Flirting With Disaster

      I am a live-in nanny in Greenwich, CT. During the week, my girlfriends and I go to movies or they come over and hang out with me down in my "basement suite". This has never been a problem. The father about two weeks ago started asking me about one of my friends in particular. Specific questions like "where does she work", "does she work out" "where does she work out". His manly attempt to feign like this was casual conversation did not fly. Although he probably thought it did. As is our relationship, I answered his questions, appeared bored and changed the subject.
    Last Wednesday, I told my friend about pervy Dad's questions about her.  Rather than be grossed out or uninterested, she ate it up. She wanted to know "what else he asked" and "where he works out". If you think I found the first conversation with the Dad annoying, know I found this one EVEN more annoying. I changed the subject.
    I found out that today, my friend happened to be heading into the city at the same time as him (usually she would tell me if she was going in the city). So she runs into him at the train station and they sit together on the train. That's all she told me, in a text was "guess who I sat next to on the train" and then follow up text about shopping in Chelsea. I hadn't heard from her since, which is normal and fine.
    Today, Friday, my male boss came home at about 3:20. This is unusual, I dream of a life where I get early release on Fridays. Here's the kicker. He tells me that I can be done early today, that he finally got out early and hey, guess who he road the train HOME with. "Who" I asked, seriously thinking the two couldn't be connected. Yep, they were. I am so mad at my friend, I am thinking over what to say to her. Here I am off, off early for the first Friday in forever and I'm absolutely furious about this. This isn't some silly little crush or self esteem booster. This is the married father of the family I work for. I seriously think I need to take a pill to chill out. If she was here, I think I would deck her. I've decided to busy myself with other friends and not mention to him that I know they were on the train together in the morning and not mention to her that I knew about the afternoon.
    One last note, I'm kind of offended that the father thinks I'm THIS STUPID!

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the teaching diva said...

How uncomfortable for you. This could blow up in your face in many ways:

1. The father and your nanny friend start an affair, if they haven't already, and insist nothing is going on.

2. The mother notices things going on in her house and with her marriage, and she asks you if you notice anything. You give her a vague but legitimate answer, hoping she's satisfied.

3. The friend gets pregnant by DB. I don't want go there.

4. MB suspects something's going on, and hears about it through gossip. As a L/I nanny, she will realize you knew and your relationship with her will change.

5. Your friend realizes you gave her up or accuses you of doing so. You could end up losing a friend, I would rather not have the friend if she did something so selfish that put my career in jeopardy.

And the worse thing of all, you could lose your job.

I would keep your distance from the friend, because if she is doing this, she isn't a friend. She knows what she is doing, flirting with a married man who is also your boss. If she wants to know why you are not speaking to her, let her know you feel she is wrong for what she is doing, and that you cannot speak to her because of the situation.

Because you are a live in, it's impossible to avoid DB. For your sake and his, act like everything is normal, no matter how grossed out you are by the situation. Acting anything other than normal will throw MB off.

Keep us updated on what happens!

Anonymous said...

Yea. I wouldn't have told my friend. Part of being a nanny is keeping your nose out of the families' issues- whatever they may be. I would have given the dad evasive answers and ignored the situation. The mom probably knows her husband is a perv/has roaming eye. I'd advise not saying anything. Do not have your friend over again. Do not introduce more friends to your DB. It would be hard as a live-in but for the time being, keep your two lives separate

Angi said...

What's done is done....I think it's time to discuss things with the mom and never invite friend over again.

Anonymous said...

What?? these are adults here, you are not responsible for their actions if Dadda wants some fun! thats his problem - you mind your own business, keep working and making your money and call it a day - I'm sure this is not the first time for dad and maybe mom is in it too- who knows?

kandi said...

OR mom notices you acting uncomfortable around dad and puts two and two together. Only she gets it wrong and thinks YOU are the other woman. You'll be out the door before you can ever even explain. On the other hand if you tell mom you may be fired anyway. Nine times out of ten it backfires on the person reporting the infidelity. Bad sitch your in girl.

Anonymous said...

Eek, I might be inclined to flippantly drop in to conversation with mom that your friend and the father have rode the train together a couple of times and put her on the radar.

this_nick said...

It's not your fault DB's a perve, but you made the wrong call sharing that fact with your friend. The thing to do would've been to simply stop having her over when he would be home. The fact DB has a roaming eye is a family problem, and as the nanny it's not your place to expose embarrassing personal facts about the family you work for to your friends.

Now it's backfired and you're in something of a pickle, because if anything happens it's very likely MB will partly blame you. That said, anything that does happen is not your fault or responsibility. Do not go running to MB with accusations of anything and put yourself in an even worse position. Just stay out of it. The chips will fall where they may, and if the worst happens the only concrete thigh you had knowledge of is that your friend and DB ran into one another on the train a couple times.

Finally, cut this girl out of your life. A friend who would put you in such a position isn't a friend. Good luck!

this_nick said...

*thing, not thigh. Let's hope no thighs get involved here.

Corina said...

Stay out of it. These are two grow ups. Do not get in the middle of it. This is not your responsibility. You had a casual conversation with the dad about your friend. Nothing wrong with that. When you caught on to dad you tried to act bored and stop conversation. I don't see where you are responsible.