worrying about what the parents do when they are not there. Just my opinion.

Anonymous said...

The OP has it right and it absolutely matters what the parents do/don't do. Because they don't want to actually parent, the staff spend more time on those kids and less on the others. Their kids sucking all the energy. It is unfair to the staff and the other kids who's parents spend their money expecting a certain quality of care. Now you have this wretched family impeding the staffs job elsewhere. Teachers should not be expected to deal with special needs in an open-enrollment room. The parents need to provide the extra here.


Anonymous said...

You need more training! Very unprofessional to call a parent over a crying child that you cant handle. The parent is paying for a childcare service. Not for you to judge her parenting skills or the schedule she has her child on. Children can always be redirected you just don't know what your doing.

Gianna said...

You claim to have experience with children but it sounds like you have no idea what you are doing. Seriously, you call a parent to find out what makes a kid stop crying??? Yeah what did you expect her to say? Kids cry - a lot. Some take a while to adjust. How do you not know this?

Your judgemental tone is making me think you talk to the parents like the way you post. That cannot be good.

OP said...

Anon and Gianna:

With all due respect, how dare you insult me, and say I need more training, and that I don't know what I am doing. If you can read, you would see that we redirected the child with toys and tried to engage her in play, but all she did was cry. So what did I or my co teacher do wrong? Furthermore, when we offered the child a toy or activity, she screamed "no!" and threw the toys; S was playing with a ball, and he offered it to her-she screamed and threw it in his face. Our center has a policy that if we have used every resource, and a child cannot be consoled and the crying continues, they can be sent home for the day. Our director came in to help, and she has been there for ten years, and is a parent herself.

So am I in the wrong profession? Should I burn my degree and go work at Wal Mart? Both of you think I'm not quailfied enough to care for children, so what would you suggest for my career?

I am very polite when I talk to parents, and I listen. This submission was meant to get an opinion on the things these parents said, and attempt at sarcasm. It was not an opportunity to attack me and be critical, because I don't deserve it, and I will not put up with it.

Anonymous said...

Don't sweat it. Critisizers like these don't have a lot of skill withe special needs or behavioral problems. I, on the other hand, do and get it.

Not everything works for all children at first. It takes time amdna lot of work to modify their behaviors. This is something that you shouldn't be doing to this extent in this type of job. The other kids suffer.

I suggest rejecting them from the program and explaining they need a one-on-two nanny. You have to look out for the interests of the other kids and their parents wallet.

I've taken on several kids that have been kicked out of programs...yes that young. Your employer just needs the balls to do it. They can even write a formal rejection letter with details of why and what the children really need. The parents can give that to the social worker and get the kids into a more suitable program.


Alittleextra said...

Actually miss know-it-all (I still haven't understood how anytime anyone posts something you say you have lots of experience in that aspect) ...I have worked in a daycare setting and am currently exclusively a special needs nanny. The op is discussing children from two different families that are having the problem of crying too much in the morning, that points to aore lack of training and skill from the staff than if it was just one child or children from the same family that can't be handled and may have extreme circumstances at home. These children don't seem like they have massive behavioral problems or special needs from what is said, just that they need some attention and a skilled plan on how to help them adjust in the morning. Having to call the director in all the time to deal with children or having to call a parent asking how to get their child to stop crying is not very professional behavior. You can not reject and kick every child that cries out of a peogram. The op stated that the child they called the mother for had just started that week so obviously they couldn't handle the normal problems of a new child in a daycare for a few days without having to get a parent involved. It's normal for the first few days for a child that has never been Ina. Daycare setting to have a very hard time adjusting. If there is not enough staff to be able to deal with new kids coming in and adjusting then they need to stop taking new kids as this is a normal problem of children not adjusting well not sonething that should have kids labeled special needs and kicked out of daycare. Sorry but the way the op talks about the parents makes her seem young and inexperienced. I do believe she cares about the children and is trying to figure out what to do but that should be something she was given in training

Some1elsewith Special Ed Training said...

Agree that not being able to redirect and or comfort a crying child for weeks in an indicator of inexperience on the part of the daycare. Separation anxiety is common but a center full of supposedly qualified caregivers should have been able to handle it with ease. Calling the parents and kicking out crying kids seems silly and a bad way to run a daycare.