The New Nanny and the Ninny

The list of inappropriate questions my boss has asked me since I started (on June 19).

Is there a website where I can find nanny porn?

Why do so many nannies seem to have big jugs?

Did you know some nannies breast feed their kids? (me- shocked face),
he continues, How much would it take for you to do that?

I see this group of girls at Henry's on Thursday Nights, it's like the Hot Nanny Club, you should see if you can get in.

*Mae (his wife) had a body like that once (referring to a nanny taking her charge to tennis lessons) I wanted to adopt, but Mae....

Have you ever had sex with a really fat man?
Followed by I used to belong to the gym, but there was an influx of Swedish nannies and I was walking around at full mass like some horndog 13 year old, so I stopped going.

Believe me, there is more. These are just some that come to mind. Right now as much as I blame myself, I just want it to stop. I told me BF nanny friend and she says that it is sexual harassment and that I should just tell him that. She suggested I say, "I should have stopped you at your first inappropriate comment, but I had no idea there would be more. The inappropriate sexual talk needs stop, I find it unpleasant.

The problem, besides the obvious is, I didn't say anything the first, second or third time. So what do I say now? He also never says these things in front of his wife, but he does make semi disparaging comments about her body or referring that she used to be hot. The mom makes the real money in the family and has the more demanding job. She leaves the house daily at 7 and is not home ever before 6. His schedule is more relaxed and he is in and out. I get the feeling from the wife that she expects me to be professional and handle things, even if I could stomache telling her some of these comments, I think she would blame me.

*never real names!
Dealing with something? Need some input? Email isynblog@gmail.com.


STAHP said...

Why do you stay? This is blatant harassment. I would leave. If you don't want to go, tell him to stop. Don't even reference the fact that you've let it go on this long. Just say: you're being very inappropriate. Please stop.

Kate Feathers said...

The reason you didn't say anything is because you couldn't believe it was happening. That's how it works. Every woman who is sexually harassed reacts almost the same way, as if it didn't happen because you wish so badly that it didn't. There is nothing wrong with you or your self-worth, which is what his actions actually works to strip away from you.

I think you should practice with a friend what you are going to say the next time he says something. Keep it short and simple like, "Don't say those things to me. They make me very uncomfortable. I'm here to take care of your kids and act professional. I ask that you behave in a professional manner with me." If he doesn't stop, which he won't, then talk to his wife. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you feel. In the meantime, start looking for another job. This is a test on you setting boundaries and standing up for yourself. You are more valuable than the way you're being treated.

Good luck!

Amy said...

I was sexually harassed at work. Please be careful when you confront him. My experience was that he got violent. And of course made up stories of me making sexual advances on him! True story. These men are unstable. PLEASE be careful. BUT don't allow it to continue. It will only get worse. Good luck!! And I am so so sorry you are going thru this.

Anonymous said...

Try to record him saying these things otherwise you will have no proof

RBTC said...

that would be very good if you could record him. There is never a perfect outcome with evil people - you may need to quit this job. LEGALLY - it is imperative that you verbally confront him and tell him to stop - you are obligated by law to do that. Then - put it in writing if he does not stop

then - you have more than one option legally including taking him to court

you have this blog as proof that you are taking action to stop it

Nanny C said...

I agree that you need to speak up or leave. Following the Arnold Schwarzeneggar nanny-love child scandal several years ago, a previous DB said, in front of me to his wife, something along the lines of "Wouldn't it be funny if Nanny C ended up pregnant a few months down the line and it ended up being my baby?" Between passive inappropriate comments, completely unmanageable charges (mostly due to lack of support from MB and DB) and downright verbal abuse, I ultimately left the position. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. Don't stand for things like this. Don't blame yourself for not handling it sooner--just handle it NOW. The fact that it is ongoing doesn't make it any more appropriate.

On the note of recording--if you choose to do so, remember that in most states it is illegal to record audio without the express consent of the person being recorded. Should you choose to record anyway, do not share the recording with anyone or you could be sued.